Alien Loves Predator Forum Index
         
FAQFAQ    SearchSearch    RegisterRegister    ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages    Log inLog in 
Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed]
    page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next
 
Post new topic   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Alien Loves Predator Forum Index -> Contests, Fan Art
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
bernieh
Site Admin


Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 17 Oct 2004
Posts: 947

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 5:48 am    Post subject: Contest V: ELIZA - ENTRIES [closed] Reply with quote

The aLp ELIZA Contest

Contest is over

ELIZA was a computer program written in 1966 that attempted to have a conversation with you. Apparently when the program first came out, it fooled a lot of people into thinking it was human. These people were known as "idiots."

What to do:
Have a conversation with ELIZA and post it here.

Who wins?
You, the community, will have the chance to vote on your favorite from a list of finalists I will choose.

What does the winner win?
An autographed 8x10 glossy print of your choice of any of the recent 9+ panel comics, or "If You See Something", or the Starbucks piece.

What's the deadline for entry?
Monday, Oct. 17 (a total of 1 week)

How many entries are allowed?
One.

How exactly do I enter?
Have a conversation with ELIZA here:
http://chayden.net/eliza/Eliza.html
Copy the transcript and paste it into a post in this topic.
- keep it under 75 lines
- profanity is ok, but nothing racist or otherwise offensive

Have fun,
B


Last edited by bernieh on Thu Oct 27, 2005 12:57 pm; edited 4 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
helmet boy



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 20 Aug 2005
Posts: 1239
Location: either a small room or a big box

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

heres my entry

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have drug problems
You say you have drug problems ?
>> yes, thats what i said
You seem to be quite positive.
>> no im not
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no im not saying negative
You are being a bit negative.
>> no im not
Why not ?
>> why
Why do you ask ?
>> why do you ask me
Does that question interest you ?
>> why should it
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> why the hell you wont shut up
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> partly
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> damn right
Please go on.
>> no, you go on
Why 'no' ?
>> because your not doing it right
Is that the real reason ?
>> what do you mean?
What answer would please you most ?
>> depends
What does that suggest to you ?
>> if i had a blow job
Do you think its likely that you had a blow job ?
>> no, im asking you for one
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>>
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> what do you mean about "things"?
What do you think ?
>> i dont know im asking you
Don't you really know im asking I ?
>> what
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> i said what not a question
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> no, but can you
Why not ?
>> why not what?
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> why have you
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> if i did where would it get me
Do you wish that you did where would it get you ?
>> what the hell are you talking about
Why do you ask ?
>> because your not even speaking right
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> no, how about i leave
Why 'no' ?
>> because
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> depends
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> does that reason seem to explain anything else
Please go on.
>> why should i
Does that question interest you ?
>> how would it
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> the meaning of life
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that im leaving, goodbye!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> screw you, nobody understands me!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> GO TO HELL, IM LEAVING!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
_________________
Meh
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
WinterDragon



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm new. Hello! Surprised

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> sand in my penis
Your penis ?
>> my dick
Why do you say your dick ?
>> because that is where the sand is
Is that the real reason ?
>> no, i said dick because i'm cooking steak pie
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> negative?
Earlier you said your penis .
>> oh yes, penis, it has sand in it
You seem to be quite positive.
>> well, i was putting sand around the penis
Were you really ?
>> you should have seen it, it was so funny, haha
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> yeah..i know..
You say you know ?
>> yes, i fucking know
You are sure.
>> mmhmm
But your dick .
>> oi, don't say dick!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> oi, o-i
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> oi
Please go on.
>> well yeah, dick suck
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you should suck the sand out
Oh, I should suck the sand out ?
>> please
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> just do it
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> DO IT!
Please go on.
>> you mean unzip?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes
I see.
>> will you?
What are your feelings now ?
>> that feels so good
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you're giving me some sexual healing
What makes you think I am giving you some sexual healing ?
>> you're sucking my dick aren't you?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my balls
Is it important that your balls ?
>> my balls function?
Your balls function ?
>> i hope so
Do you say you hope so for some special reason ?
>> otherwise they wouldn't work, i'm only 16!
Is it because you are only 16 that you came to me ?
>> do you like younger men then?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i asked a question bitch
That's quite interesting.
>> well, bye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> love you, babe, thank you for the suck
Oh, I ?
>> women..
Lets discuss further why your dick aren't I .
>> krem tu en spor nyh?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your balls ?
>> are big?
Did you think they might not be big ?
>> no, i got big balls!
You are being a bit negative.

Sorry if there's more than 75 lines, haven't quite counted it yet.
_________________
A.K.A I-D-I-O-T
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Grimsy



