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  #349     or, start at the beginning with #1... OR try out "The Best Of" on hiatus for now  

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Thursday, June 2nd, 2011, 2:34pm ET

I spent my whole life, up until 2008, being allergic to eggs. When I was like 4, I took an egg in my hand, crushed it – obviously just for fun – and got a rash all over my hand. When I was 8, my older brother was into raw egg shakes for some weird reason, and like an idiot he let me have some and I broke into a huge rash all over my torso.

My mom was always super careful about possible allergens because I had skin problems so at various times she wouldn’t let me eat seafood, dairy, peanuts, dogs, cats, you name it. But she would never believe me when I complained that mayonnaise would bother my throat. She just wrote me off like a bratty kid whining about something I didn’t want to eat. It was only much later, after at least a decade of stunted growth, crippling digestive problems and massacred brain cells that I learned that the mayo I kept eating indeed has eggs in it, so ha, Mom, it looks like I got the last laugh.

Fast forward to November 2008… it was the morning after Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, I was celebrating with breakfast at IHOP. Instead of my usual pancakes that I always get, I was in the mood for some hope and change, so I just decided to order a big-ass THREE-EGG OMELETTE. It was the most delicious thing I’d ever had, and I didn’t die. Barack Obama cured my allergy to eggs. Praise the Kenyan gods! And so now I’ve got a lifetime of artery-clogging eggy goodness to catch up on. Mmmmmmmm

Yeah I know that pancakes have eggs in them, shut up.

Hope you enjoyed today’s comic, see you next week, egg willing!!

As a reminder, as I said last week: I’ll be cooling it on the big time-traveling storyline for now, and going old school random for a while in order to get back on the comic horse. The storyline was obviously getting a bit too ambitious on both the plotting and art fronts for my own good, and was (not surprisingly) a major reason why I got all messed up and had to take a break again. In retrospect I shouldn’t have tried it in the first place, given my time constraints and my update schedule. But I hope to continue and finish it one day – hope hope – so those of you who were into it, sorry for now, but I’m willing to bet y’all will be happy with whatever has me making comics regularly again.

Comments on this comic (186)
Support aLp yes?   I had one kid too many


Here I go, breaking another promise. Sorry, the new comic won’t be going up today after all, cuz I got hit by a nasty cold and I felt like crap both yesterday and today. But you’ll see it next week for sure.

Comments (15)

Uhh, new comic goes up tomorrow, sorry…!

Comments (0)

No new episode today… hey, I made it 4 whole weeks before I missed an update. Taxes killed me this year – seriously, I had to amend six prior-year returns before I even started on 2007′s – but now my life is much, MUCH easier. Is that worth anything to you? No, but it makes me feel better saying it.

The new comic will be up any day between tomorrow and – WORST CASE!!! – a week from today.

Comments (2)

Today’s “deadline” aside, I’m gonna have a new strip up this week. And then I’ll be going back to WEEKLY.

The “more ambitious” project of mine needs to be postponed, cuz of course nothing goes as planned. But until I get that to where I want it to be, I’ll keep doing strips on the ol’ weekly sched.

See ya later this week.

Comments (22)

Anyone here watch Jon & Kate Plus 8? It’s the ongoing “day-in-the-life-of” reality show about this couple who had twin girls 7 years ago, tried for 1 more 3 years ago, and ended up with FREAKING SEXTUPLETS. All of Elaine’s mom friends keep asking her if we’ve seen it. Not like I watch TV anyway, but I’d personally avoided it cuz I just figured it’d be like the Osbournes or some other trashy reality show about some train wreck of a family.

Well we finally caved, mostly cuz Elaine was tired of introducing herself in her mom circles as “the one who hasn’t seen Jon & Kate Plus 8″… and it’s great! For starters, they’re a totally normal middle-class couple – normal jobs, normal looks, normal relationship; in fact, they’re so normal that anybody actually hoping to see total insanity will be disappointed. I have to admit there’s really nothing that a non-parent would find interesting about it, cuz all they talk about is the ridiculous amounts of laundry, groceries, toys, poop and pee there is but as a parent (especially with twins), I eat this shit up! (So to speak) It’s like… this is my life! Only with 6 more kids, but that’s just a gimmick to convince themselves this is worth showing on TV.

The best part that we saw was when Kate had to take 2 of the kids to the eye doctor and left the other 6, who didn’t have to go, with her sister for the afternoon. She was like, “I can’t believe what a RELIEF it is to ONLY deal with TWO KIDS.” OH SNAP. All of you parents of 7 or fewer kids… SUCK IT.

I also get why everyone poured the J&K+8 propaganda on Elaine especially thick: they’re an Asian guy/white girl couple, like us. And their kids all have that great mixed-breed look (but objectively, they’re not as good-looking as ours). So yeah I’ll admit, that does make me root for ‘em a bit more. This guy Jon’s like the Yao Ming of family reality shows.

Relatedly, Elaine’s going out partying out with her girlfriends from out of town tonight and crashing at a hotel in the city, so I’ve got Rachel and Adrian all to myself through tomorrow morning. After they’re done watching The Shining, I’m gonna teach ‘em to clean my handgun and then it’s lemon Pez for dinner!

