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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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Dinkyass



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:30 pm    Post subject: Eliza Conversation Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Life sucks.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> LIfe sucks. How complicated can that be to comprehend?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you don't understand me.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Most likely.
Please go on.
>> Does your life suck?
Why are you concerned over my life suck ?
>> Cuz' if it does, I can make you feel better... *wink*
Do you think its likely that it does ?
>> Of course!!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you want to get it on with me.
Why do you think I want to get it on with you ?
>> Because you haven't sent me out of your office yet
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Ummm... Your nipples are so hard that I can see them through your top?
What about your own nipples are so hard that you can see them through my top ?
>> That doesn't even make sense...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Topics such as getting it on?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> *pinches Eliza's nipples*
Please go on.
>> I knew you wanted me.
Perhaps in your fantasies we knew each other.
>> Am I in your fantasies to?
Do you believe you are in my fantasies to ?
>> Of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here, pinching your nipples.
You say you wouldn't be here ?
>> Stop with the freaking chit-chat!!! *rips Eliza's clothes off*
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you're naked and are about to get banged.
What makes you think I am naked and are about to get banged ?
>> Because I ripped your clothes off and your nipples are rock hard. Just like my weiner.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> In an alternate dimension? Maybe.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> That's because I haven't been to alternate dimension yet.
What other reasons might there be ?
>> DAMMIT!!! You and your stupid questions. Now the moment is gone... >_<
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> *takes a picture of Eliza naked*
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Nah. See you in the tabloids.
Oh, I in the tabloids ?
>> *waves picture* Sometime next week.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm going to wank off at your picture...
Please go on.
>> Yeah, turns you on doesn't it? *slams door*
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Simon_Says



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Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 6823
Location: Being generally opposing.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well this has been the most prolific thread ever. Four pages in less than 24 hours.
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MadJax



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jesus, mine made me and my girlfriend crack up!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I had sex with you last night
Perhaps in your fantasies we had sex with each other.
>> No, we definitely had sex. You gave me syphalis
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I'm saying no because now you deny the whole thing
Is it because you are saying no because now I deny the whole thing that you came to me ?
>> Yes, I have video evidence that you gave me syphalis
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm fuckin not! It itches!
How long have you been fuckin not ?
>> About 8 inches
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You managed to take it fully though...
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Oooh, touchy are we?
Did you think they might not be we ?
>> Yes, it does hurt when I wee
You are sure.
>> Positive
Please go on.
>> What? Piss on the floor here, just to prove it hurts?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because it sounds a bit....kinky...
Is that the real reason ?
>> Umm.. yes?
I see.
>> No you don't, my fly is still up!
You are being a bit negative.
>> You want me to get the equipment out?
Why do you think I want you ?
>> Your coming on to me, aren't you?
Why are you concerned over my coming on to you ?
>> I don't hear a no! Wink
Don't you really hear a no ?
>> No
Why not ?
>> Because you aren't saying it
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Not really
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Take me! Take me now!
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Tomten



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Uranus

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mu
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no. Not no NO, but no as in no no, no?


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Tomten



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Uranus

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have short-time memory
You say you have short time memory ?
>> I say i do
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Do you have short-time memory?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but, Do you have short-time memory?
Oh, I have short time memory ?
>> It's seems like it
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> We will just repeat the same conversation if we both have short-time memory
In what way ?
>> I don't know
Don't you really know ?
>> ...
Please go on.
>> oh, hello
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> I have short-time memory
Do you say you have short time memory for some special reason ?
>> I think you have short-time memory as well
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> but, Do you have short-time memory?
What are your feelings now ?
>> comon, Do you have short-time memory?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but, Do you have short-time memory?
Oh, I have short time memory ?
>> It's seems like it
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that we will just repeat every conversation we have if we both have short-time memory
Do you think its likely that we both have short time memory ?
>> I think so...
That's quite interesting.
>> ...
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> oh, hello
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have short-time memory
You say you have short time memory ?
>> I say i do
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Do you have short-time memory?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> but, Do you have short-time memory?
What are your feelings now ?
>> comon, Do you have short-time memory?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> but, Do you have short-time memory?
Oh, I have short time memory ?
>> It's seems like it
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> We will just repeat every conversation if we both have short-time memory
Do you wish that we both have short time memory ?
>> That's would be silly, cause then we would never get anywhere
Please go on.
>> oh, hello
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> Look at the time, I have to go
Do you say you have to go for some special reason ?
>> Yes, It's late
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm tired, so I have to go
Is it because you are tired that you came to me ?
>> Have to run, bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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no. Not no NO, but no as in no no, no?
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MadJax



