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Sal



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 8:48 pm    Post subject: When Good Forum-users Go Petulant Reply with quote

how this began, even the oldest moderators fail to remember.

some say that it all started when Shogun Simon's great-grandfather, Burly Brüeno, happened to marry a fair maiden, Falloutia of the clan McAramor, who had been a school sweetheart of a certain second cousin to an in-law of Good Sir ARRGH's great-grandmother.

others claim that the reason lies with an ass, or was it a mule?, one for which Sir ARRGH's great-grandfather refused to pay to the brother-in-law of a nephew of Shogun Simon's great-grandmother's close friend, on the grounds that he was lame (the ass, not the brother-in-law of a nephew of Shogun Simon's great-grandmother's close friend).

others still, point to an ancient misquote, but those have long been deemed lunatic and kept securely under lock and key.

be that as it may, the feud between Shogun Simon and Good Sir ARRGH's venerable bloodlines has come to the point of no return. a duel!, someone cried, and the crowd gathered around Alperia's marketplace cheered gladly. there hasn't been many duels in the empire since The Justified Mu took the pink, zircon-encrusted throne. the mob yearns for blood of the well-born.

Professor Salvator, the senile dean of Alperia's School Of Bad Punology And Sexual Allusion, was appointed the arbiter. he held a five o'clock tea and biscuits meeting for the chosen seconds of the two enraged parties: Master Chainsaw, former fantasy football national coach, now jedi master and inventor of the Force Headbutt technique, ally and business partner to the Shogun, and Admiral Azrael, mango plantator and honorary president of the Alperia Rifle Association, longtime friend of the ARRGH household.

Professor Salvator: Milk? Sugar? I think I have sweetener somewhere in the cupboard, if you prefer. Well now, good sirs, it seems I have been entrusted wih the task of "refereeing" this particular... oh, let's call it a joust, shall we? Good, good.
Well then, why don't we discuss the do's and dont's. We need to decide on an appopriate place and time of the rendezvous, the sooner the better, let me add, while our most gracious emperor Mu the Flamboyant is still away on his yacht with young Ceasar Barack. As far as Sheriff Blaster goes, he's a fine lad, I'm sure I can talk him into turning a blind eye to our small endeavour. Ah, but what shall we do with the ever-overreacting folk of our town? We cannot let things become too heated, can we? We certainly don't want a street riot in our town. Oh, no no no, let us keep it as discreet as we can, shall we.
Oh, and, er, we should also think of the, eh,
*shudder* weapon of choice, I suppose... oh, dear... *sips tea and wipes forehead with an elaborately embroidered handkerchief*
So, let me hear what you propose, kind gentlemen, and allow me to make notes. Another biscuit, Admiral? Maybe you would like a drop or two of rum in your tea, Master?



===================
any similarities to an episode of Asterix intended. i forgot to mention my source of inpiration, a mistake i now amend for.
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 12:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh man, Sal, you owe me a new keyboard! Magnificent stuff! And just so anyone who doesn't already know, can know, I think we're using the same system as last time. I'm writing somthing up, but it's going to be hard to make somthing that can even compare to Sal's brilliant prologue.
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Satan Crime Wash



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 12:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chainsaw, Jedi Master and friend to Shogun Simon: Sailor Jerry, if you have any, Professor. I am mindful that we should try to keep the civil unrest to an acceptable level. Though I recall that during the mêlée that was at the heart of tourneys in days past, the citizenry was often unable to control themselves and remain on the sidelines. Perhaps the answer lies in the location and means of the contest? What say you, Admiral?
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Azrael



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Admiral Azrael, Honorary President of the Alperia Rifle Association, associate and ally to Sir ARRGH: I have had quite enough of your generous hospitality already, Professor Salvatore. But regarding our "joust"; If I am to set our location, I vouch that you, Master Chainsaw, should pick the date and arms to avoid any suspicion of 'homefield advantage'. I own a nice plot of land less than 3 klicks away from my mango plantation. And in my view, it is an excellent place to hold this upcoming meeting. It is in the vicinity of the plantation, so it would be considered private property, to avoid any onlookers aside from the workers, which I personally will relieve for the day. And it holds quite a marvelous view of the valley.

