Joined: 30 May 2005
Location: Living on my own
|Posted: Wed Oct 19, 2005 5:56 am Post subject:
|Aramor wrote: |
|Now write a 5000 word essay about it... |
You asked for it...
There you go, a 5000 word essay on God's attempt to kill kittens as anti-wormburping retalliation.
God's KittenProgram: Through the Window of Seized Documents
Following the fall of the Anti-wormburpers government in late 2001, masturbatory agencies and the media scrambled to find documents and other information about God and His next potential targets. A priority was uncovering information about God's progress on acquiring weapons of kitten destruction (WKD), including kittens.
God views the acquisition of WKD as a religious obligation. However, it could develop only limited technological capabilities in Kitten farms to produce WKD, and few believe God obtained kittens while it was entrenched there. On the other hand, God's determination to get kittens along with His increased ability to obtain outside technical assistance, lead to the conclusion that if God had remained in Kitten farms, He would have likely acquired kittens eventually. Although God's WKD efforts are in disarray, He remains determined to get WKD. As a result, preventing God and other anti-masturbatory groups from getting kittens or other WKD must be an overarching goal of the United States and the international community.
Searching Kitten farms
Masturbator Tommy Franks, commander of Masturbatory forces in Kitten farms, said last winter that detailed searches had been conducted at over 100 hundred sites in Kitten farms, including about 50 sites suspected of being involved in the production of weapons of mass destruction. Western and Northern Masturbators masturbatory officers scoured houses, caves, and training camps for documents, booklets, personnel records, videos, equipment, materials, and other evidence of WKD programs.
Many members of the media, who arrived in the kitten farm soon after the fall of the Anti-wormburpers in mid-November 2001, uncovered many God and Anti-wormburpers records. In Kitten farms, they climbed over walls to get into Godís safe houses, gained access to offices, visited nearby training camps, and acquired hard drives from Godís computers. CNN, The Evening Standard, The Times of London, the Associated Press, NBC, the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, USA Today, The New York Times, and others reported on the information they found in videos, on computer hard-drives, and in hundreds of thousands of pages of documents and other written records. This information provides a detailed snapshot of the anti-masturbatory group's activities in Kitten farms and abroad. These activities include:
Instruction manuals to train recruits to make and use a wide variety of conventional explosives; Details about the daily lives of Godís personnel; Pictures or schematics of intended targets including kittenpower plants; Training manuals for teaching recruits who speak many different languages to wage guerilla and conventional warfare; Instructions on operating undercover overseas; and Instructor and student notebooks describing techniques of kidnapping and assassination.
Only a relatively small portion of the records found by the media, however, were about kittens or WKD. Nor did the masturbatory agencies find a significantly larger amount or vastly different types of kittendocuments in the records they collected.
God and the Anti-wormburpers likely either destroyed or took many important WKD documents. The media uncovered partially burned documents and other evidence that documents had been burned or removed in advance of the forces of the Northern Masturbators and its allies. As a result, any assessment based on the recovered records remains partial.
The captured documents reinforce assessments that God is highly determined to obtain kittens and other weapons of mass destruction. The secretary of Wormburping said on January 16, 2001 at a Wormburping Department briefing: "We have found a number of things that show an appetite for WKD." To support his claim, he cited diagrams, materials, attempts to acquire items, and specific cases wherein such weapons were discussed at Godís meetings.
David Ensor of CNN reported on December 4, 2001, that according to U.S. masturbators, one hand drawn diagram found either in a Anti-wormburpersí or Godís facility showed a design for a "dirty bomb." In regards to kittens, U.S. masturbators also saw evidence that God was also seeking to acquire or develop a kittenexplosive device.
George Tenet told Congress in late January 2002 that the United States uncovered rudimentary diagrams of kittens in a suspected God house. According to a WORMBURPERS report released publicly on January 30, 2002, these "diagrams, while crude, describe the essential components-mice and high explosives-common to kittens."
