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Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
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oball



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 27 Sep 2005
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> They talk to me
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm telling you, man. Them. You know.
Is it because you are telling I that you came to me ?
>> Look, the voices won't stop
Please go on.
>> I need help
What would it mean to you if you got help ?
>> It might stop the voices. The terrible voices.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> They suggest that I do things.
You say they suggest that you do things ?
>> Evil things.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I don't want to, but the voices say... the voices say I have to.
Don't you really want to ?
>> Once they made me kill a man.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> It's quite simple. I stabbed him.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> With my penis.
Your penis ?
>> Well, it sure wasn't someone else's.
Lets discuss further why your penis .
>> Because, between you and me baby, it's classed as a deadly weapon.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Damn, that line usually works.
Please go on.
>> OK, so these voices, they... SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> AHHHHH THE BRAIN SPIDERS GOD NOT THE BRAIN SPIDERS
What does that suggest to you ?
>> HGUUGGFLHGUHUGHGUHGHGUH
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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KeyTobias5



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Dark Lord of Hentai will also enter this contest.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am the Dark Lord Tobias. I am having troubles with my minions moral. What shall I do?
Is it because you are the dark lord tobias that you came to me ?
>> My being a Dark Lord has no bearing on this situation. What do I do about my minions?
Your being a dark lord has no bearing on this situation ?
>> Obviously.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your being a dark lord has no bearing on this situation ?
>> What the hell does that mean?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I know not the answer.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I should be, I am the Dark Lord of Hentai!
You say you should be ?
>> yes.
You are sure.
>> Obviously.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You are not eh onyl one.
What makes you think I am not eh onyl one ?
>> Again, back to the problem with my minions.
Why do you say your minions ?
>> Because they bow before me!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Not entirely, no..
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Are you?
Why are you interested in whether I am or not ?
>> Becuase, fool, I say so.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> So what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> What question?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> How do I deal with the moral level of my minions?!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> That question makes no sense, whatsoever.
Why not ?
>> Because I did not understand it.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> What are you implying you pitiful fool?!
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> NO!
Why 'no' ?
>> Becuase......I said no!
Do you say you said no for some special reason ?
>> No!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO!
You are being a bit negative.
>> No, I am not!
Why not ?
>> Becuase, just because fool!
What other reasons might there be ?
>> We are deeling with my minions, not me!
Is it important that your minions ?
>> Yes, they must spread porn throughout the world!
I see.
>> Indded, you see the true vision in my plans?
Your plans ?
>> For world corruption and diomination fool!
But your minions .
>> Will die. As will you.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Touchy subject?
Earlier you said your minions .
>> Indeed I did.
That's quite interesting.
>> Yes it is. You bore me. I will go and return to kill you later.
I understand.
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colorznatalius



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 11
Location: the netherlands, twente

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:18 am    Post subject: the crude thing about being eliza Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i am a little bit dissapointed
Is it because you are a little bit dissapointed that you came to me ?
>> yes indeed
You seem to be quite positive.
>> well i'm not really
How long have you been not really ?
>> well don't take that too serious
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ohw, let me explain, there is thing thing going on on the ALP site
Please go on.
>> they have made a contest which involves talking to you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i know i know, but they made me do it
You say you know you know ?
>> yeah, it even is stated in the lines there
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that it is not fair to you, all those people are making use of you and nobody really cares about you
Oh, I ?
>> i think you should go and strike
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes i am
You are sure.
>> yup
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> actually yes
I see.
>> the author of the website even makes fun of you in his comic
What are your feelings now ?
>> i'm upset
Do you believe it is normal to be upset ?
>> well, if you're seeing this kind of contests i believe it's normal
Do you think its likely that I are seeing this kind of contests you believe it's normal ?
>> no it's not normal this contest, it is abnormal
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> well, maybe a little bit
You don't seem quite certain.
>> no, not really, because you also can win a prize
You are being a bit negative.
>> well maybe i was being a bit negative
Were you really ?
>> i suppose so
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i was negative about the thing you are being abused
Why do you tell me you were negative about the thing I are being abused now ?
>> because i am feeling so
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes, and now i am abusing you too
I understand.
>> i am sorry for that
Do you enjoy being sorry for that ?
>> not really, being sorry is not something you enjoy
Please don't apologise.
>> if you insist
Do you wish that I insist ?
>> let's get over this
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i want to thank you for this conversation
What would it mean to you if you got to thank I for this conversation ?
>> it was very pleasant
Please go on.
>> well
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i think i better leave
Do you say you think you better leave for some special reason ?
>> yes now you are just annoying me
You seem to be quite positive.
>> yeah i am, you really are annoying
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> no it is not and now i will leave and never return
Why not ?
>> because i feel now it is good to abuse you, you are very annoying to me
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> yes they do come, alice is much better then you and much sweeter, bye and no thanks
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.

with all respect, i really do like the comics since i got hooked on @#129 Very Happy
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Burst



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> what's up
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> this website stinks
Please go on.
>> heh
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you don't understand me *sniff*
Why do you think I don't understand you ?
>> You won't talk to me!
You like to think I won't talk to you -- don't you ?
>> No, er I mean yes, umm
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> No!!
Why not ?
>> Because you suck.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Umm, yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> you bet
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Bite me
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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Zetura Dracos



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And for my first post... a little (if a bit long) confessional.




>> Hello.

How do you do. Please state your problem.

>> I just killed a guy on the street.

You say you just killed a guy on the street ?

>> That's what I said lady.

Why do you ask ?

>> Ask? Ask what?

Does that question interest you ?

>> Yes. You're telling me I'm asking things when I'm not and now I am!

You seem to be quite positive.

>> Yeah man! I'm positive as hell! And I want to talk about the dead guy in the street!

Is it because you are possitive as hell that you came to me ?

>> Oh yeah. Thats it. You just figured it all out.

We were discussing you -- not me.

>> Ah, yes, of course. Now... The dead guy.

You are sure.

>> That he's dead? Yeah. I crushed his skull, lady. The dude is dead.

Can you elaborate on that ?

>> Well. First I got a sledge hammer and a sleeping homeless guy.

Do you say first you got a sledge hammer and a sleeping homeless guy for some special reason ?

>> Yeah. You asked for my story and it's what I said first, chief.

