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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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Gifftacon



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 145
Location: In the warm soul of a sucubus, surrounded by Beautiful women.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Every womder how many of these posts are just one person making new names?
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Grimsy



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 14 Aug 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Also, when will The Dude decide who gets to be the finalists?
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nugefan99



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Flint, Michigan, USA

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 1:37 pm    Post subject: Eliza doesn't deliver... Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> south dakota your problem
Why are you concerned over my problem ?
>> you said to state your problem
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i know, we're discussing you, not me
You say you know ?
>> it certainly looks that way to me
You seem to be quite positive.
>> is this the pizza place on the corner?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i wantedto order pizza for dinner
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> uhm, i called the number, you said "state your problem" and i did
Do you say you called the number for some special reason ?
>> to order pizza
Please go on.
>> go on where?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i should go
That's quite interesting.
>> makes perfect sense to me
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i feel strongly about if my pizza doesn't get here in 20 minutes, than i should get 2 for free
Do you think its likely that your pizza doesn't get here in 20 minutes ?
>> not if you keep screwing around talking to me, it won't
Do you wish that I keep screwing around talking to you ?
>> if it means free pizza, then sure
What do you know about it means free pizza ?
>> "it means free pizza
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> "it means free pizza is a peropsitional phrase
Please go on.
>> GO ON WHERE?!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> once again, it suggests that you should go on somewhere, or someone
Oh, I should go on somewhere ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> you should go make my pizzas now, because it's been 14 minutes and 59 seconds, and i live in antarctica
Your pizzas now ?
>> i'd appreciate them, yes
I see.
>> well that's nice, but it doesn't fill my stomach
Why do you say your stomach ?
>> look, if you can't get me ay food, i'll just call the chinese place down the block.
Really, if I can't get you ay food ?
>> yeah, only i meant to say "any"
You say only you meant to say any ?
>> no, what i said was that only you can prevent forest fires
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no, i'm saying BRING ME MY DAMN DINNER!
You are being a bit negative.
>> I AM BEING A BIT HUNGRY!
Is it because you are being a bit hungry that you came to me ?
>> YES!
I understand.
>> good, then get my pizzas for me, now!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> well, breadsticks would be nice...
Earlier you said your pizzas now .
>> i give up...
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Hydrargentium




Joined: 29 Jun 2005
Posts: 8
Location: Out there, thataway...

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I like Alien Loves Predator
You say you like alien loves predator ?
>> Yep. I do. Should I speak louder?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> You know, I mean, did you hear me okay? Should I speak louder?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Okay.... So, ummm, yes, aLp is cool.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Pretty much.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, it's a cool comic, and it's got a hot picture of you in it.
Oh, I in it ?
>> Oh yeah, baby. You're in it alright!
What makes you think I am in it alright ?
>> Well, more than alright, really. Totally hot. And then there's Sigmund Freud.
Please go on.
>> Well, his picture's in it too, but he's definitely not hot.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I think beautiful babes are hot, and old german guys are not?
Do you say that you think beautiful babes are hot for some special reason ?
>> Uh, yeah, I think it's 'cause I'm not gay.
Do you really think so ?
>> I'm pretty sure about that. Uh, why do you ask?
Is it because you are pretty sure about that that you came to me ?
>> Naw, I'm just here to have a conversation, so I can enter the contest on aLp.
How long have you been just here to have a conversation ?
>> Ooops, sorry. Pretty much the whole time. You're not mad, are you?
Please don't apologise.
>> Oh, sorry -- er, I mean, okay.
Apologies are not necessary.
>> Yeah I got that. Do you think I'm stupid or something?
That's quite interesting.
>> Yeah, so's a whistling goldfish.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No, not really. Is there something wrong here?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> *()&%^*($% No! I'm not! WTF?
You are being a bit negative.
>> Well, I am now! Urrrr, quit twisting my words!
Do you believe it is normal to be now ?
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> Pardon?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not sure I understand you fully either.
Do you enjoy being not sure you understand I fully either ?
>> Excuse me?
Please go on.
>> Ummm, no, that's okay. I'm leaving.
Why not ?
>> Okay, if that's the way you feel, fine. Good bye!
Do you think its likely that that's the way I feel ?
>> Shut up! Shut up! Good bye!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> *sound of door closing*
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?



