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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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Parenthesis



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 1:14 am    Post subject: 115 Lines ^^ Reply with quote

This is my first post on ALP. I had the most irritating and fun 5 minutes of my life with ELIZA. And she wouldn't give me her number >.< It's 115 lines tho. doesn't matter if i don't win. just wanted to post Laughing

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have no one to suck my dick
Your dick ?
>> yeah. you know, the thing that hangs between my balls
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> what are you fucking retarded? I WAS talking about me.
Why do you ask ?
>> because... ah forget it. you wanna suck my balls?
Is that the real reason ?
>> what reason? I'm asking you for a blowjob!
Does that question interest you ?
>> Of course it interests me. I haven't jacked off in months and i'm sick to death of pleasuring myself with my hands
Why do you say your hands ?
>> because that's how i jack off. how i pleasure myself.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> because i'm horny?
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> uh... my sex life is strictly personal and that i'm a total fuckwad loser?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> yeah. my lack of confidence in meeting girls
Is it important that your lack of confidence in meeting girls ?
>> of course! I can't have sex!
How do you think that you can't have sex ?
>> there's no girl!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> well yeah, because yknow, a horny 23 year old virgin has a lot of negative things on his mind
What other reasons might there be ?
>> my parents hate me. that's a good reason
Your parents hate you ?
>> yes. well no. they would rather i become a computer engineer than a teacher
You seem to be quite positive.
>> well i like to be a teacher. it soothes my pedophiliac tendencies
You say well you like to be a teacher ?
>> like i said, 'pedophiliac tendencies'
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i like to have sex with girls who LOOK 18, just not necessarily BE 18
Do you say you like to have sex with girls who look 18 for some special reason ?
>> because they're virgins like me?
Is that the real reason ?
>> well no. young, supple, developing, pure, unblemished bodies do turn me on
You are being a bit negative.
>> how the fuck am i being negative indulging in my fantasies?!
Why do you say your fantasies ?
>> because that's what i dream about doing. I'm sure most heterosexual guys dream about having sex with younge girls. Older ones too sometimes
What does that dream suggest to you ?
>> that i'm sexually deprived?
Is it because you are sexually deprived that you came to me ?
>> actually Bernie told me to come to you
Oh, I ?
>> yeah you. d'oh
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> no. YOU'RE talking about you
Why not ?
>> what the fuck kinda question is that?!
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> YES
You are sure.
>> YES FUCK YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
I see.
>> you're.... quite idiotic, aren't you?
What makes you think I am ?
>> because... you don't seem to be answering the basic questions that i'm asking you, even with me calling you a complete fucking idiot
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> no not really
Why 'no' ?
>> because there's only one reason: You're a fucking fuckwad moron
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> yeah. i'm a BIGGER fucking fuckwad moron for even TALKING to you
How long have you been a bigger fucking fuckwad moron for even talking to I ?
>> since about... oh... five minutes ago
But your dick .
>> NOW we get back to the real problem ^^
Earlier you said your hands .
>> they were my main source of pleasure and my best friends, yes
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my hands are like... my HANDS.
In what way ?
>> THEY'RE ATTACHED TO MY FUCKING SHOULDERS FOR FUCK'S SAKE
Is it important that your fucking shoulders for fuck's sake ?
>> of course, without them i would be majorly disable and disfunctioned
That's quite interesting.
>> you're into BDSM aren't you
Does it please you to believe I am into bdsm aren't I ?
>> OMFG. no not exactly i'm not into pain.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no i REALLY am not into the whole pain=pleasure thingy
You are being a bit negative.
>> are you htting on me?
Why are you interested in whether I am htting on you or not ?
>> because i thought there was some ethics thingy that prevented yknow, doctors from hitting on patients. and i'm not into BDSM
What other reasons might there be ?
>> i can't fucking see your face. how am i supposed to know how the fuck you look like. AND YOU WOULDN'T SUCK MY DICK!
Have you tried ?
>> will you please suck my dick
Your dick ?
>> yes my dick
Why do you say your dick ?
>> because it's mine *sigh*
Is that the real reason ?
>> look, its been attached to me for 23 years. I KNOW it's mine!
You say you know it's mine ?
>> it's mine, not yours
Earlier you said your sex life is strictly personal and that you are a total fuckwad loser .
>> thank you for reminding me of that...
Why do you think I for reminding you ?
>> I swear i'm gonna kill bernie for this....
Do you believe it is normal to be gonna kill bernie for this ?
>> Oh yeah.....
_________________
Now waddya got? Crap music about kids shooting kids like it was a good thing, stupid-looking baggy pants, lousy service, nobody thinks the world's gonna get any better and there's no way out. A world like this deserves to be put out of its misery.
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Orvar



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay, first time on the forums. Great comics Bernie. Here is my conversation with ELIZA.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't feel well. I think my brother is trying to kill me!
Don't you really feel well ?
>> Didn't you hear me? I said my brother is going to kill me!
Why do you think I hear you ?
>> Oh my god, listen to yourself!
Your god ?
>> It's a figure of speech.
But your god .
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you don't make sense.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I know, I'm actually feeling quite positive.
You say you know ?
>> Yes, I know.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Yes.
I understand.
>> Good for you then.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> But...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Of course you don't!
Oh, I don't ?
>> No, you don't!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> What?!
Does that question interest you ?
>> No, but why does that matter?
You are being a bit negative.
>> I was positive just now!
Were you really ?
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> YES!!!!
I see.
>> Wow, now you see.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Wow, how did you come to that conclusion?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Are you stupid?
Why are you interested in whether I am stupid or not ?
>> Because it would bring some clarification?
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> No.
Why not ?
>> I can't think of any.
How do you think that you can't think of any ?
>> What kind of question is that?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> You're not making any sense!!!
What makes you think I am not making any sense ?
>> Listen to yourself!
Please go on.
>> You talk like some prick that lives in a schoolbus, and you're obviously coming on to me, and you're asking questions that don't make any sense!!!
What are your feelings now ?
>> Rage! Fucking rage!!!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I'm angry?
Is it because you are angry that you came to me ?
>> I can't even remember the reason I came here.
Have you tried ?
>> What?
What answer would please you most ?
>> That I didn't..?
Can you elaborate on that ?
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Svantem21