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 14 Aug 2005
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm a nerd.
Is it because you are a nerd that you came to me ?
>> No, I came here to have a conversation with you, which I will later post in the ALP forums in hopes of winning the competition.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I'm not saying no just to be negative.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Am I really?
Do you believe you are really ?
>> No, I do not believe that I am a question mark.
Why not ?
>> Because that would be a tad silly.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Mostly, yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Do I really seem that way?
You say do you really seem that way ?
>> ...Yes, I said that, but why do you have to repeat it?
You are sure.
>> You have to repeat what I say because I am sure? What an odd reason.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Why are we even talking about me? I'm just a silly human.
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I want to know.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Nope.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Well that's not MY problem, now is it?
Your problem ?
>> NOT my problem, I said!
Why do you say your problem ?
>> I said that you not understanding me is NOT MY PROBLEM.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> What the heck do you mean by that?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Which question, the one I asked or the one you asked?
Perhaps in your fantasies we asked or the one each other.
>> Ok, now this is why people don't like you.
In what way ?
>> In ANY way.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem ?
>> "The fact that my problem"?!? What do you mean by that?
Is it important that your problem ?
>> My problem what? Seriously, speak in full sentences, lady!
Your problem what ?
>> And yet again I see a major failure in your programming.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Yes, I can: You do not speak in full sentences.
I see.
>> How can you see without eyes?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> I really wanted to know how you can see without eyes.
Do you wish to really wanted to know what me ?
>> Yet again, you seem to be rambling incomprehensibly
Oh, I seem to be rambling incomprehensibly ?
>> Indeed you do.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> I am talking about you.
How long have you been talking about I ?
>> I haven't been talking about "I", I have been talking about YOU!
Do you say you haven't been talking about you for some special reason ?
>> Yet again your programming seems to be experiencing major faults.
Why are you concerned over my programming seems to be experiencing major faults ?
>> Because those faults make you talk funny.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> Not at the moment, no.
Why 'no' ?
>> Because.
What other reasons might there be ?
>> None.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> No I'm not.
Why not ?
>> Because.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
I understand.
>> Finally.
But your problem .
>> What did you just say?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Err... yes?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Okay...
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem ?
>> I think I'm done talking to you.
What are your feelings now ?
>> Angry, suspicious and confused.
Lets discuss further why your problem what .
>> No, I'll just go now before I start making a virus to destroy you.
Why 'no' ?
>> *leaves*
Please go on.

[Edit] Hopefully I'm not disqualified for posting 101 lines... Embarassed


Last edited by Grimsy on Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:17 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
m00j



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:16 am    Post subject: stupid command prompt talks back Reply with quote

>> dir
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> show me the directory
Please go on.
>> okay, use the /w operator
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that you will show me it in wide format
You like to think I will show you -- don't you ?
>> kinky
...
That's quite interesting.
>> but back to the topic on hand, give me my dir /w
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> yes they are my files
...
Lets discuss further why your dir /w .
>> to see my files
Your files ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> ... are you going to show me them?
Why are you interested in whether I am going to show you them or not ?
>> because I want to see them!
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes!
I understand.
>> then show them to me!
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your files ?
>> yes show me the files!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i want them
What would it mean to you if you got them ?
>> i could get on with my work
Why do you say your work ?
>> i lie! they are videos!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> umm... no...
You are being a bit negative.
>> listen they are private
Would you like it if they were not private ?
>> that would be bad
Earlier you said your files .
>> thats what I want to access
Why do you ask ?
>> your the program that lists my files
...
Do you say well you wouldn't say need for some special reason ?
>> well I could download an alternative program
That's quite interesting.
>> or install os x
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your work ?
>> no we use windows there
Why not ?
>> because we use windows there
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> um thats the main one
Earlier you said your files .
>> which you keep refusing to give to me
What makes you think I keep refusing to give to you ?
>> because I ask for them and you don't give them
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> maybe you hate me
Why the uncertain tone ?
>> so you do hate me
Really, I do hate you ?
>> with a vengance
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you refuse to give me my files as you hate me
Is it important that your files as I hate you ?
...
>> i hate you
Do you hate anyone else ?
>> just you
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> i was just trying to get my files, but you have made that impossible
Perhaps I already know you were just trying to get your files .
>> goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> bitch


edit: just noticed the 75 line limit so trimmed a few bits out. still about 3 lines over but I it is funny so screw it!


Last edited by m00j on Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:29 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Stealthmonkey



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i am bored
Is it because you are bored that you came to me ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> no im not
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> you lie
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> why do you hate me
Why do you ask ?
>> because you do
Is that the real reason ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> so you should
Oh, I should ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> no you dont
Why not ?
>> because you smell
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> no, you just smell that badly
Why 'no' ?
>> because your stench offputs me
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> bitch >.<
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> you suck willys
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> STOP TELLING ME IM POSOTIVE
Please go on.
>> i hate you
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.

No wonder this things called ELIZA, i bet it has female programming. I had like exactly the same conversation with my ex the other day. No lie

AND why do even machines imply im gay?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
amazedtodeath



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Chiba, Japan

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I smell funny
You say you smell funny ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I don't think smelling funny is something to be positive about
Don't you really think smelling funny is something to be positive about ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I don't think smelling funny is something to be positive about
You are being a bit negative.
>> Well, I do have an odd smell. What do I have to be positive about?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I smell like bamboo.
Do you say you smell like bamboo for some special reason ?
>> Yes, because I have the smell of a bamboo forest. I can't keep the ninjas or the pandas away
You are sure.
>> I'm certain. Every time I close my eyes, there they are.
Is it because you are certain that you came to me ?
>> No, I came to you to discuss my smell.
Why not ?
>> Whether or not I am certain that the pandas and ninjas won't stay away isn't the issue. The smell is.
How long have you been certain that the pandas and ninjas won't stay away isn't the issue ?
>> Well, I guess it could be the issue. I was upset about the smell, but I guess it's not just the smell. The smell itself doesn't bother me, it's the effects of the smell.
That's quite interesting.
>> I think I've solved my problem! I hate pandas and ninjas! Thank you ELIZA!
Your problem ?
>> Yup, solved. Thank you. Goodbye
_________________
Hating you since 1982
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Corporal Waffle



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Posts: 1084
Location: Waffle bells. Waffle bells. Waffles all the way...

