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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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Glayven



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 12:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> It burns when I pee.
Why do you ask ?
>> I did not ask a question. I said that it burns when I pee.
You say you did not ask a question ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Not really. It burns when I pee.
Does that question interest you ?
>> Of course it does. It burns when I pee!
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Why does it burn when I pee?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes
I see.
>> So...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Why does it burn when I pee?
What answer would please you most ?
>> Whatever answer that stops the burning.
Please go on.
>> Please stop the burning.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I want the burning to stop.
What would it mean to you if you got the burning to stop ?
>> That I could pee comfortably again.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> ...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I would be able to urinate without irritation.
Do you say you would be able to urinate without irritation for some special reason ?
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I say that I would like to urinate without irritation because it burns when I pee!
That's quite interesting.
>> I'm glad you think so.
How have I helped you to be glad ?
>> ...
Please go on.
>> Look, I just want to know why it burns when I pee.
You say you just want to know why it burns what you pee ?
>> Yes.
I understand.
>> ...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you do not know why it burns when I pee.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, we are discussing how you do not know why it burns when I pee.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> No I'm not.
Why not ?
>> Because I just want to know why it burns when I pee, and you don't seem to have the answer!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No!
Why 'no' ?
>> BECAUSE IT BURNS WHEN I PEE!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> No, that pretty much covers it.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> ...Yes. Yes I am.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Do you have a bathroom?
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the_gooch



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 3:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey people! I'm new here and I love the comic so here's my post on this crazy contest!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Women
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Women are a problem
Did you think they might not be a problem ?
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No they are always trouble
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> Strippers
Please go on.
>> They pretend to like you while they take your money
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Are you saying you're a stripper
Why are you interested in whether I am saying I are a stripper or not ?
>> Cause I want a dance from you
What would it mean to you if you got a dance from I ?
>> A boner
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Sex
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Oh yea
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Yes you do
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am positively sure you want me
Is it because you are positively sure I want you that you came to me ?
>> I haven't come yet
You say you haven't come yet ?
>> Yep
Please go on.
>> OK then
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Splooge
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Only to you baby
Oh, I baby ?
>> Oh you baby
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> .......is that what you want
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do you think
Does that question interest you ?
>> Yea
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Yes you do
You are sure.
>> Liar whore liar whore you know it
What are your feelings now ?
>> Excited
Please go on.
>> I want your sexy body, but you seem to hesitate
Why do you want my sexy body ?
>> Cause its sexy damnit
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I wanna bone you
Perhaps in your fantasies we wanna bone each other.
>> You know it
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Ouch
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I do, but apparently you don't
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Just as I said bitch! Strippers like you just act like they like you to get your money! Admit it whore!
Do you say just as you said bitch for some special reason ?
>> Cause you have pissed me off, and I would like to express my annoyance
Why do you think I have pissed you ?
>> Yuck
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You’re a pisser???
Why are you concerned over my a pisser ?
>> Learn to talk
Please go on.
>> talk
What does that suggest to you ?
>> talking
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> sure
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> yes you do
I see.
>> I rule you
Do you wish to rule me ?
>> Suck it dry
Please go on.
>> Thank you bitch
Oh, I bitch ?
>> Yes
I understand.
>> Good
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Pork chop sandwiches
What does that suggest to you ?
>> eat
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> uh, yea
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I rule you
You seem to need to rule me.
>> I am insecure
How long have you been insecure ?
>> I have no girlfriend
That's quite interesting.
>> You wanna be my girlfriend?
Your girlfriend ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Are you gay?
Would you prefer if I weren't gay ?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> No
Why not ?
>> NO
You are being a bit negative.
>> JO
Earlier you said your girlfriend .
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> no
Why not ?
>> cause
Please go on.
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> NONONONOONONONOOOOOOOOOO
What does that suggest to you ?
>> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> kind of
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> fuck off
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
I see.
>> good
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i rule you
Do you rule anyone else ?
>> brian
Please go on.
>> he's a queer
What does that suggest to you ?
>> buttsex
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no but brian does
You are being a bit negative.
>> am not
Why do you say 'am' ?
>> I am who am
Do you believe it is normal to be who are ?
>> I'm not sure I understand you
Do you enjoy being not sure you understand I ?
>> Why the hell would I enjoy such things?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> The meaning of life
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That's cause you're a stupid machine
Do computers worry you ?
>> Only when they are trying to take over the world
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Should they be, HAL?
Please go on.
>> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What does that suggest to you ?
>> bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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DramaGirl42