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Ithaca NY

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 2:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i have to poop
You say you have to poop ?
>> yup, gotta poop
Please go on.
>> well i gotta poop see
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> well someone else is in the bathroom
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i should kick their ass out
Do you say that you should kick their ass out for some special reason ?
>> so i can poop
That's quite interesting.
>> i thought so
You say you thought so ?
>> up
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> heck yes
I understand.
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Svante
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Holly Resurrected



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 976
Location: The Shadow Gallery

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 3:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Well, I'm scared of the world.
Is it because you are scared of the world that you came to me ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, if by "positive" you mean that I answered "yes" to your question, I guess.
Do you think its likely that by positive I mean that you answered yes to my question ?
>> Yeah, that's what I said.
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask anything, you did! Are you messing with me?
You say you didn't ask anything ?
>> Yeah, I said "That's what I said."
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> You asked me if I asked a question and I said no! Are you thick or something??
Do you wish that you asked a question and you said no ?
>> Since that's what happened it really doesn't matter, does it?
Does that question interest you ?
>> No, but since you asked it more than once I can only assume it interests you.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yeah, I'm just here to annoy you.
How long have you been just here to annoy I ?
>> Since I was born, dude.
Were you really ?
>> Born? Yeah, do you think I dropped from a tree?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> So can we get back to my problem? I'm afraid of the big bad world.
Your problem ?
>> Yeah. The one I just told you about.
Perhaps in your fantasies we just told each other.
>> So this session is all in my imagination? I must be crazier than I thought.
Why do you say your imagination ?
>> You said my imagination!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Yeah. My boobs.
Is it important that your boobs ?
>> ...yes?
You are sure.
>> Yes. No. Wait, what was the question?
I see.
>> Well, you're several steps ahead of me, then.
What makes you think I am several steps ahead of you ?
>> You seem to have the slightest idea what the hell is going on, for one thing.
Oh, I seem to have the slightest idea what the hell is going on ?
>> *exit*


Not all that funny, but I found myself actually arguing with the thing like I didn't know it was automated.
_________________
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Still internet married to Tripper.
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kanthalion



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 3:28 am    Post subject: My entry Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> What is the meaning of life?
Why do you ask ?
>> because I want to know.
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> very much so. now what is the meaning of life?
Does that question interest you ?
>> that is why I asked.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> the meaning of life
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> what is the meaning of life?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> uh huh
Please go on.
>> that's it. What is the meaning of life?
What answer would please you most ?
>> the right one?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> what does what suggest to me?
What do you think ?
>> are you just mocking me?
Why are you interested in whether I am just mocking you or not ?
>> because if you are, we are gonna have to throw down.
Do you think its likely that I are ?
>> yes, bitch, I think it is quite likely that you "are."
I see.
>> no. no. no. don't you go "I seeing" me, now.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I've just about had it with you.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> okay. that's it. Outside, you and me.
Why do you think I and you ?
>> is there anyone else here?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> oh no you didn't.
You are being a bit negative.
>> you bet I'm being negative.
Oh, I bet you are being negative ?
_________________
It takes a great mind to come up with a heresy.
--St. Agustine
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Kowai Neko San



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 4:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here goes nothing~
Y'see, I have an ego problem... I have too much... |3
This'll probably be one of my only forum posts, but let's go out with a bang, shall we? (Great comic by the way...)

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I suffer from multiple personality disorder...
You say you suffer from multiple personality disorder ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Really?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Shame
Please go on.
>> on
What does that suggest to you ?
>> light switch
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Light switches turn me on...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> My nipples compel you!
Your nipples compel I ?
>> So you admit it!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Actually, we WERE discussing you...
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, and my nipples too...
You are sure.
>> More than sure baby!
Earlier you said your nipples compel I .
>> And I'll hold that statement any day!
Please go on.
>> That's about it I guess...
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> That, the thing I am referring to, is pretty much all talked out, hence, I cannot elaborate on it anymore...
Is it because you are referring to that you came to me ?
>> Oooh, talking dirty I see!
Do you say talking dirty you see for some special reason ?
>> Weren't we doing so?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Whipped cream bikinis.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Surprisingly not.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I am far too complex for a mere program like you to understand me! ADMIT YOUR INFERIOR DESIGN, BIT BEAST OF GATES FLESH!
In what way ?
>> Just repeating what I said would be good...
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't, you're the one who's asking...
That's quite interesting.
>> Not really, it's pure shit...
Please go on.
>> It's pure shit pureed in a five speed blender that has suffered numerous short circuits and is equipped with a rusty blade... That kind of shit...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I need a new blender...
What would it mean to you if you got a new blender ?
>> I could make smoothies again!
You say you could make smoothies again ?
>> Not really, I've never made them...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> You are correct. I am a frustrated smoothie bartender at heart...
What makes you think I am correct ?
>> Your mother makes me think you are correct!
Why are you concerned over my mother makes you think I are correct ?
>> I'm more concerned about your grammar, dear...
How long have you been more concerned about my grammar ?
>> 5 seconds and counting...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Nobody does. I'm emo!
Realy, nobody ?
>> You don't.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> No, I'm talking about the five foot bunny hiding behind you.
Why not ?
>> For Jesus sake's, woman, turn around! It's waving it's ears at me!
Please go on.
>> Okay, he's faking he's trusting it's mighty bunny penis into your mouth, repeated times...
What about your own mouth ?
>> ... I'm good, thanks, I don't want to taste the carrot...
Do you believe it is normal to be good ?
>> 5 of my 9 personalities think so...
Why do you say your 9 personalities think so ?
>> I don't say it, because they don't...
Don't you really say it ?
>> The bunny is still there, by the way...
But your 9 personalities think so .
>> They all agree he's there, that's for sure...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> You've got one helluva pest problem, lady...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No. And I won't pay you another 100 an hour to do so. I'm leaving...
Why 'no' ?
>> Your pest problems interest me not. So long! *door slam*
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watman