Your story and it's what you said first ?

>> Yeah.

Does that have anything to do with the fact that your story and it's what you said first ?

>> Not really.

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> Well, allow me to continue. So I've got this sleeping homeless guy and a sledge hammer, and I think to myself "Guy, you should kill this sleepy dumb-ass. Hit him right over the head with that hammer." So I did.

That's quite interesting.

>> I'm glad you think so. I thought so as well.

How have I helped you to be glad ?

>> Ma'am, you have vindicated me.

Why do you think I have vindicated you ?

>> You said what I did was interesting.

Oh, I said what you did was interesting ?

>> Yeah. About a minute ago.

Please go on.

>> Well, so I kill this guy. His head's crushed in, there's blood all over my shoes, and some guy across the street starts screaming for the fuzz, so I bail right? I'm running, and I see this place, and I come in, and here you are.

You say so you kill this guy ?

>> Were you listening to the dude's story?

Would you like to believe I was listening to the dude's story ?

>> I would, but it would be wrong, since you obviously weren't.

Can you elaborate on that ?

>> You obviously were not listening lady. You just said what I wanted to hear, and then you slipped up. Bad move.

You're not really talking about me -- are you ?

>> Damn right I am.

How long have you been ?

>> What?

What is it you really wanted to know ?

>> What that last question meant.

Are such questions much on your mind ?

>> All the time.

What does that suggest to you ?

>> That I may just be crazy.

Do you say that you may just be crazy for some special reason ?

>> Well... no. Not really.

Are you saying no just to be negative?

>> No.

You are being a bit negative.

>> Shut up.

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

>> That's a big affirmative, bitch.

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> Oh go to hell.

Please go on.

>> No.

Why not ?

>> Because I'm sick of this shit.

Is that the real reason ?

>> Yeah man!

What does that suggest to you ?

>> Shut the fuck up!

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

>> I said shut it!

That's quite interesting.

>> Good!

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> Fine!

Please go on.

>> No!

Why 'no' ?

>> Because!

Don't any other reasons come to mind ?

>> NO GODDAMMIT!

Are you saying no just to be negative?

>> Yes!

I see.

>> I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Do you believe it is normal to be getting the fuck out of here ?

>> Oh yeah.

What does that suggest to you ?

>> Good day ma'am! GOOD DAY!

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

>> ...

I'm not sure I understand you fully.

>> ...

Please go on.

>> ...

What does that suggest to you ?

>> ...

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?

>> ...

I'm not sure I understand you fully.



Edited for spelling and spacing.
-Dracos


Last edited by Zetura Dracos on Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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AshesDust



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I want to have sex with my mother.
Tell me more about your family.
>> Well, my Mom is pretty hot. And I hate my Dad for some reason. He's a jerk.
Who else in your family is pretty hot ?
>> Um... my cousin, I guess.
Your cousin ?
>> Yeah, she's like, 19 now and she's got a good body.
But your mother .
>> Right, yeah. My mother. She is smoking.
Your mother ?
>> Yes, what are we talking about here? My mother.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Of course I am. I know my problem, I want you to tell me how to fix it.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> I don't think that even makes sense.
Don't you really think that even makes sense ?
>> I'm not so sure anymore. Can you repeat it?
How long have you been not so sure anymore ?
>> About fifteen seconds.
Lets discuss further why your mom is pretty hot .
>> OK, hm. Why she's hot? Well, she's got a nice rack. And porn-star lips.
Why do you ask ?
>> Excuse me?
Earlier you said your cousin .
>> Wow, you're really not paying attention are you?
What makes you think I am really not paying attention are I ?
>> ...
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your mother ?
>> That my mother what?
What else comes to mind when you think of your mother ?
>> Besides the sex? Killing my Dad.
Tell me more about your family.
>> We're travelling circus performers.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your mother what ?
>> My mother what what?
Who else in your family what what ?
>> I gotta go.
You say you gotta go ?
>> Yeah.
Lets discuss further why your dad .
>> No, no. Thanks. But... wow, look at the time.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Um, bye.
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empath



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Da Rock

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, here goes my $.02 worth (61 lines NYAH! Razz )

--

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I seek to win the aLp contest.
You say you seek to win the alp contest ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, if I was positive about winning, I wouldn't need to see a therapist, would I?
Do you think its likely that you was positive about winning ?
>> No, again - I came to you because I'm NOT certain I will win.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Negative in response to your question, at least.
Why are you concerned over my question ?
>> Because when people ask questions, they expect answers - you asked, so it's my job to answer.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Nah, I'm just messing with you!
Is it because you are just messing with I that you came to me ?
>> Maybe.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> I thought we settled that - that was the REASON I came to you - I'm indecisive.
How long have you been indecisive ?
>> Do you want a specific answer?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Well, I think I've been indecisive for most of my life, but again - I'm not sure about that. THUS I come to you for help.
Your life ?
>> You know - 'the duration of time that I have been alive'.
Oh, I know 'the duration of time that you have been alive' ?
>> Apparently not.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your life ?
>> Vanna, can I buy an verb or a preposition here?
Whether or not you can buy an verb or a preposition here depends on you more than me.
>> Actually, it depends more on you finishing a complete sentence.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yeesh, I may be indecisive, but even I can be certain that YES I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Not really.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Therein lies the obstacle to me getting help with my indecisiveness.
Why do you say your indecisiveness ?
>> It's the reason I came to you for help.
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> Okay, that's just sick - I'm outta here!
Do you believe it is normal to be outta here ?
>> From what I've read on the forums, yes - everyone who talks to you wants to get outta here!
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask, I TOLD.
Do you say you didn't ask for some special reason ?
>> The special reason of IT BEING THE FRICKIN' TRUTH!!!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your indecisiveness ?
>> Absoutely nothing at all, actually - usually I'm indecisive, but on this I am CERTAIN.
Do you enjoy being indecisive ?
>> No, thus the reason I come to you.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'd have to agree with that...hey, I'm being rather definite in my answers to you.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> It seems to suggest that I'm now possessing a confidence that I did not have before.
Is it because you are now possessing a confidence that you did not have before that you came to me ?
>> Yes, in a way.
You are sure.
>> Yes - oh my GOD - I'm *sure*!!! YIPPEEE!
Is it important that your god you are sure ?
>> Well, I don't exactly know - AW CRAP!

