The true story of the Waffle

[Corporal Waffle]

As many of you all know, (and some of you dont) I go by the Name Waffle, even IRL... wired huh?

Origin of the Waffle

Unknown to most of the world, Waffles come from a meteorite which streaks across the sky every time the moon and some guy's left knuckle align (as long as he has a paper cut on his scrotum), causing the tides to screw up and pets to vomit in terror. This phenomenon is known as the Vevlaa Equinox, named after the man who discovered it, Professor-without-education, E. Vevlaa. How it does such a feat baffles the scientific world, and especially men named Erik and Eric, and remains a mystery to this day. The meteors created by this strange occurrence are made completely out of Waffle and tend to land in the Mountains of aLp, therefore they must be recovered by a team of transdimensional wizards who cross the boundaries of space and time to give us these crazy bastards

Waffles are said to be one of the most dangerous things to cook. You can cook it with buttermilk (A.K.A contaminated with poke-mans)or the right way. If you decide to do it the right way, Waffle will taste like crap and eventually kill you in vain of his own taste. This started a war in the 1800's. Why would the right way to cook a Waffle taste like crap? It raged on for 30 years straight....Until the Forums marched in, and took control of the waffle Universe. Some thought it was the end for Waffles...but it was not.

Waffles came to power in a mutiny among Forums, which caused Waffles to replace Vevlaa as the Supreme Ruler and Overlord of All That Is Forum Related (or at least trying to be...). But the Waffle did not stop there. With every bite of Waffle across the world, the Waffle is slowly poisoning the minds of our nations, because of a certain ingredient called 'Plutonium' or something, which eventually will cause a new generation of super mutants, and as a result, Smallville will go on for another ten seasons...

Distinguishing Features of the Waffle

Underwater Waffles is a rare and majestic species.
Waffles are the preferred God of the Ninja, who absolutely hate the Pirates and Pancakes

It is a well-known conspiracy that Pirates actually worship Waffles. This conspiracy vanished after the creator had 2040 pancakes shoved down his throat and other bodily holes. Proving that Waffle is only for Ninja.

Waffles can also be used as a high explosive grenade when combined with the proper amount of butter and sugar. Using a Waffle as a HE Grenade is not for the weak and can cause most people’s heads to explode in a river of molten syrup. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Great Waffles in History

•The end of WWII was brought about by a combination of Waffles, helium, sulfuric acid and angry kittens.

•The largest Waffle ever summoned, called "The Waffle of Infinite Wisdom" ("Das Uberwaffle" in German), was showcased in Brussels in May of 1978. It was estimated that the giant creation was over 30 feet in diameter and consisted of more than a half-ton of light, buttery matter. Advertised as "the Waffle to shame all Waffles," five men on two cherry-pickers were required to coat it with powdered sugar. In order to summon the gigantic ‘Waffle, flamethrowers were carefully utilized. Six children died in the incident, four from the flamethrowers and two as sacrifice to appease the mighty Waffle.

•It has been said on many occasions that the first prototype Waffle (or 'Waffle2k', as she was known), was the most loyal of all Waffles, but in time she too sank into obscurity.

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Ok, i used most stuff from Uncyclopedia, but i thought the result were ok
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[Simon_Says]

"Completely superfluous and absurd" doesn't quite cut it.
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[Carlo Sandiego]

BELGIAN WAFFLE BARRAGE!!! DUCK AND COVER!!
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Why must the government repress our god-given right to no pants?

[angelusraptor]

[Simon_Says]

That works.
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