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Munchkin
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 Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:44 am Post subject: 101 rules of Heathen/Folk-metal |
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101 rules of Heathen/Folk-metal
1. Be “Folkish”
2. Be “mythical”
3. Tune your violin only once…
4. ...ever!
5. Accordion is folkish
6. Thor is your mentor!
7. Polka is funny, not stupid.
8. If you can, be Finntroll…
9. If you can’t be Finntroll…. Be Moonsorrow.
10. On second thought, if you can’t be, don’t try to copy! …you just can’t!
11. Beer is “folkish”
12. Only mushrooms do as drugs… nothing else!
13. Look like a troll
14. …at least on stage
15. All “Folk”-metal albums shall at least feature on song about Trolls!
16. Only drink beer or mjød from a horn
17. Always walk once a day in the woods…
18. Need inspiration? Walk in woods…
19. Gåte is NOT heathen…
20. nor is a unicorn..
21. Look angry…
22. Be angry…
23. If not angry, play your guitar…
24. Always feature a “same-joik” on your album
25. Draw your own album covers…
26. ...should be inspired by Kittelsen or other “true” troll-fathers!
27. If you can’t draw…learn!
28. Every band must have at least ONE drinking-song on each album! Not optional!
29. Always relate to Vikings
30. Lyrics must to be “mythical”…and “Nordic”… Always!
31. Own a hammer… a BIG one!
32. If you can’t get a hammer, get a sword… a BIG one!
33. ...not a gay sword.
34. With other words… don’t be Rhapsody!
35. Read Folk-lore daily.
36. Religion is a sin, every last one of them.
37. Have stage-names like: “Trollhorn”, “Thundra”, “Nitrist” and all names including “grim” will do.
38. go by the names in your daily life to…
39. If you need a real job, work in the kindergarten. Kids respect trolls!
40. Remember… only Norway is the “true” home of the trolls…
41. Be from Norway…
42. if you’re not, say you are…
43. not optional.
44. other Nordic lands will also do, but always say you have relatives from Norway…
45. Regarding rule #44 that’s cool.
46. Be in at least 2 “Heathen/Folk”-metal bands.
47. Arrange drinking trips to your cottage with other band members weekly!
48. Touring is drinking…
49. Even in Japan.
50. See rule #8
51. Wear clothes that blends with nature…
52. but don’t over-do it! You’re not an Ent!
53. See rule #11
54. War-paint is good, but don’t make it look like it’s been painted on…
55. “Blood” will also do…
56. Look as if you come straight from the battle field
57. at least on stage!
58. go hunting just for food…not for fun!
59. shopping is not “folkish” or “mythical”
60. see rules #1 to #59
61. Natur-sounds is a good way to kick off the album…
62. Howling wolves sounds good, but not if you try to imitate!
63. acoustic instruments are ok… but don’t over-do it.
64. Make an acoustic album.
65. If you don’t have a mouth-harp, go back to your day job!
66. Mouth-harps are a must!
67. Always think about rule #19 & #20
68. Always stick to your native language!
69. even if you’re Italian or Spanish… Latin may also do…
70. Don’t start a “heathen/folk” metal band in USA…
71. because you’re not “folkish” enough!
72. Don’t hesitate to growl. GRRRAAWW!!!
73. A female vocal may be cool, but not Tarja!
74. …do ask her though, but tell her it was a joke afterwards!