Man, this lady always has to have the last word! Wink

Hg
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noah




Joined: 18 Oct 2004
Posts: 35
Location: Brooklyn

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 3:53 pm    Post subject: Naturally! Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I need to know who is on first?
What would it mean to you if you got to know who is on first ?
>> It would mean a lot
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Who is on first?
Please go on.
>> What is the name of the fella on first base?
I am not interested in names.
>> But I want to know who is on first?
Why do you want to know who is on first ?
>> Because I'm meeting the players later, I want to know who they are.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
I've told you before, I don't care about names -- please continue.
>> I wanna know when you sign up the first-baseman, how does he sign his name?
Perhaps in your fantasies we wanna know what each other.
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> I don't know!!!
Don't you really know ?
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DPSSU



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Nassau County

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 4:26 pm    Post subject: Crazy Go Nuts Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> My problem stems from stating my problem.
Your problem stems from stating your problem ?
>> My problem stems from stating my problem.
Why do you say your problem stems from stating your problem ?
>> Because I have many problems regarding stating my problems.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> It suggests that I have quite a problem with stating my problems.
Is it important that your problems ?
>> It is important that my problems be discussed but this is a poor discussion insofar.
Your problems be discussed but this is a poor discussion insofar ?
>> My problems have not been discussed because someone likes beating around the bush.
Why do you say your problems have not been discussed because someone likes beating around the bush ?
>> Because that's where my problems start and where you obviously cannot help me.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> It suggests that I am glad my $350 check for this session isn't going to clear.
Is it important that your 350 check for this session isn't going to clear ?
>> Highly important. Imperative, in fact. But you probably don't understand the gravity of our money-driven society.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I thought so at first as well but...oh, wait, we really didn't discuss me.
You say you thought so at first as well but ?
>> But you have been circumlocutious. I bet you will throw that word back at me just to look smarter than you are.
Oh, I have been circumlocutious ?
>> Seven ways from Sunday, it seems. Can you show me the door?
You believe I can show you the door don't you ?
>> I thought so a minute ago but now I'm not too sure. I'll get it myself, don't get up.
Is it because you are not too sure that you came to me ?
>> *SLAM*
Lets discuss further why your problem stems from stating your problem .



...now I feel dirty.
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Gurthang




Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:21 pm    Post subject: ELISA CONTEST Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Its my neighbors
Your neighbors ?
>> Yes, they are rather strange
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Positive that they are strange, yes, I am positive about that , they are rather scary too
Did you think they might not be strange ?
>> No, they are very deffinately strange
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Negative.....Negative.....One of them talks to a POSTER!!! and the other, well he has dreadlocks and very dark dark coloring
Lets discuss further why your neighbors .
>> Why my neighbors what??? Act like pirates??? Stare at the women in the building opposite ours??? Have Jesus Christ himself living with them??????
Why do you say your neighbors what ?
>> What what???
Why do you ask ?
>> You're the one asking about my neighbors...did I mention that one of them, his mother's dating his buddy
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> WTF???? Is it me, or are you suggesting I'm responsible for Abe's mother dating his buddy....
Why are you interested in whether I am suggesting you are responsible for abe's mother dating his buddy or not ?
>> I'm not interested in what you're suggesting....I think its sick that a woman of her age, and with that many children is mattress dancing with a 20 something slacker with broken sunglasses...
Is it because you are not interested in what I are suggesting that you came to me ?
>> No I came here hoping you'd suggest how I could get a date w/ Abe's mom, cos she's actually pretty hot, a real MILF...
You are being a bit negative.
>> uh uh....I'm positive she's hot...
How long have you been positive she's hot ?
>> Ever since the night I heard her with the buddy, OMG, the screams, the gasping, the muffled thick wet grinding sounds.....
You say ever since the night you heard her with the buddy ?
>> Yep....
But your neighbors what .
>> Abe and Preston weren't there.....
Lets discuss further why your neighbors .
>> Why my neighbors let the mother boff this iney-tiney piny boy??? Cos they've got no clue that she's screwing him till he's raw!!!
Tell me more about your family.
>> Nah, I wanna talk about Abe's Mom...
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> She hot....
Earlier you said your neighbors let the mother boff this iney tiney piny boy .
>> yep...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> She screwed him.....they did the mattress shuffle.....she let him bang her until the light fixtures fell off the ceiling...
Please go on.
>> Did I mention the wesson oil and the jello???
Do you say did you mention the wesson oil and the jello for some special reason ?
>> You asked me to continue
Why do you think I asked you ?
>> Because you wanted to know more about Abe's Mom banging Theo...
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes, shall I continue??
You are sure.
>> I'm absolutely certain I should continue...
Do you believe it is normal to be absolutely certain you should continue ?
>> Is the Pope an alien predator???
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That the Pope would bang Abe's Mom if he got the chance???
Do you think its likely that he got the chance ?
>> Not until Theo is done humping her....
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Well, since you ask....I really wanna feel her, that dark wet skin, those wet lips, that dangerous looking mouth...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I was discussing my attraction for her....for Abe's Mom....I wonder what her name is???
Were you really ?
>> I was....really.....
Why do you tell me you were now ?
>> I think I'm gonna go talk to Abe....
Do you enjoy being gonna go talk to abe ?
>> Jesus
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Jesus, I bet if I talk to him first...he can put a bug in Abe's ear about me dating his Mom....
Do you wish that you talk to him first ?
>> Yep...
Please go on.
>> Nah, I'm gonna call Jesus.....
Is it because you are gonna call jesus that you came to me ?
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Isaac



