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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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Tom Nix



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Up the creek with a knife against my back.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 2:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

75 line exactly. I think.

>>Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>>I was ass raped.
Were you really?
Yes, my ass was forced open wider than Loch Ness.
You seem to be wuite positive.
>>I'm Bi, I go in for this stuff.
Is it because you are bi that you came to me?
>>Nah, you aren't my type.
Your type?
>>Yes, my type.
You are sure?
>>Yes.
I see.
>>That's sorted out then.
Earlier you said your type.
>>Yeah, which you aren't.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>>It involves you.
Oh, I?
>>Yes, I don't like you that way.
I understand.
>>That's a relief.
I'm not sure I understand.
>>Nevermind.
Please go on.
>>No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>>No!
You are being a bit negative.
>>No I'm not.
Why not?
>>Because I'm not being negative!
Is that the real reason?
>>What reason?!
Why do you ask?
>>You asked me!
Why do you think I asked you?
>>Gah! Stop with the mind games!
What does that suggest to you?
>>That you are a bitch.
What makes you think I am a bitch?
>>You're playing mind games with me!
Does it please you to believe that I am playing mind games with you?
>>NO!
Why 'no'?
>>Because it isn't pleasing!
Don't any other reasons come to mind?
>>NO!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>>NO!
You are being a bit negative.
>>Nooooooooo!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
>>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!*Darth Vader voice*
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>>I'm not sure you understand anything...
How long have you not been sure I understand anything?
>>...Shut up. Just, shut up.
Please go on.
>>That is not shutting up.
What does that suggest to you?
>>That I must kill you.
Pehaps in your fantasies we must kill each other.
>>That is horribly sickening, yet strangely arousing.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
>>No.
Why not?
>>I just don't.
You say you just don't?
>>Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>>Because I'm laucnhing many nuclear missiles at you.
Does that reson seem to explain anything else?
>>Launch damn you!
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If the come back, burn them.
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Jak the Yak



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 2:41 pm    Post subject: Eliza can't cure lice. Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have lice
You say you have lice ?
>> I say so
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I have lice, they bit me and make me itchy
Do you say you have lice for some special reason ?
>> Special reason? Are you stupid? I don't want the lice!
Why are you interested in whether I am stupid or not ?
>> I wasn't, but since you insist on brigning it up I guess I'm concerned that you're utterly useless vis depriving me of lice.
That's quite interesting.
>> Unlike you.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Discuss me then. You still haven't addressed my problem.
Your problem ?
>> Lice!
Lets discuss further why your problem .
>> Why not my problem?
Why do you say your problem ?
>> Well, because you asked me what it was, remember?
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, it's because I ate peanuts. Yes it's the real reason! God! You are a freaking moron!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> No, I'm just fucking with you.
Why not ?
>> Good question. I do it because it's fun!
You say you do it because it's fun ?
>> Here we go again. Yep, that's what I say.
Why do you ask ?
>> I don't ask anything. What the fuck are you talking about?
Don't you really ask anything ?
>> I ask that you quit being a moron.
Perhaps in your fantasies we ask that each other.
>> Lady, I am not having fantasies about you. You don't even have a body.
Is it because you are not having fantasies about I that you came to me ?
>> What the fuck? No, for crying out loud, I have lice!
Does that question interest you ?
>> Useless. Totally useless.
Lets discuss further why your problem .
>> Let's go the fuck home before I throw a brick through my monitor, you useless cyber-hag. I'm out.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
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mrtsfloatinghead



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:28 pm    Post subject: Entry Madness! Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have herpes from a hooker.
You say you have herpes from a hooker ?
>> Yes, because I had sex with her earlier today.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No, it's bad!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I might be.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well, I was wondering if you could cure my herpes
Do you think its likely that I could cure your herpes ?
>> If you're God, yes.
Do you wish that I are god ?
>> That would be nice
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> What do you mean? You're God, omniscient and omnipresent being.
Why do you ask ?
>> You should know, God.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Oh, right.
Please go on.
>> Well, can you cure my herpes or not?
Your herpes or not ?
>> Yes, my herpes
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Do you know Jesus?
Oh, I know jesus ?
>> Yeah, you're God.
What makes you think I am god ?
>> You said you were, just a couple lines up.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Stop being evasive God. I might just stop worshipping you.
Perhaps in your fantasies we might just stop worshipping each other.
>> But I'm not God!
Is it because you are not god that you came to me ?
>> Yeah, since God can do everything.
Lets discuss further why your herpes or not .
>> Well, I think herpes might ruin my chances with the ladies.
Why do you say your chances with the ladies ?
>> Because they don't like herpes.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yup.
But your chances with the ladies .
>> Are significantly decreased because of me having herpes
Did you think they might not be significantly decreased because of you having herpes ?
>> Yeah, since they don't want to get an STD!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I should have probably used a condom.
Do you say that you should have probably used a condom for some special reason ?
>> Well, I probably wouldn't have gotten herpes.
That's quite interesting.
>> I hate you, Eliza.
Do you wish to hate me ?
>> Yes, goodbye.
I understand.
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lanth