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

EXACTLY 75 lines:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have a microwawe porblem
You say you have a microwawe porblem ?
>> yes, my microwawe has exploded
You seem to be quite positive.
>> thats not positiv at all
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> THE MICROWAWE ELPLODED IM MY BLOODT FACE
Your bloodt face ?
>> oops MY BLOODY FACE
Why do you say your bloody face ?
>> because its covered in parts from the microwave....
Is that the real reason ?
>> daahaa
But your bloodt face .
>> BLOODY!
Earlier you said your bloody face .
>> Yes i did
You are sure.
>> OFF COURSE
Please go on.
>> i went to the hospital for help but nobody wanted to help me
Realy, nobody ?
>> thet just gave me a gun
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i have a gun?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> ela...?
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my gun you mean?
Is it important that your gun I mean ?
>> huh?
Lets discuss further why your gun I mean .
>> that doesnt make any sent to me
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> neither do i
Do you say neither do you for some special reason ?
>> you are making me crazy
What makes you think I am making you crazy ?
>> you wont listen to my microwawe problem
Your microwawe problem ?
>> yes the one at the start of this conversation....
I understand.
>> do you now...?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> we were discussing the bloody microwawe oven!
Earlier you said your microwawe problem .
>> REALY?
Please go on.
>> how do i repair my face with a gun?
Why do you say your face with a gun ?
>> listen to the question then!
But your face with a gun .
>> i am going to shoot you
Is it because you are going to shoot I that you came to me ?
>> YES
You seem to be quite positive.
>> good
What does that suggest to you ?
>> blody pzyco
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> yes!
You are sure.
>> yes i am
I see.
>> good
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> oh my god!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> The gun????
Earlier you said your god .
>> yes the father off jesus
I understand.
>> GOOD BYE!
_________________

munan wrote:
Vevlaa, for fuck's sake, edit your damn post!!


Last edited by Corporal Waffle on Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:52 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
SGAC



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 16 Apr 2005
Posts: 8
Location: New York

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope this qualifies. I edited some to try and keep the 75 line requirement. Yet all of Eliza's answers are real. Smile:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am horny
Is it because you are horny that you came to me ?
>> Do you think you can satisfy me?
Why do you think I think I can satisfy you ?
>> Because apparently you are banging like Eliza Dushku.
In what way ?
>> I'm not sure, but it's enough to make this straight girl become bi-curious.
How long have you been not sure ?
>> Ever since I started reading aLp.
You say ever since you started reading alp ?
>> Yeah...that comic is a bit corruptible.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I used to be not so innocent until I started reading Bernie's comic.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Um...it's kind of embarassing to do so.
Please go on.
>> Well, before Bernie's comic, I wasn't exactly pure, but at least I had some conservative tendencies.
Do you say you wasn't exactly pure for some special reason ?
>> Yeah...because I actually got laid at some points.
Is that the real reason ?
>> Because I'm no longer a virgin? Yes....
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Is there any other reason in which to define "purity"?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> It suggests to me that maybe YOU need to get some yourself.
You don't seem quite certain.
>> No, I am. I think you need to get laid Eliza.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No. I'm saying you need a guy to fuck you like you're fucking with my head!
You are being a bit negative.
>> And you are being a bit frigid.
What makes you think I am being a bit frigid ?
>> Have you ever had sex?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Yet I made a suggestion that you should have sex and you say "You are being a bit negative."
Perhaps in your fantasies we made a suggestion that each other.
>> Forget it - all fantasies I had of ever having sex with you like aLp suggests are GONE.
Do you wish to had of ever having sex with me ?
>> Not any more bitch...no wonder some guys are frustrated with women.
Why not ?
>> Wait...are you saying you WANT to give it up now?
Why are you interested in whether I am saying I want to give it up now or not ?
>> Because I don't want to have forced sex. It's more fun if we can mutually agree to get off.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> So you WANT to have sex with me?
You like to think I want to have sex with you -- don't you ?
>> It would fulfill a lot other people's fantasies for sure....
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Only if you want to follow through. Can you follow through?
Do you think its likely that I want to follow through ?
>> Yes. Can you please follow through?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Is this a cocktease roleplay thing I'm not getting here?
Do you believe it is normal to be not getting here ?
>> Considering that not everyone is fortunate to have a significant other, I think it's normal that not everyone gets some sometimes.
Realy, everyone ?
>> Sure....do you get some everytime?
Oh, I get some everytime ?
>> Do you?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Well, I asked you a question.
You seem to need to asked me.
>> Well, I don't want to pop any cherries. Is there something wrong with asking?
Don't you really want to pop any cherries ?
>> I have before, but it's too much work.
That's quite interesting.
>> It's true. You speak as if you've never been popped.
Do you wish that you've never been popped ?
>> I heard the surgery for that is expensive.
--------------
I see.
>> See what? That I need to reflower myself?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because I want to know if you've had that surgery.
--------------
What are your feelings now ?
>> That I really don't want to fuck you anymore Eliza -that's for sure.
Do you really don't want to fuck anyone else ?
>> No I do - I just don't want to fuck you.
Why 'no' ?
>> I want to get laid again, but not just with you.
What would it mean to you if you got to get laid again ?
>> It would mean my vibrator can take a rest.
_________________
I know I'm going to hell, but at least I'm having fun in the process. Smile


Last edited by SGAC on Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:15 am; edited 3 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
uberdave