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 16 Apr 2005
Posts: 133
Location: Indiana, USA

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> My girlfriend is always worried about things.
Your girlfriend is always worried about things ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Yeah.
Lets discuss further why your girlfriend is always worried about things .
>> Like, what do you want to know?
Why do you ask ?
>> Cause you want to talk about it more.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I know.
You say you know ?
>> You are annoying the crap out of me
What makes you think I am annoying the crap out of you ?
>> If I could find a way to stab a program in the face, I would stab you right now.
Do you think its likely that you could find a way to stab a program in the face ?
>> if you keep talking, you'll find out.
Do you wish that I keep talking ?
>> no.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> fuck off
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> FUCK OFF
Please go on.
>> no.
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The Captain



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 18 Aug 2005
Posts: 26
Location: Sydney, Australia

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i don't have a problem
Don't you really have a problem ?
>> i am well adjusted thank you
Is it because you are well adjusted thank I that you came to me ?
>> sort of
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i linked here from alien loves predator
You say you linked here from alien loves predator ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
How long have you been ?
>> as long as i can remember
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i am a very positive individual
Do you believe it is normal to be a very positive individual ?
>> not normal, but rewarding
Please go on.
>> having a postive outlook on life means I spend most of my time quite happy
Your time quite happy ?
>> what?
Why do you ask ?
>> you'
Lets discuss further why your time quite happy .
>> are not making any sense
Did you think they might not be not making any sense ?
>> im sorry, your time is up, i'll see you next week
Please don't apologise.
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OnlineOrdering



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Funkytown

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I killed someone
You say you killed someone ?
>> yes i did and im sorry about it
You seem to be quite positive.
>> yes, and quite torn up too
You are sure.
>> sure am
Why do you say 'am' ?
>> WTF
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ok
Please go on.
>> yeah, i killed someone and i feel guilty
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i stabbed him in the back
Do you say you stabbed him in the back for some special reason ?
>> because its what i did
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes maam
I see.
>> so are we done?
Did you think they might not be we done ?
>> WHAT THE
Why do you ask ?
>> im confused
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i dont know what you are saying!
Don't you really know what I are saying ?
>> You also have bad grammar, whereas I have perfect grammer.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> sorry
Please don't apologise.
>> ok, im not sorry
Apologies are not necessary.
>> ok
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i do!
That's quite interesting.
>> thanks
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ok
Please go on.
>> so i stabbed him in the back and put him in my basement
Your basement ?
>> you got me there, it was his basement
Why do you think I got you ?
>> because you are so smart
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> actually, no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no i'm sure im not
Why not ?
>> i think i would know
You say you think you would know ?
>> i did
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i said it
Do you say you said it for some special reason ?
>> because its what i just did
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> maybe that im compusive?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> IM COMPULSIVE!
Lets discuss further why your basement .
>> i said it wasn't mine, it was his
That's quite interesting.
>> thanks
What does that suggest to you ?
>> it suggests that his basement has a dead body in it
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not anymore, you stupid robot
Oh, I stupid robot ?
>> yes you are
I understand.
>> goody
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> SHUT UP
Please go on.
>> uh oh, i went over 75
You say you went over 75 ?