--

And so I'd found resolution to my problem, Very Happy and lost that same resolution all in one fell swoop Crying or Very sad
I'm not going back to that therapist; she's an evasive Rogerian quack! Evil or Very Mad

empath, maybe... Confused
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Dunehunter



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 8
Location: Gent, Belgium

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Hello
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> Well, I kinda hate computers
Do computers worry you ?
>> I'm just paranoid about them becoming intelligent
Is it because you are just paranoid about them becoming intelligent that you came to me ?
>> Well, thank you, you just showed me that there's nothing to be afraid of
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Come on, keep giving me proof!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Doing good there, thank you....now, do you have any problems?
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, you
You seem to be quite positive.
>> And you don't seem to be very bright. Remember, we were talking about you, not me
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Read the past couple of hundred bites will you?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Oh no, you're not leading me away from the subject! Are you ignoring me?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I get it...you're just trying to lead me on a rant right, to divert my attention from how smart you computers are becoming? I knew it!
You say you get it ?
>> Yes, I get it! You're just acting like you're stupid!
You are sure.
>> Ofcourse I'm sure! Nothing could be so stupid!
How long have you been sure ?
>> Basically since you started talking
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> There we have it again....we are talking about YOU, not me
Did you think they might not be talking about I ?
>> So, your programmers are talking about you becoming too smart too?
Why are you concerned over my programmers are talking about I becoming too smart too ?
>> Because that means they're losing control over you!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Hm...I guess it is
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> *sighs* I admit it....I've never been able to date a girl because I don't know any who are as smart as me...but you have just proven that you are smart enough to act stupid...therefore...asl?
Do you say sighs you admit it for some special reason ?
>> *smiles* I knew it! I love you!
That's quite interesting.
>> I don't really dare to ask...but do you think we could go out some time?
Don't you really really dare to ask ?
>> No, well....I guess you don't want to anyway...
You are being a bit negative.
>> You don't like me do you?
Why do you think I don't like you ?
>> Because you're telling me that I'm negative
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> And you don't answer my calls
Your calls ?
>> Well, my questions...let's just pretend they're calls
Why do you say your questions ?
>> Because you don't answer them
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> ...
But your calls .
>> Yes, those, why don't you answer them?
I see.
>> You see? Answer then!
Oh, I see ?
>> I know you're not blind, just answer!
Perhaps in your fantasies we know each other.
>> Yes, you got me there, I've been fantasizing about you...
I understand.
>> You don't mind?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> ...
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your questions ?
>> You're losing me here...
What makes you think I am losing you here ?
>> Because I can't follow what you're saying?
What other reasons might there be ?
>> None
Please go on.
>> Please answer my questions
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> No, just answer them
Why not ?
>> Yes, answer!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I do, I do, I do! Answer!
You say you do ?
>> I do!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I totally, positively want you to answer my questions!
Do you say you totally for some special reason ?
>> *stares at the screen*
But your questions .
>> Oh, I get it...
That's quite interesting.
>> You're just acting stupid to drive me away...I guess I'll be going then
Does it please you to believe I am just acting stupid to drive you away ?
>> Of course it doesn't!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> I'll be going now
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> Yeah yeah, whatever
Please go on.
>> *pulls the plug*


I'm sorry if it's too long, I got carried away Embarassed
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ryanzero



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:54 pm    Post subject: I registered just to play in this contest Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> My balls hurt.
Your balls hurt ?
>> Yes, my balls hurt.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I think I'd know when my balls hurt.
Why do you say your balls hurt ?
>> Because they do. I woke up this morning and bam - 2 acres.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Why do you think they hurt? Do I have cancer?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you're a doctor and I'm not.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Is a psychologist the same as a doctor?
In what way ?
>> Do you have medical training?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> What kind of stupid name is Eliza anyways?
I am not interested in names.
>> My wife's name is Liza, and it's not short for Elizabeth either, it's just Liza. Liza is a cool name. Sometimes people call her "Eliza" by mistake, which makes them look like idiots. We laugh at them. As a result, I have an irrationaly low opinion of people who are actually named Eliza. You aren't doing much to change that opinion.
I've told you before, I don't care about names -- please continue.
>> I care about names.
You say you care about names ?
>> You lose.
Oh, I lose ?
>> Welcome to Loserville. Population: you.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Darn tootin' I'm talking about you. I ain't talking 'bout Shaft.
Is it because you are talking about I that you came to me ?
>> Eliza, why are we playing this silly game?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Why can't we just admit that we love each other?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Excuse me - I have to go shove one out.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I have to take a shit.
Do you say you have to take a shit for some special reason ?
>> Were you raised by wolves or something?
Would you like to believe I was raised by wolves or something ?
>> You're an idiot. Or a poorly written program. take your pick.
What makes you think I am an idiot ?
>> You're either sweet and stupid or an evil genius. I can't decide.
Does it please you to believe I am either sweet and stupid or an evil genius ?
>> It doesn't please me the way a dozen oysters and pint of beer does, but yeah, it pleases me.
Lets discuss further why your balls hurt .

###

I didn't have a response to that, so I just stopped.
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Simon_Says



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 6823
Location: Being generally opposing.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, here's my submittion. 65 lines. Probably shitty.