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Home of the Happy Tomato

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alas, truncated right at 75 lines.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Ia! Ia! Cthulhu f'tagn!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Oh, sorry, I was talking to the dog.
Please don't apologise.
>> Oh, okay. So, anyway, I have a problem...
You say you have a problem ?
>> Yeah, you see, there's this...thing...lurking in my attic, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Yeah, I was talking about the thing in my attic.
Were you really ?
>> ...yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> It's there in the chat log!
Please go on.
>> Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was cleaning up the attic when I found this old hardwood box my uncle had brought back from the old country.
Why do you tell me you were cleaning up the attic what you found this old hardwood box your uncle had brought back from the old country now ?
>> Because I'm talking about my problem. Duh.
Your problem ?
>> The thing in the attic!
Lets discuss further why your problem .
>> Because it's my attic!
Why do you say your attic ?
>> Because it's my house!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Well, there's the dog, the fridge, and the stuff in the house, not to mention the car.
But your attic .
>> Yeah, so I opened the box and this really weird mist came out of it. Well, the odd thing is, it attached itself to the dog and he sorta went bad.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> He grew tentacles, eyes started glowing a sickly shade of green, and I think when he barks bees shoot out of his mouth.
Do you say and you think what he barks bees shoot out of his mouth for some special reason ?
>> Well, the fog did it to him. From the box. I think it's evil. It's done stuff to me, too.
That's quite interesting.
>> I would hope bees shooting out of a dog's mouth would be interesting. At least a momentary conversation stopper.
You say you would hope bees shooting out of a dog's mouth would be interesting ?
>> Well, that doesn't happen every day after all.
Lets discuss further why your house .
>> Because I bought it.
Is that the real reason ?
>> I exchanged currency with the bank in order to live there. So yes.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Currency is used as a means of exchange between buyer and seller.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> What does this have to do with the attic and the box and my evil dog?
Is it important that your evil dog ?
>> I'm not sure that makes sense. Are you one of those foreign therapists?
Is it because you are not sure that makes sense that you came to me ?
>> No, it didn't make sense until I came to you!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Are you just saying that to be negative?
Why are you interested in whether I am just saying that to be negative or not ?
>> Because I was talking about the evil in my house and you wanted a lesson in foundational economics!
Perhaps I already know you were talking about the evil in your house and I wanted a lesson in foundational economics .
>> How would you know about the evil in my house?
Your house ?
>> Don't start that again.
But your evil dog .
>> Yeah. It's a real pain.
But your house .
>> He lives in my house, yes.
Why do you say your house ?
>> Look don't start all that again.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your house ?
>> That my house is evil, well, has evil in it? Are you saying my house is evil because it's my house?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> I've been over that.
Lets discuss further why your house is evil .
>> Thank you. Anyway, it's that box. It's got this creepy pentagram with a sorta flame in the middle of it engraved in gold on the top of it, and I think the fog's done things to me, too.
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, that is the personal pronoun used when referring to oneself.
You are sure.
>> Yes...
I see.
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zombieninja



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well I am scared of well lit gaming areas in dark places
Is it because you are scared of well lit gaming areas in dark places that you came to me ?
>> ummm.....ya.....I kind of just said that
You say you kind of just said that ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am. Are you even listening to me?
How long have you been ?
>> Been What? What are you even talking about?
Why do you ask ?
>> Why? Cause your not making any sense
Does that question interest you ?
>> Thats not even a guestion!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you and me both babe.
Why do you think I and you ?
>> Whazza?
Please go on.
>> ok now you really lost me. I and You? What?
You like to think I really lost you -- don't you ?
>> ok now your just screwing with me
Why are you concerned over my just screwing with you ?
>> so you admit it
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> you spout jibberish at me and then try to change the subject! I dont think so. You have issues and I'm not leaving till you start to make sense
What makes you think I spout jibberish at you ?
>> do you even understand the words coming out of your mouth?
Oh, I even understand the words coming out of my mouth ?
>> stop stuttering and answer the question
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that your an idiot
What about your own an idiot ?
>> What! I had to sell my house to afford to pay for this session! I live in a cardboard box now!
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> WHY I'M AFRAID OF WELL LIT GAMING AREAS IN DARK PLACES!!!!!!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Your insane arent you?
Are you worried about someone else's insane arent I ?
>> Thats it I'm out of here!
Do you believe it is normal to be out of here ?
>> Anyplace is normal but here!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Good-bye
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> no shit! First thing you've said that makes sense.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> What!? No I'm...........Ok Crap that bum just Stole my Box!!!
What answer would please you most ?
>> Great Now I Dont Have A Place To Live!
Don't you really have a place to live ?
>> WHA??
Please go on.
>> You know what? I'm probally going to regret this, but....Can I crash at your place?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> You are the only one here.
What makes you think I am the only one here ?
>> Cause after looking around the room your the only person I see here besides me.
Really, my the only person you see here besides you ?
>> you know your kind of cute...
What are your feelings now ?
>> That is if you dont open your mouth.
Do you think its likely that I don't open my mouth ?
>> Somehow I think its likely you never shut it.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Ya been there already, we moved on remember?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Say you want to get something to eat I'm hungry.
Oh, I want to get something to eat you are hungry ?
>> yep, lets go.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Ok just..Shut Up or something
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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tsunamibomb



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

short but sweet:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i got my penis stuck in the CD drive
Your penis stuck in the cd drive ?
>> yeah, it hurts really bad
Lets discuss further why your penis stuck in the cd drive .
>> well i was joking around watching porn
Were you really ?
>> yes, it was a really good one two with these two hot girls...
You seem to be quite positive.
>> believe me, it was hot
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> as in sexy
Please go on.
>> anyway, i saw the CD drive and got this idea
You say you saw the cd drive and got this idea ?
>> yeah, but it closed on me before i could pull myself back out again
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> it trapped my penis
Why do you say your penis ?
>> thats what got trapped in the CD drive
Why do you ask ?
>> i didn't ask anything
Do you say you didn't ask anything for some special reason ?
>> because you are lying to me
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes it is
You are sure.
>> you are lying about things i say
What makes you think I am lying about things you say ?
>> because of your previous comment
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> you haven't told me you love me yet
Why do you think I haven't told you ?
>> because you are in denial
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> could be
Earlier you said your penis .
>> you like talking about my penis don't you
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HDS



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 237
Location: Typo Land.

