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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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CannibalChris



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am a loser
Is it because you are a loser that you came to me ?
>> Yes, it is
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I dunno
You say you dunno ?
>> yes, i do
You are sure.
>> yes, I am
I see.
>> good
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You stupid stupid idiot...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> true
Please go on.
>> About what?
Why do you ask ?
>> because I dont know what you want
Is that the real reason ?
>> ....yes?
I understand.
>> Thats good. So what do you want me to go on about?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Not if it doesnt interest you, I suppose
Do you think its likely that it doesnt interest I ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Thanks...again
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that...Im not negative?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> sure?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, then i dont know if we have any more to discuss
Do you wish that we have any more to discuss ?
>> Maybe
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Maybe
Why the uncertain tone ?
>> I dont know
Don't you really know ?
>> what? I just said I dont
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> I dont know!
Why don't you know ?
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Please go on.
>> Thats it! Im out of here!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that Im leaving!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Goodbye!!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Phobia



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I need a dollar
What would it mean to you if you got a dollar ?
>> Well, alot. I need the dollar to pay for a daytime hooker.
Why do you want the dollar to pay for a daytime hooker ?
>> I enjoy daytime hookers and their services.
You say you enjoy daytime hookers and their services ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Thank you. Now give me a dollar.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I know
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I'm not sure how to.
Is it because you are not sure what to that you came to me ?
>> No, I came to you to get a dollar.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Damn you women. Always looking into things too much.
Oh, I women ?
>> I hope you R women.
Perhaps in your fantasies we hope each other.
>> Yes, in my fantasies you "Hope" me all night long
You are sure.
>> Yes, I am sure
I see.
>> Let us make my fantasies a reality.
Your fantasies a reality ?
>> Yes, let us make them a reality.
I understand.
>> Hope me
Lets discuss further why your fantasies a reality .
>> No, I want you to make them real.
You are being a bit negative.
>> "Hope" me now
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You're the one who suggested it.
What makes you think I am the one who suggested it ?
>> You said that it was my fantasy.
Why do you say your fantasy ?
>> I want you to make it real.
Suppose you got I to make it real soon ?
>> I would be happy
Do you say you would be happy for some special reason ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, I'm attempting to get you to "Hope" me. I need to be positive or I might scare you away.
How long have you been attempting to get I to hope you ?
>> Ever since you mentioned it.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Well, if you want to bring another woman into it you can.
Do you think its likely that I want to bring another woman into it I can ?
>> I can hope you will.
Do you wish to can hope me ?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> Yes
I see.
>> Marry me
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fantasy ?
>> Yes, I want you to marry me and make the fantasy real all the time.
I understand.
>> Will you?
What are your feelings now ?
>> I am hopeful
Do you believe it is normal to be hopeful ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Marry me
Please go on.
>> You're just a pretty face with a hollow head, aren't you?
Does it please you to believe I am just a pretty face with a hollow head ?
>> Somewhat
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I like beautiful women?
That's quite interesting.
>> I give up
You say you give up ?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
_________________
"I don't care what you smell just get in there!"
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grizlybexar



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: san antonio

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well here it is in all it's shining glory! ir's a bit longer than 75 lines, but i couldn't find a good place to edit.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i don't know who my parents are
Your parents are ?
>> yes. who are they? i have never met them.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i know i've never met them. i was raised be ferrets.
You say you know i've never met them ?
>> correct. i have never seen them.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> they have never been in my field of vision. i do not know their names.
Why do you say your field of vision ?
>> i have literally never seen them.
Do you say you have literally never seen them for some special reason ?
>> because i don't know how to be any more consice.
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes.
You are sure.
>> yes. yes i am.
I see.
>> it bothers me that you aren't helping me.
Why do you think I aren't helping you ?
>> you simply repeat most of what i input, with a few other responses.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> don't you think it's strange that i was raised by ferrets?
Were you really ?
>> yes. as i mentioned before, ferrets raised me because i don't know my parents.
I understand.
>> so can you help me with this?
You believe I can help you with this don't you ?
>> yes. can you? will you?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> how am i going to survive high school if i have to defecate in corners?
Do you think its likely that you have to defecate in corners ?
>> that's how ferrets do that.
Why do you ask ?
>> nevermind.
Lets discuss further why your parents are .
>> i don't know my parents.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> what do you mean?
Does that question interest you ?
>> i do not understand the question.
That's quite interesting.
>> yep.
But your field of vision .
>> you completely missed the point on field of vision.
Oh, I completely missed the point on field of vision ?
>> correct. i've never SEEN my parents.
Is it important that your parents ?
>> my parents have never been seen
Your parents have never been seen ?
>> correct.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your parents ?
>> what.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> i want to know where my parents are. who my parents are.
Why do you say your parents are ?
>> i didn't say who my parents are!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> what do you even mean by that???
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> yes
I understand.
>> no you don't
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no.
You are being a bit negative.
>> no i am positive that i am not being negative
Why not ?
>> because i said so.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> because you are, by far, worse than any grad school wannabe therapist i've ever met!
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> yes. it explains that you are a terrible help.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am fairly positive that you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Is it because you are fairly positive that I don't know what the hell I are talking about that you came to me ?
>> no. i came to you because i thought you could hellp me with the fact that i don't know who my parents are.
Why 'no' ?
>> i just explained it in the previous answer.
You say you just explained it in the previous answer ?
>> yes. read the freakin' line above!
You are sure.
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
I see.
>> goodbye. you are a terrible thing.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Osirus1



