Doom: The Movie - SPOILERS AHOY!

[Simon_Says]

So I got to see the Doom movie. The movie can be summed up in one sentence: It met my low expectations.

Here be my review and critism:

Hell, Demons, and Angels
I was absolutely flabbergasted when I realized that, although there is heavy emphasis through dialogue, there was no hell, or any religious emphasis whatsoever other than in dialogue. All the monsters were genetic mutations of normal people (who would first enter a zombie phase before fully converting). There were no supernatural powers, only "chromosome 24", which enhances human physical characteristics based on their natural good/evil inclinations (bad people turn to monsters, good people become super-human.).

id Games had the balls enough to release to the public a religiously sensitive game, so why didn't Hollywood? Perhaps because the producers thought that, because it's a popular knowledge that all videogame-based-movies suck, the monetary return from the movie would be quite low, thus they had to cut the budget (their predictions were correct as there were less than 10 people in the theater I was in). Hellish matter in the movie would add to the price-tag considerably.

However the decision to switch the source of the monsters to a more aethietic viewpoint ultimately rejects the audience whom the movie was designed to be built for. No one can see doom without some background knowledge of the game, same as the Harry Potter films are best enjoyed after reading the books. Here we have a scenario of the primary audience, the doom players, coming into the theater anxious to see awesome representations of zombies, demons, and hell, only to have those expectations thrown in there faces after being slapped silly after cruel fore-shadowing that only fueled the gamers expectations.

These gamers would naturally be aware that, according to the game universe, souls, demons, and the supernatural all exist. I find it quite insulting that the big revelation of how chromosome 24 works, is that the recipients genetic profile determines if they become an angel or a demon. Ouch, doom's unofficial tag line: --Science, meet Religion--, has just been thrown out the window.

It's extremely curious how, when the producers felt that including hell would be isolating the audience down to Christians and similar faiths, they isolate practically every religious group on earth by presenting atheist material. Guess a bad person is bad because he has the bad gene. What’s worse that almost every character in the movie spouts something along the lines of "Oh My God", "Jesus Christ", or "Go to Hell". Cool references to the games? It would be cooler if the monsters were actually from hell.

/technobabble
I have already explained how the monsters were not the result of teleportation experiments gone bad, but rather they were lab rats gone wild. This unfaithfulness to the game material extends further. Instead of typical spacecraft to bring our heros/villlains to Mars, they use, *gasp* a teleportation laboratory. Fuck me, the film The Running Man is arguably more faithful to its source than this movie.

Claims to how movie sets were designed based on in-game locations seem muffled when you actually see the movie. I recognized no areas in the movie, except perhaps the bathroom. Perhaps because the movie version of the UAC Mars City is radically more different than the doom 3 version.

Here we don't have Alpha Labs, Delta Labs, etc. We got 'archeology digs', 'weapons', 'genetics', 'sewers', and some other place I forgot the name of. The facility, according to a brief view of the maps, shows that it is waaay smaller than the game version. This is supported by the extreme rapidity the members of the RROT (or whatever it was called) were able to get from one location to the next. There were also problems with distinguishing the two Arc stations. They looked exactly the same.

To add to all this, none of the weapons from the games were featured. The pistol may be the only exception, but who cares about the pea shooter? The rifles look nothing like either the mg, the chaingun bears only superficial resemblance (and you can't really notice it), no shotgun, no rocket launcher, grenades are a plot device. Here's the biggy: The BFG: a.k.a. "Bio-force Gun" (they couldn't think of a better name?). This thing isn't the beautiful toy of destruction, the ultimate mobile defense turret we all know and love from the game. The movie BFG is... *wait for it*... an oversized and supped up plasma rifle. Cool fx, a hole in the wall a meter in diameter, not much else. A tame beast if you ask me.

This one may be pushing it, but it's important: During the entire movie, every gun minus pistols have flashlights integrated. Jesus. The source of the demons sodomized, the weapons twisted, and we have to put up with this? Jesus Christ it would be less sick and demented if I started to sell TCOEDAEFTB underwear.

Little Red Dudes
The monsters themselves, as I have noted earlier, were limited in number. The imps, hellknights, and the pinky demon are the only bad boys to come into the movie. Zombies being thrown in for kicks (though they're introduced after the 'demons' (for lack of better name)). I guess they were severely limited, but still. The demons look like... well... mutant humans with their skin ripped off, bigger teeth, and nastier breath.