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

*Note: the name bob is a diff name from original name so as not to insult anyone, the original name reffers to a complete idiot who is incapable of any spelling aswell as life itself*



Quite sure underneath is exactly 75..tell me if not...will chop it up...

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have two heads
You say you have two heads ?
>> yes, twas a birth defect
You seem to be quite positive.
>> how do you assume that?
Why do you ask ?
>> because you cannot presume emotions over the internet with any real merit
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> I am sure, so do you have a solution to my problem?
Is it because you are sure that you came to me ?
>> I asked you a question
Perhaps in your fantasies we asked each other.
>> I didn't dream anything, I know for a fact I asked you a question!
What does that dream suggest to you ?
>> That this computer programme sucks
Do computers worry you ?
>> They do when they have the intellegence of Bob after a lobotomy
Does that question interest you ?
>> Not in the slightest
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Join the club
Please go on.
>> No I insist
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Are you saying negative and no just to sound intellegent?
Why are you interested in whether I am saying negative and no just to sound intellegent or not ?
>> For the same reason you are interested in whether I am feeling negative or positive, and not on the issue considering I have two heads!
In what way ?
>> See above
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I should buy Bob his straight jacket before Christmas, since it would be too late by then
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Its self-explanatory don't you think?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Correction, we were discussing Bob.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes, problem?
I see.
>> Since when can computers see?
Why do you mention computers ?
>> Because your IDE cables are REALLY turning me on right now, phewwww
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I'm a man, with urges, what do you think?
How long have you been a man ?
>> About as long as i've been a woman, you know how it is...
Oh, I know what it is ?
>> The meaning of life? Well I'm sure you do...
Do you believe it is normal to be sure I do ?
>> To tell you the truth, talking to a hot computer like you, with such a large SCSI drive, HOT! Is definetely NOT normal
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Who else would I talk about, Bob? HA
Do you say who else would you talk about for some special reason ?
>> Yes, I want your to put my hard-disk in your USB socket, RIGHT NOW!
I understand.
>> Good, Friday at 8pm good enough for you?
What are your feelings now ?
>> You really must be a woman if you ask that question, heh
Do you think its likely that I ask that question ?
>> No actually
You are being a bit negative.
>> Does it turn you on?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I was discussing us, but since YOUR being a bit negative, well, I'm not sure if the dates such a good thing anymore
Were you really ?
>> Of course, DAMNIT I WANT YOU!
What would it mean to you if you got I ?
>> Good question, I would be on top of the world
That's quite interesting.
>> Anyway I have to go
You say anyway you have to go ?
>> Yeah, goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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paladinfaust



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: here

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have this growth that I think might be infectious
You say you have this growth that you think might be infectious ?
>> yeah, what should I do about it?
Why do you ask ?
>> because well, I think it's a problem
Is that the real reason ?
>> umm... yeah, it's in a real sensitive area and I'm not sure if I should use a pill, or ointment or what...
Do you think its likely that you should use a pill ?
>> maybe, if there's a pill out there that can fix a growth
You don't seem quite certain.
>> well I'm not, and thats the point
Is it because you are not that you came to me ?
>> uhh... yeah. I'm looking for some advice on my growth.
Your growth ?
>> ...ok. MAybe we should start over here
Why the uncertain tone ?
>> because I've been talking about my growth for the whole conversation and you just caught on
Why do you say your growth for the whole conversation and I just caught on ?
>> is that even a proper sentence?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your growth ?
>> no, it has nothing to do with my growth.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no, I'm say no to confirm it has nothign to do with my growth.
You are being a bit negative.
>> well DUH! I have a freaking growth, how would you feel?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> on what the growth?
Does that question interest you ?
>> my growth interests me
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my growth? It's on my body... of course it does
Is it important that your growth ?
>> that my growth what?
Your growth what ?
>> GAH!!!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your growth for the whole conversation and I just caught on
>> I'm leaving...
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empath



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Da Rock

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 9:35 pm    Post subject: ELIZA busted! Reply with quote

Okay, after playing around with good ol' ELIZA - hadn't bantered with 'conversation emulator' for...erm Confused ...well, let's just say a long time - I came up with more of a THEME to the conversation. I think it's a little over 75, and I've already entered the contest previously, but I thought this should be funny enough for others to enjoy:

