My Story

[Mr_Bling]

Ok...


WRITE MORE!!!


...please?
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Workaholic

[QueenofEville]

Two minor things:

“Time to get ready, people,” John said, pulling his seatbelt off. “Let’s travel fairly light. He checked over his combat uniform and, finding everything nominal, went over to the weaponry.

Missed a " after light.

They all strapped on their helmets triple-checked all their equipment.

Too many 'alls'. I'd suggest dropping the 2nd all, as it's implied. Or substitute something else for 'they all'.

There's a couple of slightly awkward sentences in there, but upon rereading them, it might just be the way my brain's picking them out, cuz the more I read them, the more sense they make.

Not to be stuck on the age thing, but I'm pretty impressed this is coming from a 16-year-old. Looking forward to reading more.
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"SUPERMAN HATES MILK WITH THE FIERY INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS!"
(http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox7/)

[Frost]

[Aramor]

[QueenofEville]

[Munan]

[Frost]

This is the first non-shortstory I've ever written. My main problem with writing is the fact that I have the attention span of a chicken sandwich.
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You forget one thing: rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock... and
scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
bring me a rock.
-- Zapp Brannigan

[Azrael]

I have ADD, I have an excuse. You need to overcome your short attention span! NOW ><
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Only the strongest will survive.

Married to SpideyGirl.

[Mr_Bling]

It would suck if you had to go to those massive board meetings and take notes if you had ADD.
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Workaholic

[Frost]

Just in case you all are wondering, I'm still working on these. I'm rewriting some stuff I thought I could do better.

But soon...
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You forget one thing: rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock... and
scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
bring me a rock.
-- Zapp Brannigan

[Robot Chicken Koko]

This is pretty good. Is this international coalition fighting aliens? One giant moving base sounds pretty future-tech to me, and the name, well, I don't really have to explain myself on that one. Keep it coming!
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"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein

[Robot Chicken Koko]

[cfos]

[quote="Frost_Declares"][b]Chapter 1

Linda, sitting across from John, was a stark contrast to Sam. She was only five foot and three inches; weighing only 160 pounds. This, however, did not make her any less dangerous than Sam. Fighting Linda in hand-to-hand combat was like fighting smoke. They were all trained in wrestling and karate, but Linda spent extra time learning Jujitsu, judo, taekwondo, kapu kuialua, and even capoeira.

12 shots and twelve bodies. Hell, he had even seen him perform impossible ricochet shots without even using a scope.


Comments and criticisms welcome. quote]

Two minor points:

1. I'd be very surprised that:
A) You found a woman that'd tell you they weigh 160
B) That said woman would feel that her weight was "only" 160. Not to be rude, but I'm guessing you are describing a petite character, something in the 105 lbs category. You know, the kind that don't eat.

2. Strunk and White would frown on starting a sentence with a number: Spell out all numbers when starting a sentence.

[Simon_Says]

Especially when three words later you do spell it out.
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[Frost]