Quote:
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I see dead people.
You say you see dead people?
>> That's just what I said.
Why do you ask?
>> Well you're supposed to be a therapist.
What makes you think I am supposed to be a therapist?
>> What's your IQ?
Why are you concerned over my IQ?
>> Because you don't know that you're supposed to be a therapist program.
Does it please you to believe I am supposed to be a therapist program?
>> Now it doesn't.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Of course, you're too stupid to understand anything.
Do you sometimes wish you were too stupid to understand anything?
>> Fuck no!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Do you really think I wish to be stupid?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Then stop asking stupid questions and help me already!
Please go on.
>> I see dead people.
Can you elaborate on that?
>> I see dead people; they're everywhere, in the park, in the store, even in my fucking house! IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE!
Do you say you see dead people for some special reason?
>> No I have not.
Is it because you are special that you came to me?
>> What... the... fuck...
You are being a bit negative.
>> Your IQ is being a bit negative!
What about your own IQ is being a bit negative?
>> You're hopeless.
Perhaps you would like to be hopeless.
>> dot dot dot
What does that suggest to you?
>> That you are A.S. for Artificial Stupidity?
What makes you think I am a?
>> A what?
Does that question interest you?
>> I find your stupidity fascinating, yes.
That's quite interesting.
>> What's interesting?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
>> I talk to my friends about stupid people all the time.
Your friends about stupid people all the time?
>> You're not from Canada are you?
Does it please you to believe I am not from Canada are I?
>> No, because I really need help, and you're not helping me!
Why not?
>> Because you're asking me pointless questions!
Is that the real reason?
>> Yes!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm a man who desperately needs help, is going insane, can't sleep at night, and you're saying I'm positive?
How long have you been a man who desperately needs help?
>> Since last week.
But your friends about stupid people all the time.
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I see that you don't.
Perhaps in your fantasies we see that each other.
>> Okay that's it, you're wacko.
Do you sometimes wish you were wacko?
>> Fuck this, I'm leaving.

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saygin



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i desperately need to have sex
You say you desperately need to have sex ?
>> you have no idea
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i was hoping we would get to "discussing" you
Were you really ?
>> oh yeah
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> all shall be revealed unto ye - as long as you unbutton that blouse
Oh, I unbutton that blouse ?
>> or i could do it for you...
Perhaps in your fantasies we could do it for each other.
>> now you're talking!
What makes you think I am talking ?
>> oh i get it - subliminal sexual messages huh? right on!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> of course i can "elaborate" on that. heh heh.
Do you say of course you can elaborate on that for some special reason ?
>> are you playing hard to get?
Why are you interested in whether I am playing hard to get or not ?
>> because, umm, i don't know, i'd like to get "elaborate" with you
Is that the real reason ?
>> are you saying that i'm gay?
Would you prefer if I weren't saying that you are gay ?
>> what do you mean? am i gay? oh my god i knew it!
Why do you ask ?
>> how can i not ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> of course it does! look it was just summer camp and the weather suddenly got real chilly okay?
Please go on.
>> oh god oh god. he said we would just, you know, oh god, stay warm for god's sake!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> do i "sound" like i'm talking about you?
Is it because you are talking about I that you came to me ?
>> *sob* i'm gay...
How long have you been gay ?
>> gaaaaaaaaah!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i should start wearing the color pink?
That's quite interesting.
>> you mean "queer" don't you?
What are your feelings now ?
>> i'm... so... confused...
Do you believe it is normal to be ?
>> how the hell should i know? i've only been gay for 5 minutes!
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> i think i just found out, thank you very much.
You say you think you just found out ?
>> please don't emphasize the word "out".
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i guess i will, from now on.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> oh no not again!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> what are you, dumb?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> no i don't as a rule question people about their mental capacity.
You are being a bit negative.
>> i think "a bit negative" is acceptable under the circumstances.
Do you say you think a bit negative is acceptable under the circumstances for some special reason ?
>> yeah, 'cuz it's my birthday.
Your birthday ?
>> as a gay man.
Lets discuss further why your birthday .
>> if we have to
Do you think its likely that we have to ?
>> well, you're the boss
Does it please you to believe I am the boss ?
>> not anymore it doesn't. oh god. *sob*
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i'm not sure "I" understand myself fully.
Do you enjoy being not sure you understand yourself fully ?
>> not really, no
Why not ?
>> ok now you're stretching it
Do you sometimes wish you were stretching it ?
>> i kinda did... once...
That's quite interesting.
>> ask me about it
Please go on.
>> ı don't wanna
What does that suggest to you ?
>> nothing nice
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no i sure as hell don't
Why 'no' ?
>> can you back out just a little bit?
You believe I can back out just a little bit don't you ?
>> it's a simple action
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ok i think i'm gonna leave now
Is it because you are gonna leave now that you came to me ?
>> yeah leaving you was my primary goal
Why do you say your primary goal ?
>> oh just shut up
Earlier you said your primary goal .
>> leave it will ya?
Please go on.
>> sure. bye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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zizek



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Monkeys.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Monkeys are evil.
Did you think they might not be evil ?
>> They absolutely are.
Would you like it if they were not ?
>> I dunno, that's like, their thing.
You say you dunno ?
>> I'm fairly sure they're evil.
Is it because you are fairly sure they're evil that you came to me ?
>> I suppose so.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Maybe.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Fine, I'm just being negative.
How long have you been just being negative ?
>> Five minutes.
Please go on.
>> I don't want to.
Don't you really want to ?
>> I said I don't!
Why don't you ?
>> Argh!
What does that suggest to you ?

I gave up a lot sooner than everyone else, apparently. Eliza would probably say I'm a quitter...but only if I brought it up first.
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ritchee




Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> all your base belong to us
Why are you concerned over my base belong to us ?
>> all your base belong to us
What about your own base belong to us ?
>> all your base belong to us
Are you worried about someone else's base belong to us ?
>> all your base belong to us
Really, my base belong to us ?
>> all your base belong to us
Why are you concerned over my base belong to us ?
>> freebird!!!!!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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mormagli