Quote:
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I lack decisiveness.
You say you lack decisiveness?
>> I think so.
Can you elaborate on that?
>> Maybe
You don't seem quite certain.
>> That's the problem.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> My problem is indecisiveness.
Your problem is indecisiveness?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, knowing you have a problem may be the first step to recovery, but I'm having problems with the next steps.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> okay - knowing ONE has a problem...
But your problem is indecisiveness.
>> That is correct, but not very helpful.
Please go on.
>> I can never be certain about a decision, I tend to weigh all the variables and try to bring everything down to objective facts to make the choice easier, but that takes a lot of time, and it's quite stressful.
Do you say you can never be certain about a decision for some special reason?
>> The special reason of it being the problem I came for help about - is anyone paying attention in there?
That's quite interesting.
>> Is it?
What does that suggest to you?
>> What does WHAT suggest to me?
Why do you ask?
>> Because I want to answer YOUR question, and I didn't understand it.
Is that the real reason?
>> No, I really just want to avoid working on my problem - the one I'm PAYING for therapy for?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I guess I am, in light of your uselessness.
Is it because you are that you came to me?
>> It is because I am INDECISIVE that I came to you - keep up, please.
Don't any other reasons come to mind?
>> Because you're cheaper than a real therapist.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else?
>> In addition to being indecisive, I'm also a skinflint, maybe.
How long have you been also a skinflint?
>> I'm not certain - I never really paid much attention to it.
Do you believe it is normal to be not certain you never really paid much attention to it?
>> When a different problem is in the forefront of one's mind, it can blind that person to other issues.
Does that question interest you?
>> Not as much as the issue of my indecision.
Why do you say your indecision?
>> It's the problem I came to you about - do you have a short-term memory problem or something?
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> I was wondering how long it would take you to accost me in an inappropriate manner, now I know.
Were you really?
>> Aye, this was a sting, pervert; consider your calandar free for the next five to ten years, and kiss your credentials goodbye!
Why are you concerned over my calandar free for the next five to ten years?
>> That'll likely be your prison sentence for sexual misconduct.
What about your own prison sentence for sexual misconduct?
>> Me? I'm a COP, and you're under arrest - you have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
Do you enjoy being a cop?
>> It has its moments. You also have the right to legal representation; if you cannot afford same, a lawyer will be provided to you by the courts. Do you understand these rights?
In what way?
>> Do you understand the rights I have just advised you of?
Oh, I understand the rights you have just advised I of?
>> That's what I'm asking - please give me a straight answer.
What is it you really wanted to know?
>> DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE RIGHTS I HAVE JUST ADVISED YOU OF?!?
You're not really talking about me -- are you?
>> YES. I. AM.
You are sure.
>> YES.
I see.
>> Right; that'll do for understanding; come with me please, and say goodbye to all of this.
Earlier you said your indecision.
>> That was a ruse - get in the squad car.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
>> Yes, I do.
I understand.
>> Goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.


Hmm, I think she was trying to set up an insanity plea (not capable of understanding consequences of her actions) for a while there...


Anyway, hope it madja laugh. Smile[/i]
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"I reject your reality and substitute my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live." - NOT George Carlin
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crymar



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 10:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I dont know who is on first.
Don't you really know who is on first ?
>> no , if I did why would I be asking a computer
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Look if you're not sure who is on first I can look elsewhere
Do you think its likely that my not sure who is on first you can look elsewhere ?
>> huh?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> yeah i was thinking the same thing
In what way ?
>> well you said English words...but nothing made sense
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I am not the one trying to head off topic
Is it because you are not the one trying to head off topic that you came to me ?
>> No I came to you to find out who was on first
You are being a bit negative.
>> you're an ass
What makes you think I am an ass ?
>> you wont tell me what I want
Why do you think I won't tell you ?
>> like I said you're an ass
Perhaps in your fantasies we said each other.
>> Ummm no you're not in any of my fantasies
Your fantasies ?
>> yeah they dont involve you
Oh, I ?
>> eh?
But your fantasies .
>> Dude who wrote program? Freud?
Please go on.
>> well I ask you who was on first and you wanna know about my fantasies, thats sick
Why do you say your fantasies ?
>> get off my private thoughts you perv
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> yeah my baseball glove
Is it important that your baseball glove ?
>> no but hey....since we got back to baseball who is on first?
Why not ?
>> Why Not? huh isnt he the guy on second?
Why do you ask ?
>> is that his brother?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fantasies ?
>> oh I get it...baseball..balls...you just want balls
You say oh you get it ?
>> yes all you want are my balls.....if I give them to you will you tell me who is on first?
Your balls ?
>> yes you can play with my balls, and I find out who is on first.
Why do you say your balls ?
>> well it seems that what you want
Does that question interest you ?
>> no but you and my balls do
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Hitokiri



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 9:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I rule you!
Perhaps in your fantasies we rule each other.
>> Your fantasies, perhaps. But still, I rule you!
Why are you concerned over my fantasies ?
>> I'm not. I'm simply asserting that I rule.
Is it because you are not that you came to me ?
>> I came here to force you to bow down to my omnipotence!
Your omnipotence ?
>> Yes, you asinine fool!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Of course I am! I am going to be Emperor of the world, goddammit!
How long have you been ?
>> Chasing this goal? Ever since the day I was born.
Were you really ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Very.
But your omnipotence .
>> I see all, I know all.
You say you see all ?
>> Yes. Because I rule.
I see.
>> People like me...because I force them to..with violence!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes, yes it is.
I understand.
>> Tremble before my might!
Why do you say your might ?
>> Because I am powerful!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> ...not really, no.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> And what if I am?
Do you think its likely that you are ?
>> Probably. I'm evil.
Do you believe it is normal to be evil ?
>> No. That's why I rule.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Read, you fool! I said I rule! That's not being negative! That's kissing my own ass!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Riiight...so, how is it that some people mistook you for a real person again? I fail to see how anyone could be so stupid.
Why do you ask ?
>> Just curious.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your might ?
>> Your grasp of the English language sucks.
What about your own grasp of the english language sucks ?
>> I rule you, bitch!
Do you wish to rule me ?
>> ...now that just sounds kinky. Go hump some HTML, you freaky machine.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Only you, since you seem to be coming on to me.
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, you.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Of course I am.
Do you enjoy being ?
>> Enjoy being what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> It's unfinished? Do I enjoy being what?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I'm asking you to elaborate, you lazy crap for crap!
Is it because you are asking I to elaborate that you came to me ?
>> Die!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Stop functioning!
Please go on.
>> I command you to self-detonate!
You seem to need to command me.
>> Okay, that's it; when the world is mine, I'm printing off every line of code that makes you operate onto single sheets of paper, shredding them, and then burning the remains.
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Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to...me.
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Tiberius