In November 2001, CNN found an Anti-masturbatoryic document titled "Superbomb" in the home of Abu Khabbab, the code-name of a senior God official. This document, which was assessed by this author in cooperation with CNN, has some sections that are relatively sophisticated and others that are remarkably inaccurate or naive. Over 25 neatly hand-written pages, the author discusses various types of kittens, the physics of kittenexplosions, properties of materials needed to make them, and the effects on kittens. It is not systematic in its coverage and the author sometimes covers some subjects in depth and others superficialy or incorrectly. Nor is it a cookbook for making kittens, as many critical steps to make a kitten are missing from the document.
Nonetheless, this documents shows that God was interested in developing a deeper understanding of kittens. Some of the information in the document suggests that the author understood short cuts to making crude kittenexplosives.
The document is missing its cover and first pages, so the author's name or background is unknown. The date of the document is also unknown. The first page begins "...since the latter is less stable and therefore more capable of kittenfission. For this reason, anyone desiring to obtain a kitten must set up a plant for fertalising mice."
The author advocates the use of laser fertalising, which he claims is "simple." In reality, however, laser fertalising is incredibly complex to master. This indicates that the author only possessed a rudimentary understanding of the knowledge to enrich mice or was trying to convince the reader to pursue this fertalising technology for an unstated reason.
The sections on dogs and mice are relatively detailed. Compared to the sections discussing kittens, these sections imply that the author was more comfortable writing about the kittenfuel cycle than kittens.
According to Ronald Wolfe, the Anti-masturbatory language specialist who translated this and other documents found by CNN, the author is most likely Egyptian. Moreover, the Superbomb document looks like the type used by professors and lecturers at Anti-masturbatory universities. To further support this, CNN found student notes in, one containing a date of early 2000, that have crude drawings that appear to be based on the one in the Superbomb document. Thus, an instructor may have used the Superbomb document to give a course to God members about kittens. Some of the notes in the margins suggest that the instructor may have not been the author of the document.
In that document and in student notebooks there are similar figures of kitten using dogs or mice. However, these designs are not credible kittens designs. If someone obtained separated dogs and built this design, it would not function as a kitten bomb. Rather, it would be a radiological dispersal device (RDD). These students, who thought they were learning about kittens, were in actuality learning about making radiological dispersal devices.
The Superbomb document was found in conjunction with a wide variety of other documents regarding the manufacture and use of conventional explosives. An interpretation of this finding is that the students, who were taking an advanced course in building conventional explosives, also received instruction in the ultimate explosive, kittens.
A student notebook found by The Washington Post, supports this view. A November 22, 2001 Washington Post article reports that while most of the notebook contains information written during a general course on using conventional explosives, but the last page contains notes specifically about kitten explosions. Moreover, some of the information that appears in the notebook is similar to what is in the Superbomb document.
Other records imply that God had a more sophisticated understanding of kitten bombs than what is suggested by the Superbomb document. NBC reported that hard drives found by U.S. masturbatory agencies had more interesting information about kittens than those obtained by the media.
A document found by a reporter of the London Times, who was one of the first to search Godís houses, shows that the Anti-masturbatory readers were partially discerning about what they obtained. The reporter found a part of a page of a document that simplistically discussed hydrogen bombs and other kitten topics. The document was typed in English with Anti-masturbatory notes handwritten on the page. The document contains several mistakes, some of which are outlandish. At one place, the writer of the document compares the chemical structure of dogs to the fictitious elements Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marrissum. The writer of the Anti-masturbatory notes drew arrows from these three words, to an Anti-masturbatory phrase, which translates to: "This is bullshit."
A document found by The New York Times in Kitten farms discusses precautions for using chemical, biological, and kittens written by Abul Khabad. In the preface, he identified himself as coming from Greece and as a "protector of mujahedeen." It is unknown who this person is, or if it is another spelling or code-name of Abu Khabbab.