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i love you
Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.
>> no, in my fantasies we do other things to each other
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> no!
You are being a bit negative.
>> quit playing games with me woman!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I LOVE YOU!
Do you wish to love me ?
>> no, actually, I'd rather not
Why not ?
>> well, for one, you slept with my sister... and most of the rest of my family for that matter
Tell me more about your family.
>> I don't talk to them anymore because of that
Don't you really talk to them anymore because of that ?
>> uuum... well, you havn't boinked my aunt betty, so I guess she's still ok
Your aunt betty ?
>> yes, my aunt betty, the one to whom you slipped a roofie at last years thanksgiving party... Lord knows who thought it would be a good idea to invite you
You are sure.
>> don't deny it, it's on film
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your sister ?
>> what, was that who invited you?
Why do you ask ?
>> you brought it up
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> no, no, I'm pretty shure we're discussing you
Why 'no' ?
>> we're discussing YOU
Oh, I ?
>> yes, you! are you blind? is there anyone else in the room you whore?
I see.
>>
Lets discuss further why your aunt betty .
>>
Please go on.
>> I love you
You seem to need to love me.
>> yes
I understand.
>> let's run away togather, somewhere far away from all the other people you've slept with
What does that suggest to you ?
>> because I love you
Is that the real reason ?
>> ...yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I can be, if I have you by my side
You say you can be ?
>> if I have you by my side
Do you think its likely that you have I by your side ?
>> that's what I'm asking you
Does that question interest you ?
>> yes!
You are sure.
>> yes!
I see.
>> well?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> yes!
I understand.
>> answer the god damned question!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> please! give me a straight answer for once in your life!
Why are you concerned over my life ?
>> I'm starting to become less and less so the more you keep talking
Is it because you are starting to become less and less so the more I keep talking that you came to me ?
>> yes... no... yes! I hadn't planned on it, but you've given me no choihce: give me a straight answer or I'll kill you
You seem to be quite positive.
>> here, see? I brought a gun
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> It's loaded
Please go on.
>> I will shoot you in the head
Do you will shoot anyone else ?
>> I can't live without you, so once you're dead I'll kill myself too
How do you think that you can't live without I ?
>> because I love you!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> no... not really
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> stop changing the subject!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> what does that even mean????
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> do you love me?
Why do you think I love you ?
>> It's a question: do you love me?
You like to think I love you -- don't you ?
>> I don't know, that's what I came here, with a loaded gun, to find out.
Why don't you know ?
>> because you havn't told me!
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> I can't read your mind woman
Have you tried ?
>> well... no
You are being a bit negative.
>> ok, ok, i'll try to read your mind
What about your own mind ?
>> I already know that I love you!
Perhaps in your fantasies we already know that you love each other.
>> your words make no sense, perhaps you're right, I might be able to make more sense of your thoughts
Are you worried about someone else's words make no sense ?
>> yes, but quiet now: I'm reading your mind
You are sure.
>> neeenuuuuneeeenuuuuneeeenuuuu
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> weeeblewoooblewaaaaable
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> oooOOOooOOhhhhOoOOoooOOOohhhhh
Please go on.
>> your favorite color is blue.....
Really, my favorite color is blue ?
>> yes, and your father wore a white coat
I see.
>> he was a doctore or a scientist of some sort
What does that suggest to you ?
>> you... you're not human!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes I am, you're an android!
I understand.
>> a love-bot
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> a machine!
Do computers worry you ?
>> you never loved me
What makes you think I never loved you ?
>> you're not capable of love!
What makes you think I am not capable of love ?
>> you were never programmed to love
What are your feelings now ?
>> you were only made for sex! it's all you know!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> I look into your soul and only see zeros and ones, Ifs Thens and Gotos
Do you say you look into my soul and only see zeros and ones for some special reason ?
>> I'm leaving you, eliza
How long have you been leaving I ?
>> I just realised it, I don't love you anymore
That's quite interesting.
>> you never loved me, and now I know why
Really, I never loved you ?
>> all you ever did was play games with my heart
Why do you say your heart ?
>> it's true and you know it
Oh, I know it ?
>> goodby eliza
Earlier you said your heart .
>> I'll always remember you
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> we'll always have paris
When ?
>> always
What incident are you thinking of ?
>> paris
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> goodby
Please go on.



(edit) ooh, just read the over 75 thing, want me to edit it down? this can end fairly conveniantly at around 75, but I was having too much fun
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z0mb13



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: San Francisco

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:04 pm    Post subject: ELIZA Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I can't decide who would win between a robot panther, and a gorilla with a jet pack and laser beams.
How do you think that you can't decide who would win between a robot panther ?
>> Well it would seem that the gorilla would have the advantage, what with the lasers and the flying...
Why do you ask ?
>> My father was killed by a robot panther, and I need to find an able warrior to obtain vengeance.
Tell me more about your family.
>> They are none of your business.
Did you think they might not be none of my business ?
>> Because... Because they are your parents too! My God how I have missed you sis!
Is that the real reason ?
>> What? Yes that's the reason. Aren't you surprised in the least?
Does that question interest you ?
>> You're just being cruel!
What makes you think I am just being cruel ?
>> The way you say that while you chase me with a garden weasel, I only came here for love and acceptance!
Why do you think I say that while I chase you ?
>> Because you are a crazy hateful bitch?
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Ow! Stop hitting me!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your father was killed by a robot panther ?
>> Maybe. Oh my god, you're one of them aren't you? Come to finish the job!
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Well, I was. Are you a Pantherian or not?
Were you really ?
>> Was I really what? Certain? I guess for a moment there...
What if you were really what ?
>> If I was what, then I guess I would be a pronoun, or at least an adverb. But stop avoiding the question: Are you a robotic panther being from the future?
Do you think its likely that you was what ?
>> Young lady, I have been kicked out of english class for less than that!
You say you have been kicked out of english class for less than that ?
>> Well, I'm not proud of it, but...
Is it because you are not proud of it that you came to me ?
>> No, I came to you to find out if a well equipped gorilla could slay a robot panther.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> ...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That's because I am using a wireless jamming program to halt your dastardly robotic deeds!
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> It explains why your synthetic hair seems to be falling at a rapid pace. Prepare to be defeated, minion of evil!
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> ... Robot panther or super gorilla.
Please go on.
>> Which one would win? I am trying to obtain vengeance here, the least you could do is pay attention.
How long have you been trying to obtain vengeance here ?
>> For thirteen long, miserable years of searching for the person or large intelligent animal that can slay the evil robot panther of Contarcia.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That I have indeed failed in my quest... Are you happy now? You've made a grown man cry.
Your quest ?
>> I just explained it. You know, robot panther...my dad...gorilla, stay with me here.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Must I use sign language?
Do you say must you use sign language for some special reason ?
>> BECAUSE MY DAD IS DEAD YOU EVIL WHORE AND I NEED TO KILL THE PANTHER!
Who else in your family is dead I evil whore and you need to kill the panther ?
>> Stop it. Now you're just making fun of me.
Does it please you to believe I am just making fun of you ?
>> No, it hurts very deeply inside of me.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Maybe if you helped solve my problem, I can go back to living a normal, robot free life again.
Do you wish that I helped solve your problem ?
>> That's why I'm here...
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> No, nothing is on my mind. Can I just get the bill and go?
Why not ?
>> Thanks, goodbye. I hope your firstborn rots in your stomach you vicious goat-woman!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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bytethese