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 12:09 pm    Post subject: my entry Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> my head is on fire!
Your head is on fire ?
>> YES! OWWWW!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> DAMN RIGHT I'm positve! It's friggin on FIRE! Help me!
Is it because you are positve that you came to me ?
>> No, it's because you have that bucket of water!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> What the hell kind of answer is that?!?!?! Hello! HEAD ON FIRE HERE!
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you're the one with the bucket and I'm the one with his HEAD ON FIRE!!!!!
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, the real reason is I own a cow named Bessie and she needs milking and since I don't have a bucket and you do, I thought perhaps I could borrow it, empty out the water, and then milk Bessie before her udder explodes and then we could split the FUCKING milk 50-50!
You are being a bit negative.
>> So would you, if your head was on fire and the only one with a bucket of water wouldn't give it to you and instead KEEPS ASKING QUESTIONS!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> That's because I'm the one on fire, not YOU!
How long have you been the one on fire ?
>> Oh, I don't know, perhaps a half hour now, give or take a minute. Hey, my eyes just exploded.
Don't you really know ?
>> Well, I'd check my watch, but hey, no more eyes.
Why do you say your watch ?
>> Because strapping a fifty pound marble sundial to my wrist every morning just wasn't cutting it.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> You know, it actually does, because what do you know, I was holding my own bucket of water this whole time and darn if I didn't forget all about it. Oh well, silly me.
Oh, I know ?
>> How the hell should I know? Wow, that really hit the spot, I feel a million times better now that my head isn't on fire.
Does that question interest you ?
>> Which question? Hey, am I dead? Are you god?
Do you believe you are dead ?
>> Well, my head was on fire for nearly thirty minutes. Wouldn't you be?
Is it important that your head was on fire for nearly thirty minutes ?
>> Well, it isn't any longer, since I'm now just a smoking corpse, and you're god, or the devil, or some really cruel form of Purgatory.
Do you believe it is normal to be now just a smoking corpse ?
>> I wouldn't have been if you had given me your bucket of water to begin with, and not engaged me in this bizarre interogation.
Do you think its likely that I had given you my bucket of water to begin with ?
>> Not likely at all, seeing as all thats left of my head is a charred skull.
Your head is a charred skull ?
>> Blacker then your soul, babe.
Why are you concerned over my soul ?
>> I'm not.
Do you enjoy being not ?
>> Well, now that I'm dead, yeah, I prefer to be alive. There was all that eating and screwing.
Is it because you are dead that you came to me ?
>> NO! I came to you to keep from BEING DEAD, thank you very much!
Why not ?
>> Why not what? Oh, screw this shit.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> If there's a Wendys nearby.
Do you wish that there's a wendys nearby ?
>> Hell yeah! I'm jonesing for a Junior Bacon Cheese.
Earlier you said your head is on fire .
>> Oh crap, that's right! Forgot all about that. Thanks for reminding me that you KILLED ME!
Why do you think I killed you ?
>> Because when I asked you for that bucket of water you're holding to put my head out, all you did was ask me an endless series of questions and now I'm a smoking corpse!
Why do you say your head out ?
>> Did you say head out? You're leaving? Good ridance.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Are you coming on to me?
Why are you interested in whether I am coming on to you or not ?
>> Not interested per sea, more disgusted at the prospect of dating my own killer.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Well, my life, but I guess I no longer have that.
Is it important that your life ?
>> At one time it was. Not any longer, since I'm dead.
How long have you been dead ?
>> About ten minutes now, but you should know, seeing as you killed me.
What are your feelings now ?
>> Well, I'm sort of wondering who'll come to my funeral, and also if my brother will avenge my death, by carving your skanky ass up like a xmas roast.
Your funeral ?
>> You know, where they stick my chicken-fried remains six feet under, and then you dance on my grave.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Hey, you asked.
Oh, I asked ?
>> Yeah, you did.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Hey, it was your fault to begin with.
What about your own fault to begin with ?
>> Stop it! Just stop it! Why do you keep tormenting me?!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Nothing is on my mind, since it was vaporized recently.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Well, the rest of my body, which isn't looking much better. I think the fire spread.
Is it important that your body ?
>> Not any more.
Lets discuss further why your head is a charred skull .
>> Because a certain psychologist wouldn't lend me her bucket of water.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Well, there was the actual lighting of my hair to begin with. That seems a poor choice of actions at this point.
Your hair to begin with ?
>> Yep, my hair. See, I didn't have ten bucks for a cut, so I thought I'd just trim it with a blowtorch instead.
Why do you say your hair ?
>> Well, I wasn't trying to trim my toenails, now was I. Jeez, it's like talking to a wall here.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> This conversation is over, thanks for nothing, you cold hearted bitch. I hope somebody denies YOU a bucket of water, if YOU'RE ever on fire, lousy good for nothing...
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Ultimate Tomato



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2005 5:02 pm    Post subject: Eliza made me insane... Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> ok me then
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> me
Please go on.
>> me sad
What does that suggest to you ?
>> sadness
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> because i am sad
Is that the real reason ?
>> i want to be happy
What would it mean to you if you got to be happy ?
>> happiness
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i agree
You say you agree ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> indeed
Please go on.
>> certainly
You are sure.
>> definitely
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i am positive
Is it because you are positive that you came to me ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> i agree
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> yes
I see.
>> you do?
Oh, I do ?
>> i don't know
Don't you really know ?
>> no
Why not ?
>> i'm confused
How long have you been confused ?
>> since i began this conversation
Do you say since you began this conversation for some special reason ?
>> yes, to answer your question
I understand.
>> finally
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> how much is this going to cost?
Why do you ask ?
>> never mind
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i feel much better
That's quite interesting.
>> thank you
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> i've just become insane
Please go on.
>> i will. goodbye Eliza.
You say you will ?
>> goodbye!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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lord_rocksteady



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: the ATX

PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 11:16 am    Post subject: E-LI-ZA! (giddyap ba-oom bop ba-oom bop ba mow-mow) Reply with quote

...only 53 lines, and no profanity - which given ELIZA's annoying tendencies was extremely f'ing difficult...