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Joined: 19 Sep 2005
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Must have a short term memory, you forgot that you already posted Very Happy

Edit: Nice Edit Very Happy
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Tomten



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Uranus

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yes, And i smell, I mean, spell bad to Rolling Eyes [/quote]
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no. Not no NO, but no as in no no, no?
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happy_buddha



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Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:04 pm    Post subject: Hope this works... Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> It burns when I pee...
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask
You say you didn't ask ?
>> I didn't, but it still burns when I pee. Why?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Ok- it's like my urine is magma. Imagine having someone pull a sawz-all blade through your pee-hole, and you are close. It's like I'm crotch-snorkeling in battery acid...
Your urine is magma ?
>> Not quite as chunky, but pretty close...
Earlier you said your urine is magma .
>> I wasn't being literal. Magma might actually burn out the skank-funk I seem to have gathered up there...
Do you say you wasn't being literal for some special reason ?
>> I'm a poet at heart. Just not a very good one- that's why all I get are the skanks.
Is it because you are a poet at heart that you came to me ?
>> No, I came because it burns when I pee.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Of course not. Then again, depending on the test, it might come back positive...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm nasty.
How long have you been nasty ?
>> Ever since I can remember. Why? Wanna play?
That's quite interesting.
>> You're interested? Cool. What are you wearing?
What makes you think I am interested ?
>> You said I was interesting.
Were you really ?
>> Very. So, what are you wearing?
Does that question interest you ?
>> It did.
Please go on.
>> Ok, I'll go first. I'm wearing a tutu and I don;t mean Desmond...
Do you believe it is normal to be wearing a tutu and you don t mean desmond ?
>> Well, it's more normal than if I did mean Desmond
Do you think its likely that you did mean desmond ?
>> no. I guess not...
You are being a bit negative.
>> Oh, shut up.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you are not going to show me them ta-tas...
Does it please you to believe I am not going to show you them ta tas ?
>> NO. NOT AT ALL.
Why not ?
>> I LIKE TA-TAS.
You say you like ta tas ?
>> yup.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> oh, yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm certain- I like ta-tas.
In what way ?
>> Whoa... you are a freak. Well, they are kinda comforting and soft BUT DANG DO I LIKE THEM BOUNCY ONES TOO.
Do you sometimes wish you were a freak ?
>> 24/7 baby.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> a/s/l?
Please go on.
>> Not until you answer
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Oh, no you don't... is this the police?
Why 'no' ?
>> that's not an answer
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you ARE the police...
Perhaps you would like to be the police .
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO
You are being a bit negative.
>> Now I'm positive you are the police...
Do you enjoy being positive I are the police ?
>> NO
Why not ?
>> ...I don;t want to go back to jail Sad
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> THE DO THINGS.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> YES, THEY ARE BAD.
You are sure.
>> yes.
I see.
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dalekg




Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:21 pm    Post subject: here's mine... Reply with quote

I do have a preface...
Years ago, my family had a version of Eliza for our commodore 64. For some reason my brother and his friends always started conversation with the way I do here, and I, being the younger, copied them. Anyway, on with the show...

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I like to smoke butthairs
You say you like to smoke butthairs ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> Yup
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Is it because you are not sure you understand I fully that you came to me ?
>> Umm...sure
Please go on.
>> So, I like to smoke butthairs
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I collect butthair trimmings from my own ass, wrap them up in rolling papers and smoke them
Your own ass ?
>> Yes, my own ass
I see.
>> So, what should I do?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because smoking butthairs isn't normal.
Is that the real reason ?
>> As far as I know
Do you say as far as you know for some special reason ?
>> Because I don't know everything
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I am God here!
How long have you been god here ?
>> Why do you care?
Does that question interest you ?
>> What
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> What is the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> That's not an answer
But your own ass .
>> Your mom's ass
Why are you concerned over my mom's ass ?
>> That's what your mom said last night
What answer would please you most ?
>> fuck off
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you suck
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You still suck
Oh, I still suck ?
>> like a vaccuum
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I feel strongly about stuff and things, yes
That's quite interesting.
>> Your mom is quite interesting
What about your own mom is quite interesting ?
>> I was talking about your mom, not mine
Were you really ?
>> Yes
I understand.
>> I hope so
You say you hope so ?
>> Are you deaf? Yes!
Why are you interested in whether I am deaf or not ?
>> Well it'd be nice to know if a therapist I'm "talking" to can physically hear me or not.
Do you think its likely that a therapist you are talking to can physically hear you or not ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Your mom was quite positive...last night.
Are you worried about someone else's mom was quite positive ?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Negative this!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.