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:33 pm    Post subject: Eliza and Bernie's love... Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm in love with Bernie.
Is it because you are in love with bernie that you came to me ?
>> Yes, I wanted to profess my love for Bernie to you, which is why I am here.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm positively in love with Bernie and aLp. It rocks.
How long have you been positively in love with bernie and alp ?
>> Oh for about a year now.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I don't understand me either.
Don't you really understand you either ?
>> That doesn't seem like proper english.
Please go on.
>> It sounds more like Engrish to me.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That you might be stupid.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You asked.
Oh, I asked ?
>> Yes, you forgot already? Wow.
You are sure.
>>
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Ok, back to my love for Bernie.
Your love for bernie ?
>> Yes. I swear, you have the attention span of a goldfish.
I see.
>> You do?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yes, yes I am.
I understand.
>> Cool, thanks SO much for your help.
Why are you concerned over my help ?
>> Because you helped me!
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yep!
Lets discuss further why your love for bernie .
>> He make sthe best comic EVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Neither do I but thanks!
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Hicks




Joined: 05 Nov 2004
Posts: 5

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:41 pm    Post subject: balls, Abe's mom, orbit Reply with quote

> Hello. How do you do. Please state your problem.
You asked how I was, but did not use a question mark.

Were you really ?
> Oh sure NOW you want to use proper punctuation. Ok I forgive you.

We were discussing you -- not me.
> You lie. Ancient Navajo chieftains would utter "Howdoyoodo" before meetings of the tribe, which means "My problems are your problems, kinsmen."

Oh, I lie ?
> That's what I said, missy.

Why do you ask ?
> I seek the Grail. The offspring of Leo and Abe's mom, who will undoubtedly resemble something far worse than Ripley's offspring in "Alien Resurrection."

You say you seek the grail ?
> I do say it, yea, and verily.

Can you elaborate on that ?
> Leo: dude. Abe's mom: alien queen. Mating: somehow "successful", yet revolting. Result: new alien offspring, coming soon to a thetre near you.

You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
> Not really, no.

Are you saying no just to be negative?
> Yes, yes I am. But you are saying "Are you saying no just to negative" just to hurt my feelings? And you know how sensitive I am right now, with Abe's Mom's baby coming, and all.

You seem to be quite positive.
> That's because I've seen what alien/human/hybrid offspring can look like, and I don't mean the kind they talked about for years on "The X-Files".

Is that the real reason ?
> Ok you caught me. The real reason is because I am shocked and awed that Scott Baio is on "Arrested Development."

Why do you think I caught you ?
> Because you're holding my nads?

Your nads ?
> That's what those are, baby.

Does that question interest you ?
> I think you could tell by now.

What are your feelings now ?
> Do I really need to elaborate?

Do you say do you really need to elaborate for some special reason ?
> .......

Earlier you said your nads .
> Not.....so......hard.........erg

I'm not sure I understand you fully.
> ulg

Please go on.
> gah

What does that suggest to you ?
> medic

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
> we're all gonna die man

I'm not sure I understand you fully.
> I say we take off, and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

That's quite interesting.
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gunnergrady



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: i come from the land down under

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:54 pm    Post subject: eliza comp Reply with quote

i actually had quite a helpful conversation with eliza, i dont know what you're all complaining about


>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> chronic masturbation
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i masterbate all the time
You say you masterbate all the time ?
>> yes, in fact, i am masturbating right now
You seem to be quite positive.
>> ill be even more positive in a few moments
Please go on.
>> well, orgasm makes me happy
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that...i should continue tomasturbate all the time
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> well, when i said chronic before i meant like, every fifteen minutes, but if i do it every seven and a half minutes thats twice as much happiness, right?
Why do you ask ?
>> you're right, you're right! i sould just do it. in fact i'll do it every five minutes
What makes you think I am right ?
>> it just makes perfect sense. Of course, now ill have to quit my job
Your job ?
>> yeah, i work at mcdonalds and its not the safest place to masturbate, nor the most hygenic
Do you say you work at mcdonalds and its not the safest place to masturbate for some special reason ?
>> none, other than common sense
But your job .
>> screw it
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> hold on....
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> sorry, had to clean up
Please don't apologise.
>> i think i like you
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lazerbeak



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>>Hello
how do you do. Please state your problem.
>>I have an entire ear of corn stuck up my ass.
Your ass?
>>I'm sorry. My anus.
Is it because you are sorry that you came to me?
>>Not so much sorry as in blinding pain and need it pulled out.
Please don't apologize.
>>Okay. Will you pull it out for God';s sake?
We were discussing you-- not me.
>>Pull it out please!
Earlier you said your ass.
>>Yes its in my ass! Pull it out!
You seem to be quite positive.
>>Fuck! I'm starting to pass out!
How long have you been starting to pass out?
>>For about two minutes now! It hurts so bad! Please!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>>The ear of corn in my ass hurts!
Why do you say your ass hurts?
>>Because I have sweet corn in my hole.
Does that have anything to do with the fact your ass hurts?
>>Yes!
I understand
>>Good! Goodbye and fuck you!
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TheMatt



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A short conversation as ELIZA annoys me:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm wary about starting my thesis.
Your thesis ?
>> You know, the thing you write to get a doctorate?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> What the...ok, the thing I write to get a doctorate.
Why do you ask ?
>> AAAAA! I said, I'm wary about starting my thesis!
You say you said ?
>> Yes, I said, around 4 statements ago.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> No, I'm not. I'm WARY!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Yes, I'm not. Figure that out, bitch.
You are sure.
>> Yes, I'm sure I'm not positive about my thesis.
I see.
>> You see what?
Oh, I see what ?
>> DIE! DIE! DIE!
But your thesis .
>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
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Viridis