75. Orcs are NOT “folkish”… but still cool… because their ugly.
76. All in your band should be ugly!
77. Even the women, if you have any…
78. Villages is always a cool thing, but not castles… see rule #34
79. The nearest you come to “folkish” in Tolkien’s world is “Gimli”!
80. Hence, do grow a beard!
81. Never shave… any part of your body!
82. Norway is a small country, only room for trolls!
83. Don’t come unless you look like one!
84. Drink a beer, as we salute the end of Gåte!
85. See rule #19 & #20
86. Don’t be positive.
87. Don’t be open minded.
88. Go here: http://www.moonsorrow.com/2005/mainpage.html -> FAQ -> Concerning Mead
89. see rule #16
90. Pagan’s Mind is not “Heathen”, don’t be Pagan’s Mind! But be Pagan minded!
91. The forest rules!
92. Regarding rule #91 …even Elk-drops!
93. On stage… use antlers as a part of your outfit!
94. Spit a lot, but not while consuming beer or mjød.
95. Barfing is “folkish”
96. On second thought… screw rule #95
97. Screw Gåte… and Pagan’s Mind.
98. Comment to rule #90: Your band name must relate to your music! Or genre!
99. Use a choir to shout “HEY!” at least twice on your album.
100. You’re allowed to use a synth, but make it sound authentic!
101. Swing the Trollhammer and repeat the rules!
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Munan
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:22 am Post subject: |
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Does anyone care?
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AAATripper
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Posts: 1085
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere...
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:02 pm Post subject: |
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/ditto
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Simon_Says
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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Aramor
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Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 14131
Location: On a cyborg unicorn pony!
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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Must... resist... making... comment... about the fact... he's coming... from... germany... which would explain... the lameness of... this topic...
Oh crap, I think I just did...
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| Photoshopperholic wrote: | | Mighty Lord Aramor |
Fail of the day:
| Syn wrote: | | your balls didn't get suck |
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Satan Crime Wash
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Joined: 05 Sep 2005
Posts: 1980
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Simon_Says wrote: | |
I can't imagine who that might be.
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Ipsa
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Joined: 25 Aug 2005
Posts: 1631
Location: Wherever God takes me.
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:47 am Post subject: |
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Sure as hell isn't me.
[whine]It's too long to read.[/whine]
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Corporal Waffle
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Location: Waffle bells. Waffle bells. Waffles all the way...
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:50 am Post subject: Re: 101 rules of Heathen/Folk-metal |
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| Munchkin wrote: | 101 rules of Heathen/Folk-metal
1. Be “Folkish”
2. Be “mythical”
3. Tune your violin only once…
4. ...ever!
5. Accordion is folkish
6. Thor is your mentor!
7. Polka is funny, not stupid.
8. If you can, be Finntroll…
9. If you can’t be Finntroll…. Be Moonsorrow.
10. On second thought, if you can’t be, don’t try to copy! …you just can’t!
11. Beer is “folkish”
12. Only mushrooms do as drugs… nothing else!
13. Look like a troll
14. …at least on stage
15. All “Folk”-metal albums shall at least feature on song about Trolls!
16. Only drink beer or mjød from a horn
17. Always walk once a day in the woods…
18. Need inspiration? Walk in woods…
19. Gåte is NOT heathen…
20. nor is a unicorn..
21. Look angry…
22. Be angry…
23. If not angry, play your guitar…
24. Always feature a “same-joik” on your album
25. Draw your own album covers…
26. ...should be inspired by Kittelsen or other “true” troll-fathers!
27. If you can’t draw…learn!
28. Every band must have at least ONE drinking-song on each album! Not optional!
29. Always relate to Vikings
30. Lyrics must to be “mythical”…and “Nordic”… Always!
31. Own a hammer… a BIG one!
32. If you can’t get a hammer, get a sword… a BIG one!
33. ...not a gay sword.
34. With other words… don’t be Rhapsody!
35. Read Folk-lore daily.
36. Religion is a sin, every last one of them.
37. Have stage-names like: “Trollhorn”, “Thundra”, “Nitrist” and all names including “grim” will do.
38. go by the names in your daily life to…
39. If you need a real job, work in the kindergarten. Kids respect trolls!
40. Remember… only Norway is the “true” home of the trolls…
41. Be from Norway…
42. if you’re not, say you are…
43. not optional.
44. other Nordic lands will also do, but always say you have relatives from Norway…
45. Regarding rule #44 that’s cool.
46. Be in at least 2 “Heathen/Folk”-metal bands.
47. Arrange drinking trips to your cottage with other band members weekly!
48. Touring is drinking…
49. Even in Japan.
50. See rule #8
51. Wear clothes that blends with nature…
52. but don’t over-do it! You’re not an Ent!
