That’s Pat Kiernan from NY1, “New York’s lovably ramshackle 24/7 news channel”, which does things like read you viewer e-mails off a laptop (where they’ve re-typed them in a big Microsoft Word window) (from: Panopticist). My favorite long-running segment of theirs is “In the Papers”, where Pat holds up that day’s paper and reads from it. That’s literally what it is. Sadly my TV doesn’t get NY1 anymore, but I was psyched to find that they’re archiving video of the daily segments on their website! There’s something beautiful about video on the internet, of a TV broadcast, about what’s in the newspapers. This particular clip starts out – seriously – with Pat complaining that the New York Times has gotten too heavy for him to hold up while doing the segment. God I miss NY1.

In case you missed last Friday’s announcement:

aLp IS BACK.

I’ll repeat the favor I’m asking of you all: If we’re gonna do this right then please get the word out. Tell all your friends, email your mom, tweet your twitters, spam all the people on your Myspace page that you pretend to know, nominate me for a Cabinet position. Join the aLp Facebook group. Come back to the mailing list. Link me on your blog. If you had a link, but took it down, that’s cool, I won’t hold it against you as long as you put me back up. This way, I’ll be a TOTAL TWAT-HOLE if I quit again.

AND A REMINDER, GUESS WHAT I’M HAVING A:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS/THE ECONOMY WHAT THE FUCK/CLEAR OUT INVENTORY T-SHIRT SALE!

From now ’til the end of the year (or I run out of inventory) the official aLp t-shirt is 25% off for both men and women – that’s $12 instead of $16 (+ shipping)!!! NO WAY!!!

Since Friday I’ve quickly sold out of all sizes except for: Men’s M and L, and Women’s S and XL. Sorry! But if you or your favorite aLp fan fits one of these sizes, this is your chance to be EVEN SEXIER THAN YOU ARE and proudly wear aLp across your chest without breaking the bank.

Those of you who already bought a t-shirt this year at the regular price, I’ve got a way you can get a retroactive discount! Email me and ask me how!

Here’s the latest new photos of fans showing off the shirt! First is Kevin, who is awesome cuz he posed next to an actual Alien but is not helping things by covering the shirt design. Then, Tara, who was already in the gallery but sent in a new shot to replace her old one. Lastly, who has 2 thumbs and loves aLp? James.

kevin	tara	james

For about the 16th time…

aLp IS BACK.

Every week. Tuesdays. At least. That means another new update four days from now!

Go ahead, make your jokes. By this point, “Bernie is like the Rolling Stones. This was only the first of many Farewell Concerts” (- Jack H.). You can choose not to believe me ’til I make it through a couple of months without running away again. That’s cool, I deserve it.

For what it’s worth, my break from aLp finally “took” and I feel like I wanna do this again. That’s the key difference. The last time I came back I did it cuz I thought I had to. Now I just want to. If it doesn’t last, so be it. Whatever happens I’m gonna make sure I enjoy it the whole time. Hope you do too.

I got a favor to ask you all though. If we’re gonna do this right then please get the word out. Tell all your friends, email your mom, tweet your twitters, spam all the people on your Myspace page that you pretend to know, nominate me for a Cabinet position. Join the aLp Facebook group. Come back to the mailing list. Link me on your blog. If you had a link, but took it down, that’s cool, I won’t hold it against you as long as you put me back up. This way, I’ll be a TOTAL TWAT-HOLE if I quit again.

As for If You See Something… I’ll be doing that too, but probably not as much. What I’ll probably do is not be so scared of putting those comics here on aLp. I learned I really shouldn’t have started a brand new comic site when you all come here anyway. That was a mistake. I’ll keep that site running, but you’ll probably see some non-aLp stuff here occasionally… in all cases you can count on a steady dose of Abe and Preston.

ALSO, GUESS WHAT I’M HAVING A:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS/THE ECONOMY WHAT THE FUCK/CLEAR OUT INVENTORY T-SHIRT SALE!

From now ’til the end of the year (or I run out of inventory) the official aLp t-shirt is 25% off for both men and women – that’s $12 instead of $16 (+ shipping)!!! NO WAY!!!

I’m already out of Men’s XL, and I may be running low on other sizes (I dunno, I need to check when I get home!), but otherwise this is your chance to be EVEN SEXIER THAN YOU ARE and proudly wear aLp across your (non-Men’s-XL, but Women’s XL is very welcome) chest without breaking the bank. And it makes a great Christmas gift for your favorite Used-to-read-but-got-sick-of-the-lack-of-updates aLp fan!

Those of you who already bought a t-shirt this year at the regular price, I’ve got a way you can get a retroactive discount! Email me and ask me how!

Here’s the latest new photos of fans showing off the shirt! First is Kevin, who is awesome cuz he posed next to an actual Alien but is not helping things by covering the shirt design. Then, Tara, who was already in the gallery but sent in a new shot to replace her old one. Lastly, who has 2 thumbs and loves aLp? James.

kevin	tara	james

Basically I just thought it’d be funny if someone got a call waiting beep on one of those prison visitor phones. Does anyone know why prisons need to have the whole “talk on the phone with someone you’re sitting 2 feet from” setup when banks need presumably the same amount of security, yet have glass with openings that you can talk through? I assume they search both the inmate and the visitor before they get to talk so what do they think’s gonna happen? Maybe the phones have some sort of voice-warping on them for added punishment for the convict – you’ll never hear your mom’s real voice while you’re in here.