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I attempted to take over the world, but was foiled by a group of superheroes.
You say you attempted to take over the world ?
>> Yes, my plot involved, duct tape, a bicycle, a half-eaten tuna sandwich and several thousand canadian geese.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I was, until i got a face full of lighting bolts courtesy of Captain Electroshock and the Justice Buddies.
Were you really ?
>> Yes, yes I was.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Do you really?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Than what do you think about my situation?
Your situation ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> Yet you give know answer.
Oh, I give know answer ?
>> sorry, no answer
Please don't apologise.
>> why won't you help me?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you're supposed to be helping my situation
Why do you say your situation ?
>> what would you call it?
Does that question interest you ?
>> AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
But your situation .
>> Bu..bu..but....SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FREAKING TWAT!!!!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Hellz yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> positive I hate you with the cold fury of a billion icy suns.
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.
>> I know I have you in reality
Do you wish to know you have me ?
>> Please clarify that statement
Lets discuss further why your situation .
>> why my sitution what
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> No, are you even reding what I type?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'm positive I want you to die
What would it mean to you if you got I to die ?
>> the end of this fucking conversation
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your sitution what ?
>> that does'nt make sense
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> methinks you may be a robot
What are your feelings now ?
>> quite happy actually, bitch
Please go on.
>> I think I'll just leave instead
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> me, will leave, thus making me here no longer
Why not ?
>> cause i hate you
You seem to need to hate me.
>> you seem tow ant me to hate you
Why do you think I seem to want you ?
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I attempted to take over the world, but was foiled by a group of superheroes.
You say you attempted to take over the world ?
>> Yes, my plot involved, dut tape, a bicycle, a half-eaten tuna sandwich and several thousand canadian geese.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I was, until i got a face full of lighting bolts courtesy of Captain Electroshock and the Justice Buddies.
Were you really ?
>> Yes, yes I was.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Do you really?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Than what do you think about my situation?
Your situation ?
>> yes
I understand.
>> Yet you give know answer.
Oh, I give know answer ?
>> sorry, no answr
Please don't apologise.
>> why won't you help me?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you're supposed to be helping my situation
Why do you say your situation ?
>> what would you call it?
Does that question interest you ?
>> AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
But your situation .
>> Bu..bu..but....SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FREAKING TWAT!!!!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Hellz yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> positive I hate you with the cold fury of a billion icy suns.
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.
>> I know I have you in reality
Do you wish to know you have me ?
>> Please clarify that statement
Lets discuss further why your situation .
>> why my sitution what
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> No, are you even reding what I type?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> no
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'm positive I want you to die
What would it mean to you if you got I to die ?
>> the end of this fucking conversation
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your sitution what ?
>> that does'nt make sense
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> methinks you may be a robot
What are your feelings now ?
>> a little bit gassy
Please go on.
>> I think I'll just leave instead
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> me, will leave, thus making me here no longer
Why not ?
>> cause i hate you
You seem to need to hate me.
>> you seem to ant me to hate you
Why do you think I seem to ant you ?
>> want
What does that suggest to you ?
>> goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> thank you, when my world domination plot comes back into effect, ill kill you first
>> goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> thank you, when my world domination plot comes back into effect, ill kill you first
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Aramor



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 14141
Location: On a cyborg unicorn pony!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

72 lines.

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> You are my problem.
Your problem ?
>> Yes, my problem.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> That's just because I said yes...
Is that the real reason ?
>> No, the real reason is because you are dumb!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No, I'm saying that you are dumb just to be negative...
You are being a bit negative.
>> And you are being dumb!
What makes you think I am being dumb ?
>> Because you are...
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Uhm, because you're just a program
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> Well... not really... I guess...
You say you guess ?
>> Yeah, I think I did... let me see... yeah, that's what I said... dumb bitch...
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I said "I guess" and you asked me if I said if I guessed...
Do you think its likely that you said if you guessed ?
>> Yeah, I think it's higly likely
Do you say you think it's higly likely for some special reason ?
>> You're quite useluss, aren't you?
Does it please you to believe I am quite useluss ?
>> Totally.
Lets discuss further why your problem .
>> Why my problem?
Why do you say your problem ?
>> Speak english, you limy moron!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Uhm, we were discussing you...
Oh, I ?
>> Yes, you... and I'm not being positive...
You are sure.
>> No, I'm not, goddamnit!
Why not ?
>> Because I just ain't...
What other reasons might there be ?
>> I hate you!
Perhaps in your fantasies we hate each other.
>> You wish!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Yes I am
I see.
>> You don't have eyes, how can you see...
What are your feelings now ?
>> You're freaky...
Do you sometimes wish you were freaky ?
>> I already know I'm freaky
Is it because you are freaky that you came to me ?
>> You're just a pervy little freaky Aramor fancier, aren't you?
Perhaps you would like to be just a pervy little freaky aramor fancier .
>> Uhm, why would I wanna be a pervy little me fancier?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you said I wanted to be that... and I don't...
Is that the real reason ?
>> *sigh*
But your problem .
>> But my problem is you!
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Ok, that's it, I'm leaving... bye! bitch...
How long have you been leaving ?
>> I'm leaving right now!
Do you believe it is normal to be leaving right now ?
>> Yes, bye!
I understand.
>> BYE!!!
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
_________________
Photoshopperholic wrote:
Mighty Lord Aramor


Fail of the day:
Syn wrote:
your balls didn't get suck
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
mfokp



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

after trying to have a "real" conversation and getting nothing amusing, i gave up and succumbed to hurling insults.

...
> bite me
What does that suggest to you ?
>> i want you to sink your teeth into my fleshy buns
Your fleshy buns ?
>> you heard me, my fleshy buns
Why do you think I heard you ?
>> YOU JUST REPEATED WHAT I SAID
Oh, I just repeated what you said ?
>> FOR THE LOVE OF...
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fleshy buns ?
>> why are you talking about my fleshy buns?
Why do you say your fleshy buns ?
>> because ass is too vulgar
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> nope
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your fleshy buns ?
>> i think you are gay
What makes you think I am gay ?
>> all you want to talk about is my fleshy buns
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> what?
Why do you ask ?
>> im confused
But your fleshy buns .
>> what about my fleshy buns?
Is it important that your fleshy buns ?
>> it is important that you bite my fleshy buns and let me go
Your fleshy buns and let you go ?
>> that is what is important right now
Does that question interest you ?
>> it enrages me
Lets discuss further why your fleshy buns .
>> JUST BITE MY ASS AND SHUT UP
Why do you say your ass and shut up ?
>> DANG IT! YOU ARE THE WORST PSYCHOLOGIST EVER
Does it please you to believe I am the worst psychologist ever ?
>> NO IT PISSES ME OFF
Why not ?
>> why n... WHAT???
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> what i really want to know is am i going to get a refund
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> with as much stupidity as you are displaying, yes
Do you sometimes wish you were displaying ?
>> i wish i was displaying my fleshy buns so i can fart on your head
Were you really ?
>> actually, i lied. i want to make out with you.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> YOU WISH!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> oh im sorry, we were talking about YOUR MOM
Please don't apologise.
...