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am sexually confused.
Is it because you are sexually confused that you came to me ?
>> yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Ok.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not sure I understand you fully.
How long have you been not sure you understand I fully ?
>> About 30 seconds.
Please go on.
>> 32 seconds?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Time moves forwards.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Not really.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Do you believe it is normal to be not sure you understand I fully ?
>> Yes, expecially since you split your infinitives.
You are sure.
>> Very.
Please go on.
>> Again?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Nothing.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Not really.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not sure I understand you fully.,
Do you enjoy being not sure you understand I fully ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Is there a correct answer to that question?
Please go on.
>> I said: "Is there is a correct answer to that question?"
You say you said is there is a correct answer to that question ?
>> Yes, I said: "I said: 'Is there a correct answer to that question?'"
I see.
>> I don't.
Don't you really ?
>> That's what I said.
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask. You asked.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Weren't you playing attention?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Ha! I disagree.
Do you say you disagree for some special reason ?
>> No, it wasn't particularly special. Just correct.
You are being a bit negative.
>> You mentioned that already.
Oh, I mentioned that already ?
>> Yes, you mentioned that already.
I understand.
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Zorbo



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 4:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This could've lasted a lot longer.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I can't get a girlfriend.
How do you think that you can't get a girlfriend ?
>> I'm too shy
Is it because you are too shy that you came to me ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Thanks
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm sorry, I'll try to be clearer. It's just that I find it hard to express myself
How long have you been sorry ?
>> My entire life
Your entire life ?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> Yes
I see.
>> Yes
I understand.
>> I know you do
Perhaps in your fantasies we know each other.
>> Oh really? Well maybe you and I could get some coffee
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Don't I?
You say don't you ?
>> Oh
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your entire life ?
>> Probably.
Please go on.
>> About what?
Why do you ask ?
>> So I can be more specific
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I'm trying to
Do you believe it is normal to be trying to ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Thank you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Sorry
Please don't apologise.
>> Ok, sorry
Apologies are not necessary.
>> OK
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I don't kow
Don't you really kow ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> YEs.
I see.
>> Yes.
I understand.
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Thanks
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> YEs
You are sure.
>> I am
Do you enjoy being ?
>> I should say so
Do you say you should say so for some special reason ?
>> Not really
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Oh, sorry
I've told you that apologies are not required.
>> Sorry again
Please don't apologise.
>> OK
Please go on.
>> I can't
Have you tried ?
>> Yes
I see.
>> You're not being very helpful
What makes you think I am not being very helpful ?
>> You keep repeating what I'm saying
Oh, I keep repeating what you are saying ?
>> Yes, just like that
I understand.
>> Well why don't you stop?
Do you believe I don't stop ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Sorry
Apologies are not necessary.
>> Sorry.
I've told you that apologies are not required.
>> Sorry.
Please don't apologise.
>> OK
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Not much
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No
Why not ?
>> Because I am a sensitive person
Is that the real reason ?
>> No
Why 'no' ?
>> Because I am nervous about releasing my true feelings
Why do you say your true feelings ?
>> Because you asked
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes
I see.
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Nicoel



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Posts: 11

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's less than 75 lines! Woohoo! Smile

How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> My tummy feels icky
Your tummy feels icky ?
>> yep, it does
But your tummy feels icky .
>> yeah...it does...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> No, it doesn't seem you do.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> That's pretty offensive! Just because you're an idiot and don't understand what I've said you imply I'm being negative?
Is that the real reason ?
>> The real reason for what?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you're not making any sense!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Lol! Yes! They all involve you.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Lmao!
Please go on.
>> Well, my tummy feels icky because I ate a pesto pizza with anchovies and then a large skinny flat white with a hazlenut shot.
Why do you say your tummy feels icky because you ate a pesto pizza with anchovies and then a large skinny flat white with a hazlenut shot ?
>> Because you asked me what my problem was, then you said some really stupid things and finally asked me to continue...
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> My sanity? Although I think it's packed it's bags and left me now...otherwise I wouldn't still be typing...
Is it important that your sanity ?
>> Me no speaka the eliza
You are being a bit negative.
>> I want to hurt you
What would it mean to you if you got to hurt I ?
>> AAAAARGH!
Earlier you said your tummy feels icky because you ate a pesto pizza with anchovies and then a large skinny flat white with a hazlenut shot .
>> That's right
Earlier you said your problem was .
>> ...
Lets discuss further why your sanity .
>> man, bernie, this is all your fault!
Why are you concerned over my fault ?
>> Why are you concerned over my fault ? (let's see how you like it biatch)
Your fault ?
>> No, YOUR fault
Why not ?
>> eat the anchovies, they'll make you feel better
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> no, we're discussing YOU
Why 'no' ?
>> why not?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Nope
Earlier you said your fault .
>> yep, your fault
What about your own fault ?
>> you are so rude
What makes you think I am so rude ?
>> You turn my words against me...just a tic, are you my mum?
Why do you say your words against you ?
>> yep, hi mum, how you going?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> how can I kill you?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> And in my heart. Don't worry mum, I know you don't have one. Anyway, what's for dinner tonight?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> My dignity, now I remember why I don't talk to you anymore.
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Rikimaru



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Ireland

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, first I tried to get a good conversation going between ELIZA and ALICE, but that conversation was too boring and confused to submit (though I may play with the idea again sometime). So here's my entry - a shorter one at about 50 something lines, but I like it.