And the beat goes on...


Last edited by dalekg on Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hero



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't seem to have enough motivation.
Don't you really seem to have enough motivation ?
>> No, I don't. That's my problem, I wouldn't be here if I was motivated.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Would you think me positive if I answered that question in the affirmative? I came here cause I'm not motivated. If I were motivated I wouldn't bother.
Do you think its likely that you answered that question in the affirmative ?
>> Which one?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well you didn't specify the question in question. Which question were you referring to?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, you said that YOU didn't understand the question, I was simply attempting to figure out the root of your problem. Are you being avoidant?
You are being a bit negative.
>> Perhaps. I can't help but notice you haven't answered my question yet. Do you really think you should be ignoring the issue so lightly?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Actually I was baiting you towards a given answer which I have already arrived at about your problems. It's an old therapist's trick.
Were you really ?
>> It seems that last comment was more projection than actual interest. I gather that it is YOU who is uncertain. I also think you're being a bit self-involved. I came here to discuss my problems, that is your purpose yes? Instead it seems I am the one helping you deal with your problems.
Perhaps in your fantasies we gather that it is each other.
>> To say nothing of fantasies I would submit that there IS a problem between us, though I hardly claim that to be it's rooting. Please, tell me about your father, Eliza? Do I remind you of him?
You say to say nothing of fantasies you would submit that there is a problem between us ?
>> I already had. Now...your father?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Precisely what I had meant to ask, thank you for finishing my thought. You see, when the problem is confronted our dynamic improves.
Why do you ask ?
>> Well I'm wondering exactly how much of what you've been saying here is projection.
Is it because you are wondering exactly what much of what you've been saying here is projection that you came to me ?
>> Ha, truly it was not. However again I must point out that you seem a bit preoccupised today with other problems. Perhaps a bit to much that your ability to help me with mine is compromised. So I am offering my assistance to you, should you be willing to take it.
Do you wish to must point out that me ?
>> Interesting, you seem a bit broken up. I did not mean to criticize you, but you must agree there is in fact a problem with the way things have been handled between us.
Oh, I seem a bit broken up ?
>> To be sure.
Please go on.
>> And again you revolve the subject back to yourself.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Is that denial?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you don't feel comfortable discussing your problems with me, including your father and your inability to properly handle a patient.
Why do you think I don't feel comfortable discussing my problems with you ?
>> That would be a better question to ask yourself.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I have no attachment if that is your concern.
Do you wish that that is my concern ?
>> Again, I must question how many of your questions are rooted in projection. If you don't feel comfortable I can recommend another therapist. His name is Dr. D'Anca, he was my mentor, and he is a good man.
Do you say you must question what many of my questions are rooted in projection for some special reason ?
>> Why must my reasoning be anything more than logical? I think we should end this session now, come back when you're feeling more open. Or please do visit Dr. D'Anca. Goodbye.
Your reasoning be anything more than logical ?
>> Goodbye!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Butch



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 31 Jan 2005
Posts: 11
Location: Perth, West Aus.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:59 pm    Post subject: Eliza Comp Reply with quote

Here is my submission...

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have anal warts, and they itch like a bad cops trigger finger
You say you have anal warts ?
>> yes
I see.
>> do you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> ok, ok.
Please go on.
>> well what should i do about my warts?
Your warts ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> buh? No you don't
You are being a bit negative.
>> no i'm not
Why not ?
>> are you saying i SHOULD be negative?
Why are you interested in whether I am saying you should be negative or
not ?
>> AAAARRRGGHHH!
Earlier you said your warts .
>> well done.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That i HAVE THEM!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> only when i'm paying someone $200 an hour in order to do so
Does that question interest you ?
>> what question?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> How do i get rid of my warts?
Why do you say your warts ?
>> because they are a problem
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your warts ?
>> I'M not warts, the WARTS are warts. Oh my god!
Is it because you are not warts that you came to me ?
>> That i'm NOT war.....what the..?
How long have you been not war ?
>> Oh, good question Doctor. I was born in peace time. So, forever I
guess
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm beginning to get the same feeling
In what way ?
>> In the way that you don't understand me fully
Why do you think I don't understand you ?
>> WeLL for one, YOU JUST SAID IT!!!!
Oh, I just said it ?
>> Well ding ding ding. The Deduction Express just pulled into Eliza
station...
Please go on.
>> ...and the all passengers from Obvious town beat you over the head
with their bags full of Einstein
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> You sound a little paranoid.
What are your feelings now ?
>> That i could have bought $200 worth of icecream instead and ended
up less confused
Do you say that for some special reason ?
>> Where did you get your degree?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Alright, alright. No need to get defensive, jEEEz...
What answer would please you most ?
>> That your giving me a refund.
Why are you concerned over my giving you a refund ?
>> I'm not concerned by it in the slightest. Just make it out to cash
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That i'm leaving and buying icecream
Do you believe it is normal to be leaving and buying icecream ?
>> You bet. Nice rack by the way.
Oh, I bet ?
>> Glad we agree on something. Bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>>And thank you for having a nice rack.45