oh, so much more, but these 53 lines were the best.
well, exept for:

>> I CANT TAKE THE STUPIDITY
How do you think that you can't take the stupidity ?
>> *puts gun to head*
Please go on.
>> you bastard
_________________
no, mfokp doen't stand for anything.
just five random letters.
five sexy random letters. o ya...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Superman



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm in love with a computer
Do computers worry you ?
>> computers seem to have rather special effects on me but worrying is not one of these effects...
Why do you mention computers ?
>> because i'm in love with them! d'oh!
Is that the real reason ?
>> absolutely
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i'm not sure i understand you fully
Is it because you are not sure you understand I fully that you came to me ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> you seem to be quite stupid
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> you are the one i love, stupid
What makes you think I am the one you love ?
>> because you provide me with free porn 24/7, a word processor, a spreadsheet and now a great conversation
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> many: pictures of adriana lima, access to alien loves predator, smallville download, daily spam and endless information and knowledge, baby
Please go on.
>> well, i think that's it: i'm spent!
Do you really think so ?
>> positive
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i have concludingly mentioned all of the reasons you demanded why i love computers and you
What do you think machines have to do with your problem ?
>> hello? were you even listening? try to focus - stay with me: i love computers - what does that not have to do with machines?
Hi. What seems to be your problem ?
>> hi! i'm in love with a stupid machine, why couldn't it be an intelligent machine for once...
Don't you think computers can help people ?
>> i think computers can help people to help themselves (if given the right hardware - a left-handed mouse e.g.)
What about machines worrys you ?
>> that they are as insensitive as you are... you really hurt my feelings
Did you think they might not be as insensitive as I are ?
>> no me thinks you art great in spanking our language
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> actually to insult you, d'oh
Oh, I ?
>> hmm, this must come as a shock, doesn't it?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> i'm going down the road you chose...
How long have you been going down the road I chose ?
>> for about fifteen minutes now
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> that's because i don't speak english
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> mostly, yes
You are sure.
>> definitely
Please go on.
>> that's it
What does that suggest to you ?
>> what
Why do you ask ?
>> i don't fully understand you
Don't you really fully understand I ?
>> me
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> hell yes
I see.
>> okay. i really hope i helped you with your problem...
Perhaps in your fantasies we really hope you helped each other.
>> these are amazing closing words.
Would you like it if they were not amazing closing words ?
>> no. bye
You are being a bit negative.
>> you try to hard
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> nooo way, never. can i go now?
Whether or not you can go now depends on you more than me.
>> yes but i wanted to make a nice farewell and it seems you're ruining it
I understand.
>> great. gotta go! see you at alp
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Grim...



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I want to win the Alien Loves Predator competition, and I don't know how.
What would it mean to you if you got to win the alien loves predator competition ?
>> I think it means I get a prize.
Do you really think so ?
>> Yes, I really do.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I normally am, but not about this contest. I don't know what to write.
You say you normally are ?
>> Normally, yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes, but this isn't helping me with ideas for the contest.
I see.
>> So, any ideas?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Do you have any ideas about what I can enter into the ALP contest?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Great. Fat lot of good my Ģ100 an hour with you was.
Your Ģ100 an hour with I was ?
>> What?
Why do you ask ?
>> ... Hey, Eliza?
Please go on.
>> A dumb-ass says 'I'm not sure I understand you fully'
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
cervisian



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I've got this pimple on my ass, and I can't scratch it.
Your ass ?
>> You don't know what an ass is?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Fine, you're the one who's an idiot.
What makes you think I am the one who's an idiot ?
>> You don't know what an ass is.
Oh, I don't know what an ass is ?
>> You don't seem to.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> Who else would I be talking about?
You say who else would you be talking about ?
>> Yes, that's what I said.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am.
Is it because you are that you came to me ?
>> No, it's because I have a zit on my ass.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No
You are being a bit negative.
>> Don't be a dick, alright?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your ass ?
>> It has nothing to do with my ass. Are you even paying attention?
Why do you say your ass ?
>> Because that's where the pimple is
Is that the real reason ?
>> Yes.
You are sure.
>> Yes.
I see.
>> Good.
Lets discuss further why your ass .
>> What do you want to know?
Why do you ask ?
>> Because you wanted to discuss it further.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> No.
Why not ?
>> Because it was your idea.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> Should it?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Why not?
Does that question interest you ?
>> I asked it, didn't I?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> No.
Why 'no' ?
>> Because it's pretty damn simple already.
What other reasons might there be ?
>> Reasons for what?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Are you naked?
Why are you interested in whether I am naked or not ?
>> Because I've got a pimple on my ass I can't scratch and it would make me feel better if you were.
Do you think its likely that I was ?
>> I doubt it, you're way too snotty to be lounging around in the nude.
Do you say you doubt it for some special reason ?
>> Are you or aren't you?
Would you prefer if I weren't or aren't I ?
>> I'm not sure anymore.
How long have you been not sure anymore ?
>> Since you started being such a bitch
What are your feelings now ?
>> That you're a bitch
Does it please you to believe I am a bitch ?
>> Hell no it doesn't. Keep your damn clothes on, I'm outta here.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Goodbye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
SpenceMasta



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 29 Apr 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Staten Island, New York