Is that acceptable?

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Sal



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Professor Salvator, slightly hurt: Why so serious, Admiral? I'm sure there's no harm in having a nice little biscuit in a company as fine as ours. I can always ask one of my assistants to fetch us something else if you find my biscuits unsatisfactory. maybe an M&M, then?
In regards to your suggestion, I say splendid! A remote plot of land, isolated from the nosy eyes (my apologies for the bad pun, gentlemen, a professional bent) of Alperia's impulsive noblemen, would serve our purposes wonderfully.

*in a hushed voice* Let us not forget, kind sirs, that the Dark Lord Digital, leader of the foul Klosetti hordes, only waits for an opportunity... if word of this... unrest, would reach the ears of his spies... oh dearie me...
*straightens up, proceeds in normal voice* So, Admiral's plantation it is. If you don't object, Master Chainsaw, I shall put it down in my diary immediately.
Well then, I agree with Admiral's way of thinking, now the choice of weapons ought to fall on the Shogun's side. May I put in my two cents? A bad pun contest! The competitors have five attempts each, the worst pun of five wins. No? Oh, well, so how about an old fashioned egg-on-a-spoon race?
*hopefully* We could always bind their right hands behind their backs to make it more challenging! No? Oh, dear, so, er, what about... I know, an ancient Irish tradition of a banjo duel. A thing to consider maybe? *rather sorrowfully* Ah, alas, something tells me such a pacifistic solution would be considered insufficient by the hot-headed "clients" of the both of you. I fear violence will have to be involved. Oh dear, the youth today...
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The response to Simon's news was mixed, as would be expected. In the great hall of Castle Pandaria, the entire family had gathered to argue over Simon's decision. On the one hand, it was high time Sir ARRGH and his ragdoll bloodline pay for their aspersions. Then again should the brightest son of House Pandaria really risk his life, especially at the hands of such urinalism? Simon could not speak out for himself on the matter, for his posts were drowned out by all the others, until George, the family's trusted Grammar Nazi, locked the thread and forced all attention upon himself.

"What is done is done. The challenge has already been issued and accepted. Nothing now can disrupt the matter without suffering the greatest dishonor, and the humiliation that goes with it. I think we can all agree that Simon cannot back out now, for his sake and the sake of the family's honor. This duel is Simon's business, and so far no one has listened to him since he told the news, and I understand he still has something to say."

George stepped down and immediately tended to the correction the younger account's grammatical errors in a harsh manner. Simon stood up.

"I understand many of you are worried for my safety, and I don't blame you. But I ask you this: what should I have done? Should I have just shunned him? If we didn't have this feud between families I certainly would have done so, for that is all that he is worthy of. But we do have this feud, and it is something too old and deep to ignore. Should I have made a derogatory image ridiculing him, and post it all over town for the people to see? That's what we have been doing for generations, and all that has done for us is to fuel the flame war. It has not brought us any end to the conflict.

So what should I have done when ARRGH questioned my integrity? Ignored him, and in so doing accept his slander? Ridiculed him in return, like a child, only to perpetuate the cycle all over again? No! We need to bring this feud to an end, and this is the only way to do it! So I will do what needs to be done, though I myself say I shouldn't be doing this. This should have been done long ago, when the anger was fresh, before this acrid hatred engulfed us. We should have shown them that they were in the wrong the moment they thought they could sheepomate us!

Be not afraid! As Hou is my witness, I will show ARRGH and his lot just who is the better man! My power is invinvible, my grammar perfect, and my connection fast. 'Sir' ARRGH is nothing but a n00b and a coward, who will try to get to his choppa the moment he realizes his inevitable fate. On the day of the duel I will come, and he will see the hells coming with me! This will be no duel! It will be a massacre, swift and painful! When I vanquish Sir ARRGH, his line too will be vanquished, and all will know the quality of House Pandaria!


The House roared in excitement and fervor, and Simon left them to prepare himself for the duel.