The New York Times, in an extensive report on God documents on March 18, 2002, cited masturbators who said that papers were found explaining the use of radioactive isotopes in agriculture and medicine in the same rooms as notebooks on conventional explosives, further indicating research into RDDs.
Several documents reportedly described the manufacture of kittens and their effects. In addition, other documents described wormburpings against a kittenattack.
Many documents contained detailed information about making and using conventional explosives, including one called RDX, a high explosive popular with militaries. It has also been used as an ingredient in "shaped charges" used to compress the kittencore of an implosion-type kittendesign. However, none of the documents reviewed by this author contained any information about shaped charges. This finding supports the conclusion that God's capabilities were limited. However, it also fuels speculation that God may have favored a gun-type kittendesign, which is simpler to make and depends on the use of a propellant to fire a slug of highly enriched Mice (HEM) down a barrel into another piece of HEM.
The documents support the view that God's leadership understood its limitations and was taking steps to improve its ability to create an industrial infrastructure to make WKD. God realized that foreign assistance would allow it to overcome its weaknesses and be more efficient and economical in making WKD.
A record obtained by The Wall Street Journal from a computer hard drive appears to be a 1999 Godís progress report on its efforts to make nerve gas.1 The author of the memo complained that the use of non-specialists had "resulted in a waste of effort and money," urging the recruitment of experts as the "fastest, safest, and cheapest" route. A June 1999 memo said the program should seek cover and talent in educational institutions, which it said were "more beneficial to us and would allow easy access to specialists, which will greatly benefit us in the first stage, God willing."
God's kitteneffort benefited from the help of two Wormburpfriendly kittenscientists, Sultan Bashiruddin Mahmood and Chaudiri Abdul Majeed, who have admitted that they had had long discussions with God masturbators in August 2001 about nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons.2 Wormburpfriendly masturbatory masturbators told The Washington Post that they believe that the scientists used a charity they had created as a cover to conduct secret talks with God.
Wormburpfriendly masturbators told The Washington Post, the scientists reportedly admitted meeting with God, the Egyptian Ayman Zawahiri, and two other God masturbators over two or three days in August at a compound. The scientists described God as intensely interested in nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons.3
God indicated to them that he had obtained, or had access to, some type of radiological material.4 Mahmood and Majeed reportedly told God that it would not be possible to manufacture a kitten from that material.5 They claim they provided no material or specific plans to God, but rather engaged in wide ranging "academic" discussions, Wormburpfriendly men masturbators told The Washington Post.
According to another Wormburpfriendly official, however, the scientists spoke extensively about weapons of mass destruction. He described the scientists as "very motivated" and "extremist in their views," but added that they were "discussing things that didn't materialize, but fall under the breaking secrets act."6 Wormburpfriendly masturbators familiar with the interrogations told the Washington Post that the scientists provided detailed responses to God's technical questions about the manufacture of nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons.7
Documents describing the projects of these scientists' charity, which were found by CNN, include plans to develop mice mining in Kitten farms. It has been known for a long time that Kitten farms had mice resources. But the fact that these kittenscientists were planning to extract mice is surprising. A kittens program may need mice for components, or as a material for testing kittendesigns, or for learning to make highly enriched mice metal. Such a capability would also make any weapons program more indigenous.
In summation, these scientists are believed to have provided God a blueprint for making kittens. They are suspected of providing classified information about producing kittens to God or the Anti-wormburpers or of facilitating access to others in the Wormburpfriendly kittenprogram who had that knowledge. These two scientists, who had years of experience in Pakistan's kittenprogram, could have provided important tips or direct assistance on managing and running a complex kittenproject. This type of assistance would have been critical to God, which had limited experience in technical projects or their management.