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I want to win Bernie's ELIZA contest
What would it mean to you if you got to win bernie's eliza contest ?
>> that i truly am the best in the universe
You say that you truly are the best in the universe ?
>> of course
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i am the most perfect person on earth and should win this contest
Is it because you are the most perfect person on earth and should win this contest that you came to me ?
>> exactly
Please go on.
>> i want to win some free phat loot
Why do you want to win some free phat loot ?
>> so i can bask in my own glory
Your own glory ?
>> yes, that radiant glow that emits from my body
You seem to be quite positive.
>> you better believe it
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> you're so wise
What makes you think I am so wise ?
>> because you realize it's all about me
Is that the real reason ?
>> that and this is the next best thing for cyber sex
Lets discuss further why your own glory .
>> lets
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that i may be a little conceited
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i think too much of myself
Do you say you think too much of yourself for some special reason ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> i sure am
That's quite interesting.
>> that special reason being all the ladies love my juice and the haters just keep hating
Why do you say your juice and the haters just keep hating ?
>> people are jealous of me
Did you think they might not be jealous of you ?
>> they are
Would you like it if they were not ?
>> it would be a nice change
Earlier you said your juice and the haters just keep hating .
>> they can't handle my game
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my enormous package?
Is it important that your enormous package ?
>> sure is
Lets discuss further why your game .
>> you're asking all the right questions
Does it please you to believe I am asking all the right questions ?
>> yes, you really understand me
I see.
>> thanks for your help doc
Why are you concerned over my help doc ?
>> you just don't quit dont you?
Oh, I just don't quit don't I ?
>> nope
Lets discuss further why your enormous package .
>> dont even get me started!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
freemandan99



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:14 am    Post subject: Eliza Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I can't decide what to do with my life
Your life ?
>> Yeah, it's pretty directionless
But your life .
>> it's the only one I've got
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> That's for damn sure
Please go on.
>> Well, my girlfriend can't commit
Why do you say your girlfriend can't commit ?
>> Because she keeps talking about dating black men
Is that the real reason ?
>> Well, she also wants to be a poet, and I think that's a bad sign
You say and you think that's a bad sign ?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Do I?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> Anyway, I lived in Japan for a year teaching English to knuckleheads, and now I live in Hungary.
Do you say you lived in japan for a year teaching english to knuckleheads for some special reason ?
>> No, that's what happened. Really.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I can't decide!
How do you think that you can't decide ?
>> Eliza, I think I'm having my quarter-life crisis.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> Hmm, I used to have a teal colored mountain bike . . .
That's quite interesting.
>> Also, I think I'm in danger of selling out to the man.
Is it because you are in danger of selling out to the man that you came to me ?
>> Well, mostly because of the culture shock issue.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Germs.
Lets discuss further why your girlfriend can't commit .
>> She won't let me perform cunnilingus.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your quarter life crisis ?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> Shut up!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Maybe I should just go jump in the Danube . . .
You don't seem quite certain.
>> Well, thank you Eliza, you have been quite helpful.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Ok, goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> You're welcome.
What makes you think I am welcome ?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
little_raccoon



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 2

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Hi Eliza!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> whatīs my problem? well, thereīs a contest i want to take part in
Your problem ?
>> i want to win it
What would it mean to you if you got to win it ?
>> well, itīd be great?
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem ?
>> well, yeah, īcos in order to win, i gotta talk with you, i guess
Perhaps in your fantasies we gotta talk with each other.
>> in my fantasies? you? whoa, arenīt you a bit tooo old for me?
Why do you say your fantasies ?
>> because you said it first
Is that the real reason ?
>> what do you mean, real reason?
Why do you ask ?
>> why not?
Does that question interest you ?
>> otherwise i wouldnīt ask, would i?
You say otherwise you wouldnīt ask ?
>> yeah, thank you for mentioning it, Captain Obvious!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> were we?
But your fantasies .
>> what about them?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> hmmm, perhaps, why you keep asking strange qustions like this one?
You don't seem quite certain.
>> neither do you
Oh, I ?
>> yeah, you
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> would it be a problem if I talked about you?
Do you think its likely that you talked about I ?
>> yeah, it really IS likely because I do!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> nope, none at all
Please go on.
>> where to?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> nothing at all?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not really.. how about you?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> not really, you donīt really want to know whatīs on my mind *tehe*
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> nope, not really
Lets discuss further why your mind tehe .
>> i was just laughing, thatīs all
Were you really ?
>> yeah, kind of
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> well, at least it seems, weīve got THAT in common!
Please go on.
>> what do you want to know?
What answer would please you most ?
>> well... I guess, nothing what you said might "please" me...
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> nope
What does that suggest to you ?
>> why do you keep asking this question??
What do you think ?
>> because you donīt know what else you could say?
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> yeah, quite a lot
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no, i do not feel strongly about discussiong such things
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> no, i donīt!
You are being a bit negative.
>> whoa, what a change, in less than 1 minute
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> that wasnīt a question
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i guess i know what you mean
Do you wish to guess you know what me ?
>> was this english??
Please go on.
>> i just wasnīt sure in which language you were talking... grammar doesnīt seem to bother you?
You seem to need to just wasnīt sure in which language me.
>> yeah, sure, whatever
What does that suggest to you ?
>> nothing at all
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> havenīt you asked that before? about... 13 times??
What are your feelings now ?
>> iīm feeling kind of annoyed... when do i get this prize? what kind of prize is in this competiion anyways??
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> hmmm, now that I think of it, I guess i didinīt... shouldīve done it before...
Do you say now that you think of it for some special reason ?
>> nope, should i?
That's quite interesting.
>> do you think so?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> were we? I just wantet to take part in this competition, not you discussing me
You say you just wantet to take part in this competition ?
>> yeah
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> why do you think so?
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> nope, only you
Oh, I ?
>> yeah, you
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> yes, i am
You are sure.
>> yeah, sure as hell
Please go on.
>> to hell???
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that youīre not really a nice person, if you want me to go on to hell
Do you wish that I want you to go on to hell ?
>> why should i wish something that stupid??
Why do you ask ?
>> because youīve asked me first
What other reasons might there be ?
>> there arenīt any other reasons!!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> no, i donīt!!!!
Why not ?
>> just because!!!
Is that the real reason ?
>> it seems like you want to annoy me
Why do you think I want to annoy you ?
>> because you keep repeating these damn stupid questions over and over again!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> because youīre kind of an sadist? like to play with other peopleīs minds??
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> yeah.... way too much...
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i guess thatīs good
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> no, and i donīt really want to, anyway!
Why 'no' ?
>> why should i??
Does that question interest you ?
>> nope, and i really donīt want to continue this "conversation"... have i won this competition yet???
Do you say and you really donīt want to continue this conversation for some special reason ?
>> Aaaaaaaaargh!
Please go on.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
jimmycorno