***

Also Asterix is awesome.
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Azrael



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Admiral Azrael: Apologies for my blunt attitude today, I have work that simply must be done. You already know I am hackneyed for running my other 'business' behind the awareness of most others in this land. And I do have urgent matters I must look into soon. *sits up, takes out pocket watch* Well it appears I do have more time to spare, but I am afraid I must depart soon... *puts the watch away and lounges* So, Professor, I would like to have some of your fine M&Ms, but no more biscuits, I prefer to work on my "contracts" without such a baroque nosh.
*quietly*Professor, Master? It would be wise to not speak of Lord Digital in any public venue. There is the contignency that some wandering ears may pick up on this assembly, especially with such prominant members such as ourselves. The walls do have ears...
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A knock is heard on the door. A Sharp featured man sticks his head through the eligant doorway

Nron, Butler of Professor Salvator and ex-award winning porn director:Sir? Duke Hefner of the Playboy Manor has sent a letter inviting you over for some... what is this... ah i see.. for some "Hot buttered biscuits and some well shaped buns". He also wants to know if you want to join him in an orgy. Also Master Norris is here about todays tea. He says he was late due to the fact that "he wanted to be so shut the hell up and go get Sal or Ill roundhouse your ass back to the Dark Ages."

*Looks at the guests*

Will you be needing anything else sir?
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In the tallest spire of the Clockwork Tower of ARRGH, the mood was grim. Batatao, the master-spy and Disturbingly Snakelike Advisor (DSA) of Sir ARRGH, hissed with irritation.

Lord, you are not some common princeling, to be drawn into such petty and foolish feuds. I will do my best to help you, but this is madness! And not even with the excuse of being SPARTAN madness. Why did you not restrain your pride? The situation in the Empire of All demands your attention, as does the sniper contingent of our fortress...discipline and skill are lacking. You must take them out for practice so that our defenses can be more complete! And...the alliance with the Squadron of Z must proceed. They possess arcane knowledge that may be useful to you. And even leaving aside all of that, there is the matter of the letter to the sultan of Ad-Miss'on. Compared to such weighty matters, your reputation is but a little thing, and can be easily rebuilt, to boot.

Sir ARRGH smiled wryly, shaking his lean face from side to side.

I am afraid I find myself unable to prevent myself from perpetuating this conflict, Bat. That Panda has sullied my family's name for the last time. There can be no turning back; it is not a matter of honor but of consequence. We have both begun this; we cannot help but finish it, whatever happens. If we had been intelligent enough to prevent these disputes from going out of hand...but we have not been. We ARE noblemen, Bat. Concerned with our reputation and our skill in battle, above a great deal else. And he will not have the last laugh if I, Sir ARRGH, have even a minuscule quantity to say about it. The Shogun is a formidable foe; but his time of testing has come.

The advisor's cold eyes glowed with fire for a moment; he had been a famous duellist and commander, before serving as a retainer to the house of ARRGH. He nodded, once, with the ephemeral ghost of a smile on his face. The fire crackled, and the murmur of voices came from down the hall as the other members of the house discussed, awaiting the decision.
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 12:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meanwhile, in a completely different location, Generalleutnant REGRET McTotschlag was doing something completely unrelated to the previous events.

Mein Gott! he proclaimed. Ich berücksichtige auch mein Fuß!

He then proceeded to stab deep hole in the fabric of space-time and erased himself from the current string of reality, thus preventing himself from doing anything stupid and ruining an otherwise enjoyable forum game.
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Aramor



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PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Meanwhile, at the Inn of the Drunken Forum Whore, Alperia's finest inn, Shamus McAramor orders another drink and ponders his life.

Shamus McAramor, head of the McAramor clan, the last in a long bloodline of drunkards and forum whores: Ah, sweet maiden of the golden ale. How's about ye pour me another one, on this fine mornin'.

The barmaid gives him another pint.

Sweet maiden of the golden ale: Here you go. But that'll be your last one. You've been here since yesterday morning and I'd like to close the inn by now. It's 10 in the morning, for Munan's sake!