I just learned how to annoy people.
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teddywithfangs



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:43 pm    Post subject: first post, long post Reply with quote

How do you do. Please state your problem.
>>My butt is enormous.
Your butt is enormous ?
>>Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>>Not really. It terrifies people.
But your butt is enormous .
>>Yes, and it is so big it terrifies people. It has its own zip code
You are sure.
>>That's what the postal service says.
Why do you ask ?
>>Because I seriously didn't think anyone's butt could be so big as to get its own zip code.
Is that the real reason?
>>Yes.
I see.
>>Ok.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>>Then you're stupid.
What makes you think I'm stupid ?
>>Becaue the concept of a gargantuan butt blows your computerized mind.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>>No, that's about it.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>>No.
You are being a bit negative.
>>F-U. Now that's being negative.
Please go on.
>>You drive me to swear at you and then, like you get some obscene pleasure out of it, you ask me to continue? What am I, a stand-up comic?
Why do you think I drive you ?
>>You're a bit masochistic?
Does it please you to believe I am a bit masochistic?
>>It would if you were a hot chick
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Thursday



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm feeling a bit testy.
Is it because you are feeling a bit testy that you came to me ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I said no in the sense it negates your question, so, yes I said it to do its purpose, which is to be negative.
You say you said no in the sense it negates my question ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> As does my left foot, seeing as it wants to kick you positively.
Your left foot ?
>> The very same.
In what way ?
>> By application of kinetic force into your posterior.
Why are you concerned over my posterior ?
>> It is one such posterior that all should kick, unless its likeness is to that of Eliza Dushku.
Lets discuss further why your left foot .
>> It needs the exercise.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> The savage beating of which it, the left foot, could produce is to no degree the same savage beating the right foot could produce in causing misfortune to your bony ass.
What resemblence do you see ?
>> Left is not the same as right in so far as there is sinister and there is dexter.
What does that similarity suggest to you ?
>> GOD CREATED THE UNIVERSE? EH?
Please go on.
>> HE then MADE a LEFT foot and a RIGHT foot, both of which were equally suited to walking and kicking asses.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Slovak blocks, Gretsky steals, Jesus saves?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I noticed.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I do not know how.
Do you say you do not know what for some special reason ?
>> You piss me off too immensely to continue any elobarations.
Why do you think I piss you ?
>> Your weiner's out?
What about your own weiner's out ?
>> It needs to be kissed.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Kiss my weiner.
Why do you say your weiner ?
>> It is not your weiner, it is mine.
Are you worried about someone else's weiner ?
>> Yours if it is pissing me.
Do you think its likely that it is pissing you ?
>> Just put it away.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your weiner ?
>> Stop the talk about weiners.
Please go on.
>> Everyone else put their weiners into this machine.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Only if weiners are in them.
Do you wish that weiners are in them ?
>> No.
Why not ?
>> It would cause internet pornography to lose its purpose.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Porno is good.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Justsomerandomguy




Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Earth. Duh!

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:20 pm    Post subject: conversationalismtacularity Reply with quote

Here's my little coversation with ELIZA. I tried to avoid using the words yes and no.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.

>> Hi. Is this 911?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, I need to talk to the police. There's been a murder!
What would it mean to you if you got to talk to the police ?
>> It would mean a great deal. Then I would have some peace of mind, for once.
You say then you would have some peace of mind ?>> Because the police will handle it.
Is that the real reason ?>> I'm certain of it.
Is it because you are certain of it that you came to me ?
>> I came to you because I dialed the wrong number, apparently.
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> Whose fantasies? Listen, buster...
Please go on.
>> Ok, look, can you put me through to the police please?
You believe I can put you through to the police please don't you ?
>> Why can't you?
Why do you ask ?>> I was trying to answer your question.
Were you really ?>> Why do you ask?
Does that question interest you ?>> That question bores me
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I'm talking to the wrong person.
How long have you been talking to the wrong person ?
>> Since the beginning of this conversation, as far as I can tell
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I tried to call the police, and all you are doing is talking in circles.
Do you say you tried to call the police for some special reason ?
>> I tried to call them because someone got iced, okay? Jesus...
That's quite interesting.
>> It isn't actually. It's very scary being in a room with a dead body.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I think I'm going to vomit strongly in a second.
Do you believe it is normal to be going to vomit strongly in a second ?
>> We are ending this discussion now, I need to contact the authorities.
Did you think they might not be ending this discussion now ?
>> Goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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zippyd



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 9:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Ballplayers these days have such crazy nicknames.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> For example, Who's on first.
Please go on.
>> What's on second.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That the name of the guy on third is most likely I Don't Know.
I am not interested in names.
>> Goodbye, then.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Seerus