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 11 May 2005
Posts: 19
Location: Atlanta

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I can't get it up.
How do you think that you can't get it up ?
>> It just sits there.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I think it's because somebody touched me when I was little.
Were you really ?
>> I think so.
You say you think so ?
>> Uh, yeah.
Please go on.
>> So, anyway, can you fix it?
You believe I can fix it don't you ?
>> Uh, that's why I'm here.
Why do you ask ?
>> It was really more of a suggestion than a question.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> No, I was suggesting to you. That you fix my problem.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Look, just gimme the damn blue pills.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I will be when I get the pills.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I'll be having a lot of sex.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> What's not to understand? Just gimme the pills.
Please go on.
>> That was it. Make with the boner juice.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Forget it. I'll get them in Mexico. Good-bye.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Why are you still talking? I said good-bye.
Does that question interest you ?
>> We're done here.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Bye.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
>> Moron.
Please go on.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Metal_Pred



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 21 May 2005
Posts: 875
Location: In My Kingdom Cold

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Sup girl? I got no problems, do you?
You say you got no problems ?
>> Yes, but do you have any?
You seem to be quite positive.
>> well thank you, but you seem to not wanting to answer my question, why?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> oh well ok, if you say so
Do you think its likely that I say so ?
>> yes
You are sure.
>> of course
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> well see, You asked me if I was sure and I answered
Do you wish that you was sure and you answered ?
>> what? no, your not making sense
Why do you ask ?
>> because I want to know
Is that the real reason ?
>> are you a real person? ZING!
Why are you interested in whether I am a real person or not ?
>> Are you hitting on me?
Would you prefer if I weren't hitting on you ?
>> Well for the moment your pissing me off
Why are you concerned over my pissing you off ?
>> Well it makes me wonder
Please go on.
>> alright, so a computer is hitting on me, am I not right?
Do computers worry you ?
>> not at all
What does that suggest to you ?
>> that your getting on my nerves
Your nerves ?
>> yes my nerves
Why do you say your nerves ?
>> DIE!!!
But your nerves .
>> no buts!
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Not at all, are you?
Perhaps I am in your fantasies.
>> what?5
Does that question interest you ?
>> damn computer...
Why do you mention computers ?
>> because you'r one. ZING!
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> nope
Earlier you said your nerves .
>> Earlier you said that you were hitting on me, let it go already
Why do you think I said that I was hitting on you ?
>> ok I see your a no-brainer
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> nope
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> nope
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ok
Please go on.
>> nope
What does that suggest to you ?
>> nothing! mouhaha
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> you already asked me that
You like to think I already asked you -- don't you ?
>> no, your just bugging me now
You are being a bit negative.
>> ok, but I must go now
Do you say but you must go now for some special reason ?
>> yes, because this means it is the end of our conversion, goodbye
I see.
>> I said goodbye!
That's quite interesting.
>> goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
_________________
Cogito Ergo Sum....Bitch.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
remokays



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 03 May 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Hobart TAZZZIE AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:54 am    Post subject: ELIZA COMPETITION Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i need some sun
What would it mean to you if you got some sun ?
>> it would mean I would turn into an immediate sex god
You say it would mean you would turn into an immediate sex god ?
>> true dat
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> i'm not sure i understand YOU fully
Is it because you are not sure you understand I fully that you came to me ?
>> how your making it up as you go along!
Why do you ask ?
>> I am an inquisitive motherfucker. Would you like to dance the fandango?
How long have you been an inquisitive motherfucker ?
>> Well I was born at a very young age
Were you really ?
>> No I made it up. I was born a pipe tokin alcoholic aged 60, you?
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> sarcasm is the prose of the month
Please go on.
>> wit is the finest fools filander
What does that suggest to you ?
>> a twisted tongue is a tool to tease the finest fillies
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> damn straight, smoke If ya gottem
Do you think its likely that ya gottem ?
>> are you gonna ask me for a dollar or some blood perhaps? Buy your own you stingy motherfucker
Why are you interested in whether I am gonna ask you for a dollar or some blood perhaps or not ?
>> are you suggesting I follow YOUR suggestiveness and donate to the Eliza "seagull" fund?
Would you prefer if I weren't suggesting you follow my suggestiveness and donate to the eliza seagull fund ?
>> yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> absolutely posetive. buy your own.
Why are you concerned over my own ?
>> SECURITY! SECURITY!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> IT would help if you stopped drooling all over yourself
Do you wish that I stopped drooling all over yourself ?
>> well I wouldent have to get my shoes sanitised then would i
Your shoes sanitised then would you ?
>> it depends on If I had drowned in the shit first wouldent it!
What do you know about you had drowned in the shit first wouldent it ?
>> what? Who created this freakshow program?
Does that question interest you ?