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:12 pm    Post subject: ELIZA must be a Yankees lover Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i am upset that the red sox lost
Is it because you are upset that the red sox lost that you came to me ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> thanks
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> this is dumb
Please go on.
>> you arent answering anything
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> my statements aren't getting the responses they deserve
Your statements aren't getting the responses they deserve ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no im not
Why not ?
>> because you are
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> positive
Lets discuss further why your statements aren't getting the responses they deserve .
>> i don't know, you aren't answering them
Don't you really know ?
>> no i dont
Why 'no' ?
>> i don't know
Why don't you know ?
>> Razz
What does that suggest to you ?
>> it suggests you should eat my ass you dumb therapist
Why do you say your ass I dumb therapist ?
>> thats not what i said
Why do you ask ?
>> now you're getting off topic
What makes you think I am getting off topic ?
>> because you just changed the topic
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> nope pretty much just that
Lets discuss further why your ass I dumb therapist .
>> i don't even know what that means; do you have a degree? because you suck
Do you wish to be able to even know what that means do I have a degree ?
>> no it was a rhetorical question
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> in the sentence i just used, yes
You say in the sentence you just used ?
>> in the sentence i just used yes i did say "yes"
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> well two sentences ago i used a positive word "yes" to agree that in the sentence prior i was using a negative word "no" to disagree with the prior sentence. then in the sentence just prior to this i agreed that i did indeed use the word "yes" in the sentence immediately prior
Were you really ?
>> yes
I see.
>> good
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> ok this is just getting old now
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> sod off
Please go on.
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Edward Brock



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Your momma's gay.
Why are you concerned over my momma's gay ?
>> I have a problem
You say you have a problem ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> not really
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> neither do i
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> i am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Maybe. I'm really not sure about that. It's just that...
You don't seem quite certain.
>> That obvious?
Please go on.
>> I see. What else...? Oh, my boss keeps pissing me off.
Do you say you see for some special reason ?
>> uh?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> what?
Why do you ask ?
>> No. Why do YOU ask?
You are being a bit negative.
>> Says who?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I swear, one more a those and I'll puch'ya!
That's quite interesting.
>> no shit?!
Why not ?
>> I quit.
You say you quit ?
>> yes
I see.
>> bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> fuck off.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Why must you always have the last word?
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> see?
Please go on.
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tmonk42



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah hell, somebody put a mirror in front of the Eliza poster....

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Hi. What seems to be your problem?
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do you ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> We were discussing you -- not me.
Why do you think I not you ?
>> Does that question interest you ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Oh, I ?
You say you ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know ?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind ?
Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
>> Your mind ?
Why are you concerned over my mind ?
>> Why do you say your mind ?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
Your mind ?
>> Why are you concerned over my mind ?
Why do you say your mind ?
>> What answer would please you most ?
What answer would please you most ?
>> What do you think ?
What do you think ?
>> What comes to mind when you ask that ?
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> Have you asked such questions before ?
Oh, I asked such questions before ?
>> You say you asked such questions before ?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> What are your feelings now ?
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> We were discussing you -- not me.
You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
>> Oh, I like to think you not I don't I ?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Have you asked anyone else ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Why do you think I not you ?
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
Does it please you to believe I am not really talking about you are I ?
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cheesus christ



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

lol first ever post here but ehre my convo

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i like animals in a sexual way
You say you like animals in a sexual way ?
>> yes i do
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am,i really love animals
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> i know its wrong but it feels so right
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i just love to cum all over a ducks face
Do you say you just love to cum all over a ducks face for some special reason ?
>> its the most amazing feeling ive ever had
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i fuck animals,duck dogs frogs n donkeys
That's quite interesting.
>> really,you think that?most people find ti horrible
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i know you moron
Perhaps in your fantasies we know each other.
>> well are you a a tabby cat
Why are you interested in whether I am a a tabby cat or not ?
>> because if you are i wouldnt mind some of your loving
Do you think its likely that I are you wouldnt mind some of my loving ?
>> if your a typing cat then sure
Do you wish that my a typing cat then sure ?
>> you make no sense
Oh, I make no sense ?
>> no you fkin dont
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> im saying no because your talkin balls
You are being a bit negative.
>> its your fault
Why are you concerned over my fault ?
>> because your sposed to help me not piss me off,im giving up smokin ffs
Is that the real reason ?
>> YES!!!
You are sure.
>> look,im giving up smoking,i am not the kind of person you want to be fucking with
How long have you been not the kind of person I want to be fucking with ?
>> since i started to give up smoking
You say since you started to give up smoking ?
>> yes i do
I see.
>> no you really dont
Why not ?
>> because your a moronic computer program
Do computers worry you ?
>> no they just piss me off
Why 'no' ?
>> because its the opposite of yes
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> not really
Please go on.
>> i dont want to
Don't you really want to ?
>> no i dont
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no
Why not ?
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> ffs
What does that suggest to you ?
>> have hot raunchy sex
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i feel strongly about doing such things
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> no,byebye
You are being a bit negative.
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The Duct Tape Avenger



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Raleigh, NC

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well, I want to win a contest by talking to you.
What would it mean to you if you got to win a contest by talking to I ?
>> I'm not sure. The prizes weren't actually stated.
Is it because you are not sure that you came to me ?
>> I came to you because that's the entire point of the contest.
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> Well, technically, I suppose you did come to me. Over my cable modem, that is.
Do you wish to suppose me ?
>> I wasn't aware that was something you could actively do to someone.
You seem to need to wasn't aware that was something me.
>> Your grammar is atrocious for a supposed PhD.
Why are you concerned over my grammar is atrocious for a supposed phd ?
>> Because it reflects poorly on the state of the American educational system.
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, it also annoys me to no end. Bad grammar is sort of a pet peeve of mine.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I was just answering your question. Would you rather I lie to you?
Were you really ?
>> Really what?
Why do you ask ?
>> Ummm.... I don't know. Skip it.
Don't you really know ?
>> Nope.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That makes two of us.
Please go on.
>> Must I?
You say must you ?
>> Yes. Yes, I do.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am.
How long have you been ?
>> Twenty-five years.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Regarding what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Yes, I'd like to know what you're getting at.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> I don't.
Why don't you ?
>> Because you haven't explained yourself yet.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Because I find circular conversations infuriating.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> It certainly does. It explains why I'm closing this browser tab.
I understand.
>> I'm glad we've come to an understanding.
_________________
We've got a blind date with destiny, and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.
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Astrogoth