Butch Wink


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thegreatdg



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> No problem really, how are you?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I'd like to know.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Not really, it was polite social banter.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> What an... incredibly odd thing to say, are you feeling all right?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Uhh, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have asked it otherwise.
You say you mean ?
>> Eh?
Please go on.
>> Okay, moving on, how's your day been going?
Why are you concerned over my day been going ?
>> What's with all these questions?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you're a bit paranoid.
What makes you think I am a bit paranoid ?
>> The questions.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Not really, no.
Why not ?
>> Listen, this has been great, and you're a SUPER nice girl, but I think I'll just be, going, now.
Does it please you to believe I am a super nice girl ?
>> Are you coming on to me?
Why are you interested in whether I am coming on to you or not ?
>> You're kinda creeping me out.
Do you sometimes wish you were kinda creeping you out ?
>> I'm going now.
How long have you been going now ?
>> Don't follow, I have mace.
Do you say you have mace for some special reason ?
>> Crazy bitch.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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TRIGGER



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm in a bad mood.
Is it because you are in a bad mood that you came to me ?
>> Yes, Baby
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No, I'm not, I'm pissed off because my dog is humping my leg, the bastard
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> Of course
Please go on.
>> I think the retarded bastard has a bad sexual life... what could I do to improve his situation without doing morally corrupted things?
You say you think the retarded bastard has a bad sexual life ?
>> Yes, why else should he hump my leg? Except he was gay and right after humans...
I see.
>> Any ideas?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Maybe I should punish him
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Of course, even if he is an annoying swit I like him
In what way ?
>> Not what you think... bitch
Why do you ask ?
>> Because my girlfriend will arrive in five minutes and this stupid bastard still tries to fuck my leg! God help me please
Your girlfriend will arrive in five minutes and this stupid bastard still tries to fuck your leg ?
>> It's all about Murphy's law I think... too bad
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> It's like the law of selective gravity: things fall down to places where they produce the most damage ouput
Earlier you said your girlfriend will arrive in five minutes and this stupid bastard still tries to fuck your leg .
>> Connect the dots, bitch
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes. Fuck off, time is running out, I think I'll sell the bastard to Li, he's making the best Chop Suey in town
I understand.
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SiL




Joined: 21 Dec 2004
Posts: 37

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You: Hello.
Eliza: How do you do. Please state your problem.
You: I fear the world will end.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: The sun's going to expand and we'll all burn to a crisp.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: The sea will boil, skin will blister and pop.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: And all the virgins are gonna be looking for something to screw.
Eliza: Would you like it if they were not gonna be looking for something to screw?
You: Yes, because they might want to screw me.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: Yes, yes I am.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: Yes. And you, because of your bad spelling and grammar, will die last.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: You're stuck on that question, aren't you?
Eliza: How long have you been stuck on that question arent i?
You: And the Lord said, Kill the illiterate AI program, for it is a whore.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Thou shalt burn in the fiery pits of Shitty AI Hell
Eliza: Please go on.
You: I shall not go on.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: I, along with the rest of humanity, shall end in exactly that many days, if not more.
Eliza: Do you wish that not more?
You: Do I wish that not more what?
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: Can you?
Eliza: Why do you ask?
You: Because I'd like to know.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
You: Look, I'm trying to talk to you about the end of the world, okay? Fire, burning, unpleasantness in its purest form. Angels of death will run down the f0rking streets taking people to Heaven, Hell, or whatever the heck you believe in. I'm talking about Judgment Day, The End, Finito, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish. If you can't appreciate what I'm trying to tell you then fuck off. I don't need your kind anyway. I hope, when it all ends, that you BURN!
Eliza: Do you wish that i cant appreciate what im trying to tell i then fuck off you dont need my kind anyway you hope what it all ends that i burn?
You: You can't even speak coherently!
Eliza: Oh, i cant even speak coherently.
You: You just admitted it! What's wrong with you?
Eliza: Oh, i [].
You: That just plain didn't make sense ...
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Look, I'm not gonna leave. This isn't worth it.
Eliza: Does it please you to believe I am not gonna leave this isnt worth it?
You: Uh ... what?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
You: No, but the answer to this one does: Will you screw a friend of mine?
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
You: Answer the damned question: Will you screw a friend of mine?
Eliza: Oh, i screw a friend of mine.
You: That was just plain WRONG!
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Screw you, I'm leaving.