53. See rule #11
54. War-paint is good, but don’t make it look like it’s been painted on…
55. “Blood” will also do…
56. Look as if you come straight from the battle field
57. at least on stage!
58. go hunting just for food…not for fun!
59. shopping is not “folkish” or “mythical”
60. see rules #1 to #59
61. Natur-sounds is a good way to kick off the album…
62. Howling wolves sounds good, but not if you try to imitate!
63. acoustic instruments are ok… but don’t over-do it.
64. Make an acoustic album.
65. If you don’t have a mouth-harp, go back to your day job!
66. Mouth-harps are a must!
67. Always think about rule #19 & #20
68. Always stick to your native language!
69. even if you’re Italian or Spanish… Latin may also do…
70. Don’t start a “heathen/folk” metal band in USA…
71. because you’re not “folkish” enough!
72. Don’t hesitate to growl. GRRRAAWW!!!
73. A female vocal may be cool, but not Tarja!
74. …do ask her though, but tell her it was a joke afterwards!
75. Orcs are NOT “folkish”… but still cool… because their ugly.
76. All in your band should be ugly!
77. Even the women, if you have any…
78. Villages is always a cool thing, but not castles… see rule #34
79. The nearest you come to “folkish” in Tolkien’s world is “Gimli”!
80. Hence, do grow a beard!
81. Never shave… any part of your body!
82. Norway is a small country, only room for trolls!
83. Don’t come unless you look like one!
84. Drink a beer, as we salute the end of Gåte!
85. See rule #19 & #20
86. Don’t be positive.
87. Don’t be open minded.
88. Go here: http://www.moonsorrow.com/2005/mainpage.html -> FAQ -> Concerning Mead
89. see rule #16
90. Pagan’s Mind is not “Heathen”, don’t be Pagan’s Mind! But be Pagan minded!
91. The forest rules!
92. Regarding rule #91 …even Elk-drops!
93. On stage… use antlers as a part of your outfit!
94. Spit a lot, but not while consuming beer or mjød.
95. Barfing is “folkish”
96. On second thought… screw rule #95
97. Screw Gåte… and Pagan’s Mind.
98. Comment to rule #90: Your band name must relate to your music! Or genre!
99. Use a choir to shout “HEY!” at least twice on your album.
100. You’re allowed to use a synth, but make it sound authentic!
101. Swing the Trollhammer and repeat the rules! |
YEY COULD BE ME!!!!
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| munan wrote: | | Vevlaa, for fuck's sake, edit your damn post!! |
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Munchkin
Gender:
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 25
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 3:12 am Post subject: |
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| Aramor wrote: | Must... resist... making... comment... about the fact... he's coming... from... germany... which would explain... the lameness of... this topic...
Oh crap, I think I just did... |
Groan... Why don't you stop bitchin, just because you have to compensate for your shitty result at the last Soccer World Cup.... oh, wait a minute... You didn't even qualify....
_________________
If everybody likes it, it must suck
If you've got no enemies, your're worthless
If you agree with me, you're cool as fuck |
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Munan
Moderator
Gender:
Joined: 30 May 2005
Posts: 3232
Location: Living on my own
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 4:45 am Post subject: |
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| Aramor wrote: | he's coming... from... germany... which would explain... the lameness of... this topic...
|
Again, don't go there, young man! It's lame.
This'll do if you're in that mood:
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The Justified Ancient of Mu Mu |
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Munchkin
Gender:
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 25
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:25 am Post subject: |
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Nah, I rather face people like him. If you don't show them where the line is drawn, they'll run their mouth forever. And I'm not in a mood for something like that
_________________
If everybody likes it, it must suck
If you've got no enemies, your're worthless
If you agree with me, you're cool as fuck |
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Digitaaliklosetti
Gender:
Joined: 19 Apr 2005
Posts: 1850
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:59 am Post subject: |
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Sadly enough, I know exactly what you're talking about there.
Or, well...
Whoever originally wrote that thing
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bitchez n hose |
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