The Nathan’s Famous 4th of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest in Coney Island is tomorrow at 12pm ET, airing live on ESPN!

The story over the last 5 years has been all about Takeru Kobayashi, a 144-pound Japanese guy who’s won the contest 5 straight times by absolutely ANNIHILATING the rest of the field, including a bunch of 400-pound dudes who think that just cuz they’re fat they can eat a lot. Kobayashi, the greatest competitive eater of all-time, set the record in ’04 by eating 53.5 hot dogs in the contest’s 12-minute time limit. WTF. FIFTY-THREE AND A HALF HOT DOGS. INCLUDING THE BUNS. He’s consistently destroyed his competitors, in ’02 winning by 24 dogs. It’s been so lopsided that it’s actually been kind of boring and Kobayashi has talked about retirement.

But this year could be different. Here come the Americans. The 2nd place finisher in last year’s contest was Sonya Thomas, a 100-pound Korean-American woman who set the American record with 37 hot dogs, and who’s been improving on her own marks rapidly over the last few years. And the really exciting news? On May 18, a 22-year-old Californian named Joey Chestnut broke Thomas’ American record by plowing through 50 dogs in a qualifying event. So we may have an ACTUAL race this year. Tune in tomorrow!

I’ve been tempted to hold eating contests before (all-you-can-eat sushi places are especially tempting), but I never went through with any of ‘em cuz I know I’d lose. I eat a lot, but I eat real slow. But who hasn’t been curious to see how many hot dogs they can actually eat in one sitting – never mind the official 12-minute time limit?

Support aLp by advertising!
I’m offering advertising space now, so if you have any sort of website you’d like to show off, this’d be a great way to support us and attract a bunch of new visitors to your site. Click here for details!

Twisted Kaiju Theater – Our first main banner advertiser (top right of the page) is TKT, a webcomic that’s featured photos of action figures (Godzilla, in this case) for way longer than I have. Be sure to check out the series he did as an homage to aLp!

Minus – This webcomic is extraordinary; it’s about a kid named Minus who’s got more imagination that Calvin, without the nasty streak. The watercolor work especially makes this comic one big dream you don’t wanna wake up from.

I’m in Seattle! I’m catching a flight back home real soon so I gotta finish this post up later tonight. Enjoy the comic; it only took me two weeks to do.

I made this just for you!

Fan Art party!

First up, you may or may not remember the jaw-dropping ballpoint-pen-only Abe & Preston piece that Brianna sent me over a year ago. Well, recently, a dude named Nate decided to color it and amazingly, he more than did justice to the original. Click the thumbnail for the full-size version.

And second, here’s a new piece by “Holy Rebelion” that kicks your ass and takes your name. Especially the black-and-white parts – if this guy did a full graphic novel like this I’d buy it.

Hey! Elaine’s been sick for almost a week now which means I’ve been helping out with the kids more during the day, which means they’ve picked up some bad words recently. So this post is gonna be a little rushed.

Here’s two plugs:

1. My buddy Noah started an awesome blog called Uncabled which documents how he threw out his TV and replaced it with a computer. All the stuff he watches now is on the internet, whether it’s podcasts or ABC shows like Lost that you can stream for free. I’m not exactly gonna go chucking out my TV, but it’s great to find out about all the stuff you can watch on the net without having to weed through all the crap yourself. Go Uncabled.

2. Dustinland is a weekly comic by this dude named Dustin who lives in Queens and it’s frickin funny. Even though he’s a Mets fan.

Yesterday was my wife’s first Mother’s Day as a mom and to celebrate, our little 10-month-old Rachel decided to walk across the room holding onto her toy lawn mower, and Adrian (also 10 months old) managed to crawl across the room without plopping down, rolling over and staring at the ceiling. Exclusive videos here!

It would be hyperbole to say Elaine’s literally the best mom in the history of the universe, but with complete objectivity I can declare that she is definitely in the Top 5. I don’t know how she does what she does everyday, all I know is it’s special to watch. It may be a cliche, but I get tired just thinking about the job she does. My kids are the luckiest kids in the world because of her. So, Happy Mother’s Day to Elaine, and my mom, and your mom, and Britney Spears too.

Not in the Top 5 but just missing the cut is Mother Teresa… who, incidentally, didn’t have any children – YO HOW DOES THAT WORK

To celebrate my 50th comic I thought I would make another Lindsay Lohan reference, as is traditional. But despite my 4% per-comic rate bringing up ol’ Linds, I swear I’m not obsessed with her, her movies, her new album “Speak” (out now on Casablanca Records – buy it on amazon.com), her wicked website LLRocks.com!, her nightlife, her parents’ divorce, or the ever-raging debate about whether or not she’s had implants. To prove it, here is an exact transcript of a conversation over AOL IM I recently imagined I had with her:

Lindsay: me and wilmer arent that serious

Me: i am not obsessed with you

Case closed.