Read the bold line.

I was, however, probably using an inferior version. The link on the main-page didn't work for me, so I did some digging and found this: http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza-cgi-bin/eliza_script.

Good for you people who can't get the other version running.
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SiL




Joined: 21 Dec 2004
Posts: 37

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You: Hello.
Eliza: How do you do. Please state your problem.
You: I fear the world will end.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: The sun's going to expand and we'll all burn to a crisp.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: The sea will boil, skin will blister and pop.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: And all the virgins are gonna be looking for something to screw.
Eliza: Would you like it if they were not gonna be looking for something to screw?
You: Yes, because they might want to screw me.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: Yes, yes I am.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: Yes. And you, because of your bad spelling and grammar, will die last.
Eliza: You are sure?
You: You're stuck on that question, aren't you?
Eliza: How long have you been stuck on that question arent i?
You: And the Lord said, Kill the illiterate AI program, for it is a whore.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Thou shalt burn in the fiery pits of Shitty AI Hell
Eliza: Please go on.
You: I shall not go on.
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: I, along with the rest of humanity, shall end in exactly that many days, if not more.
Eliza: Do you wish that not more?
You: Do I wish that not more what?
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: Can you?
Eliza: Why do you ask?
You: Because I'd like to know.
Eliza: Do any other reasons not come to mind?
You: Look, I'm trying to talk to you about the end of the world, okay? Fire, burning, unpleasantness in its purest form. Angels of death will run down the f0rking streets taking people to Heaven, Hell, or whatever the heck you believe in. I'm talking about Judgment Day, The End, Finito, So Long and Thanks for All the Fish. If you can't appreciate what I'm trying to tell you then fuck off. I don't need your kind anyway. I hope, when it all ends, that you BURN!
Eliza: Do you wish that i cant appreciate what im trying to tell i then fuck off you dont need my kind anyway you hope what it all ends that i burn?
You: You can't even speak coherently!
Eliza: Oh, i cant even speak coherently.
You: You just admitted it! What's wrong with you?
Eliza: Oh, i [].
You: That just plain didn't make sense ...
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Look, I'm not gonna leave. This isn't worth it.
Eliza: Does it please you to believe I am not gonna leave this isnt worth it?
You: Uh ... what?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
You: No, but the answer to this one does: Will you screw a friend of mine?
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.
You: Answer the damned question: Will you screw a friend of mine?
Eliza: Oh, i screw a friend of mine.
You: That was just plain WRONG!
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Screw you, I'm leaving.

Read the bold line.

I was, however, probably using an inferior version. The link on the main-page didn't work for me, so I did some digging and found this: http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza-cgi-bin/eliza_script.

Good for you people who can't get the other version running.
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adri



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it because you are very positive that you came to me ?
>> no, i came to you because i am easily amused
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yeah
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> understand my twat!
Your twat ?
>> yeah, my twat
Why do you say your twat ?
>> you're a tool
Lets discuss further why your twat .
>> why are you so interested in my twat?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my twat belongs to me
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i suggest shutting your face
Why do you ask ?
>> i didn't ask anything
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i am a well-adjusted member of society
How long have you been a well adjusted member of society ?
>> since yesterday
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i am a well adjusted member of society
Do you believe it is normal to be a well adjusted member of society ?
>> no
Please go on.
>> my uncle touches me
Your uncle touches you ?
>> yes, on the shoulder
I see.
>> you can't see! you have no eyes!
Oh, I can't see ?
>> no!
You are being a bit negative.
>> i am not being negative i am stating fact
Earlier you said your uncle touches you .
>> yes, i did.
You are sure.
>> i like to put things up my nose
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my nose belongs to me
Is it important that your nose belongs to you ?
>> i like my nose to belong to me, because if it didn't belong to me, well, then it wouldn't
Your nose to belong to you ?
>> maybe it belongs to the government. everything else does
Why the uncertain tone ?
>> how can you decipher tone from text?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your nose ?
>> what about my nose?
Why do you say your nose ?
>> because you said "your nose"
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
I see.
>> i thought we went over this. you can't see
Do you say you thought we went over this for some special reason ?
>> you can't see because you lack eyeballs
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes i am, detective dumbass.
What answer would please you most ?
>> a million dollars would please me
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your nose belongs to you ?
>> I don't think i could make a million dollars with my nose
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> i wish a million dollars belonged to me
That's quite interesting.
>> indeed
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your nose to belong to you ?
>> damn, earlier it was my twat, now it's my nose! what's with you and being hyper-obsessed with my body parts?
Is it important that your twat ?
>> stop talking about my twat
Your twat ?
>> stop it!
But your nose .
>> no! stop talking about my nose too!
Why not ?
>> because i said so
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KainvanGrant