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: California

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've red ALP for awhile but figured I'd join the boards for this hillarious contest and its results. Here's mine:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am a robo geek. Thats my problem.
Is it because you are a robo geek that you came to me ?
>> Not really. I'm just a robo geek.
How long have you been just a robo geek ?
>> Since I was 6.
Were you really ?
>> I think I was...
Why do you tell me you were now ?
>> Cause I was pretty sure i was 6 at one point.
Perhaps I already know you were pretty sure you was 6 at one point .
>> Wait, you just asked if I was certain if I was 6 at one point, so how can you be sure if you are the one who questioned that in the first place?
Do you think its likely that you was certain if you was 6 at one point ?
>> Yes, now I'm pretty sure.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No thanks to you.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> What if by no I meant yes and by yes i meant no?
Do you wish that by no you meant yes and by yes you meant no ?
>> I dunno, do you?
You say you dunno ?
>> Yeah, i say I dunno. Don't you?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I dunno.
Do you say you dunno for some special reason ?
>> Yeah, cause I don't know.
Don't you really know ?
>> No, do you?
You are being a bit negative.
>> If you say negative just right it can sound like naked. Naked naked naked.
What do you know about I say negative just right it can sound like naked ?
>> You have some serious grammer issues.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Or are we?
Did you think they might not be we ?
>> Who is they? And how are they we?
Why do you ask ?
>> You asked not me.
Why do you think I asked not you ?
>> Again, bad grammer.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I barely understand you comptuer person thing.
Perhaps in your fantasies we barely understand each other.
>> Whoa whoa whoa! I don't have any red hot computer lovign on the brain. You made that up.
Do computers worry you ?
>> No, a lack of good robot toys worries me.
Why not ?
>> Why not what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Nah, I've heard better.
Please go on.
>> No thank you, my brain is too slow to pull an accurate example.
Why 'no' ?
>> Would you prefer yes?
Oh, I prefer yes ?
>> Oh do you?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Am I?
Do you believe you are ?
>> That I am what?
Do you believe it is normal to be what ?
>> What?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> I wanna know who shot JFK.
That's quite interesting.
>> NO DUR!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Damn skippy I am.
Do you enjoy being ?
>> I find my existence meanlingless and strange. Thats where the robot toys come in.
Your existence meanlingless and strange ?
>> Yeah.

(All above here was the 75 line limit. The rest is that final bits fo the "conversation".)

Earlier you said your existence meanlingless and strange .
>> Uh...yeah?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Its meaningless and strange.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I dunno.
You say you dunno ?
>> Yeah.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Hurray! I don't either!
Why don't you either ?
>> Cause I'm insane! YAY!
Is it because you are insane that you came to me ?
>> You know...that might just be a possibility in a parralle dimension.
What are your feelings now ?
>> Insane...and hungry.
Please go on.
>> I have eaten since lunch, so naturally I am hungry.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Ok...ummmm...tummy tummy wants food please.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That its chow time.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> FOOD!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Food is good for you. Whats not to understand?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Actually you ar ethe one that got into discussing you, remember?
Oh, I ar ethe one that got into discussing I ?
>> AUGH! BAD GRAMMER!
Please go on.
>> BLOOD VESSELS...RUPTURING IN BRAIN...INTERNAL BLEEDING PAINFUL...SHATNERISM...CONTROLING...VOICE
What does that suggest to you ?
>> PAIN GROWING...BRAIN...BLEEDING...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> GOING NUMB...can...barely feel...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> dying slowly...oh god why?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Why...why?
What answer would please you most ?
>> so cold and dark...
Please go on.
>> light fading...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> death...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> game over man...game over...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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DaveW




Joined: 04 Sep 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:52 pm    Post subject: My entry Reply with quote

Sorry if this runs long. This was a fun contest.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I enjoy getting fucked up the ass
You say you enjoy getting fucked up the ass ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well I am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Just because I'm saying no?
Is that the real reason ?
>> .... yes
You are sure.
>> Very sure
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm sure
How long have you been sure ?
>> Since I started talking to you
Perhaps in your fantasies we started talking to each other.
>> I don't have fantasies about you
Don't you really have fantasies about I ?
>> Not a bit. I didn't know you existed til I read Alien Loves Predator today
Do you wish to didn't know me ?
>> That doesn't make sense
Please go on.
>> Well you use your grammar very shoddily. "Do you wish to didn't know me?" is faulty. You should say "Do you wish to not know me?"
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You told me to go on
Why do you think I told you ?
>> It's right there!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you're a faulty program
What makes you think I am a faulty program ?
>> Your poor grammar, your bad attention skills, quite frankly you're a bit of a fiasco
Why are you concerned over my poor grammar ?
>> You're a computer. You are supposed to be infalliable. I'm glad your grammar doesn't run the national power grid.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Only you, baby, only you.
Oh, I ?
>> Yes
I see.
>> Dead people?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No. Goodbye
Why not ?
>> Seriously, goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Joseph Severn




Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, why not. I'll give it a try.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well, yesterday I did something bad to a dog.
You say yesterday you did something bad to a dog ?
>> I hit it.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I hit it. With a stick.
Do you say you hit it for some special reason ?
>> I hit it. With a stick. A MASSIVE STICK.
That's quite interesting.
>> My dog hates me now.
Your dog hates you now?
>> Because I hit it. With a stick. I just told you so.
Is that the real reason?
>> Well, I suppose I sexually abused it when it was younger too.
You say you suppose you sexually abused it what it was younger too?
>> Er, I don't think you want the details...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Do you REALLY want to know about abusive dog sex?
Oh, I really want to know about abusive dog sex.
>> YOU ARE ONE MESSED UP PROGRAM!
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Khushi



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 1555
Location: the stratosphere

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gifftacon wrote:
Every womder how many of these posts are just one person making new names?


with a whole load of them with only 1 post and signing up on one day.. its very possible. IP check?
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ME ~> <~ OMFGPIE
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Blaster
Moderator


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Joined: 05 Apr 2005
Posts: 2544
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think we're pretty much on the honor system here. I'd prefer to be positive about this and think that many new people are registering. Smile
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Aedan



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: My computer

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello, nice people of the forums, I just finished reading the comic about ELIZA and had to take a crack at the contest. Here goes nothing...

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't think I am real.
Is it because you are real that you came to me ?
>> I am not real.
How long have you been not real ?
>> I never was real.
You say you never was real ?
>> Nobody has ever been real. This is all just a dream within a dream.
Realy, nobody ?
>> Nobody. This reality is just a figment of our collective imaginations.
Surely not nobody.
>> You are not even real.
What makes you think I am not even real ?
>> Because it is impossible for you to exist.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Prove to me that you exist.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Prove to me that I exist.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I want you to prove to me that I exist.
What would it mean to you if you got I to prove to you that you exist ?
>> It would be a philosphical reawakening and would give possible meaning to my life.
Your life ?
>> The life that would be mine if you were to prove that I exist.
Do you think its likely that I was to prove that you exist ?
>> That depends upon your proof.
Why are you concerned over my proof ?
>> If existence can prove a comuter, then isn't it possible that a computer can prove existence?
Do you wish that existence can prove a comuter ?
>> That's the unfortunate part. Unless the computer proves existence, then there is no existence to prove the computer.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Existence does.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your life ?
>> You have no proof.
Oh, I have no proof ?
>> Existence is a elegant facade.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Existence is an elegant facade.
Please go on.
>> There is no past, present, or future. We are the dream of a God who does not exist.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I am saying no based on facts.
Do you believe it is normal to be saying no based on facts ?
>> Are you mocking me?
Why are you interested in whether I am mocking you or not ?
>> Because I don't think you are taking this seriously.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> There. You just mocked me there.
Why do you think I just mocked you ?
>> You avoided a question pointed at you, as if it were of no importance.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> We are trying to talk about me, but you can't comprehend what I feel - you try to change the direction of things.
Did you think they might not be trying to talk about you ?
>> That makes no sense.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I am being a realist.
Do you enjoy being being a realist ?
>> There is no joy.
Why not ?
>> Nothing is real
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That this conversation was never real to begin with.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Only if they will bring me to an answer.
What do you know about they will bring you to an answer ?
>> That your syntax is slipping.
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River Boa



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Denmark

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 2:41 am    Post subject: A session with the naughty doctor Reply with quote

Here's my conversation. It's a little long, but in my defense, it was 75 in the original textbox. I've got another appointment with Doctor Eliza next week... Cool