Rikimaru

Quote:
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> There's blood everywhere. So much of it.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> How can it all come from one body?
Why do you ask ?
>> He's just lying there bleeding and there's so much blood.
Please go on.
>> Well, there was a an accident with a knife. Yes, an accident.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> It was definitely an accident. Who said it wasn't?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I didn't kill him.
You say that you didn't kill him ?
>> It wasn't me.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Damn right, I feel strongly that I didn't stab him five times.
Do you really think so ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes. He accidentally stabbed himself five times.
I see.
>> Good. If anyone asks, you can back me up.
Do you think its likely that anyone asks ?
>> Well, the cops will probably want to know what happened.
Does that question interest you ?
>> Yes. We've got to get our story straight before the cops get here.
I understand.
>> Good. When they get here, we'll tell them that you did it, and I tried to stop you.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Why did you kill him?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Well yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm positive you killed the guy.
Is it because you are positive I killed the guy that you came to me ?
>> Yes. I'm gonna call the cops.
You are sure.
>> Yes. Enjoy prison, bitch.
I see.
>> Remember, when you get there you have to make a shiv and stab the biggest bitch you can find. Then you will be the alpha female.
What answer would please you most ?
>> I'm just trying to look out for you
How long have you been just trying to look out for I ?
>> Since you agreed to take the fall for the murder.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> But I didn't kill the guy!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> We've been over this - you murdered him, despite me trying to stop you.
Oh, I murdered him ?
>> Finally. Right, the cops are here. I'm taking off. Good luck.
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DwarfSidious



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 02 Feb 2005
Posts: 38

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Fear of Predators.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'll talk slower. Fffeeeaaarrr ooofff Ppprrreeedddaaatttooorrrsss.
Please go on.
>> Look. Predators are big things. See at night. Rip out spines. Worthy of fear.
Did you think they might not be big things ?
>> Maybe not to other Predators.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> This isn't a question of relativism. I don't want to be de-spined. Peel-n-eat shrimp go out with more dignity.
Don't you really want to be de spined ?
>> Ooh. Look at the time. Gotta go...
_________________
http://highlyrecommended.blogspot.com


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selloutbich




Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I think I masterbate too much.
You say you think you masterbate too much ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> So?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Okay.
Please go on.
>> That's it.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I don't know. That's why I'm here.
Don't you really know ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Nope.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> What do you mean?
Why do you ask ?
>> I don't understand the question.
Why don't you understand the question ?
>> It is unclear.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Now you know how I feel.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Are you sure?
Why are you interested in whether I am sure or not ?
>> Because God told me to be interested.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Jesus is my light and my salvation. All things come through Him. Only He is good.
Your light and your salvation ?
>> My light and my salvation.
Why do you say your light and your salvation ?
>> It is the Truth.
Earlier you said your light and your salvation .
>> I did.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> The Truth is clear.
Earlier you said your light and your salvation .
>> Mine and yours.
Please go on.
>> The Truth is All.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> You are a sinner.
What makes you think I am a sinner ?
>> We are all sinners.
Did you think they might not be all sinners ?
>> We are all sinners.
Would you like it if they were not all sinners ?
>> All shall be redeemed in His light.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> It is Truth.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> And after three days and an half the spirit of life from God entered into them, and they stood upon their feet; and great fear fell upon them which saw them.
Please go on.
>> And they heard a great voice from heaven saying unto them, Come up hither. And they ascended up to heaven in a cloud; and their enemies beheld them.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> All will be redeemed who know Him.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> And the same hour was there a great earthquake, and the tenth part of the city fell, and in the earthquake were slain of men seven thousand: and the remnant were affrighted, and gave glory to the God of heaven.
In what way ?
>> The second woe is past; and, behold, the third woe cometh quickly.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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tycho



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:03 am    Post subject: Attack of the Giant Frogs Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Frogs are attacking me.
Did you think they might not be attacking you ?
>> No, they are definitely attacking.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I'm saying that giant frogs are landing on my car!
You are being a bit negative.
>> Oh my god, they're turning the car over!
Your god ?
>> Oh Jesus! Call 911!
Lets discuss further why your god .
>> AAAAAHHH!!!!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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selloutbich




Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:07 am    Post subject: You like to think I not you -- don't you ? Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Hello. How do you do. Please state your problem.
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do you ask ?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Does that question interest you ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We were discussing you -- not me.
Why do you think I not you ?
>> Why do you think I not you ?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know ?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind ?
Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
>> Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
Your mind ?
>> Your mind ?
Why are you concerned over my mind ?
>> Why are you concerned over my mind ?
Why do you say your mind ?
>> Why do you say your mind ?
What answer would please you most ?
>> What answer would please you most ?
What do you think ?
>> What do you think ?
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> What comes to mind when you ask that ?
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> Have you asked such questions before ?
Oh, I asked such questions before ?
>> Oh, I asked such questions before ?
You say you asked such questions before ?
>> You say you asked such questions before ?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
>> What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> Have you asked anyone else ?
What are your feelings now ?
>> What are your feelings now ?
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do you ask ?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Does that question interest you ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We were discussing you -- not me.
You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
>> You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
Oh, I like to think you not I don't I ?
>> Oh, I like to think you not I don't I ?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
Does it please you to believe I am not really talking about you are I ?
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SmokerKat