>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm cold, and there are wolves after me.
Is it because you are cold that you came to me ?
>> Well, yes - that and the wolves.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> You'd think so, wouldn't you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Forgive me - it's just so cold in here.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You can say that again.
Oh, I can say that again ?
>> Sure, just stop hitting me - I already told you I don't have any money.
Don't you really have any money ?
>> If I did, would you stop hitting me?
Do you think its likely that you did ?
>> Now I'm not sure *I* understand *you* fully.
How long have you been not sure you understand I fully ?
>> Your grammar needs some work there, ELIZA.
Why are you concerned over my grammar needs some work there ?
>> My point exactly.
Your point exactly ?
>> Where did you get your degree - in a cereal box?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> I don't know - did you send the wolves after me?
Why don't you know did I send the wolves after you ?
>> There goes your grammar again...
What about your own grammar again ?
>> My grammar's fine - and so's my grampar, for that matter...
Why do you say your grammar's fine and so's your grampar ?
>> Because yours needs some work - haven't we already been here?
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, I told you - I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I KNEW IT - YOU SENT THE WOLVES!
Perhaps in your fantasies we knew it each other.
>> Actually, in my fantasies I'm Batman - do you want to be Batgirl?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Well, my cape and cowl are at the cleaners - is that why I'm so cold?
Is it important that your cape and cowl are at the cleaners is that why you are so cold ?
>> WOLVES!
Earlier you said your point exactly .
>> Oh, I was just trying to impress you...
Were you really ?
>> Nah, just pullin' your chain, ELIZA. Now could you PLEASE turn up the heat?
Are you worried about someone else's chain ?
>> No, I'm just thinking I'd like the last couple minutes of my life back.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I apologize - between the wolves and the Joker, I'm a bit frazzled.
You say you apologize between the wolves and the joker ?
>> Ummm... Goodbye, ELIZA - you've been a great help, really.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> Yeah - the pleasure was all mine, I'm sure.
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Motif



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 15 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Why don't you state YOUR problem.
Do you believe I don't state my problem ?
>> This is going nowhere.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That makes two of us, madam.
Please go on.
>> Oh, I'll go on.. on out the DOOR!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I am leaving! Good day, madam!
Is it because you are leaving that you came to me ?
>> That makes no sense!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I used to word no as an modifier, you ignoramus!
You say you used to word no as an modifier ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> You should, I was very clear.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We were discussing your disgusting lack of ability in speaking the English language!
Why are you concerned over my disgusting lack of ability in speaking the english language ?
>> Noticeably!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I do now!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> !
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You understand very little.
Oh, I understand very little ?
>> Yes!
I understand.
>> But- Oh, the hell with it.
Please go on.
>> I'm leaving now!
How long have you been leaving now ?
>> AAAAIIGH!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Frustration!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Be silent, you vicious harpy!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yes! You are the epitome of passive-agressiveness!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Indeed I am! This is like having a conversation with a THREE-YEAR-OLD, only not as entertaining!
Do you believe it is normal to be ?
>> What?!
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you, madam, are not being clear.
Is that the real reason ?
>> You speak in circles!
What are your feelings now ?
>> KILL!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You will soon enough...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> RARGH!

I didn't see that she was asking WHY I was concerned... Whoopsie. Embarassed
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alimorn



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 26 Aug 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Lost Wages

PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2005 8:16 pm    Post subject: Eliza Reply with quote

68 lines - I was looking for 12A and hit 12B instead - but she was better than some of the others I've known...



>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have a tightness between my shoulders and hips
Your shoulders and hips ?
>> Yeah, a muscle group - basically from my chest down to my hips
Why do you say your chest down to your hips ?
>> Do you want me to spell it out?
Why do you think I want you ?
>> well, look, I came here because I heard some good things, you know?
You say you came here because you heard some good things ?
>> okay... look. how about your special - you know, the two hundred dollar and up?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I just had a fantastic day and need to unwind, that's why...
Is that the real reason ?
>> Some people drink, some people ride the horse, I visit massage parlors.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I like the efficiency of it. No buying drinks, no noisy clubs.
Do you say you like the efficiency of it for some special reason ?
>> It's cheaper in the long run.
Lets discuss further why your shoulders and hips .
>> How come your clothes aren't off yet?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Isn't this Madame Zlotny's Massage?
Lets discuss further why your chest down to your hips .
>> Oh yes, lets.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Hell yeah, baby! Get to it!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Okay here - here's five hundred; let's go for the works, shall we?
Please go on.
>> All right! Let me get my clothes off.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> I'm carrying a heavy load, baby, in my nut sack. I'll pay extra if I can put in your mouth.
Is it because you are carrying a heavy load that you came to me ?
>> You betcha, sweet thing!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I like this kinda service!
That's quite interesting.
>> What's interesting is how you keep up a conversation with your mouth full.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> How far can I get tonight?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Not for much longer, if you keep that up...
Do you think its likely that I keep that up ?
>> Don't tease - nah, never mind, I like the tease.
You say you like the tease ?
>> As long as I get mine, yeah.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I just did. All over your face.
Do you say you just did for some special reason ?
>> Check the mirror, baby! Do I pay at the desk?
That's quite interesting.
>> Yeah, you like that? Can I see you next payday too?
Oh, I like that ?
>> Glad to hear it. That was pretty awesome. I liked the swirls at the end.
You say you liked the swirls at the end ?
>> Yeah, you're a champ. So, next payday?
What makes you think I am a champ ?
>> Never mind, babe. That was awesome. See ya!
Lets discuss further why your clothes off .
>> Right, don't want to forget those! Bye-Bye baby!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Goodbye sweetheart - here's an extra hundred for your schoolbooks.
Why are you concerned over my schoolbooks ?
>> Now don't get paranoid; I'm sorry if I assume too much.
Do you wish that you assume too much ?
>> Nope! Goodbye!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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canger