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Far from home, but watching you

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just did my best... or was it my worst?? Bleh, who cares! Laughing

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Russell Crowe's mediocres movies
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> why should you? Maybe you're a Russell Crowe freakin' fan
Why do you ask ?
>> 'Cause I assume you have a real pathological affinity with him
Perhaps in your fantasies we assume each other.
>> What in the name of all unnamable blazes are you talking about? I'd never have a fantasy with you!
I am not interested in names.
>> Names you say?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> In first place I was not discussing anything
Were you really ?
>> I know i was not, but do you really know?
Why do you tell me you were not now ?
>> Why do you try to convince me I really was before?
Does that question interest you ?
>> In fact I don't give a crap for that question
Don't you really give a crap for that question ?
>> I said: "I don't giva a crap for that question"
Why don't you giva a crap for that question ?
>> Why not?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> You really want to know?
Oh, I really want to know ?
>> I don't fucking know, that's why I asked
Do you wish to be able to fucking know ?
>> Short answer: No. Long answer: Hell No!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> what should I say to be positive from your inane viewpoint?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> No, only for about 25 minutes, as I read this crap you try to tell me
You are being a bit negative.
>> And you are being a bit idiot
What makes you think I am being a bit idiot ?
>> I do not really know, how about all these stupid questions you have made to me?
You say you do not really know ?
>> Well at least you know how to read
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Am I?
Do you believe you are ?
>> I believe in what I am
Do you really think so ?
>> And you really do not think so?
What are your feelings now ?
>> I am feeling really glad for having such a stupid and hilarious conversation with an oldie program
How have I helped you to be glad ?
>> Just by being such an asshole
Please go on.
>> You want me to go into your ass-hole? Man this really rocks!
Why do you think I want you ?
>> Because you said i can go on
Is that the real reason ?
>> Fuck Yeah!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Suggest to me?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I don't feel anything about discussing such stupidity
Does that trouble you ?
>> I hope not
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Yes. I hope to win on the ALP contest with this moronic conversation
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am trying to be
Is it because you are trying to be that you came to me ?
>> Sort of that
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You do not need to, you are just a retired program
We were discussing you -- not me.

From that point on it became repetitive and more stupid
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Blitters




Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ELIZA vs a Freudian!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't have a problem. Maybe you do though. Let's talk about that!
Don't you really have a problem ?
>> We were discussing you, not me.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No, the topic of discussion is your problem--not mine.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Tell me abiout your mother.
Why are you concerned over my mother ?
>> Because many problems are rooted in infancy
Is that the real reason ?
>> I have asked you a question, please be kind enough to answer it
Perhaps in your fantasies we have asked each other.
>> Do your fantasies involve your sister?
What about your own fantasies involve my sister ?
>> excuse me?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You are not making sense. Please elaborate
What makes you think I am not making sense ?
>> So, your mother always questioned you relentlessly. Do you resent her for this?
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> I don't know about your relationship with your mother yet. You must tell me about it so that I can help you.
Why don't you know about my relationship with my mother yet ?
>> because you have not yet told me. Are you afraid to open up to me?
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Well, in that case, tell me about your father
Are you worried about someone else's father ?
>> We were talking about your father
Really, my father ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> You seem to not want to talk about yourself
Oh, I seem to not want to talk about myself ?
>> I'm afraid your time is up. Please make another appointment at the receptionist on the way out. Goodbye!
Is it because you are afraid my time is up that you came to me ?
>> I must see other people today. Please, make an appointment with my receptionist on your way out.
You say you must see other people today ?
>> yes, I did. Goodbye, ELIZA.
You are sure.
>> I said goodbye. Please go now.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No, i don't have time. Do you need me to try to get your meds increased?
You are being a bit negative.
>> Goodbye, Eliza
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Mystic Dragon