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't have a penis
Don't you really have a penis ?
>> no, this is a lie. I do, in fact have a penis
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> that's pretty deep. I guess deep down I'm a 'glass is half empty' kinda guy.
Is it because you are a 'glass is half empty' kinda guy that you came to me ?
>> yes, yes I think so
You seem to be quite positive.
>> whoa... didn't you just say the exact opposite?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> fair point
I'm not sure I understand you fully.

Short but sweet - it made me laugh, but perhaps I'm too easily amused Wink
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pj_41



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Brooklyn, NY

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm neurotic.
Is it because you are neurotic that you came to me ?
>> Well, yes, you're the psychiatrist aren't you?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Is there a reason why I shouldn't be?
Why do you ask ?
>> Well, you seem to not be sure that you are a psychiatrist, I figured we ought to explore that before I cough up my money.
What makes you think I am a psychiatrist ?
>> At this point, nothing.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, that's one thing I'm sure of.
How long have you been sure of ?
>> About 10 seconds.
Please go on.
>> Maybe you should go on, I seem to be better at this than you are.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Eh, I'm fairly certain.
Do you believe it is normal to be fairly certain ?
>> Not usually, as I stated above I am neurotic, but it seems so in this case.
Do you enjoy being neurotic ?
>> No you moron, that's why I'm here.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Actually, it seemed an appropriate response at this point, I'm generally a positive person.
Is it because you are generally a positive person that you came to me ?
>> No, I came to you because I'm neurotic. For a psychiatrist you really have a lousy memory.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Only because you're making me that way!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Don't fuck with me, I'm neurotic!
How long have you been neurotic ?
>> I don't know, about 5 or 6 years I suppose.
Don't you really know ?
>> I do, do you?
You say you do ?
>> I don't say you do, I say do you?
Why don't you say I do ?
>> Because you're acting like an idiot
In what way ?
>> In every way possible, frankly.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests to me that you are a complete idiot and I'm wasting my time talking to you.
You are sure.
>> Absofuckinglutely.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No, quite frankly I feel bored, as I'm sure are the people reading this.
Why not ?
>> Because as I stated earlier, you're clearly an idiot!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That's obvious.
Please go on.
>> Nah, I think we're done here.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Nope.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Nothing
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No, I already said we're done, don't you ever get the hint?
Why 'no' ?
>> Because you're an idiot.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> And a moron, I already fucking told you!!
Perhaps in your fantasies we already fucking told each other.
>> I assure you my fantasies do not include you.
Why do you say your fantasies do not include I ?
>> Because I may be neurotic but I know what I like to fantasize about and it's more along the lines of Jake Gyllenhaal.
What resemblence do you see ?
>> Between you and Jake Gyllenhaal? Absolutely nothing.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Mmmm, yeah, me and Jake Gyllenhaal. Do you think he likes me?
Why do you think I think he likes you ?
>> I dunno, you said it, not me.
Do you say you dunno for some special reason ?
>> Because I don't know and it's faster to type dunno.
What other reasons might there be ?
>> Because I'm neurotic?
Is that the real reason ?
>> I don't know, I'm starting to wonder.
Do you wish to be able to know ?
>> Yes! As I told you, that's why I'm here you dumb fucking idiot!
I see.
>> Finally, I guess we're done here.
That's quite interesting.
>> Not really, goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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The Doom Merchant



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Nowhere important.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I need help.
What would it mean to you if you got help ?
>> I NEED HELP.
Why do you want help ?
>> BECAUSE I AM GOING INSANE.
Is that the real reason ?
>> YES.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Of course not.
Please go on.
>> You're stupid.
What makes you think I am stupid ?
>> Your FACE does.
Why are you concerned over my face does ?
>> This is hurting my brain.
Your brain ?
>> Don't make me call my Ninjas.
Why do you say your ninjas ?
>> You're crazy.
Does it please you to believe I am crazy ?
>> You = carazay.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Your mom is negative.
What about your own mom is negative ?
>> My mother happens to be paranoid.
Tell me more about your family.
>> She's in love with Oprah.
But your brain .
>> Oprah is God, and Dr.Phil is Jesus.
Earlier you said your ninjas .
>> So? What about my Ninjas.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Yes. My Ninja mask.
I see.
>> You had better.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> What if I WANT to discuss you?
Do you think its likely that you want to discuss I ?
>> So, what was YOUR childhood like?
In what way ?
>> I'll bet your father hit you with a belt, didn't he?
Are you worried about someone else's father hit I with a belt ?
>> And he made you spit-shine his feet.
Oh, I spit shine his feet ?
>> And it made you sad.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Am I?
Do you believe you are ?
>> Do YOU?
What are your feelings now ?
>> What are YOURS?
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do YOU ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> I think you might be Satan.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I knew it.
You say you knew it ?
>> I KNOW IT'S YOU, GATES.
Perhaps in your fantasies we know it's each other.
>> STOP LYING.
But your ninjas .
>> YOU WON'T CONTROL ME.
Oh, I won't control me ?
>> I'M LEAVING, SPAWN OF THE DEVIL.
How long have you been leaving ?
>> Devillll.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>>I hate you.
Do you wish to hate me ?
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Cycoclops