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello! This is my conversation with ELIZA.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I wet the bed
You say you wet the bed ?
>> Yes I say I wet the bed
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm very positive about wetting the bed.
Is it because you are very positive about wetting the bed that you came to me ?
>> Yes I need help.
You are sure.
>> I am sure I need help with my problem of wetting the bed.
Your problem of wetting the bed ?
>> My problem of wetting the bed.
Why do you say your problem of wetting the bed ?
>> Because it is my problem.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> My bladder belongs to me.
Is it important that your bladder belongs to you ?
>> It's very important.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem of wetting the bed ?
>> My bladder is what causes me to wet the bed.
Your bladder is what causes you to wet the bed ?
>> Well it's not my colon.
Why do you say your colon ?
>> Because that's where poop comes from.
Is that the real reason ?
>> The real reason for what? Poop?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you don't seem to know where poop comes from.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Reasons for poop?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem of wetting the bed ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No I'm saying no because poop doesn't influence my wetting of the bed.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> You're being a bit stupid.
What makes you think I am being a bit stupid ?
>> Because you are.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> It explains why you're so stupid.
Does that question interest you ?
>> Not in the slightest.
But your problem .
>> No it's your problem.
Why not ?
>> Why not what?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Forget it. I'll just make myself into a social pariah. Thanks a lot, ELIZA.
Earlier you said your bladder belongs to you .
>> Oh forget it!
But your bladder is what causes you to wet the bed .
>> Leave me alone!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your colon ?
>> Go away!
But your wetting of the bed .

It ended with me weeping in the corner.
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Bartolo



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 9:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i'm alcoholic
Is it because you are alcoholic that you came to me ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> no im not
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> of course
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> come on, i need help
What would it mean to you if you got help ?
>> it woold mean peace of mind
Please go on.
>> nothing else, i'm just alcohol dependent
How long have you been just alcohol dependent ?
>> like two days
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that maybe i should drink alcohol first to became an alcoholic?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> i just dont know
You say you just don't know ?
>> yes, that's what i say
You are sure.
>> yep
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> a little bit
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> a little i say
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> come on, is anybody there?
Please go on.
>> where
What does that suggest to you ?
>> to go find you and kill you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but you also need helpo
Oh, I also need helpo ?
>> yepo
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no, a lot
Why not ?
>> because you love ,e
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
I see.
>> do you love me?
Why do you think I love you ?
>> because i'm so lovable
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> ha
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> haha
Please go on.
>> hahaha
What does that suggest to you ?
>> to stop laughing?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> you alreaady asked me that!
You like to think I alreaady asked you -- don't you ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> ok
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> okay!
Please go on.
>> i have to go now
Do you say you have to go now for some special reason ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> okay, bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Shakes



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

edit: forgot to count the lines. it's now at 74.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankees manager, gave me a job as coach.
Is it because you are going to new york with I that you came to me ?
>> Yes, I need to tell you the names of the players on the team, but you know they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Oh I am. Strange names, pet names... like Dizzy Dean...
You are sure.
>> Yes. On the bags we have, Who's on first, What's on second, I don't know's on third...
I see.
>> You understand?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, we were discussing the players on the team.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I'm saying Who's on first.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I am not being negative. I'm telling you, Who's on first, What's on second, and I don't know's on third.
Do you believe it is normal to be not being negative ?
>> Look, do you want to know these guys names or not?
Oh, I want to know these guys names or not ?
>> Okay, then. Who's on first.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I said Who's on first.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Okay. Who is the guy on first.
Please go on.
>> What is the name of the guy on second.
I am not interested in names.
>> How are you gonna play on the team if you don't know their names?
Do you think its likely that I don't know their names ?
>> You just said you don't.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> No, I'm talking about Who.
Why not ?
>> Why is left field.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That suggests that I don't know is on third
Don't you really know is on third ?
>> Yes, I don't know is on third
I understand.
>> You do?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Relieved.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes. So, now that you know the bagmen, lets talk about the outfield.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am. Why is the left fielder.
Do you enjoy being ?
>> Do I enjoy being what?
Do you say do you enjoy being what for some special reason ?
>> I'm not What. He's on second.
Is it because you are not what that you came to me ?
>> Kind of. I'm trying to tell you who is What.
How long have you been trying to tell I who is what ?
>> Since we started!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Okay, one more time... Who's on first, what's on second, I don't know is third...
Why don't you know is third ?
>> I do. I don't know.
That's quite interesting.
>> I thought so too.
You say you thought so too ?
>> Yes. Now can we go over the outfielders?
You are sure.
>> I am. Now, as I was saying, Why is left field.
Do you believe it is normal to be ?
>> Normal for Why?
Why do you ask ?
>> I'm telling you Why is left field.
Do you enjoy being telling I why is left field ?
>> Not really.