McAramor: Ay, it be indeed another fine day in our wonderful empire of Alperia. *Spits on the ground* Another day, just like the one before it, an' before tha'. Ah, were are the good ol' days, when newcomers got in fights with the elders. When mighty flame wars sprouted out everywhere, just because someone didn't read a post carefully. Where arguments between religious nutjobs and the rest of Alperia went on and on, until one o' the holy moderators decided to bannish him! When one could have a conversation like in real life, to the annoyance o' the other members! Ay, indeed the days have grown silent. But I feel there be sometin' a brewin'! I can feel it in me guts I tell ya! It only be a matter o' time before it erupts like a drunk McAramor in the company of 20 wenches! Ha!

Sweet maiden: That'll be enough out of you. Just drink your beer and go back to your castle in the marshes.

McAramor: Aye... tha' I'll do. Tha' I'll do...
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Back in the sitting room of Professor Salvator, Master Chainsaw leans calmly back in his armchair.

Chainsaw: You show wisdom beyond your years, young Azrael. We can ill afford to draw the attention of the Dark One, especially at a time such as this. Who knows what powers shall be unleashed in a struggle of this magnitude? And since you have taken pains to inculcate upon us the need to expedite these proceedings, in order to facilitate your departure with some alactrity, I shall endeavour to be similarly brief.

Firstly, I agree to your choice of venue. You are known throughout the land as a man of your word, so I trust that there will be no chicanery prior to the engagement. Equally, I trust that you shall *ahem* "personally relieve" your workers. I believe some of the more whimsical citizens of Alperia enjoy graffiting slogans to that effect on the walls of your downtown office building.

As to the date, I believe that the challengers in this affair should have some say, so as to avoid allegations of unfairness.


The Master uses The Force to call the packet of Bourbon Biscuits to his hand.

And so to weaponry. I would prefer to avoid firearms if possible. As you gentlemen well know, Pandarians lack a thumb, instead possessing a bony spur on their wrist that allows them to grip objects between that and their digits. This makes the use of firearms troublesome for the Shogun. Equally it is clear that the time for words has passed. Each man could impugn the family and good name of the other from now until the annual 'posting of the strip', but what would be achieved?

With that said, I do not think this should be an entirely physical contest either. Should it be necessary for the seconds to become involved; my own prescience could be said to provide yet another unfair advantage. Therfore I propose a multi-stage contest. Of body, of mind and of will. Let them first take arms against one another directly, each choosing their preferred weapon of manly combat. If this fails to furnish us with a clear victor, we shall then move on to the next stage. Perhaps this is a deviation from protocol, but given the puissant nature of the participants, there should be no doubt left in the minds of the people as to the identity of the victor. Only then can we see an end to this age of strife that has fallen upon us.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Azrael: Why thank you, Master. The Academy is a very meticulous institute, much like your Jedi training, sans the unique powers of course. My work may be umbrous, but it is honest.

I understand your petitions, and will leave you to decide what is best for these two rivals, you are after all as wise as your skilled. Perhaps you can speak to the foreman of the local forge to provide us with the necessary arnaments? Or however else you may wish to prepare for this date. I will have a talk with our mutual benefactor and ensure that this duel remains under veil from other unwanted parties. He holds a rather strong disdain of me, business matters, but I am confident I can counsel him to aid us.


Azrael calmly arises from his chair and checks his pocket watch again.

Well, this is when I take my leave. Thank you very much for your hospitality, Professor. And cheers, Master Chainsaw. I have work to do.

The Admiral places his fedora upon his head and walks out the room, nodding to the Professor's servant.

***

Daniel, the apothecary and watchman, stands behind his counter, arms crossed. Azrael simply leans against the opposite wall.

Daniel: I will not accept this, you already knew that before you came here. You have the habit of causing alot of trouble whenever you work on business outside of mango farming.

Azrael: Oh that is not an issue here, this is not my business you see, I am simply a second to Sir ARRGH in the upcoming duel. I am not to here to threaten-

Daniel: I know you are armed.

Azrael: I am always armed. I am simply here for diplomacy for Sir ARRGH and Shogun Simon's meet.

Daniel: If they wanted diplomacy, why did they send an assassin?