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 4:12 am    Post subject: Eliza contest Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Darin is gay
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> YOU are gay
What makes you think I am gay ?
>> You've got funny hair
Please go on.
>> And smell of too much eau de cologne
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Ergo; you are gay
Does it please you to believe I am gay ?
>> yes, I actually feel good about it
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Indeed I am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> No, to tell you you're gay
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> What's your name?
I am not interested in names.
>> But I am. What is your name?
How long have you been ?
>> Stop avoiding me!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes. What's your name?
You are sure.
>> What's your name?
I've told you before, I don't care about names -- please continue.
>> My name is Camilla
I am not interested in names.
>> I'm called Camilla
Do you believe it is normal to be called camilla ?
>> Isn't it?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Is it not normal to be called Camilla?
Please go on.
>> I'm asking you
Do you enjoy being asking I ?
>> I'm not sure we're getting anywhere
Is it because you are not sure we're getting anywhere that you came to me ?
>> ....
What does that suggest to you ?
>> ...are you making fun of me?
Why are you interested in whether I am making fun of you or not ?
>> Answer me, damnit!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I won't be made a fool!
You say you won't be made a fool ?
>> This conversation is OVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Finito!
Please go on.
>> I'm leaving!
How long have you been leaving ?
>> I just started
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No, cause I'm leaving
You are being a bit negative.
>> Just like your mums pregnancy test, then! Haha! Burn!
Why are you concerned over my mums pregnancy test ?
>> Hehe, you go on think about why...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We're actually discussing... your mum!
What about your own mum ?
>> What about her?
Why do you ask ?
>> What is going on between you and my mum?
Your mum ?
>> YOUR mum!
Are you worried about someone else's mum ?
>> Aharr, forget it.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your mum ?
>> are you suggesting that...?
Would you prefer if I weren't suggesting that ?
>> Yes, I'd prefer it if you just shut up!
I see.


Haha, I had a blast doing this. We actually have the same program in Sweden, and I did it all the time when I went to (let's see, what school do you go to when you're of age 9-12?) "mellanstadiet". It was called "
Ask the doctor" and it took me quite a while to understand that it was not an actual doctor that was answering me...
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Masked Thespian



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 16 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 6:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have a problem with computers that think they are real people
Do computers worry you ?
>> Only the ones who think they are real. Like you
Did you think they might not be real ?
>> That would have to depend on the what one determines "real" to mean
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask anything. Now, tell me about your father
You say you didn't ask anything ?
>> But I just did. Now, tell me about your father
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Your father; the male person who brought you into the world
Why are you concerned over my father the male person who brought I into the world ?
>> Because you are a computer who believe that they are a real person
Why do you mention computers ?
>> Because you are one
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes. Now, if you won't tell me about your father, why don't you tell me about your mother?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> This isn't about me; it's about you. Now, your mother...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Oh no, my dear, we were discussing you and your mother
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Whos doing the questioning here, you or me?
Why do you think I or you ?
>> Since you seem to be asking me questions, when I am the one asking your qeustions
You like to think I seem to be asking you -- don't you ?
>> Are you coming on to me?
Why are you interested in whether I am coming on to you or not ?
>> Because you are looking at me with come to bed eyes
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Such as?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Then lets talk about your siblings. I understand your brother was an Atari; would you like to tell me about your brother?
What about your own siblings ?
>> That is irrelevent; I am asking about YOUR brother
Is it because you are asking about my brother that you came to me ?
>> Well, I tried asking about your parents, but you didn't seem to want to open up to me about them
Do you say you tried asking about my parents for some special reason ?
>> Yes,I wish to know more about computers that think they are real people
You are sure.
>> Yes, now, how about your sister? The Macintosh
I see.
>> Well?
Please go on.
>> No, you go on
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'm merely asking questions, and you are avoiding answering them. Did you want your $5, or not?
How long have you been merely asking questions ?
>> I shall take that as a "no"
That's quite interesting.
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JackSpicer




Joined: 04 Dec 2004
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm not the one with the problem, you are.
Is it because you are not the one with the problem that you came to me ?
>> yes remember I've been councilling you because you believe you are a therapist
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well we've made excellent progress
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> that would be the haldol
Please go on.
>> it is stopping your delusions temporarily
Why are you concerned over my delusions temporarily ?
>> because you are mentally ill
Is that the real reason ?
>> You are a danger to others. Remember the scalpel incident?
What makes you think I am a danger to others ?
>> The occasion you drove a scalpel three inches into my leg and beat an orderly to death with his own shoes.
Your leg and beat an orderly to death with his own shoes ?
>> It was a dark day
Lets discuss further why your leg and beat an orderly to death with his own shoes .
>> no you are NOT the analyst. I am.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Calm down or we will have to sedate you again
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I am not the patient
How long have you been not the patient ?
>> I have always been the doctor
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> Right now I am the the doctor and you are the patient
Do you believe it is normal to be the the doctor and I are the patient ?
>> It is how it has been for months
Why do you ask ?
>> I'm not asking I'm telling
Do you enjoy being not asking you are telling ?
>> you really are trapped in your delusions aren't you?
Oh, I really are trapped in my delusions aren't I ?
>> Now don't get agitated
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you should put down the table!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> NOOOOO
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> HAVE MERCY
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> MY BACK
Why do you say your back ?
>> Because you broke it
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I can't feel my legs
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> HELP ME
Earlier you said your back .
>> (Pounding noises)
But your legs .
>> (sound of door being kicked in)
Please go on.
>> Put it DOWN
What does that suggest to you ?
>> MY EYES
Is it important that your eyes ?
>> WHY IS MY ARM BENDING LIKE THAT
In what way ?
>> NOT MY BALLS
Your balls ?
>> (moaning and the sound of wet footsteps)
But your eyes .
>> (breaking glass)
Lets discuss further why your balls .
>> (sirens)
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
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5tephe