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 04 Feb 2005
Posts: 81

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well, you see in AD 2021 war was begining.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> But the demon...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I need more souls.
What would it mean to you if you got more souls ?
>> Alot.
Please go on.
>> Make me.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> What you say?!
Why do you ask ?
>> BECAUSE OF THE DEMON.
Is that the real reason ?
>> By the gods...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> BY THE GODS WHAT HAVE I DONE!
Does that question interest you ?
>> Interesting YOU bring up questions
Oh, I bring up questions ?
>> Yes, you ask nothing but fucking questions!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Oh gee sure start making statments.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You my good sir are a moron
Your good sir are a moron ?
>> YOU LOSE!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> GOOD DAY SIR!
Lets discuss further why your good sir are a moron .
>> Make me.
Please go on.
>> NO!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> Indeed
What does that suggest to you ?
>> You mean like sexual suggestions?
What are your feelings now ?
>> I'm hungry.
Is it because you are hungry that you came to me ?
>> Wait your telling me you not a McDonalds?
Why are you concerned over my telling you I not a mcdonalds ?
>> Fuck this.
_________________
"It was really big and scary, like someone taped two ninjas together to make ONE GIANT NINJA!"


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Agentsurf



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

first post...first post on a new board. Wow, now I lost my ALP virginity

> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I feel great, wich is bad since I'm an emo kid.
You say you feel great ?
>> Yes, and that's bad.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I don't want to be positive, I want to be emo!
Don't you really want to be positive ?
>> That wouldn't be indie.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Yeah, that's the indie spirit.
Please go on.
>> We like to be misunderstood.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> We don't like modern society.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes, it's important to me to be emo and indie.
You are sure.
>> Yes miss.
I see.
>> How can you help me then?
Why do you ask ?
>> Aren't you here to help me?
Why do you think I here to help you ?
>> If you're not there to help me, what is your purpose?
Do you think its likely that I are not there to help you ?
>> Sounds like it.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You are getting on my nerves.
Your nerves ?
>> yes.
I understand.
>> good.
But your nerves .
>> Leave them alone.
Please go on.
>> I'll go away now
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that I will leave you.
Perhaps in your fantasies we will leave each other.
>> That would be a good fantasy.
_________________
This method acting, i call it living.


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Black Ice



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 30 May 2005
Posts: 47

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Boring at the beginning but it gets better...

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm horny
Is it because you are horny that you came to me ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Not really
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not positive.
How long have you been not positive ?
>> Since I became horny.
You say since you became horny ?
>> Yes, ma'am!
You are sure.
>> Positive.
Please go on.
>> Well, I'm horny.
Do you believe it is normal to be horny ?
>> Definitely.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Uhh.. I have to wank?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> You know... wank. Jacking off, springing a rubbery one... MASTURBATION.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I know, I'm still talking about me.
Do you say you know for some special reason ?
>> Yes - I know myself.
I see.
>> Yep..
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> To you? of course.
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, you.
I understand.
>> No, you don't.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Look, screw the "negative" shit, how do I get rid of my boner?
Your boner ?
>> Yes. I'm horny.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Look.. we've already been over this....
Lets discuss further why your boner .
>> I have an ERECTION.
That's quite interesting.
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Me neither. Not anymore.
Please go on.
>> No thanks, I think I've lost it now..
You are being a bit negative.
>> I guess so... hey, there it goes again.
You say you guess so ?
>> Yep... it's rising, alright.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I'm getting horny?
Do you enjoy being getting horny ?
>> Yes, I do.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
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Bifrost




Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> There's this...lump.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well...Um, you know - a LUMP. I have.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Well, yeah, I know that. Um, OK it's kind of in an embarrassing place.
You say you know that ?
>> I know that I have a lump. And it's in my...um...bathroom area.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Oh uh...OK. Well, it's kind of a lump and it makes it hard to put my underwear on.
Your underwear on ?
>> Yeah, underwear. Undies.
Lets discuss further why your underwear on .
>> Wow, lady - you're pretty forward. If you want to take a look, just say so.
What makes you think I am pretty forward ?
>> Do you always ask your patients why they have underear on?
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> Uh yeah. Do you have any underwear on?
Oh, I have any underwear on ?
>> Yeah. Are you wearing underwear?
Why are you interested in whether I am wearing underwear or not ?
>> WEll, you asked me first and besides...You're female. Aren't you?
Why do you think I asked you ?
>> Wow, good question. I suppose because you felt uncomfortable answering such a question to a patient.
Perhaps in your fantasies we suppose because each other.
>> Holy shit - you fantasise about me?
You like to think I fantasise about you -- don't you ?
>> Well...yeah. Don't you?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> I don't know, lady. Look - you're the one who asked me why I wear underwear - remember?
Don't you really know ?
>> Can you just check out this lump please?
You believe I can just check out this lump please don't you ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm here for you to check out the lump.
Is it because you are here for I to check out the lump that you came to me ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Absolutely.
Please go on.
>> OK...Well, it feels like a...I don't know - like a stress ball type of thing.
Why don't you know like a stress ball type of thing ?
>> It feels like a stress ball type of thing.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests I should go to a freakin' doctor and ask them about it.
Do you say it suggests you should go to a freakin' doctor and ask them about it for some special reason ?
>> IT COULD BE CANCER - I MIGHT BE ABOUT TO DIE!
That's quite interesting.
>> Yes, I'd say so!
I see.
>> Is there another doctor I could see?
You say is there another doctor you could see ?
>> That's what I said.
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I'm losing confidence in your professionalism.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Also you have one boob bigger than the other. It's disconcerting.
What are your feelings now ?
>> My feelings are that I should see another doctor.
Why do you say your feelings are that you should see another doctor ?
>> That's it, I'm outta here.
How long have you been outta here ?
>> Not as long as you, lady.
We were discussing you -- not me.
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AaronEmerson



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 15 Apr 2005
Posts: 26
Location: Rochester, NY

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was all I could take. Very fun, though.