Azrael: Not tonight, friend. I came here on my own to ensure this will run without trouble. I promised them privacy, and I'll be damned if I do not keep my word. But Daniel, please, just help us, for them, not me. Make sure the communications traffic is absolutely clear of this matter.

Daniel: I may consider it. But just be sure you don't cause any trouble either. It's always a mess when you do something behind everyone elses back. And I'm left filtering what gets heard and what doesn't, it angers powerful people.

Azrael props himself forwars and grins slyly to Daniel.

Azrael: No promises.

The Admiral departs from the clinic, leaving Daniel flustered.

Edit: typo
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Sal



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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 12:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Professor Salvator: Thank you, Nron, my boy, please write Mr Hefner that I'll be late tonight, pressing matters of the state held me. But let him keep the, uh, buns heated for me. Also I'll be bringing an extra guest with me tonight, and it would be most kind of him if he prepared something special, fit for a Texas Ranger's taste. That'd be all, boy.
*waves hand dissmissingly and after the servant is gone addresses the seconds again*
Forgive my butler, gentlemen, he's retarded, a particularly nasty case of inbreeding, you see. I took him in out of mercy, his mother/sister was once a student and good friend of mine, would you believe there was even suspicion of my fatherhood, there was some hassle but in the end the fine men of the Supreme Court of Alperia cleared my good name, fine men indeed... Ah, anyway, I'm not one to hold grudges, as you see I ended up hiring him for a minimum wage when his mother, er, sister, commited sui... er, passed away, in that dreadful lawnwomer accident, maybe you remember, it was all over the papers... oh dear, coroners had to identify her by the toenails, poor, poor little thing... *gulps*
*cheerfully*Ah, but we're not here on a CSI debate panel, are we? Your words ooze with jedi wisdom, as they always do, kind Master, although I cannot deny they fill me with gloom, and fear for the security of our dear homeland who is about to lose, Hou forbid - perhaps irrevocably, one of her most valiant defenders. It saddens me greatly that a violent feud should arise between two such distinguished gentlemen, and at times like these, when our country needs their valor most. Ah, doomed is the land whose best sons turn against each other...
*with a determined chin* But knighthood has its rights, and who are we to deny honorable satisfaction from them who deserve it more than anyone under the sun? No, I see now that there is no other way. Our only duty now, as men who care for Alperia's fate more than our own lifes, is now to do our utmost to ensure this conflict does not get out of proportion. To secure the empire's best understood interest amid this madness, this, gentlemen, is our primary objective.
It is then with hope that I hear your proposal, Master. A multi-tiered duel, how appropriate. And how practical, maybe there's not all lost, then, knowing the legendary combat prowess of both challengers, a draw in the first stage of the duel is not entirely out of question. Maybe there is a slight chance after all for a non-violent conclusion.
A compromise between quenching of the thirst for vengeance of two warriors and keeping them both in one piece for the sake of security of our borders... yes, this could work...

*conspirationally* We should, however, keep the true reason for his solution secret known only to the three of us. If we are to hope for a successful execution of this little scheme of ours, we cannot risk letting the parties involved know about it, especially with the rash likes of Sir ARRGH and Shogun Simon in question.
*solemnly*'Tis a matter of state security, sirs. And we have already ascertained that the exterior peril is too great for us to leave this delicate matter in incompetent hands.

*getting up to bid his guests farewell*
As I hear no objection from you, Admiral, I propose that we consider whatever we have discussed here decided and binding for the parties. If you must hurry, I suggest we leave it as it is for now, and return to the specific details later. It now falls upon you, gents, to pass our settlements to your respective clients, and I have absolute faith in your cunning and diplomatic talents. Most of all, do not forget what the real stakes of this game are.
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Nron



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PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unknown to the Professor is "retarded" butler resumes his easedropping

Retarded!?!?! Well thats what I get for drinking heavily on Tuesdays

*Shakes head and sighs*

Well I better go call the Arrgh to make sure he knows about Simon's plans

As Nron heads down the hall his Blackberry rings

Hello? Connery! You old goat, how the devil are you? I see. No, not that I know of... [color=black]*laughs* Yes, yes! Son of a bitch! Of course Ill tell him. I was actually on my way to contact him right now. Ill be sure to let him know. You stay healthy. Mmmm hmmm. Bye.[/color]