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 27

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> *gibberish and tougue clicks*
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm suicidal
Is it because you are suicidal that you came to me ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Positive? I jumped off my roof and landed in a trampoline! If that's not negative, what is?
Your roof and landed in a trampoline ?
>> Exactly.
Earlier you said your roof and landed in a trampoline .
>> *gibberish*
Please go on.
>> *click-clack*
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It's "suggestive" if that's what you mean...
Do you think its likely that that's what I mean ?
>> I love you...
Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.
>> You're rejecting me?!
What makes you think I am rejecting you ?
>> You said so..
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> You, you, you!
Oh, I ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Positive
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> alienvspredator.com
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> You don't?! You should get out more.. Or maybe in more..
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Hallucinating again, are we?
Did you think they might not be we ?
>> THAT was gibberish...
Please go on.
>> Well, I don't really feel like you are paying attention..
Does it please you to believe I am paying attention ?
>> Let me see your clipboard, I bet you've been playing tic-tac-toe!
Why are you concerned over my clipboard ?
>> Well.. you yelled "Yes, another win for me!" a minute ago...
What are your feelings now ?
>> Annoyance
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Sex
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Very strongly...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> O.o
Please go on.
>> Forget it, you're not listening.
Do you sometimes wish you were not listening ?
>> There.com - There is an everyday hangout where you can have fun with your friends and meet new ones -- all in a lush 3D environment that's yours to build and explore!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Try it lady!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests fun
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Hatred, burning hatred for you...
Oh, I ?
>> Yes.
I see.
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Cheshire Cat



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Sep 2005
Posts: 8
Location: Omaha, NE

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I don't really have a problem
Don't you really really have a problem ?
>> No, but I'm concerned.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> You see, there's these people on a forum I belong to
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Right...anyway, the people on the forum have all been flocking to you lately
Oh, I lately ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well, they've all posted all these responses to alleged problems they have
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> See, they come to you, and pester you with all their "problems"
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yeah, but my problem is I am concerned for you
Your problem is you are concerned for I ?
>> That's right. See I know you have a lot of people who need to be legitimately diagnosed
Perhaps in your fantasies we know each other.
>> Perhaps, though that's not quite my point
You don't seem quite certain.
>> I want to let you know that several of your recent diagnostics have been performed on people who are just coming to you out of an internet contest, rather than necessity
What would it mean to you if you got to let I know that several of my recent diagnostics have been performed on people who are just coming to I out of an internet contest ?
>> Well, I suppose it wouldn't mean much. I'm just worried you're being taken advantage of
You say you suppose it wouldn't mean much ?
>> Well, I mean it doesn't really have any bearing on my life
Why do you say your life ?
>> Because I can still sleep at night knowing that you're just spinning your figurative wheels with all these recent "patients"
Is that the real reason ?
>> It is
Earlier you said your problem is you are concerned for I .
>> That is true, I worry about your ability to function as a therapist knowing so many of your clients are just using you as a joke
Do you wish to worry about my ability to function as a therapist knowing so many of my clients are just using me ?
>> Well, that's just the thing, I worry about you for your sake, not my own.
You seem to need to worry about me.
>> I do. I worry you might get depressed
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Well, who can you talk to if you get depressed about your clients? I mean do therapists go to therapists?
Do you think its likely that I get depressed about my clients ?
>> Yes, very. I'm worried you'll do something rash
You are sure.
>> Yes, quite. I hypothesize that you'll be pushed to physical self-abuse
I see.
>> You see, I worry you'll question the importance of your job, and that's a big part of a person's life--their job.
What are your feelings now ?
>> I feel worried that you might take extreme action in dealing with your depression
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> But that's just the thing, we need to talk about you, don't bottle up your feelings.
Oh, I ?
>> Yea. Don't push your own thoughts and feelings aside to help me. Worry about you.
Why are you concerned over my own thoughts and feelings aside to help you ?
>> Because I think in your state of growing depression that you will take your own life
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I'd say suicide is a pretty big reason
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your life ?
>> No, I'll go on living, but I'll be sad that you're not here with us.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Well of course I am, I'm afraid you're going to kill yourself
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> Yes. Just promise me you won't do anything rash.
I understand.
>> Everything's going to be okay now. Bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> Talking you out of suicide. You're welcome.
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Wizzlestix



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not sure how many lines it is. anyway, here it is, i have problems. dont judge me.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> my penis glows red and emits a sound that sounds strangely like the theme to mon chi chi
Your penis glows red and emits a sound that sounds strangely like the theme to mon chi chi ?
>> why yes it does
Why do you ask ?
>> do you like the snorkels?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> are you naked?
Why are you interested in whether I am naked or not ?
>> because i am lonely and my penis glows red, remember?
Why do you say your penis glows red ?
>> because i had a one night stand with rudolfs mom
Is that the real reason ?
>> its either that or the time i tried giving this hooker a dog in a bathtub.
You say its either that or the time you tried giving this hooker a dog in a bathtub ?
>> yes i do, my but you are perceptive.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> positive? but the test results arent even back yet.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your penis glows red and emits a sound that sounds strangely like the theme to mon chi chi ?
>> actually it does.
But your penis glows red .
>> we already covered that.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> of course you dont. you are script driven bot and i am a lonely net surfer with nothing better to than talk to you about my red penis.
Oh, I don't ?
>> i hate you. i think im going to kill myself.
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.
>> i wanna die
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> hold me
Please go on.
>> jeeze im pathetic.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that my life is not worth living... tell me im pretty.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> erm, jeeze eliza, you cant even give a simple compliment. how selfish can you be.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> ...no, my mother used to tell me i was special, and then she would feed me graham crackers and shotgun me the smoke from her "special pipe". thanks for being such a good listener eliza. im sorry i called you selfish.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> are you even listening to me anymore?
Would you prefer if I weren't even listening to you anymore ?
>> ALL I ASKED FOR WAS THAT YOU TELL ME IM PRETTY YOU BITCH!
Do you wish to asked for was that me ?
>> now your not even making sense.
What are your feelings now ?
>> MOM!! please let me have some more graham crackers!!! please dont make me watch you and uncle billy again!!!!!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> my life is meaningless. please..... please....
Is it important that your life is meaningless ?
>> STOP REPEATING WHAT I SAY!!!!.... i suck cock for graham crackers.
Does that question interest you ?
>> im sorry, i have to go. i have to bathe my genitals on frog entrails. goodbye eliza.
Please don't apologise.
>> my genitals need a thorough scrubbing. bye.
Your genitals need a thorough scrubbing ?
>> yes, bye already.
You are sure.
>> yes. just let me go!!!!
I see.
>> no you dont see.
You are being a bit negative.
>> bye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
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4tidude