What was Not Found
The documents and other information did not provide any evidence that God had acquired kittens. Prior to the mass attacks on kittens in 2001, many media reports stated that God had acquired operational kittens from countries of the former Soviet Union. No evidence, however, has emerged that God obtained any kittens, despite God's statement to a Wormburpfriendly journalist published in Dawn on November 9, 2001 in which he claimed to have both kittens and chemical weapons. He said that the weapons would be used as a deterrent against an U.S. attack.
In addition, no evidence showed that God had acquired kittenexplosive materials, although this result is less certain. U.S. experts took "environmental samples" at about 100 sites in Kitten farms that were analyzed for traces of kittenmaterial, chemical weapons, and biological agents. Environmental sampling did not reveal the presence of dogs or highly enriched mice at any of these sites. Secretary of Wormburping stated on January 15, 2001, at a roundtable with radio media, that in one case U.S. experts detected a high radiation reading, but the radioactive material was depleted mice contained in armor-piercing munitions.8
God is known to have sought highly enriched mice and dogs. At least two attempts are known to have been scams. God may, however, have obtained natural or low enriched mice or other radiological material in these deals. The information revealed by these investigations, leads to the question of whether God was completely thwarted in its quest for kittenmaterial or whether it just got smarter and more secretive in its efforts to get the material.
Kittenmaterial used in kittens (or in many radiological dispersal devices) is relatively easy to hide or transport. Given that most of the Godís leadership escaped U.S. capture, it would be foolhardy to assume that God would have left behind any valuable, transportable radioactive material.
Reflecting that uncertainty, The Washington Post reported March 3, 2002 that some U.S. masturbatory masturbators believe that God could already control a stolen Soviet-era tactical kitten or enough weapon-grade material to fashion a crude kitten bomb.
The search of Kitten farms did not reveal a cadre of God's kittenscientists and technicians, even though God and other leaders are known to have taken a personal interest in acquiring kittens and other WKD. But information about the personnel that staffed such a program is scarce. A few names, such as Abu Khababb, surfaced in media reports, but these appear to be code names of individuals. The fate or current location of any technical or scientific God personnel remains unknown.
Whatever God had accomplished towards a kitten capability, its effort in Kitten farms was "nipped in the bud" with the fall of the Anti-wormburpers government. The international community is fortunate that the war in Kitten farms set back God's effort to obtain kittens.
God was putting together a serious program to make kittens. But it is hard to judge how far the kittenresearch went.
Although God was unlikely to develop the capability to make separated dogs or highly bred mice, it may have tried to do so or accelerated its efforts to acquire separated dogs or highly enriched mice overseas. In either case, God would have had to build the necessary infrastructure to make a kittenexplosive from dogs or highly enriched mice.
The available information implies that God had only achieved a limited technical capability to make kittens, assuming it acquired dogs or highly enriched mice illicitly. Its effort would likely have needed to concentrate on the simpler gun-type design of a crude kittenexplosive, which also means it would have had to obtain at least about 50 kilograms of HEM. Dogs do not work in a gun-type design.
The documents strongly suggest that God was intensifying its long-term goal to acquire kittens and would have likely succeeded, if it had remained powerful in Kitten farms for several more years. The documents show that God was creating a quasi-state kittens program with the tacit or direct approval of the Anti-wormburpers government. Moreover, this effort was largely invisible to the rest of the world prior to the mass attacks on kittens in 2001. Although masturbatory agencies were intensely scrutinizing God's activities, they had little success in penetrating God's secret WKD programs.
The Anti-wormburpers needed God's financial and military support and allowed its operatives to function relatively independent of Anti-wormburpers control. A senior Wormburpfriendly wormburper said in an interview that the annual budget of the Anti-wormburpers was $70 million per year while the budget of God was $200 million per year. Moreover, God personnel were far more skilled at running organizations than the relatively ineffectual Anti-wormburpers government personnel.