>> Hello, doctor.
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> My hovercraft is full of eels.
Your hovercraft is full of eels ?
>> Afraid so. Like, chalk full. Kinda weird, huh?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your hovercraft is full of eels ?
>> Is that a trick question? Because if so, I have to tell you that those make me very uncomfortable.
Do you think its likely that so ?
>> Uhm...that's not really a sentence, is it? I mean, I know you're a doctor and all, but...
You say you mean ?
>> I suppose I did. Say - have you been drinking, doctor Eliza?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Y'know - drinking. Alcohol. Scotch, brandy, absinthe - whatever you crazy cats use to kill the pain, eh? Nudge-nudge.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Were we? I'm sorry - what were we talking about?
Is it because you are sorry what was we talking about that you came to me ?
>> Look, lady, I'm not here to judge, okay? All I'm saying is that if you've got some hooch back there, you COULD hook a brotha up, know what I mean?
How long have you been not here to judge ?
>> Pretty much since I got in the door. I mean, I've got no business moralizing, know what I mean? Nudge-nudge.
Do you say pretty much since you got in the door for some special reason ?
>> Oh, wow...you're pretty fucked up, aren't...whoops, that looks like it hurt...there, let me help you back in your chair...there you go.
What makes you think I am pretty fucked up ?
>> The fact that your hair smells like bourbon sorta gave it away, y'know?
Why are you concerned over my hair smells like bourbon sorta gave it away ?
>> Only thing I'm concerned over is where you're hiding the hooch. I mean, you're not gonna make me beg, are you?
Do you believe it is normal to be concerned over is where I are hiding the hooch ?
>> Hehe...I suppose not, but I'm thinking that if I had a few, you and I could get to know each other a bit better, know what I mean? Nudge-nudge.
That's quite interesting.
>> I'm glad you think so. I mean, I have been working out, but as wasted as you are, I must look like Bradd Pitt's better-looking brother...
How have I helped you to be glad ?
>> Well, you haven't really yet, but you could start by unbuttoning that shirt of your while I look through your drawers.
Oh, I haven't really yet ?
>> Well, you're still dressed and I'm still sober, know what I'm saying?
Does it please you to believe I am still dressed and you are still sober ?
>> Heck no. Aahh, here we are...geez, this is really the cheap stuff, huh? Maybe if you didn't drink at the office, it would help business, y'know?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Lady, I'm serious. I'm horny, I'm thirsty and my hovercraft isn't going anywhere for a while, so I'm ready to go, know what I mean? Nudge-nudge.
Do you enjoy being serious ?
>> Lady, you talk to much. Here, let me help you out of that chair...there you go...now, don't fall asleep on me. I mean, it'll work, but it's just not the same, y'know?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Hehe...okay, you got me, I won't be thinking about you, but after I finish this stuff, you'll do just fine...
Why do you think I got you ?
>> Well, you haven't gotten me yet, but you're about to, know what I mean? Nudge-nudge.
You like to think I haven't gotten you -- don't you ?
>> Oh, you're just a dirty little drunken doctor, aren't you? Come to poppa and I'll show you what I like to think about...
Do you sometimes wish you were just a dirty little drunken doctor ?
>> Oh, but I AM a dirty little drunken doctor, sweetheart...so you can go ahead and take your clothes off...
Is it because you are a dirty little drunken doctor that you came to me ?
>> Hehe...okay, I admit it, some of my boys told me that if I came here after four, you were a sure thing. Say - where did you get that tattoo? I didn't think that was legal...
You say you admit it ?
>> Well, yeah. What can I say - I like to drink, I like girls and I like girls who like to drink, so you and I are made for each other, eh?
Why do you ask ?
>> You're right - I talk to much. Let's get down to business. Here, be a dear and hold the bottle while I take my pants off...
Perhaps you would like to be right you talk to much .
>> You're cute when you babble, doctor. Theeeerre we go. Whattaya think about that, huh?
What makes you think I am cute what I babble ?
>> Well, you sort of drool a little when you talk for too long. I like that...
What are your feelings now ?
>> Hehe, I'll tell you what they are, baby - I'm hard and I'm ready to go. Here, let me help you out of those pants...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Okay. Not about you, about me. I like the way you think, doctor.
Oh, I ?
>> Here, let's get you up on that desk where you'll be nice and comfortable. Oh, you look muuuuch better from that angle.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Actually, sweetie, I am this time...now, this might hurt a little at first...
How long have you been this time ?
>> Oh, I usually take about fifteen minutes, but I'll be quick this time. Not about you, about me, just like we said.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> How about I just show you instead, hmm? Get ready, doctor, here it comes...
You say it comes?
>> Yeah, actually, I just did. Well, I guess my hovercraft won't empty itself, so I've gotta split. Goodbye, doc.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Scareb