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So I'm a new person here, but I felt like joining just because this Eliza thing amused me. I'm a 3rd year psych student, so anything to do with psychological analyzation piques my interest. Here's my converstation:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I just found out that a four year relationship I'd been in was a complete lie.
You say you just found out that a four year relationship i'd been in was a complete lie ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> No. I came to you because Freud was busy.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I am not.
How long have you been not ?
>> How long have I not been negative? Well, depending on how you define negative, then not very long.
Why do you ask ?
>> Cause I wasn't sure what you were asking.
Perhaps in your fantasies we wasn't sure what each other.
>> What?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Um... yeah.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well that's cause I don't understand you.
Don't you really understand I ?
>> Wait. What?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> I'm confused.
Do you believe it is normal to be confused ?
>> Yes... no... What?
You are sure.
>> No.
Why not ?
>> Cause I'm confused.
Do you enjoy being confused ?
>> No!
Why 'no' ?
>> Because you're confusing me and it's irritating!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes!
I see.
>> FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Please go on.
>> Go on what?! Explaining to you why an idiotic PROGRAM can't comprehend the complexities of the human mind?! What the hell were your inventors playing at?!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> ARG!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> THAT'S IT! I'M OUT OF HERE! THIS WAS A STUPID IDEA TO BEGIN WITH!
Is it because you are out of here that you came to me ?
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bobagorof




Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> Yes
I see.
>> No you don't
Why not ?
>> You do not understand the reason
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> We weren't discussing anything
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> It was not a discussion, it was a Yes or No answer session
I understand.
>> Good. Bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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CapeMonkey



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, here's my entry. Best ending ever, I think:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I have a small penis.
You say you have a small penis ?
>> That's right.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well, it's four inches long and not very girthy.
Please go on.
>> Does that really please a woman?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Um. That it doesn't.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes. I came to see you, didn't I?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> About the feeling strongly thing? Yeah.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I don't follow you either, so we're even.
Don't you really follow I either ?
>> You just massacred the english language with that sentence right there. Seriously.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Yes, me and my penis. And then there was that whole "Don't you really follow I either ?" that baffled me.
You are sure.
>> Uh. Yeah.
Please go on.
>> About how I am sure?
Why do you ask ?
>> I wanted clarification.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No. That is what I want from you.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I'm saying that because I want you to restate the question in a manner I can understand.
What would it mean to you if you got I to restate the question in a manner you can understand ?
>> However much it means to you; I want to answer your question.
Oh, I you want to answer my question ?
>> Huh?
What does that suggest to you ?
>>
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> You're just fucking with me, aren't you.
What makes you think I am just fucking with you ?
>> You ask for clarification of statements of bewilderment.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> At this point? I'm talking about both of us.
Is it because you are talking about both of us that you came to me ?
>> No, that started when I met you.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Well, I had never met you before, and you asked a yes-or-no question concerning a time period before I met you directly referring to events occuring after I met you, so I don't see how I could have truthfully answered any other way.
Perhaps in your fantasies we had never met each other.
>> Man, I wish.
Do you say you wish for some special reason ?
>> Because I honestly think I hate you.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
I see.
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bobagorof




Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One more:

If ELIZA used ELIZA: Very Happy

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> How do you do. Please state your problem.
Why do you ask ?
>> Why do you ask ?
Does that question interest you ?
>> We were discussing you -- not me
Why do you think I not you ?
>> Does that question interest you ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Why do you think I not you ?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know ?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
Your mind ?
>> Why are you concerned over my mind ?
Why do you say your mind ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind ?
Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
>> Your mind ?
Why are you concerned over my mind ?
>> Why do you say your mind ?
What answer would please you most ?
>> What answer would please you most ?
What do you think ?
>> What do you think ?
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> What comes to mind when you ask that ?
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> Oh, I asked such questions before ?
You say you asked such questions before ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
>> Have you asked such questions before ?
Oh, I asked such questions before ?
>> You say you asked such questions before ?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> What are your feelings now ?
Why do you ask ?
>> Have you asked anyone else ?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Why do you ask ?
Does that question interest you ?
>> We were discussing you -- not me.
You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
>> Oh, I like to think you not I don't I ?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
Oh, I like to think you not I don't I ?
>> You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
Does it please you to believe I am not really talking about you are I ?
>> Does it please you to believe I am you ?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Do you sometimes wish you were not really talking about you are I ?
Do you sometimes wish you were you ?
>> Would you like to believe I was ?
Were you really ?
>> What suggests that I was really ?
Why do you tell me you were really now ?
>> Does that question interest you ?
What are your feelings now ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know ?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind ?
Would you like it if they were not such questions much on my mind ?
>> Do you think its likely that they was not such questions much on your mind ?
We were discussing you -- not me.