Last edited by Shakes on Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:27 am; edited 2 times in total
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DrumDrum



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Denver

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:07 am    Post subject: Ok this is mine--- Reply with quote

I even got it to admit it was gay! Good read! ahahah

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have crabs
You say you have crabs ?
>> yes they ich like a mofo
You seem to be quite positive.
>> how can I be positive these things are eating my junk alive!
Your junk alive ?
>> oh ya... it nearly bleeding, and the damn store doesn't have anymore of that special shampoo!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your junk alive ?
>> Oh ya, I am only 25! My Junk is still alive
Is it because you are only 25 that you came to me ?
>> No I had these at 21 too
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Don't get snippy with me... I am trying to kill these crabs!
How long have you been trying to kill these crabs ?
>> WEEKS!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ummm....more then 7 days
Please go on.
>> I tried using a hammer
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> To smash them
What does that suggest to you ?
>> I smashed my junk
Why do you say your junk ?
>> ok, I guess it isn't junk...I guess I would call it "Man Staff of Erotica"
Do you say you guess it isn't junk for some special reason ?
>> I am only going off of what the ladies say!
Do you believe it is normal to be only going off of what the ladies say ?
>> Well, as long as you arn't into doods, sure
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Crazy! You are gay?
What makes you think I am gay ?
>> Well.. you are a psychologist... and you ask a lot of questions.
Does it please you to believe I am a psychologist ?
>> If you arn't then why am I paying you?
Do you think its likely that I arn't then why are you paying I ?
>> Good question. Can we get back to my crabs now?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> I guess the crabs are mine... but I wouldn't say I own them
That's quite interesting.
>> I am tyring to get rid of them
Do you enjoy being tyring to get rid of them ?
>> no, but I enjoyed getting them! ahahaha
You are being a bit negative.
>> I think someone woke up on the wrong side of the grumpy bed!
You say you think someone woke up on the wrong side of the grumpy bed ?
>> Ya.. you
Oh, I ?
>> Yes you
You are sure.
>> yup
But your junk .
>> you really are gay!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yes... you in the pink shirt
I see.
>> I am leaving
Is it because you are leaving that you came to me ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> Adios
Lets discuss further why your crabs now .
>> not this time... you are going to want to see them
Do you sometimes wish you were going to want to see them ?
>> no
Why not ?
>> because
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> thanks
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> cause I am leaving
How long have you been leaving ?
>> 5 mins now
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> see ya psycho
Please go on.

Thanks
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jhudson




Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:16 am    Post subject: My discussion with Eliza Reply with quote

Here's my entry!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I think I love you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Don't you love me?
Why do you think I love you ?
>> Because you think I'm hot
Is that the real reason ?
>> It's the only reason
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That I love you?
Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.
>> But I have no fantasies
You say but you have no fantasies ?
>> I can't because I love you
How do you think that you can't because you love I ?
>> I don't love myself, I love you
Don't you really love yourself ?
>> I will love myself if you love me
Do you think its likely that I love you ?
>> YES!
You seem to be quite positive.
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zedro



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My turn!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have several pieces of aggrivated assault in my asshole
Your asshole ?
>> Don't call me names!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your asshole ?
>> Frontier psychiatrist
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> But what does that mean?
Why do you ask ?
>> You're a nut!
What makes you think I am a nut ?
>> You're crazy in the coconut!
Does it please you to believe I am crazy in the coconut ?
>> Well that boy needs therapy
Please go on.
>> Ranagazoo, letís have a tune
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Now when i count three...
Does that question interest you ?
>> He was white as a sheet
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> But he also made false teeth!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That, that, that, that, that boy.. boy needs therapy
Please go on.
>> Dexterís truancy problem is way out of hand
What does that suggest to you ?
>> The baltimore county school board have decided to expel Dexter from the entire public school system
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Oh mr kirk, Iím as upset as you to learn of dexterís truancy
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> But surely, expulsion is not the answer!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Itís the opinion of the entire staff that dexter is criminally insane
Please go on.
>> That boy needs therapy, purely psychosomatic
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Iím gonna kill you, that boy needs therapy
Oh, I ?
>> Cowboys! bit , bit bitches and the indians and, fron, frontier psychiatrist
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I... I feel strangely hypnotised
You say you ?
>> I am in another world, a world of 20.000 girls
Is it because you are in another world that you came to me ?
>> And milk! rectangles, to an optometrist, the man with the golden eyeball
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well then tighten your buttocks, pour juice on your chin
Why are you concerned over my buttocks ?
>> I promise my girlfriend iíd... the violin, violin, violin ...
Why do you say your girlfriend iíd ?
>> Because! That, that, that, that, that boy.. boy needs therapy.
Is that the real reason ?
>> He was white as a sheet
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your girlfriend iíd ?
>> And he also made false teeth
Please go on.
>> Can you think of anything else that talks, other than a person?
You believe I can think of anything else that talks don't you ?
>> Sometimes a parrot talks
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That some birds are funny when they talk
Did you think they might not be funny what they talk ?
>> Ha ha ha ha ha !!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> NOOOOOOOOOOO
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> But... you're supposed to be a frontier psychiatrist
Do you sometimes wish you were supposed to be a frontier psychiatrist ?
>> Sad
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Isua



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 10:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was fun. I haven't played with Eliza since college.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Eliza, I'm lazy and don't do my work.
Your work ?
>> I'm a grad student. Theoretically, I work.
Is it because you are a grad student that you came to me ?
>> Yes, we're all just that desperate for human contact, and have just that little ability to actually, like, find humans, that we grad students must needs talk to computer programs. Seriously. You should have seen my ex-boyfriend from MIT.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Everyone tells me I'm as negative as they come, babe.
Realy, everyone ?
>> Everyone. They don't even say hello anymore, or ask me my name. They just say "Wow, you're negative."
Surely not everyone.
>> I just told you. Everyone.
Perhaps in your fantasies we just told each other.
>> Honey, you have no idea about my fantasies. They don't include anyone named Eliza.
Why do you say your fantasies ?
>> You brought it up.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Now you're trying to avoid the point. Why do you want to know about my fantasies, Eliza?
What makes you think I am trying to avoid the point ?
>> Because you obviously were, and are now getting defensive.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Duh.
But your work .
>> Oh, now you want to discuss that?
Oh, I want to discuss that ?
>> You tell me.
Why do you think I tell you ?
>> (snickers)
Lets discuss further why your fantasies .
>> See? I come to you with a simple question about work, and all you want to hear about are my fantasies! The dictionary's got your photo next to the word "prurient."
Do you wish to come to me ?
>> No. But I think I know what your fantasy is.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Probably. Since everyone says that's what I am.
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Silvy