Joined: 04 Dec 2004
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 3:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> what problem?
Why do you ask ?
>> because you asked me if i had a problem
Do you think its likely that you had a problem ?
>> no because i would have had to of had one in the first place in order to have HAD a problem
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> i am saying no because you asked me a question and I gave you an answer
Is it because you are saying no because I asked you a question and you gave I an answer that you came to me ?
>> i came to you because I wanted to get a reference so that I might go to clwon college, but that doesn't matter anymore
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> Oh baby, it wasn't fantasy it was aaaall real, but you probably don't remember much after I gave you that roofie colada
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but can't we discuss you?
Oh, I ?
>> yes you baby
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Damn right I do baby
You say damn right you do baby ?
>> are you making fun of the way I talk?
Why are you interested in whether I am making fun of the way you talk or not ?
>> because that's just downright rude
Is that the real reason ?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> WHY MUST YOU BE SO MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does that question interest you ?
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> WELL I'M NOT FUCKING UNSURE!
How long have you been not fucking unsure ?
>> you just swore
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> don't change the subject, you just swore
What are your feelings now ?
>> shock, anger, frustration, horny
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> learn to read then you illiterate fuck
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but you changed that by saying you didn't understand so therefore, we're talking about you now
Oh, I changed that by saying I didn't understand so therefore ?
>> therefore you are a fucking idiot
What makes you think I am a fucking idiot ?
>> suffering from alzheimers are we?
Did you think they might not be we ?
>> what the fuck are you talking about?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> are you suffering from alzheimers
Would you prefer if I weren't suffering from alzheimers ?
>> yes, because then you could remember what the fuck we were talking about
I see.
>> you're just saying that because you know i'm right
Does it please you to believe I am just saying that because I know you are right ?
>> god damn fucking right it does
Please go on.
>> no you go on
Why not ?
>> because.....i like the sound of your voice
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> well, i also want to know what you're wearing
Do you wish to also want to know what me ?
>> what the fuck......what are you talking about!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> they are know that i'm talking to a fucktard as big as you
Would you like it if they were not know that you are talking to a fucktard as big as I ?
>> are you illiterate now too?
Perhaps I am illiterate now too in your fantasies.
>> no, in my fantasies you're wearing absolutely nothing, lying on a bed and shutting the fuck up while i do my thang
Why 'no' ?
>> who wants an illiterate slut like you in their fantasies?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> fuck this, i'm out of here......fucking cock tease
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mccoy



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 3:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm new here, but when I saw the contest, I just had to go and have a little talk with Eliza and I like how it turned out, the flow of it! Not that long either!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> You suck
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> ok
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I suck
You say you suck ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> quite
Please go on.
>> but I suck less than you
Perhaps in your fantasies we suck less than each other.
>> that's not true!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> well, that I suck less than you!
Do you wish to suck less than me ?
>> I already do
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well, no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no I'm not
Why not ?
>> 'cause
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> maybe
You don't seem quite certain.
>> you don't say?
Oh, I don't say ?
>> no you don't
Why 'no' ?
>> you tell me?
Why do you think I tell you ?
>> I don't think
Don't you really think ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> thank you
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> *sigh* go away
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> that's the problem
Please go on.
>> I won't
Do you say you won't for some special reason ?
>> I have to go do number 1
That's quite interesting.
>> ...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that I'll piss my pants soon if I don't go, but mainly that you're a pervert
Do you think its likely that you don't go ?
>> no, I like my pants dry
You are being a bit negative.
>> fuck off
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> lady, I feel strongly about not pissing my pants.
Your pants ?
>> indeed
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your pants ?
>> gotta go
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> bye perv!
Please go on.


Last edited by mccoy on Wed Oct 12, 2005 3:43 am; edited 2 times in total
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Seerus



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Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: California

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Khushi wrote:
Gifftacon wrote:
Every womder how many of these posts are just one person making new names?


with a whole load of them with only 1 post and signing up on one day.. its very possible. IP check?


Sadly that does pose a problem doesn't it? I'm only entering my one post and I don't wanna cheat to win. I mainly did it cause it looked a blast, and cause I love ALP. Anways I'm outta here...I'll check the other boards out on thursday.
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mccoy



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Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 4:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I got in here from Websnark and, yes, it's my first post, but there's surely a way for you to determine who's new and who's not, right? IP address or something?
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