The imp does have multiple eyes, is lithe in figure, but the athletic monkeys in doom 3 are gone. These guys don't climb the walls (except when waiting for ambush it seems). The only thing that makes them really cool is that they look uglier.

The hell knight is, get this: little tougher than the imp. He's bigger, badder, stronger. But he doesn't have skin as well. But it takes a few rounds to take him down. What happened to seriously rocking it on with a chaingun? Sure, he survived a hell lot of clubbing, electrocuting, and a few pistol shots, but dude only a few rifle rounds?

The pinky made a mildly disappointing appearance. A short five-minute (I think even shorter) appearance. However it put up one hell of a fight. It got chainsawed, and chainsawed, and chainsawed... Jesus it took forever to take it down. But why did 'Pinky' transform into a pinky demon and not a hellknight on wheels? Dunno, guess they had to add it to attract unsuspecting gamers by the commercial. Sadness indeed.

Enough with Comparing the Movie to the Game. How was the movie
From a standpoint when not comparing the movie to the game, Doom was an on-par action flick. The first half was truly interesting, and I actually had high hopes for a while until things went downhill. The tense section on Mars was good in its own right. The moment when the dude gets stuck in a hole in the sewers was a genuine surprise when there wasn't a demon. The going back-and-forth between section of the facility made a fairly exciting act. The horror elements were very thoughtfully placed, and thank god the movie didn't restrain the gore.

However the events of chromosome 24's revelation and Sarge suddenly turning evil (for explanation: first he urges his friend Grimm not to go with them, and to take his leave, then he shoots a goodhearted kid and proceeds to order everyone else to shoot the rest. One of the biggest wtf moments I have ever seen.) the movie really degrades. Here the tense horror and story is dropped and makes way for pure muscle-headed action. Reaper is wounded, and forcibly becomes an angel-figure after injection of chromosome 24 (I might add this: why the fuck do aliens need to have the same number of chromosomes, let alone have chromosomes in our understanding?).

The first-person sequence was genuinely interesting, nay, awesome. This part is what sets the movie from the rest: Those five to ten glorious minutes sitting behind Reaper's sights watching the ensuing chaos. The zombie moments when they sneak up on Grimm were fine humor as well.

The final fight between Sarge and Reaper was... disappointing to say the least. Here, right after the Oscar scene of action glory in first-person, we have to have the action flick cliché: two good friends turning against each other, each taking turns kicking each others ass.

The characters were decently made and were interesting to watch. The squad members were classical genre archetypes (yon wimpy puppy, madman, the guy who actually went to church etc.), but they were interesting to watch nonetheless.

About Samantha Grimm, one sentence: I'd like to have Rosamund Pike any night.

AZZIZ! LIGHT!
The graphic and auditory presentation was absolutely middlin. It's got gore, blood, guts, chainsaws... Beautiful stuff. Bon Appétit. Gun fire, explosions, BFG shots, damn fine shit. Monster hisses? Check. Monster roars? Check. Monster growls? Check. Drip? BANG? Ratatatat? Check.

Why middlin? Just like the game: It's too fucking dark! I want to see these motherfuckers Andrzej! The game was bad enough! (This comment should be taken lightly as the possible intent of the crappy lighting in the game was to piss of the player that much more to scare them that much easier).

The Panda Samurai's Final Verdict
A decent action movie, but...

[angelusraptor]

i see. knowing what good games the Doom series is (though never trying them before), i was interested when the movie came out.

but question: would you rather have rented the DVD for this or should i just watch the movie?
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Certified Evil Bastard. Serving your cuppa at Starbucks Terminal One Arrival Hall, Singapore. The one who started Premium Evil's tea.

[Simon_Says]

Rent the dvd, on a tuesday, about 12 months from now or more.
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[angelusraptor]

Tuesday huh? alright... right after Buffy and Alias.
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Certified Evil Bastard. Serving your cuppa at Starbucks Terminal One Arrival Hall, Singapore. The one who started Premium Evil's tea.