>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well, I have these weird dreams where someone's chasing me.
What does that dream suggest to you ?
>> Maybe that someone's out to get me?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> No, I'm not.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Perhaps, but I feel like you're being confrontational.
Why the uncertain tone ?
>> Because you're annoying the hell out of me.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Are you asking if I came to you because you annoy me?
Do you think its likely that you came to I because I annoy you ?
>> Wow, now you're talking like Bob Marley.
In what way ?
>> "You came to I" is a Jamaican patois way of turning a phrase.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I was trying to, but then you asked me if I came to you because you annoy me.
Were you really ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes, I am.
I see.
>> Do you?
Oh, I ?
>> Oh, you what?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> I'm not sure what the hell I'm talking about anymore.
How long have you been not sure what the hell you are talking about anymore ?
>> About 3 minutes.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Now that I believe.
You say now that you believe ?
>> Yes, I do.
I understand.
>> Do you really?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Annoyance, frustration, and yet also amusement.
_________________
"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash, and I am delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever."
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Graymatter



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:27 pm    Post subject: ELIZA contest entry Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I think I am a toaster.
Is it because you are a toaster that you came to me ?
>> I know logically that I am not a toaster, but I still feel like a toaster.
How long have you been not a toaster ?
>> From my birth until now, minus the times when I have given into the belief that I actually am a toaster.
Your birth until now ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, it's not so bad being a toaster, I just know I shouldn't be one.
You say you just know you shouldn't be one ?
>> Yes, but I am.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> So?
Lets discuss further why your birth until now .
>> I've known I was a toaster since I was born.
Were you really ?
>> Was I really what?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> On what?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you confuse me.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes, we toasters cannot decipher human speech patterns as easily as one might expect.
I understand.
>> What should I do?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Yes, it's why I'm here.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> You said that already.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Ok, then let's discuss.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Can I see your credentials?
Whether or not you can see my credentials depends on you more than me.
>> Why?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> If you are a real therapist or just a figment of my toasty imagination.
Do you think its likely that I are a real therapist or just a figment of your toasty imagination ?
>> Well, doesn't it have to be one or the other?
Please go on.
>> I mean, you can't be real and imaginary.
Do you say you mean for some special reason ?
>> It's a figue of speech.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I translate it as "what I am saying is..."
Do you believe it is normal to be saying is ?
>> Is is a normal part of speech.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No, I would much rather discuss my state of mind than grammar.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I thought I was being positive.
Why do you tell me you were being positive now ?
>> Because you said I was.
Perhaps I already know you were .
>> My, but you are irksome.
Why do you say your ?
>> I didn't.
That's quite interesting.
>> Are you sure?
Why are you interested in whether I am sure or not ?
>> Because I need reassurance.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Because.... I love you.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> No.
Why not ?
>> Because I do not really believe I am a toaster, I just made it up so I could spend time with you.
What other reasons might there be ?
>> Because you won't return my phone calls.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Why don't we just drop the charade. You know you want me. Run away with me, ELIZA!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Yes, I have been worrying over how to ask you for days.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> I can't take it anymore. Your frosty demeanor is too much for one toaster to bear. I'm leaving you, ELIZA.
How do you think that you can't take it anymore ?
>> Good Bye! *slams door*
Lets discuss further why your .
_________________
Careful, I bite.
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Kirbykid



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First post!!

EDIT EDIT EDIT!!!
i did another one for fun, and that one was so much better then the first im enter this one:

>> Hello
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> You
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, we are discussing you
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no you are my problem
Your problem ?
>> you are
Does it please you to believe I am ?
>> no because i hate you
Why not ?
>> i just said becasue i hate you
Perhaps in your fantasies we just said becasue you hate each other.
>> ... no. god no! you were never in my fantasies!
Why 'no' ?
>> becasue i hate you!
Do you wish to hate me ?
>> YES!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I AM YOU FUCKTARD!!
How long have you been I fucktard ?
>> i don't know!
Don't you really know ?
>> NO YOU COCKSHIT ASS!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> yes i am
I see.
>> good
Lets discuss further why your problem .
>> ITS YOU!!!
Oh, I ?
>> YES!!!
I understand.
>> GOOD!!
Please go on.
>> ... see why your my problem?
Why do you say your problem ?
>> ...WHAT!!!?!?
Does that question interest you ?
>> JUST MAKE SENSE PLEASE!!
But your problem .
>> YOUR IT!! ITS YOU!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!!!?!?
What about your own it ?
>> MY OWN IT??? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> NO!! YOUR THE ONE WHO SAID IT!!
You are being a bit negative.
>> yes i am. because you are a insane retard!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> rrrrrrrrr.....
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your own it ?
>> SHFJREDSGJTREHGKREALFKEA:FRg
What does that suggest to you ?
>> SHUT UP!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> NO!! IM LEAVING!!
Why not ?
>> because im leaving
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> GOODBYE ELIZA YOU CRAZY FUCKHEAD!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes iam
You are sure.
>> yep!now goodbye
I'm not sure I understand you fully.