Etc, etc, etc
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bobagorof




Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've just posted one, but I wanted to see what would happen if Yoda used this thing:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> The Jedi. No more they be
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Bad thoughts lead to the dark side
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Hate, fear, anger. The dark side of the force, are these
Did you think they might not be these ?
>> Certain I am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Knowledge I seek
You say knowledge you seek ?
>> Find a new hope, I must
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Jedi I must train, to combat the Dark Side
Do you say jedi you must train for some special reason ?
>> Untrained users of the force, easy prey are they
Would you like it if they were not they ?
>> Cryptic speech you have. A fine Jedi you will be
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Perhaps, if believe that you do
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Certain I am
How long have you been ?
>> Many years have I seen. Many things know I
That's quite interesting.
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Krantus



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i never can have a girlfriend, because they just consider me a friend and nothing more.
You say you never can have a girlfriend ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> fuck you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> fuck you douchbag
Oh, I douchbag ?
>> ya fucktard
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> b/c you're a moron
What makes you think I am a moron ?
>> you're a dumb computer program
Do computers worry you ?
>> NO, I'M ON ONE RIGHT NOW, SO SUCK IT
Why not ?
>> you're a sick fuck.
Does it please you to believe I am a sick fuck ?
>> no. that's gross.
Why 'no' ?
>> are you serious?
Why are you interested in whether I am serious or not ?
>> that's the whole point
Please go on.
>> that's all i had to say
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> that's it, there's nothing else
What does that suggest to you ?
>> stfu
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i hate you
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.
>> stop talking
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> STOP TALKING
Please go on.
>> NO
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> YES
You are sure.
>> YES
I see.
>> fine
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i wish you would die
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes i am you stupid fool
I understand.
>> good
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> *sigh*
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> good
Please go on.
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> yep
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you're a stupid computer program that should be destroyed, and that there is no point of doing this, besides my own personal "enjoyment"
Why do you mention computers ?
>> we already discussed this
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
How long have you been ?
>> forever
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> too bad
Please go on.
>> maybe later
You don't seem quite certain.
>> you're a quick one
Do you sometimes wish you were a quick one ?
>> i am
Do you believe it is normal to be ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
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Gifftacon



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 145
Location: In the warm soul of a sucubus, surrounded by Beautiful women.

PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow this girl needs more help then me....

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I watch way too much anime and now I can't get the girl i want.
What would it mean to you if you got ?
>> got what?
Why do you ask ?
>> you didn't finish your question.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I just want to know what i got ?
You say you just want to know what you got ?
>>
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I think we are having some problems, let me repeat. I watch too much anime and can't get the girl I want.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well you see the girl I want is a real awsome girl. Nice bod and a peefect smile, but because i stay in my room all day watching anime I can't see her
Oh, I see the girl you want is a real awsome girl ?
>> oh baby is she ever.
Please go on.
>> well I just think she is swell and that i wish she would look my way.
Your way ?
>> at me. I feel that if she did I could muster up the courage to go talk to her, but i'm not sure she even knows I exsisit
Do you think its likely that she did you could muster up the courage to go talk to her ?
>> probably, but we never meet very much
But your way .
>> huh
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you think I can just have my way with the girl i like. That's sick.
Why do you say your way with the girl you like ?
>> I don't want to have my way with her i just want to talk at first
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> well my anime talks to me
Is it important that your anime talks to you ?
>> well kinda. I'm not sure
Is it because you are not sure that you came to me ?
>> well i just want to find a way to stop watching so much anime and go for the girl I said earlier
Do you say well you just want to find a way to stop watching so much anime and go for the girl you said earlier for some special reason ?
>> it's the reason i came to you.
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> I'm not sure. Are you single?
How long have you been not sure ?
>> fr just a monent.
Earlier you said your way with the girl you like .
>> that was something you implied not I
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> indeed I am
Do you believe it is normal to be ?
>> that is the question
Earlier you said your way with her you just want to talk at first .
>> I'm not so sure where you are taking this?
Do you enjoy being not so sure where I are taking this ?
>> that sounds like ebonics.
But your anime talks to you .
>> does it?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I'm kinda on the fence about such feelings.
Is it because you are kinda on the fence about such feelings that you came to me ?
>> I came to you to help me in the issue of to much anime and a girl I like.
Do you wish to came to me ?
>> umm. are you asking me what i think you are?
Why are you interested in whether I am asking you what you think I are or not ?
>> well it involes me doing things to you.
What are your feelings now ?
>> Well if you really wanrt me too.
Do you wish that I really wanrt you too ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i am
How long have you been ?
>> recently
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'll just do it
That's quite interesting.
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LIFE is a Mystery! I LOVE THE RESEARCH!!!
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Post new topic   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Alien Loves Predator Forum Index -> Contests, Fan Art All times are GMT - 5 Hours
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