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Munan
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 Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:11 pm Post subject: I thought you might want to know this |
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It is Chuck Norris' birthday today.
He's 67 now...
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Aurelyn
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| Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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Not that it matters, the Chuck will defeat even old age!
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Bloo
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| Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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| When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. |
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Azrael
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| Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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Age does nothing to Walker, Texas Ranger.
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Munan
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 9:28 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries...
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Aramor
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 10:49 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!
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Sal
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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interestingly enough, today (i mean 12th) is also Jack Kerouac's birthday. he would be 85 now.
Jack Kerouac and Chuck Norris - by your powers combined i am Captain Ultimate American Man.
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AAATripper
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 7:46 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris also starred in a new Mountain Dew commercial.
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Bloo
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| Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| In a fan comic, Chuck Norris raced the Hulk and won. No, it's not a Chuck Norris joke, I'm commenting for real. |
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Spock
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| Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:46 am Post subject: |
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Nice. Chuck can do pretty much anything. Hell, he's 67 and still has a 30 year oldish wife. He doesn't need any Viagra, he IS Viagra. They made Viagra from his...sweat? Certainly wasn't his tears...
Chuck wears ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
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Munan
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:59 am Post subject: |
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To tell you the truth, I'm not really that much into the whole Chuck Norris thing (and will probably go to hell for it).
My favourite Norris fact is this one though (and I reckon it must be true):
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
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Aurelyn
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 10:55 am Post subject: |
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 Haven't heard that one...
Mine is Once Chuck Norris had sex in a tractor and some of his sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
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| Master Chainsaw wrote: | | Aurelyn becomes enraged by imbecilic displays of illiteracy, as is his wont. |
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Spock
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Aurelyn wrote: | Haven't heard that one...
Mine is Once Chuck Norris had sex in a tractor and some of his sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. |
hehehehehhe
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Azrael
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Munan wrote: | My favourite Norris fact is this one though (and I reckon it must be true):
Chuck Norris can divide by zero |
Dude, I remember that one, that's one of the best.
Another one I like was: Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick so hard, that his leg warped through time and killed Amelia Earheart while she was flying over the Atlantic.
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Bloo
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| Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Holy shit! [voice=sarcastic]My history instructor never told me that![/voice] |
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Aramor
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| Posted: Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:40 am Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris doesn't jump. The entire universe moves down.
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Bloo
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| Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:20 pm Post subject: |
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| When Chuck Norris gets shot, he bleeds with joy. |
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Azrael
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| Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2007 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris visits his friend God for a monhtly arm-wrestling constest.
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Spock
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 10:18 am Post subject: |
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When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, its not because he's gay, but because he's run out of women.
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| Aramor the Sober Whore wrote: | | So I guess your e-honeymoon will be filled with e-wanking? |
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Aramor
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the Devil to aquire his roundhouse-kick. After he got it, the Devil took his soul. Chuck Norris then roundhouse-kicked the shit out of the Devil, and took his soul back. The Devil appreciated the irony and they now play chess every wednesday while sitting on a throne made from the skulls of stillborn babies.
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Azrael
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris can destroy a flying plane by simply pointing at it, and saying "Bang!".
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Spock
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| Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 10:36 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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| Aramor the Sober Whore wrote: | | So I guess your e-honeymoon will be filled with e-wanking? |
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Aurelyn
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror, it shatters, 'cos not even glass is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and himself
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Da Fro-mastah of da aLp Forums!
| Master Chainsaw wrote: | | Aurelyn becomes enraged by imbecilic displays of illiteracy, as is his wont. |
| Simon_Says wrote: | | Sal would know. He stole many jobs from guys named Shaun. |
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Spock
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
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| Aramor the Sober Whore wrote: | | So I guess your e-honeymoon will be filled with e-wanking? |
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Aurelyn
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| Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can kick you in the back of the face
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Da Fro-mastah of da aLp Forums!
| Master Chainsaw wrote: | | Aurelyn becomes enraged by imbecilic displays of illiteracy, as is his wont. |
| Simon_Says wrote: | | Sal would know. He stole many jobs from guys named Shaun. |
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