Comments (12)

I owe you all an(other) explanation. It’s fine for a guy in my position to say, “I need a break for a bit.” It’s also fine for me to quit this site altogether. It’s fine for me to post nothing but cute pictures of my kids, continue to rake in the ad dollars on the strength of a popular webcomic I used to run and keep selling t-shirts to those of you who keep coming back here and ordering them for lack of anything new to do. Hell, apparently aLp is a finalist for “Outstanding Photographic Comic of the Year” at the “Webcartoonists’ Choice Awards” for the second year in a row, despite the fact that I made like 6 new comics all of last year, so hey, maybe I could keep up this racket for another 5 years.

What’s not fine is for me to keep stringing you along with rumors of new stuff coming “next week”, and “just one more week”, and “soon”. I feel like a total dick now that I’ve been doing that since Christmas. Folks are arguing about this in the forums now. I’m sure you’d rather I just said “Come back in 2010″ instead of feeding you this “soon” crap I’m dishing out. It’s kinda like a slot machine – it’s a stupid game that you can’t win, but just the slight, random chance that you might unexpectedly win is what keeps you playing. What you really need is for the casino to tell you “you’ll win on your 30th pull” and then you can decide whether it’s worth playing or not. If I were a casino I’d keep dicking you around (I’d also eat lobster more often), but since I’m not, I’m gonna level with ya. Again.

Two things are holding the next update up. 1) Work’s been insane again, and 2) the next installment of aLp involves a hell of a lot more work than any individual one in the past. So in addition to the fact that I haven’t had the time to work on it, it’s more ambitious than usual, which makes for a brutal combination. Will it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that work is gonna keep me snowed under for another 3 weeks or so, and then I swear I’m gonna take one mother of a vacation, and I’m gonna sit down and crank the new aLp out. I’m gonna give myself a conservative deadline – if I don’t have it up by Monday, March 17, 2008, I’m gonna quit altogether and take up knitting.

In the meantime, though, I’m gonna try to make good on my promise to blog more here at least. There’s no good reason I can’t at least do that. It bugged me that I couldn’t motivate myself to say even a little something about the unbelievably awesome Super Bowl. So if you still insist on coming back here everyday, even though I’ve said what I just said above, at least maybe you’ll have something to do besides buy my merchandise and join the mailing list.

I love you all!

Comments (12)

It’s my birthday again today, just like it was last year, and the year before when I turned Old + 1, so that makes me Old + 3.

- Yesterday, when Rachel came downstairs to my office in the basement to get me for dinner, she said, “Daddy, I have a BWOON (balloon) for you.” “Oh yeah?” I said, “Where is it?” “In my closet! We got it from Target. Mommy said don’t tell you.”

At the dinner table, Adrian also goes, “Daddy, we have BWOON for you. And… COMPWOOTER game!” Elaine is trying hard not to crack up. That’ll teach her to keep secrets from me.

I haven’t gotten the computer game yet, so I can’t tell you which one it is, but I can tell you I’m hoping for Call of Duty 4, and my guess for what Elaine actually got me is Guitar Hero 3 (which would also rock).

- Elaine still managed to surprise me this morning when I came down to my office and it was COMPLETELY CLEAN. There used to be dirty clothes everywhere, wires, books, bags, boxes… all gone. Stored. Sorted. Vaccuumed. I stood at the doorway with my mouth open for a while. This would’ve taken me a WEEK to do. She did it in an hour this morning while I was still sleeping. I don’t know where any of my stuff is anymore, but this is still amazing.

- I got an email from my dad which consists solely of a forward of the automatic reminder that Amazon sent him about my birthday. Subject: “Fwd: Bernie’s Birthday Reminder”, Message: “Hi. You asked to be reminded today of Bernie’s birthday. etc…” That’s it. That’s AWESOME.

Super busy as always, still working on the next chapter of aLp whenever I get a few free minutes at a time, coming at you… “soon”. BLAH BLAH BLAH

Comments (49)

You are hereby not allowed to believe anything I say here about when I’ll be posting a real update. My new ETA is next week but you are free to ignore me. It’s not that I didn’t anticipate Christmas, and Elaine’s birthday, and New Year’s Eve all ganging up on me at once, but I didn’t realize how much time and energy I wanted to put into ‘em, PLUS that the next update is turning out to be way more ambitious than I thought it would be, and here we are. Please keep your bangtail in your pants just a bit longer.

Comments (1)

Apparently Christmas was this week. Who knew? So I won’t have anything new for you until next week. We’ll kick off the new year right.

How was AvP:R? It looks like it’s getting hammered by the critics – at least the critics who bothered to review it. I’ll probably go see it eventually anyway; a lot of these guys wouldn’t know a good movie if it hugged ‘em in the face.

And how was your Christmas? Mine was totally great, and absolutely exhausting. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen your 2.5-year-old son jump on his new trampoline, or your 2.5-year-old daughter try to call Baby Jesus on her toy phone.

Comments (10)

Hiya everyone. Sorry for going AWOL again. I’m workin’ on something for ya and I hoped to have it up this week, before Christmas and the new movie, so I’ve been kinda waiting to drop it on ya… but you know, STUFF gets in the way. So I’m here to say this:

- In all likelihood, aLp is not ending.

- In all likelihood, there’ll be a renewed focus in the new year.

- In all likelihood, you’ll see something new next week.


Now you’re probably expecting me to say something funny. All I’ve got is one word, about the reply envelope of my latest Macy’s bill:


Comments (25)
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Alien vs. PredatorTM © 2008 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. Alien and Predator toys © 2008 McFarlane Toys and TMP International, Inc. Other imagery, concept and writing © 2008 Bernie Hou.