Well this day is just getting better and better. I guess Ill go try to talk to Mr. Norris... God, I hope hes in a good mood

Nron walks on, oblivious to the cloaked figure clinging to the ceiling with long serrated claws and several stingers
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...so I could grab at those loose, flappy leathery parts on her arms and pretend that, together, we are Batman....
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well since this seems to have died pretty damn fast ill try to revive it. (fat chance Rolling Eyes )

As Nron walks down the stairs he loses his footing, falling in a heap of Italian leather and other random object at the foot of the steps.

Nron54, Butler to Professor Salvator and the Last Ninja:OW! What the hell? Who left all this shit down here! Now I have to take this upstairs.

*Turns around and runs into Mr. Norris*

Nron:OH! Ummm... Hello Mr Norris. How are you today?

Norris:Well? What did he say?

Nron:Who? Oh! The Professor! Well he said hell be with you shortly and that you and he are heading to the Playboy Manor later on.AH NO DONT KILL ME!!!

Norris gives Nron a confused stare as he reaches for his fine italian leather shoes

Nron:Oh... Well I best be along now. Ive got a friend I need to go see. Please help yourself to any of the food in the kitchen. If you need anything you can press that button over there to contact my pager. Good day.

On his way out Nron trips over a rung colliding into a priceless piece of Tubetan Art, destroying it.

Well fucksticks
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 1:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Master Chainsaw walked through the darkening streets of the city. Going over the events of the meeting in his mind, in order to accurately relay them to The Shogun. Despite himself he couldn't help but be impressed with the Professor's handling of the situation. He showed the calm and focused mind of a Jedi, though hidden behind a veneer of bumbling harmlessness. He had a few tells, though. For starters, Chainsaw had only seen a chin that determined before in the gym. No mind. For the good of all, this had to be done. The alternative was untold strife and destruction. Just last week The Master had infiltrated The Cult of Raptor, Pandarian loyalists who were just days away from completing a weapon of mass sheepomation. Their plan had been to detonate it in ARRGH plaza. The Master had put a stop to their plans. Too many had to fall to his lightsaber before they surrendered. The Master hoped it would not come to that again.

Chainsaw: It had to be done, I suppose.

He continued through the narrow, looming streets of the Pandarian quarter, shadows all around. Before long, he came to the stables he sought. Taking his horse from the hulking Pandarian groom, who bowed his head to the Jedi Master in a sign of respect that Chainsaw returned, he mounted up and rode for Castle Pandaria.

Chainsaw: I miss the days when my only concern was picking my first eleven.

Chainsaw rode on toward the Eastern gate, alone save for his thoughts and the echo of his horse's hooves. It seemed that no-one wanted to be on the streets tonight.
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Ipsa



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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ipsa was walking by the house of the professor when she saw the two men, Master Chainsaw and Admiral Azrael, exiting the house. She hastened her step and hurried to the corner, realizing that she should hurry home and finish her work for the night.
Something's up whenever any of those men are involved. Curioser and curioser. I'll think about it later; too much to do...
Ipsa continued walking and eventually reached the little house where she lived.
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Nron



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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 6:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As Nron walks through the bleak night he hears the sound of the manor door opening. Turning he sees Jedi Master Chainsaw and Admiral Azrae exiting the estate. He also catches sight of a woman slipping around the corner.

Hmmmm... Somthings going on. I should go talk to the Professor... but what if Im wrong? He'll kick me out for sure. Sometimes I think id be easier if I had never become a Ninja. speaking of which where did Sean say he wanted me again? Oh yes! The Inn of the Drunken Forum Whore. Well, best stop and see whats going on with that woman first then talk to the Professor so I can get to the Inn before the moon rises. Dont need to be bitten by any werewolves.