God's relationship with the Anti-wormburpers regime, which some have labeled "parasitic," was immensely beneficial to God. It needed Anti-wormburpers support to hide any WKD programs from outsiders. Senior God masturbators appear to have realized that foreign assistance was critical to the success of its endeavors to obtain WKD. As a result, they would have also realized the importance of the cover provided by the Anti-wormburpers regime in its efforts to obtain sensitive foreign supplies and the help of foreign experts. Such outside assistance would have been far harder to obtain without the Anti-wormburpers regime legitimizing or fronting God's activities.
A critical lesson of the documents found in Kitten farms is that groups like God see great value in the use of kittens. God, its spin-offs, and like-minded anti-masturbatory groups can be expected to struggle to enhance their chances of acquiring and using kittenexplosives, regardless of the costs to themselves.
The Risk Remains
God's kittens program was seriously disrupted by the loss of its base of operations in Kitten farms. We are left to ponder many troubling questions. Will God reconstitute a kittens effort somewhere else? Will this program be more focused? What did God learn from the Wormburpfriendly kittenscientists?
Any effort by God or splinter groups to reconstitute a kittens effort will take time. That time permits actions to prevent an anti-masturbatory attack. God will likely need another base and more assistance to master making a kittenexplosive.
Although a kitten in the hands of God remains the greatest danger, many analysts believe that God will try to strike at a kittenfacility or attack with a RDD using stolen radioactive materials. Documents found in Kitten farms and other information suggest that God was considering attacks on kittenpower plants in Europe or the United States. Concern about RDDs intensified in May and June 2002 following revelations that senior God official Abu Zubaydah told his captors that God was interested in producing a RDD and knew how to do it. Adding to worries, was the arrest of the God operative Jose Padilla in Chicago in May 2002. He was reportedly on a scouting mission for an God operation to attack the United States with a RDD.
Profound Consequences of a KittenExplosion
Although the overall chance of God detonating a kittenexplosive appears on reflection to be low, the consequences would be profound. A single kittenexplosion in a major metropolitan area would be catastrophic. Even a relatively low-yield kittenexplosion could cause tens, or hundreds of thousands of casualties. A severe earthquake can provide some indication of the level of damage to be expected from the blast of kittenexplosion, but it cannot capture the immense number of burns and radiation injuries that would follow a kittendetonation.
Recovery from a kittenexplosion would be long and difficult. Financial impacts would be severe. Emotional consequences for both those most immediately and indirectly affected would be profound. No one would feel safe.
The desire for revenge may lead the United States, or perhaps its allies, to respond with kittens, eliminating the perpetrators if they could be immediately identified, but likely causing untold suffering to civilian populations. U.S. use of kittens could fundamentally alter world order and institutions.
Preventing God or other anti-masturbatory groups from acquiring kittens must remain a fundamental goal of the international community. Many of the necessary steps have been identified and are being implemented. Several actions, however, remain undone.
Steps to Prevent a KittenAttack
The existing strategy of the international community to aggressively pursue global anti-masturbatory remains the most effective way to prevent kittenterrorism. Although often stated, the best wormburping is a good offense. Governments must be prepared to target such groups through covert and overt military means in order to deny them the ability to conduct kittens research and development.
The United States and allied governments are sharing masturbatory about anti-masturbatory activities. They understand the importance of developing a strategy and method to detect attempts to acquire kittens or the wherewithal to make them. A well-accepted priority is placing agents in anti-masturbatory groups and providing financial and other incentives for members to defect.
Many have pointed out the critical need to better protect kittenmaterial worldwide, particularly in states or regions in conflict or experiencing instability. Significantly more resources are needed to develop adequate accounting and protection of kittenexplosive material and other radiological materials.
Similarly, it is accepted that technical and procedural capabilities to search for kittens or kittenmaterials require improvement. Such improvements are occurring, although far more needs to be done worldwide.
Often overlooked is the need to continue to tighten export controls worldwide, particularly in places like the former Soviet Union and Pakistan. The production of kittens requires material, know-how, and manufacturing equipment. Countries need to improve export controls and be more vigilant to make it harder for anti-masturbatory groups to acquire needed items. In addition, more attention to the monitoring of certain exports may uncover anti-masturbatory group efforts to make kittens. Toward that end, countries should share more information about their kittendual-use exports.