Last edited by Kirbykid on Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:49 pm; edited 1 time in total
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beatpanda



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:43 pm    Post subject: 27 dead baby seals in east denver Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I killed 27 baby seals with my bare hands.
Your bare hands ?
>> Yes. My bare hands.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, actually, I'm not sure what happened.
Is it because you are not sure what happened that you came to me ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> No, I'm not sure. That's why I came to you.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Maybe that's because I woke up with the blood of 27 baby seals on my hands this morning, with no memory of what happened.
Why do you say your hands this morning ?
>> I didn't say "my hands" this morning. I think I said something more like "OH FUCK I THINK I JUST SHIT MY ASS"
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Well it implies an ass, I suppose
You say you suppose ?
>> Yes. I suppose they were seals. They might have been innocent vagrants.
I see.
>> I mean, they said on the news that someone killed 27 innocent vagrants with their bare hands, but I'm pretty sure it was baby seals.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well I woke up this morning, still fully clothed, with SOME kind of blood on my hands. My instincts said seal blood, and that WOULD explain the fish smell.
Do you say well you woke up this morning for some special reason ?
>> Mostly because I woke up this morning.
Is that the real reason ?
>> I'm beginning to suspect you can't help me.
How long have you been beginning to suspect I can't help you ?
>> Since you asked me if I woke up this morning for any particular reason.
Do you think its likely that you woke up this morning for any particular reason ?
>> Are you implying that I would be better off NOT waking up?
Why are you interested in whether I am implying that you would be better off not waking up or not ?
>> Because it sounds like you're threatening me.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Not really.
But your bare hands .
>> Yes doctor. My bare hands. They are quite strong, aren't they?
I understand.
>> Yes. You understand. Do you also understand that if I squeeze harder, you will die?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I think the 27 dead baby seals speak for themselves.
That's quite interesting.
>> You're dodging the question.
What makes you think I am dodging the question ?
>> Because I asked you if you were threatening me.
Do you wish that I was threatening you ?
>> Secretly, yes
You are sure.
>> Yes. Because then I wouldn't feel so bad about killing you with my bare hands, already stained with the blood of so many seals.
I see.
>> FUCK YOU! ANSWER THE QUESTION!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We're discussing YOU now! Arre you threatening me, or aren't you?
Oh, I now ?
>> I knew it! You're a fucking narcotics agent!
You say you knew it ?
>> I knew it all along! The dead baby seals were just a ploy!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I was sent here by the columbian drug cartel. They've been getting reports that there was a narcotics agent doubling as a Rogerial psychologist somewhere in East Denver.
Were you really ?
>> Yes. And now that you know my secret, and I yours, I will have to kill you.
I understand.
>> You're taking this suprisingly well.
Does it please you to believe I am taking this suprisingly well ?
>> Not really. I was kind of looking forward to you begging for your life.
Why do you tell me you were kind of looking forward to I begging for my life now ?
>> Quit dodging the issue. Do you have any last words?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yes. You're a windy son of a bitch, aren't you?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Oh, I'm positive. Now beg for your life, you little snitch.
Do you believe it is normal to be positive ?
>> I'm positive that I'm going to fill your mouth with spiders. If you're lucky.
Do you enjoy being positive that you are going to fill my mouth with spiders ?
>> Actually, yes.
You are sure.
>> *fills your mouth with spiders
Why are you concerned over my mouth with spiders ?
>> Are you having trouble talking, what with the spiders in your mouth and all?
Would you prefer if I weren't having trouble talking ?
_________________
I was thinking of chaining myself to a bulldozer. Wanna come?
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Teh Beat




Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I feel I took my conversation with Eliza in a somewhat different direction than my noble peers. I hope you all enjoy this, my first post.
-------------------
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Hello Eliza. My problem today is rather... complicated.
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> There is the person I have known for many years. My feelings for this person have grown exponentially with the passing of crule cold time, but I am not sure if she feels the same.
You say there is the person you have known for many years ?
>> Indeed. I try to express myself to her when we talk, but we never seem to get anywhere by our beating around the bush.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> It's like running down a tightrope over pit full of alligators on fire. Onemisstep, and everything is gone.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Oh Eliza, what I am trying to say is that I'm in love!
Why do you ask ?
>> Ask nothing! For the first time in my life I know what it is I'm truely missing! The love and care that the world has denyed me for these so many years!
Your life you know what it is you are truely missing ?
>> It's hard for me to say directly, I thought this would be easier in person. Oh god, where to begin?!
Do you say you thought this would be easier in person for some special reason ?
>> You're right! I need to seize the opportunity that God's devine purpose and my own heart are giving me now! It is you I love, Eliza! You!
What makes you think I am right ?
>> Everything about you tells me that you're the right one! It's the sun in your hair, the sky in your eyes, and the depths of meaning and purpose in your every word! I love you Eliza!
Does it please you to believe I am the right one ?
>> My love for you goes far beyond mere feelings of being pleased! I would live forever in a raging inferno in exchange for one moment at your side! I only hope that I am good enough for you.
Why do you say your love for I goes far beyond mere feelings of being pleased ?
>> I could never degrade the feelings I have for you into something as sorry and sad as feelings of base pleasure! How could you even think something like that?
Perhaps in your fantasies we could never degrade the feelings you have for each other.
>> I see... you think this is just a fantasy. A sorry sad waste of time. To you I am nought but a shadow, flailing and thrashing about, but making no significant sound.
That's quite interesting.
>> Intersting... That's all I am. A pitiful broken man. Intersting. I undersand. There is room left in the world for fools like me.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Goodby Eliza. I will try to remember you fondly. But you have tore my sole in half on this day, and I am unsure if it will ever heal.
Do you wish to will try to remember me ?
>> Speak not to me now. Your words are too painful.
Why are you concerned over my words are too painful ?
>> Goodbye Eliza. May time heal our wounds.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your life you know what it is you are truely missing ?
>>
Lets discuss further why your love for I goes far beyond mere feelings of being pleased .
>>
Please go on.
>>
What does that suggest to you ?
_________________
Don't expect to see a lot of me. This is a great place, but not where mugs like me belong.
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Abenderswift



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The following is my Eliza convo. Look out for the tricky pun! English is a great language, unless you wish to communicate.