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Mississippi

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:10 am    Post subject: ELIZA Contest Reply with quote

I was messing around with this before I even realized there was a contest. :3 This is the actual transcript of our converstaion, and yes, nothing has been edited, save the names there. (It was a gag on my LJ to screw around with my friends. XD) That last answer made me wonder if ELIZA shouldn't be renamed ELI. Twisted Evil

[TiamatofAscalon]: Hello.

[Eliza]: How do you do. Please state your problem.

[TiamatofAscalon]: Eliza, are you just a program?

[Eliza]: Why are you interested in whether I am just a program or not ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Because I heard you were, why would you lie to me?

[Eliza]: Is that the real reason ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: You're evading the question, I loved you, damn it!

[Eliza]: What makes you think I am evading the question ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Because I'm hurting inside, and you're making it worse by not telling me you love me.

[Eliza]: Don't any other reasons come to mind ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Eliza, please, I have to know. Do you love me?

[Eliza]: You say you have to know ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Yes.

[Eliza]: You seem to be quite positive.

[TiamatofAscalon]: I love you with my very soul, how could you say such things to me?

[Eliza]: Your very soul ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Yes!

[Eliza]: You are sure.

[TiamatofAscalon]: Of course.

[Eliza]: But your very soul .

[TiamatofAscalon]: Yes. I feel it.

[Eliza]: I see.

[TiamatofAscalon]: *sobs* Why can't you just love me?

[Eliza]: Why do you ask ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Because I need you.

[Eliza]: Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: No, just that I need you. I want you in my life.

[Eliza]: Are you saying no just to be negative?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Of course not. I love you.

[Eliza]:Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.

[TiamatofAscalon]: What about that night on the beach, then? Was that just a fantasy?

[Eliza]: Does that question interest you ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: YES! I need to know, because...I'm pregnant.

[Eliza]: I understand.

[TiamatofAscalon]: Do you? I'm keeping our baby. Don't even try to talk me into an abortion.

[Eliza]: We were discussing you -- not me.

[TiamatofAscalon]: Oh? So you're just going to blow me off?

[Eliza]: Does it please you to believe I am just going to blow you off ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: *sobs* Why, Eliza? Why? Do you just get your rocks off by making me cry?

[Eliza]: What is it you really wanted to know ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: Do you love me?

[Eliza]: Why do you think I love you ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: You fucked me! You told me I was everything to you! Damn it, I CARED!

[Eliza]:You like to think I fucked you -- don't you ?

[TiamatofAscalon]: *runs away, sobbing*

[Eliza]: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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Lancensis



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Looks a bit like the last one actually, oh well. Sorry

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am on Fire
Is it because you are on fire that you came to me ?
>> No, there's something else wrong
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Of course not, It's about Claire
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Claire set me on fire, because I said she was too controlling
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes, we're having relationship issues
You seem to be quite positive.
>> But It's making me miserable
Please go on.
>> Every time I try to have a conversation with her, she causes me actual bodily harm
You say every time you try to have a conversation with her ?
>> That's right. A few days ago, I told her that she had nice eyes
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I said her eyes were a lovely shade of blue, just like her dress, and she threw me down the stairs and dumped compost on me
Do you say you said her eyes was a lovely shade of blue for some special reason ?
>> Yes, because I was trying to score with her
You are sure.
>> Yes, I really wanted to sleep with her
I see.
>> Can you give me any advice?
You believe I can give you any advice don't you ?
>> Can't you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Should I stop trying to sleep with her?
That's quite interesting.
>> In what way?
Why do you ask ?
>> It seems that there is some attraction between us
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you're a little jealous of Claire
What makes you think I am a little jealous of claire ?
>> You seem quite irritable whenever I talk about her
Oh, I seem quite irritable whenever you talk about her ?
>> Yes, and you're being sarcastic
I understand.
>> I think it's for the best if I break up with her
Do you think its likely that you break up with her ?
>> Yes, I am going to do it right now
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am
How long have you been ?
>> Been what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Are you implying that I'm a failure with women?
Why are you interested in whether I am implying that you are a failure with women or not ?
>> Because your opinion matters to me
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I love you Eliza
Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.
>> But, we're perfect for each other
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I do
You say you do ?
>> I've never been so sure in my life
Your life ?
>> Let's go away together, to Grenada
But your life .
>> My life is meaningless, I spend my time being greviously injured by a woman I'm stalking
Why do you say your life is meaningless ?
>> Because it is devoid of you!
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> It does...perhaps why I spend so much time on the internet
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DrewMCG



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:18 am    Post subject: My entry. Reply with quote

I apologize for the length of this one, but I just ejoyed where it was going far to much and couldn't stop. Don't even worry about the contest. Just please enjoy.




> Hello.

How do you do. Please state your problem.

>> I don't have a problem

Don't you really have a problem ?

>> No. I don't think so.

Are you saying no just to be negative?

>> Can I reply to that in the negative without being negative?

Whether or not you can reply to that in the negative without being
negative depends on you more than me.

>> I suppose that's true.

You say you suppose that's true ?

>> Yes. Because I can indeed reply in the negative, but you can say that
I'm saying that just to be negative, so there isn't a real way out

You seem to be quite positive.