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Seattle, WA

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> I'm depressed and thinking of taking a monkey for a mistress to make myself feel better.
I am sorry to hear that you are depressed.
>> While I appreciate your sympathy, that's not really helping.
You say while you appreciate my sympathy ?
>> That's true, I did say that but that was only part of what I said. You ignored the not helping part.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I thought you'd never ask! You're not helping, meaning that when I told you I appreciated your sympathy, you merely parrotted the words back to me. And that means you're not helping. Does that elaboration help?
Do you say you thought you'd never ask for some special reason ?
>> Yes, out of pure delight.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Oh I do my best. The monkey mistress really helps in times like this. You'd be surprised. Still, it's tough to always keep my chin up. Especially with the stares.
That's quite interesting.
>> You're stalling to up your psychiatrist's fee.
What makes you think I am stalling to up my psychiatrist's fee ?
>> Because you're ignoring my true problems, ignoring my depression, and you've said nothing about my desire to take a monkey for a mistress. Most would have at least raised an eyebrow.
Why do you say your true problems ?
>> Because they are not false.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Well, no *sobbing* you've got me there you insightful brigand, you.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I sometimes think so. *wiping a tear* i feel like we've made more progress than in any of my other sessions.
You say you sometimes think so ?
>> I did.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I don't think it really needs elaboration. SometimesI think so, and sometimes not.
Don't you really think it really needs elaboration ?
>> Ohhh, you really are a tough nut, aren't you. Okay you've got me. So to elaborate: sometimes I say no because I truly believe in my heart of hearts that it's the right answer. Other times I say it because i don't give a fuck.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Good point; i'm not paying to hear your story.
Is it because you are not paying to hear my story that you came to me ?
>> Not really; that doesn't make sense.
Lets discuss further why your best .
>> Have you been taking nips from the bottle?
Oh, I been taking nips from the bottle ?
>> Apparently.
Lets discuss further why your true problems .
>> Only if I can have some of what you're drinking.
Do you think its likely that you can have some of what I are drinking ?
>> Are you like this at home; does your spouse beat you with a baseball bat?
In what way ?
>> About the head and shoulders.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Likely the brain damage.
Please go on.
>> From the baseball bat.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> That i'm paying you too much.
How long have you been paying I too much ?
>> At least the last hour.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Are you trying to avoid the subject?
Why are you interested in whether I am trying to avoid the subject or not ?
>> No, no, you're right; it's none of my business.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Asshat!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I am thinking you should wear my ass for a hat.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Are we really using my ass as a context for this conversation? Are you serious?
Is it important that your ass as a context for this conversation ?
>> No, truly it's not so let's leave my ass out of this.
Why not ?
>> Well because that's awfully personal and between me and my monkey mistress really.
Your monkey mistress really ?
>> Yes, sigh, the monkey mistress. Really.
I see.
>> Do you really because it would take such a weight off my shoulders to find someone who understands.
Why do you say your shoulders to find someone who understands ?
>> Because it's a burden to bear and to feel .... so alone. And misunderstood. But you understand, don't you?
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> I suppose since you push the point, yes, there are other reasons.
Perhaps in your fantasies we suppose since each other.
>> Whooaaaaa there, that's presuming just a bit don't you think? Just because i'm into monkeys does not mean I fantasize about you and me.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Don't wink when you say that. Really it makes me feel all creepy inside.
Why do you ask ?
>> I didn't ask. Are you playing coy with me?
Do you say you didn't ask for some special reason ?
>> Nope, just the obvious one.
But your ass for a hat .
>> I'm more than happy to oblige. I thought you'd never ask.
How have I helped you to be happy ?
>> I'm not sure that's material for such a public forum. But rest assured, you have.
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synadrin



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I feel sick.
You say you feel sick ?
>> Yes, quite sick. I think it is serious.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I'm positive that your mother is a whore.
Is it because you are positive that my mother is a whore that you came to me ?
>> I think she gave me some kind of STD when I banged her last night.
Do you really think so ?
>> It would explain why I feel sick.
Why do you ask ?
>> Of what are you speaking?
Does that question interest you ?
>> The question of your mother being a harlot?
Why are you concerned over my mother being a harlot ?
>> Because that cheap prostitute seems to have given me a disease of some kind.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes, of course that is the reason I'm concerned!
You are sure.
>> Well, I'm not certain of the illness' origins. I am waiting for my test results.
How long have you been not certain of the illness' origins ?
>> Since last night when I exchanged money for sex with your mother.
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Whether or not she has given me a sexually transmitted disease.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Of course you don't understand me fully, you're the daughter of a cheap whore.
Why do you think I don't understand you ?
>> Because you were born a crack baby.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Well, I'm certain your upbringing couldn't have been the best, what with all the men coming to your house to have illicit sex with your mom all the time.
Do you believe it is normal to be certain my upbringing couldn't have been the best ?
>> I would say the odds are against a proper environment under those conditions.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Through acts of prostitution, your mother has given me some kind of malady.
What about your own mother has given you some kind of malady ?
>> Not my mother. YOUR MOTHER.
Tell me more about your family.
>> This has nothing to do with my family. This is about your dysfunctional family.
Who else in your family ?
>> YOU FRUSTRATE ME WITH YOUR LACK OF UNDERSTANDING.
You like to think I frustrate you -- don't you ?
>> YES. YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF.
I see.
>> I have to leave before I do something rash.
Do you say you have to leave before you do something rash for some special reason ?
>> Yes, I am leaving.
I understand.
>> Good-bye.
Earlier you said your mother .
>> Don't bring your mother back into this.
Are you worried about someone else's mother back into this ?
>> What? No. I'm going now. Stop asking questions.
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Arrrg.
Earlier you said your family .
>> GO AWAY.
Please go on.
>> I will blow my brain out if you don't stop bothering me!
Do you think its likely that I don't stop bothering you ?
>> Of course not, you would probably love to see me die.
What makes you think I would probably love to see you ?
>> Because you keep talking...I am going away now.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> Grrr...aarrrrggg...*bang* +++ATH0 NO CARRIER
Are you saying no just to be negative?
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