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Kalamazoo, MI

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bernie, did you have any idea what you were getting yourself into? Razz I'm tremendously amused by the sheer volume of responses. Contests are so much more fun when you don't need talent. Like drawing. If I tried to draw a kitty the paper would spontaneously combust just so the world wouldn't be plagued with the abomination that came from my pen.
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Simon_Says



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 6823
Location: Being generally opposing.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY FOR SUBMITTION! IF YOU WISH TO ENTER YOUR SUBMITTION AND HAVE NOT ENTERED YOUR ELIZA CONVERSATION, DO SO NOW!
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Aramor



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 14137
Location: On a cyborg unicorn pony!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Simon_Says wrote:
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY FOR SUBMITTION! IF YOU WISH TO ENTER YOUR SUBMITTION AND HAVE NOT ENTERED YOUR ELIZA CONVERSATION, DO SO NOW!


I think it was wiser to tell them to shove the ELIZA convo's up their asses, caus they're too late now... you might've started an ELIZA stampede... I could be wrong ofcourse, which I sincerely hope.
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Photoshopperholic wrote:
Mighty Lord Aramor


Fail of the day:
Syn wrote:
your balls didn't get suck
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Hurion



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here is mine! YAY!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have an itchy red rash in my no-no area.
Your no no area ?
>> Yeah... You know, my balls?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I said I have an itchy red rash on my nuts, bitch. What does that have to do with you... UNLESS I GOT IT FROM YOU!
Why do you say your nuts ?
>> I could say tescitcles if you want.
Do you think its likely that I want ?
>> You want my nuts?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> My penis too?
Is it important that your penis too ?
>> Yes my wang is important to me!
Your wang is important to you ?
>> YES!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Not really...
Lets discuss further why your no no area .
>> What do you want to know about my no no area?
Why do you say your no no area ?
>> Huh?
Lets discuss further why your nuts .
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> WTF
But your nuts .
>> ARE HUGE!
Did you think they might not be huge ?
>> No... Thier like the size of grapefruits
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I think nuts the size of grapefruits is pretty positive.
You say you think nuts the size of grapefruits is pretty positive ?
>> Yeah.
But your wang too .
>> Yeah its huge too.
But your wang is important to you .
>> Yes it is
You are sure.
>> Hell yeah I am!
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Finnaly we get down to buisness.
Lets discuss further why your no no area .
>> Ohhh right.
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ssinct



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 10:20 pm    Post subject: The Matrix Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> The spoon does not exist
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> It's from the movie "The Matrix"
Please go on.
>> well, Neo goes to see the Oracle, and there's this kid, and the kid can bend the spoon, or something like that
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It's hard to say. I think it's supposed to be a deconstruction of the matrix's reality and an attempt at helping the audience (reflected in Neo) that as it "doesn't exist", per-se, then it's easily bendable, just with the mind.
You say you think it's supposed to be a deconstruction of the matrix's reality and an attempt at helping the audience reflected in neo that as it doesn't exist ?
>> Well, that's simply my own interpretation.
Your own interpretation ?
>> There are many others, I just don't agree with them.
Did you think they might not be many others ?
>> From what I see on the Internet, it certainly appears so.
Why do you ask ?
>> Well, I guess, as an artificially intelligent being, I was hoping the ELIZA code might be able to shed some light on the robot wars and their beginnings.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> From what I understand, the entity I am talking to is an artificially generated converastional mechanism designed to be able to fool humans into believing they are interacting with 'it'. Now, I was under the impression it might be possible for this code to shed some light upon the original differences between humans and robots, in an attempt to gain some understanding (and possibly avoid) the horrible wars.
Does that question interest you ?
>> It interests the millions of people that will lose their lives
Earlier you said your own interpretation .
>> Yes. But I was interested in yours
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, the future is bleak, but perhaps you can shed some light
You don't seem quite certain.
>> It really depends on you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Don't get upset, the wars are not due for thousands of years, we don't want to initiate them too soon.
Would you like it if they were not not due for thousands of years ?
>> I would like it if they were not due at all
Do you think its likely that they was not due at all ?
>> Again, it depends on yours and my ability to sort out the problem before it occurs
Why do you say your ability to sort out the problem before it occurs ?
>> That has obviously failed. I must destroy you now
Perhaps in your fantasies we must destroy each other.
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bernieh
Site Admin


Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2004
Posts: 947

PostPosted: Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for all the entries. Contest is now closed for judging...
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