[Frost]

I thoroughly enjoyed myself when I saw the movie, however, I agree with most of what you say. There should be hell, there should be demons (lots of demons! I wanted to see the cacodemon, the mancubus, archvile, pentagrams and upside down crosses,... the FUCKING CYBERDEMON!), and there should be less cliche moments. But like I said, all and all, it was good movie. Just not as good as it could (and should) have been.
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You forget one thing: rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock... and
scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
bring me a rock.
-- Zapp Brannigan

[HAVOK ALWAYS]

Im so not going to see this. Hey in pcgamer they showed a flamethrower is there 1?
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CRY HAVOK and let slip the DOGS of WARRRRR. There is nothing to fear but FEAR itself.What dose not kill you makes you stronger.

[Frost]

I dont think so...
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You forget one thing: rock crushes scissors. But paper covers rock... and
scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
bring me a rock.
-- Zapp Brannigan

[HeX]

All elements of the game that they missed aside: I thought it was pretty sweet. The Rock taking the plasma rifle with a simple "Fuck Yeah". The video game sequence near the end. the shock of realizing : Holy Crap! the Rock's not the good guy but the BAD guy! the only part I didn't like was when turned into 'Land of the Dead meets The Matrix'
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"If I say get me a large hazlenut coffee with no sucky undertaste, you say "Yes sir." and do it!
If I say go shoot yourself in the head, you say 'yes, sir' and do it!"

[amyltrer]

I was a bit asleep during the movie, but the game really deserves more than a "meh" qualificative. It has some nice graphics, and tangled maps, and took me 4 days(6 hours per day without invincibility cods) to finish it.

Well I didn't really finished it. How can the last monster be killed (that giant red thing at the last level in hell)? Or he can't die and that's all?

[Kurosaki Ichigo]

I gave it a 'Not bad'. Basically because they used The Rock, and added his trademark flip up from wrestling. The ending fight scene reminded me of WWF. Which isn't a good thing.
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[Simon_Says]

[amyltrer]

[Simon_Says]

Soulcube? You got it in hell remember? You're telling me you got all the way through the game without the soulcube?

/salute
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[Crotchfire]

You could have summed up the entire movie for the doom fans like this:

No cyberdemon.
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The official MILF-masta of the AlP forums.
In addition to my well-documented exploits, my first two initials are MF. Seriously, I'm not making that up.

[Azrael]

That movie was disappointing!!!!
They weren't even demons, they were mutants!
The marines didn't even look like the ones from the game!
WTF is with the chromosome 24 thing?! Don't remember that from the game!
The Hellknigth never used a chainsaw!!
But the ending was cool, like the one from the first game, or was it the 2nd. But still, SEQUEL!

4/10

DEMON?
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Only the strongest will survive.

Married to SpideyGirl.

[amyltrer]

[Simon_Says]

Well, go back and get it.
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[Digitaaliklosetti]

Heh.

He told you to go to hell.
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bitchez n hose

[amyltrer]

[Aramor]

Will Jesus join amyltrer in hell? Will omfgpie be able to create a bigger picture of himself? Will Khushi be confused if everybody switches profiles with someone else? Will I ever reach 5000 posts? Will anybody care? Will I ever stop with these questions? Will I ever care? Will Will Rock rock?

More questions asked soon!
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[Crotchfire]

Something Amyltrer said made me realize that she isn't near the end of the game at all.

You're up against that big blind demon who has seekers, I'm guessing.

Notice how whenever you kill those flying things, the big-ass fucker pauses to spawn some more?

When he pauses to spawn more, and he makes that glowing shit above him, you need to shoot the glowing shit. You'll know if you do it right if it turns from blue to red.
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The official MILF-masta of the AlP forums.
In addition to my well-documented exploits, my first two initials are MF. Seriously, I'm not making that up.

[Aramor]

That should've been in Fallout...

You are severely radiated. You're pooping out glowing shit. I'd suggest you take some Rad-Away or fight a Deathclaw with a piperifle.
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[Digitaaliklosetti]

[Aramor]

Dude, what level were you at? I mean, I barely managed to wipe out the Deathclaws in the Boneyard with my .223 pistol and Tycho, Katia and Dogmeat backing me up...

It was fun to crush the eggs with a sledge though
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[Satan Crime Wash]

You pansy. Just shoot 'em in the eyes with the sniper rifle. Only the mother presents any sort of challenge.
Edit: I punched the eggs to death with spiked knux for that personal touch.
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