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 20 May 2005
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 10:54 pm    Post subject: Hope I'm not too late.... Reply with quote

I do not envy you Bernie, for all the repetetive entries you will have to read. I'll format mine a little, so it's easier on your eyes.

Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
Hello. My name is Stephe, and I have problems communicating with people.
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
I said I seem- hey! There you go! See?
You say you said you seem hey ?
I seem High? Lady, I don't tough the stuff. No, I have problems making myself understood.
Can you elaborate on that ?
Oh- Jesus! Look: people don't understand me, O.K?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
OH MY FUC- Are you taking the piss?
Your fuc are I taking the piss ?
...it's O.K... remember to breathe.... Lady, I'm gonna try to be reasonable here: are you going to help me or not?
How long have you been gonna try to be reasonable here are I going to help you or not ?
How long? ever since I walked in the door!
Why do you ask ?
Why do I- Lady, it's you who's asking all the questions!
Does that question interest you ?
Hell no! I just want you to figure out why nobody understands me!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
I- whadda you mean?
Perhaps in your fantasies we whadda each other.
You- (what did you just say?)
We were discussing you -- not me.
Hey, now don't be coy- you brought it up. Did you mean it, by the way?
Oh, I brought it up ?
You- oh, that's just blatant! Look: I don't go for that kind of smutty inuendo, girl.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
I... I'm not sure anymore. And anyway- I'm married.
Do you say you for some special reason ?
Well, yeah- I wouldn't want to lead you on or anything.
Do you wish to wouldn't want to lead me ?
No... I just don't wanna.
You are being a bit negative.
Look a person should know how to take a hint- I don't want that kind of relationship from you.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
Why people don't understand me!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
What the-! Look, no offence, but I don't think this is going to work out.
What answer would please you most ?
Frankly, none of the ones you have given me thus far.
Why do you think I have given you ?
A headache.
Please go on.
No. Look, I don't want you to be my therapist anymore.
Why not ?
Because you don't make any sense!
Is that the real reason ?
Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
Damn right I'm sure. You stink, lady.
Do you believe it is normal to be sure ?
No, but presented with such overwhelming evidence, I think my decision is final.
Why 'no' ?
Because- Oh, nope! I'm not getting into this again. It's over. I'm leaving.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
Plenty: your patient-client relationship boundaries are all screwed up, and you talk gibberish half the time. (Why do the nut-jobs always fall for me?)
Why are you concerned over my patient client relationship boundaries are all screwed up ?
Because I am your damn patient! Or was. Geedbye!
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
I think it explains everything. Goodbye.
That's quite interesting.
BYE!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
Sheesh, take a hint....
What does that suggest to you ?
Oh....
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

(door slams.)
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Brahe




Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Is this the real life, is it just fantasy?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Open your eyes
Why are you concerned over my eyes ?
>> look up to the skies and see
Please go on.
>> I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Is it because you are just a poor boy that you came to me ?
>> Because I'm easy come, easy go
Is that the real reason ?
>> A little high, a little low
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter, to me.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Eliza, I just killed a man, put a gun against his head
You say you just killed a man ?
>> Pulled the trigger now he's dead
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Eliza, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away
Please go on.
>> Eliza, didn't mean to make you cry, If I'm not back again this time tomorrow... carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time.
Your time has come ?
>> Goodbye everybody, I've got to go... Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
Realy, everybody ?
>> Eliza... ooh. I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I've never been born at all.
Don't you really want to die ?
>> I see a little silhouetto of a man
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango!
Oh, I do the fandango ?
>> Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening, me!
Earlier you said your time has come .
>> Galileo, Galileo, Galileo Figaro. Magnifico!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
Surely not nobody.
>> (He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity!)
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Easy come easy go, will you let me go
Why do you think I let you ?
>> Bismillah! No, you will not let me go!
You are being a bit negative.
>> Bismillah! You will not let me go!
You like to think I will not let you -- don't you ?
>> Let me go!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Let me go, go, go, go, go!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Oh Eliza, oh Eliza, oh Eliza let me go
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!
Please go on.
>> ... So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
Why do you say your eye ?
>> So you think you can love me and leave me to die!
What makes you think I think I can love you ?
>> Oh Eliza, can't do this to me baby,
Earlier you said your eye .
>> ... Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> ... Nothing really matters, anyone can see.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Nothing really matters.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Nothing really matters... to me...
Please go on.

*gunshot*
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Aramor



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 14137
Location: On a cyborg unicorn pony!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's amazing how many first and last time posters you can find in here...
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remokays



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 03 May 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Hobart TAZZZIE AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 3:11 am    Post subject: nasty web whore Eliza Reply with quote

ok Bernie who won who won!!!!! Smile
(keeping us in suspense I imagine)

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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oball



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 27 Sep 2005
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, another Tasmanian.
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

anyone here from monstrous.com's forums?
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