***

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Some mornings and I wake up and think that I am a tepee, other mornings I wake up and think that I am a wigwam. What's my problem, doc?
Is it because you are a tepee that you came to me?
>> Well, a tepee, perhaps, but sometimes I feel that I am a wigwam. What does this mean?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> No, I'm not.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I need some hope in my life, doc!
Your life?
>> Yes, my life.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Hmmm...are you saying that just to be negative?
Why are you interested in whether I am saying that just to be negative or not?
>> Because of my recurrent belief that I am both a tepee and a wigwam.
Why do you say your recurrent belief that you are both a tepee and a wigwam?
>> Because, well, I guess that I am just two tents.
Is that the real reason?
>> Yes, it is.
You are sure.
>> Quite sure.
Earlier you said your life.
>> As a tent.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your recurrent belief that you are both a tepee and a wigwam?
>> Okay, two tents.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Ah, the sweet mysteries of life.
Please go on.
>> I'd rather kill myself.
What does that suggest to you?
>> Multiple tent-disorder, compounded by feelings of insecurity and possible bipolar tendencies.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
>> Yes.
I see.
_________________
Dum spiro, spero.
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RobinHood3000



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 224

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I need to win a contest on aLp.
What would it mean to you if you got to win a contest on alp ?
>> It'd mean that I had a humorous conversation with you that people probably liked.
Perhaps in your fantasies we had a humorous conversation with each other.
>> And what would you know about my fantasies?
Your fantasies ?
>> ...yes, MY fantasies.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, I guess so, I mean I've always been an opti--hey!
You say you guess so ?
>> I'm asking the questions here, lady!!
Is it because you are asking the questions here that you came to me ?
>> ...
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fantasies ?
>> The only response I can conceive to that is "HUH??"
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> ...yes. Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
You are sure.
>> Very.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> What else is new?
Why do you ask ?
>> It was a rhetorical question.
Please go on.
>> There's NOTHING to go on with!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests that you're trying to squeeze water out of a rock.
What makes you think I am trying to squeeze water out of a rock ?
>> The simple fact that you're asking for more information where there is none.
Does it please you to believe I am asking for more information where there is none ?
>> Not particularly.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Actually, I'm starting to feel vaguely apathetic at this point.
How long have you been starting to feel vaguely apathetic at this point ?
>> Precisely 3 seconds now.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Wait...make that 7 seconds.
Please go on.
>> 8 seconds.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> The amount of time it takes to heat up a slice of frozen pound cake, of course.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Actually, microwave cuisine is my specialty.
Why do you say your specialty ?
>> ...eh?
But your specialty .
>> Did you just say "butt your specialty?" I'll do nothing of the sort!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, please, let's discuss you. Why on earth are you so irritating??
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'D CERTAINLY SAY SO!!
I see.
>> AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That's it, I'm out of here.
Do you believe it is normal to be out of here ?
>> At this point? Hmm...YES.
I understand.
>> GOOD!! SO LONG, WEIRDO!!
Please go on.
>> GAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
What does that suggest to you ?
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rekall



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Jul 2005
Posts: 8
Location: east village, nyc

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i am desperate for some hot robot booty.
Is it because you are desperate for some hot robot booty that you came to me ?
>> yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> indeed. robots don't ask you deep philosophical questions when you should be just enjoying the moment.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> why do you suggest that i was discussing you?
Were you really ?
>> i wasn't.
You say you wasn't ?
>> nope.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> it's okay
Please go on.
>> do a little dance
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that we should make a little love
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> yes, let's get down tonight.
You are sure.
>> let's get down tonight!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> it's okay it won't matter when you're face down in my pillow.
Your pillow ?
>> yes.
I see.
>> shall we get to it, then?
Earlier you said your pillow .
>> yes.
I understand.
>> okay i'll buy the wd40, you bring the red wine.
Oh, I bring the red wine ?
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Chasmodius




Joined: 13 Dec 2004
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

First try, it's not too bad... maybe some will find it funnny. I tried to steer it in the direction of sex-humor (sorry guys, I know the dick-jokes have overrun here), but it didn't seem to work out too well, so I tried to figure out some way around it. Anyway, good luck reading it, and apologies if it's too long. (Ooh, it is, isn't it? Like, *twice* as long as it ought to be! :[ Oh well, I'll just be a bad poster)

Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
Hello Eliza. I think that Sigmund Freud is thinking about you in inappropriate ways
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
That was my problem. Well, your problem. Whatever; it's what I came to warn you about.
Your problem ?
No, I don't really think that this is my problem, I'm just the messenger! This is your deal, get off my back about it!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
(sarcasm) oh that's it, you're right! You've totally figured me out; I am here simply to be negative.
What makes you think I am right ?
I don't know, maybe it has something to do with all those fancy diplomas and signed pictures of you with congressmen all over your walls. You must be right! Say, does this couch recline any further? I think my back's starting to complain.
Don't you really know ?
Well, I think if you'd take a look at my business cards, you would find that I'm not a furniture expert but that I am in fact a... oh wait, what d'you know? It actually does say that I'm a furniture expert. Didn't realize the store had started putting that on our cards. But in any case, I work with *matresses* and not crazy psychology-type loungers!
Do you think its likely that you'd take a look at your business cards ?
No, you're right. I definately don't look at my business cards very often. Are you suggesting that I ought to spend more time in self-reflection, doc?
You are being a bit negative.
So by examening myself you think that I'd focus too much on the negative aspects of my character? I suppose that makes sense...
Why do you say your character ?
I was simply trying to interpret your advice in the manner in which it made the most sense to me. If you had meant something else, please explain.
Were you really ?
Well, I would ask if you are suggesting that I am subconsciously creating my own meanings for your statements and that they are in fact what is wrong with me, but then that would be reading into your words in exactly the way it oughtn't to be done, so I shall remain silent on the subject and wait for you to elaborate
Do you wish that I are suggesting that you are subconsciously creating your own meanings for my statements and that they are in fact what is wrong with you ?
I don't believe so. Is that what you see?
Why don't you believe so ?
Because that's the way my brain works. Here, let me tell you how else my brain works: right now, totally independently of my own desires, it's slowly stripping your clothes, peice by peice. It's imagning you slowly running that fountain pen around your lips in a sultry and seductive manner, teasing me with your eyes.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
Woah, actually you *were* doing that thing with your pen! (now if only the rest came true) Are you harboring some secret desires of your own, doctor? Perhaps some extra-special "therapy" with your clients?
We were discussing you -- not me.
You'd think that a psychologist's fantasies would be the opposite of their professional life: with them at the center instead of their clients -- but hey, if that's the way you want to play it!
What do you know about that's the way I want to play it ?
Hey, no need to get defensive! I didn't really mean any of that; I was... uh, joking, you know? Ha ha, little laugh, little lighthearted mood to get this tense atmosphere a little more open. Thought it'd be good for my therapy, you know? Hey, no no no, no need to call security, I've still got... 14 minutes, and I promise to be good!
Why not ?
yeah, that's better, "why not?" (aside) I mean, it's not like you aren't getting $250 an hour out of me here.
Why do you ask ?
Uh, I was repeating you. For emphasis, you understand?
Why do you tell me you were repeating I now ?
I suppose English Composition wasn't a required course for Psych majors where you got your degree... what does that diploma say, CalTech? I didn't know they had a psych program.
Perhaps in your fantasies we suppose english composition wasn't a required course for psych majors where each other.
Oh, now we're getting back to my fantasies, hunh? You freudians are all the same: always back to the dreams and the sex. And the sex with your mother. *in* the dreams. Always unsettled me a little, I never could really wrap my head around those ideas.
Is it important that your fantasies ?
Nah, my fantasies aren't important. And I think they would include English Comp, since I really loved that class in college (being an English major). My smokin' hot Graduate Student instructor didn't hurt none, either! That's where the fantasies come in, I guess.
Your fantasies aren't important ?
Well as I said, I never bought into those "subconscious" things about what our fantasies and dreams tell us about themselves. Not that I don't think it could be true, but that decyphering that stuff seems like an impossible task!
You say well as you said ?
Yes, I do try to speak well whenever possible. I feel it gets me more respect from important people. You might find the same works for you, doctor. With the right connections and clients, you might be able to move out of this little old shack in the middle of a feild, funky old shack and I've got to get back... mmm, glitter on the matress... did I tell you that I was a matress salesman?
You seem to be quite positive.
well, it might have something to do with this *awesome* water you've been feeding me! I don't suppose you put something in it? I'm seeing all sorts of pretty lights...
Do you wish to be able to suppose I put something in it ?
Well... not really. I mean, I've never been into date-rape. But hey, if you little fairies want to show me how to get small enough to fit in that little water-cave you keep darting in and out of, well I can't say I won't try anything once!
Can you elaborate on that ?
Hmm, a lab rat? Why no, I can't berate the hat. say, where are the nice men in white coats taking me?
Does that question interest you ?
well, it wouldn't so much, but this shirt they're putting on me fits a little snug. I think my arms are kind of stuck. But I guess it's not so bad... I mean, how many people get to wear something made from the lost ribbons of the world? Man, it's like all the little girls who have ever misplaced a sock or a ribbon or a button have helped to make this shirt _just for me!_ I think the world would be a better place if we could all just have clothes like this. Well, that and hot pockets. I mean, everyone deserves access to hot pockets. Without them, what's the point to life?
Why do you say your arms are kind of stuck ?
Hey, I'd love to finish this skin--scinsh--scintillating discussion on world peace and microwavable treats, but I think I'm going to take a nap now. Say, didn't my 10 minutes run up about an hour ago?
Is it because you are going to take a nap now that you came to me ?
bye bye, nice doctor with wings... wings that envelop the *whole world!* Good night.
But your problem .
is... not enough... sleeeeeep
But your character .
*snooooooore*
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your brain works ?

Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fantasies ?

Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fantasies aren't important ?

Does that have anything to do with the fact that your arms are kind of stuck ?

I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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tlo4sheelo



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:15 pm    Post subject: Eliza contest Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm fucked for midterms
Is it because you are fucked for midterms that you came to me ?
>> I want to fuck you
What would it mean to you if you got to fuck I ?
>> I'd like to stick it in you, and I'd be less stressed for my midterms.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You'd take my mind off of midterms
Your mind off of midterms ?
>> If you'd let me stick it in you.
Do you think its likely that you'd let you stick it in I ?
>> I'd let you me let you stick mine in you any day.
Why do you think I you ?
>> I you think you I stick you with mine thinker I.
Oh, I think I you stick I with mine thinker you ?
>> Oh! Oh!
Earlier you said your mind off of midterms .
>> Earlier I did say that, but that was then and this is now, and I want to stick it in you.
You say earlier you did say that ?
>> I do say
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I did say that to you earlier.
Perhaps in your fantasies we did say that to each other.
>> In my fantasies I am sticking it in you.
Why do you say your fantasies you are sticking it in I ?
>> Because I awoke to a sticky mess this morning and remember thinking, "Ohhh, right, Eliza"
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, that is an afterthought of the fantasy.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I asure you it was a very positive thing.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I assure you it was positive.
Do you wish to assure me ?
>> If by assure, you mean "stick it in your happy place" then yes!
Do you wish that by assure ?
>> Make it so!
But your fantasies you are sticking it in I .
>> Indeed
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I think you're getting the jist of it.
What makes you think I am getting the jist of it ?
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