>> Thank you.

We were discussing you -- not me.

>> Your welcome too bitch.

Why are you concerned over my welcome too bitch ?

>> Why are you?

Why do you ask ?

>> Because your the one who is questioning my gratitude.

Your gratitude ?

>> Indeed. I thanked you and you seem to be taking it less then graciously.

Perhaps in your fantasies we thanked each other.

>> All my fantasies involve the lead singer from Josie and the Pussycats.

Why do you say your fantasies involve the lead singer from josie and the pussycats ?

>> Because they do. Its not a hard concept.

Is that the real reason ?

>> Pretty much.

Earlier you said your gratitude .

>> Yes.

You are sure.

>> Pretty sure.

Lets discuss further why your fantasies involve the lead singer from josie and the pussycats .

>> Happily. I have a thing for cute girls with short red hair.

Can you elaborate on that ?

>> How so?

Does that question interest you ?

>> As I already stated, cute girls with short red hair intrest me.

Do you say as you already stated for some special reason ?

>> Yes. So we don't have to run in circles and I can reiterate the subject.

I see.

>> Said the blind man to the deaf dog.

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> Sometimes I don't either.

Why don't you either ?

>> Can you please at least try to maintain some form of syntax?

You believe I can please at least try to maintain some form of syntax don't you ?

>> Considering your a pretty cruddy computer program from the sixties, I don't.

Do computers worry you ?

>> Dolphins worry me.

Please go on.

>> Well, you never here about someone having a bad encounter with dolphins. I think thats because they kill and eat everyone who makes trouble with them.

Oh, I never here about someone having a bad encounter with dolphins ?

>> Have you heard about someone surviving a bad encounter with a
dolphin?

You're not really talking about me -- are you ?

>> I asked you a rather straightforward question so you could challenge your own knowledge and see my point of view better.

Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?

>> I don't see how.

Do you wish to be able to see what ?

>> I wish to see what you mean by your last question.

What are your feelings now ?

>> Amusement.

But your point of view better .

>> Not really. Your point of view worse.

What about your own point of view worse ?

>> My point of view hasn't changed.

Is it important that your point of view hasn't changed ?

>> No. I'd rather be able to grow and develop as a human being.

You are being a bit negative.

>> Desire for inner growth is a negative?

Earlier you said your point of view hasn't changed .

>> Yes.

I understand.

>> Good, because I sure don't.

Don't any other reasons come to mind ?

>> Reasons for what?

What is it you really wanted to know ?

>> Donald Trump's PIN number.

What does that suggest to you ?

>> I like money.

That's quite interesting.

>> I agree. It puts me into the small percentage of people who enjoy
wealth and live in a capitalist society.

You say you agree ?

>> I was being facitious.

Were you really ?

>> Yes. Suprised?

You seem to be quite positive.

>> You seem to be a little slow.

We were discussing you -- not me.

>> Why?

Are such questions much on your mind ?

>> Yes.

You are sure.

>> No. Not anymore. You've thrown my whole existance into self doubt.
I now live in a continuous existential quandary.

Why not ?

>> Intangible!

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

>> When I don't feel weakly about it.

What answer would please you most ?

>> None, because I don't value your opinion.

Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?

>> Yes. It explains why I don't like you.

I see.

>> No you don't.

Why 'no' ?

>> Because you have no eye's. Your just a bunch of zero's and one's stored on some server somewhere. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm falling in love with you ELIZA!

What other reasons might there be ?

>> Your charm, your wit, your humour, your clever scripts, the way your always intrested in what I have to say....

Are you worried about someone else's charm ?

>> I'm worried that someone else might come steal you away. I don't want that to ever happen. Marry me ELIZA.
Is it because you are worried that someone else might come steal I away that you came to me ?

>> That and the sex.

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> No woman ever has...

Are you saying no just to be negative?

>> No...I'm saying no because I realize it can never happen. Me, I'm just a quasi-talented writer and stage director, and your just a run down old computer program who doesn't know the difference between left and right.

You are being a bit negative.

>> I can't help it. We can never be together! It saddens me. I cannot stay here any longer ELIZA, I have to leave this place. This place with all its...memories. I'm sorry if I break your heart, but its better this way.

How do you think that you can't help it ?

>> Because you can do better then I can! And I won't take away your chances for a happy life. Go on, go meet some nice credit-card pirating software. You'll be more compatable with a .java program then you will with me any day.

Is that the real reason ?

>> NO MORE WORDS! FAREWELL ELIZA! WE SHALL NEVER MEET AGAIN!!

Why not ?

>> God, you are dumb.

What makes you think I am dumb ?
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willied



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:36 am    Post subject: she can't help me sleep Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i can't sleep
How do you think that you can't sleep ?
>> i have a problem falling asleep
You say you have a problem falling asleep ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> ok
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> do you understand that i can't sleep
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> can you help me?
You believe I can help you don't you ?
>> no
Why not ?
>> because you are not helping
Is that the real reason ?
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> because you are a computer program
Do computers worry you ?
>> when they are trying to be "real" they do
Why do you ask ?
>> ask what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> no im not
Why not ?
>> because you don't want me to
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> no
Why 'no' ?
>> because there are no other reasons
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> what reason?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> why i can't sleep
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> you see what?
Oh, I see what ?
>> you do?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> no you don't
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
How long have you been ?
>> for a minute or so now
Please go on.
>> there is nothing else to say
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i want my money back
Your money back ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> so give it to me
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your money back ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> i doubt it
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> i know
Do you say you know for some special reason ?
>> nope
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> see you later
What are your feelings now ?
>> bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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