As Nron heads back toward the estate, he fails to notice that the thick fog behind him has begun to rise and swirl, forming the shape of a hooded figure carrying a long pole-like object with a curved blade on the end.
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...so I could grab at those loose, flappy leathery parts on her arms and pretend that, together, we are Batman....
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Forumgoer Unavailable



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PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 4:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Without warning, another tear in the fragile fabric of space-time allowed another Generalleutnant REGRET from an alternate reality to burst through the dimensional barrier. He examined his surroundings quickly, searching for whom the mission had been executed. Unfortunately, his calculations had been off by a slight degree, and he had been dropped dead centre in the middle of a deep, dark forest. The individual he needed to converse with so urgently was nowhere in sight. He did, however, spot a group of mushrooms, and being highly inebriated at that time, mistook them for his colleagues from the Militärstützpunkt.

Meine Freunde! yelped the clearly distrubed individual. Passen Sie auf! Für gibt es schlechte Übersetzung ungefähr!

Unfortunately for the denizens of this particular plane of existence, a small device on REGRET's lapel began blinking rapidly. He may have been able to prevent his own demise, had he noticed the silent warning seconds earlier. As the case was, he had not, and his space-time equalizer created a tiny singularity, sucking the unfortunate Generalleutnant through a powerful vortex no bigger than a pinhead. His urgent message would go unheard.
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Crotchfire



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PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2008 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unbeknownst to our REGRETful friend, but now beknownst to us that vortex in the forest had a most peculiar side effect. Out from the fifth-dimensional Riemann manifolds comes a particular stringlike vibration. Casual onlookers might perceive something out of the ordinary, but not for any visual or auditory reason... until there's a distinctive *pluck* sound, not unlike that made by a pizzicato cello in the process of disintegrating... and there he is.

A lean man of average height wearing carpenter jeans, a hoodie, and running sneakers. His face is dashingly roguish, framed by a well-maintained beard and freshly-cut short brown hair.

He's seated in a metal folding chair, with half of a card table in front of him. He utters the word
Raise. before that half table collapses on itself. He leaps out of his seat with the words: WHAT THE FUCK?! and stares wildly, confusedly at the forest around him.
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Frost



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PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 5:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn, I'm late to the party...
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Nron



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PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You Know Who wrote:
A lean man of average height wearing carpenter jeans, a hoodie, and running sneakers. His face is dashingly roguish, framed by a well-maintained beard and freshly-cut short brown hair.


So its a Hunter from Left4Dead???
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Digitaaliklosetti wrote:
...so I could grab at those loose, flappy leathery parts on her arms and pretend that, together, we are Batman....
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Aramor



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PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

As Shamus McAramor is walking through the forest, back to his castle in the marshes, a man appears out of thin air, sitting at half a table.

Mysterious man: Raise.

WHAT THE FUCK?!


Shamus quickly grabs the claymore from his back, drops it on the ground, picks it up again and points it at the mysterious man.

Shamus: Ay! Whu are ye?! Where'd ya come from! Why are ye dressed like tha'?! Wha' in tha name of me 3 dead wifes is goin' on here! Talk laddie, lest I skewer ye like a piece o' fine cow!!!
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Crotchfire



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shamus: Ay! Whu are ye?! Where'd ya come from! Why are ye dressed like tha'?! Wha' in tha name of me 3 dead wifes is goin' on here! Talk laddie, lest I skewer ye like a piece o' fine cow!!!

The man spins on the balls of his feet to face the voice, all his muscles taught. For a brief moment the hair on the backs of his hands stands on end and his fingernails seem to elongate... but then he visibly relaxes, seemingly a normal, albeit dashingly handsome, man in his twenties.

Is that a Scottish accent? You don't hear that much in SoCal. I wonder where I am... and why this guy would be casually wearing a two-handed sword.

He holds up his hands, palms facing forward.

Your pardon sir, but do to some recent trouble, saying my name aloud could attract the attention of a very dangerous and malevolent entity, and so I'm unwilling to give you my full name. Just call me CF. Anyway, I was just playing poker with some friends of mine, when they all disappeared and I found myself here. I have no idea how I came to be here... or where here is. I'm not looking for a fight... but trust me, you don't want to push it. Who are you? Where am I? Do you know how I got here? What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?
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