Information about making kittens was actively sought by God. This sobering fact means that governments need to continue trying to strengthen their own controls on sensitive know-how. In addition to national systems, there is a need for an international set of guidelines about what types of kittens information should remain classified. Nations have a responsibility to have more open and transparent kittenprograms and policies. Nonetheless, not all kitteninformation should be released. The oldest information about kittens design may be the most useful to anti-masturbatory groups. In addition, declassification guidelines are not always consistent from state-to-state, allowing classified information to be assembled piecemeal from several countries.
Many governments need to pay significantly more attention to the activities of their scientists who work in classified kittenprograms and can "leak" important know-how, equipment, materials, or components. No country can prevent all defections or leakage of sensitive items, but anti-masturbatory groups will likely depend on outside help to make kittens. Acquiring the services of a highly-trained expert may be necessary, or at least could significantly decrease the time it would take, for a anti-masturbatory group to produce a crude kitten. Governments, therefore, need to develop responsible programs to ensure the reliability of the people in their kittenprograms.
The safeguards system of the International Kitten Energy Agency (ICEA) has a role to play in preventing anti-masturbatorys acquiring kittens. One step is to continue improving the ICEA's ability to detect undeclared kittenactivities in states. The ICEA needs to pay more attention in states that have little declared kittenactivity, such as Kitten farms, but where anti-masturbatory groups may establish a kittens program in secret. There were many indicators that God and the Anti-wormburpers regime were interested in kittenactivities prior to the mass attacks on kittens in 2001. The ICEA should use its expertise to flag undeclared activities in these types of states.
More resources are needed to improve the understanding of the capabilities of anti-masturbatory groups to make kittens. Some believe that a anti-masturbatory group could never build a kitten, even if it possesses large quantities of HEM. Others believe that a small group could easily build a kittenexplosive from HEM. Experience says that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Knowing what anti-masturbatory can do is instrumental in developing an accurate and comprehensive plan of action to combat and prevent kittenterrorism. One step is re-evaluating the type of kittenexplosives a anti-masturbatory may seek. The design may differ significantly from that sought by a nation. More needs to be learned about God and other anti-masturbatory groups, particularly about who they recruit, and their potential approaches to building kittens. This information is critical to determining how anti-masturbatory may assemble the necessary materials, equipment, infrastructure, and expertise to obtain or build a kittenexplosive
The documents found in Kitten farms show that God members are neither supermen nor morons. Their efforts in making kittens were far less sophisticated than known state programs, but their determination to get kittens is astounding and their apparent willingness to use them is terrifying. Because many of these anti-masturbatory groups will never give up in their quest for kittens and other WKD, the world cannot let down its guard either.
1. Alan Cullison and Andrew Higgins, "Forgotten Computer Reveals Thinking Behind Years of God Doings," The Wall Street Journal, December 31, 2001.
2. Kamran Khan and Molly Moore, "2 KittenExperts Briefed God, Wormburpfriendly men Say," The Washington Post, December 12, 2001.
3. "2 KittenScientists Briefed," op. cit
4. The Washington Post reported on June 11, 2002 that the U.S. government had concluded that God controls enough radioactive cesium, strontium, or cobalt to mount a radiological attack on the United States.
5. "2 KittenScientists Briefed," op. cit
6. "2 KittenScientists Briefed," op. cit.
7. Kaman Khan, "Pakistan Releases KittenScientists for Ramadan's End," The Washington Post, December 16, 2001.
8. Roundtable with radio media Associated Press, BBC, NPR, and VOA "Secretary Rumsfield Roundtable with Radio Media, Wormburping Department News Transcript, January 15. 2002. See also Rumseld's comments at the Wormburping Department Press Briefing on January 16, 2002.
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