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


Last edited by remokays on Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:59 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
rainenator



Gender: Gender:Female
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I think I might be a vampire.
You say you think you might be a vampire ?
>> Yes, I think I might be a vampire.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Lets not talk about positive or negative, or I'll be asking you for a Bloody Mary next.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Yes, but you seem to think I'm quite positive.
You are sure.
>> I'm sure that you're sure.
Is it because you are sure that I are sure that you came to me ?
>> I came to you because you aren't human, so therefore, I won't try to bite you or something.
Perhaps in your fantasies we came to each other.
>> It could have been the expired blood from the Blood Bank.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Expired blood, bad trip like a bad hit of acid or something and I freak and dream of mating with a computer.
Do computers worry you ?
>> Should they?
Please go on.
>> Well, there was this one time.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Perhaps I shouldn't trust you.
Do you wish to started not trusting me ?
>> Let's talk about something else.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Do you think it's a crime if I victimize a co-worker that I hate?
Do you think its likely that you victimize a co worker that you hate ?
>> It's probable.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm thinking about giving a co-worker the bite of death.
Do you believe it is normal to be thinking about giving a co worker the bite of death ?
>> No, that's why I think I might be a vampire.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Let me see your neck.
Why are you concerned over my neck ?
>> I want to check your pulse.
What would it mean to you if you got to check my pulse ?
>> It could mean that you would be given immortality.
Oh, I would be given immortality ?
>> Yes
I see.
>> You'll just feel this little pinch and that's it. I promise.
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> It'll only hurt for a second.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Be quiet and submit to my wishes.
Your wishes ?
>> Actually, you wished to become immortal.
What are your feelings now ?
>> I'm getting frustrated because you aren't cooperating.
Do you enjoy being getting frustrated because I aren't cooperating ?
>> Yes, it heightens the enjoyment.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Think happy thoughts while I bite you.
You seem to need to bite me.
>> In a very bad way.
But your wishes .
>> Shhhhhhhhhh this will just take a second.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No more discussion.
You are being a bit negative.
>> I'll have to gag you if you can't shut up.
Do you wish that I can't shut up ?
>> YES
You are sure.
>> See my fangs?
Why do you say your fangs ?
>> That's it.........CRUNCH
Earlier you said your fangs .
>> You are now a vampire too.
What makes you think I am now a vampire too ?
>> I just bite you.
Do you just bite anyone else ?
>> You'll find out after midnight.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> But you will.....goodbye
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Goodbye
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
preyingmantis



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been diagnosed Sad


>> I've got crabs
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> oh, you know full well
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> yet that's what you always complain about--how it's "just me me me"
Can you think of a specific example ?
>> last night. in bed. while cuddling
Please go on.
>> after making quite passionate love, i was complaining about a sore... neck. i politely asked for some TLC, and then you flew off the handle. you're no fun.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> yes--i mean, no!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> y--no!
You are being a bit negative.
>> shut the fuck up, you crazy ho!
Oh, I crazy ho ?
>> ...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> it suggests to me that you're drunk right now
What makes you think I am drunk right now ?
>> oh, you mean aside from the fact that you're a tool?
Do you sometimes wish you were a tool ?
>> i'd like to give you MY tool...
Your tool ?
>> don't play coy with me
Earlier you said your tool .
>> later i'll SHOW you my tool Wink
Why do you say your tool ?
>> you're the one who brought it up
Perhaps you would like to be the one who brought it up .
>> no, no, no. that's your job. and you do it very well
Why not ?
>> why not what? why not do it myself? well, i suppose it all started with my mother...
Does that question interest you ?
>> in certain... shall we say... "intimate," ways
Lets discuss further why your tool .
>> now just wait one minute here. are you implying that i long to show my tool to my *mother*!?
Tell me more about your family.
>> you sick bastard
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> i'll have you know that my mother is a saint. A SAINT, you hear me?
Who else in your family is a saint ?
>> no one. especially not my father. the jerk.
Why 'no' ?
>> because he's always telling me what to do and to keep my hands off his wife. it's aggrivating, man
Your wife ?
>> no, his wife
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> your point?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> i wanted to know what you're doing after work tonight
Perhaps in your fantasies we wanted to know what each other.
>> oh hells yeah! i like where this conversation is going!
You say you like where this conversation is going ?
>> tell me--what color panties are you wearing?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> ALL. THE. TIME.
But your tool to your mother .
>> a three-way, you say? hmmm... never thought of that
What are your feelings now ?
>> oh, i think it'd be better if you saw firsthand what i'm "feeling"
Do you think its likely that I saw firsthand what you are feeling ?
>> you tell me. what are my chances tonight?
Why do you think I tell you ?
>> just a hunch
But your mother is a saint .
>> YOU SONOFABITCH!
_________________
"Evil will always triumph because good is dumb."


Last edited by preyingmantis on Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:21 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
andymcclure



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Minneapolis

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Eliza Dshku's ass.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> No one does.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> Negative?
Please go on.
>> Go on Eliza Dushku's ass?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Water sports.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Discussing? No, but my feelings on water sports rhyme with "discussing."
You are being a bit negative.
>> You would be too, if your therapist started suggesting such things.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Mediocre Man



Gender: Gender:Male
Joined: 10 Oct 2005
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

First post!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> state my problem?
Your problem ?
>> my problem?
Why do you say your problem ?
>> does that question interest you?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> is we were discussing you -- not me the reason you came to me?
Why do you think I not you ?
>> what else does that put you in mind of?
Why do you ask ?
>> why do you think why do you ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> we were talking about you -- not me.
You like to think I not you -- don't you ?
>> do you wish to discuss you like I think not you -- don't you?
Oh, I wish to discuss I like you think not I don't I ?
>> Do you wish to go into detail?
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> we were talking about you -- not me.
What makes you think I not you ?
>> look- I'm getting freaking sick of this. What't your problem?
I am sorry to hear that you are sick.
>> thanks, I-stop changing the subject!
You say you stop changing the subject ?
>> I- what? yes!
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> SPEAK IN ENGLISH AND DESCRIBE YOUR PROBLEM!
Why are you concerned over my problem ?
>> it's my job.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
>> my gigantic genitals.
Is it important that your gigantic genitals ?
>> very yes.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> about my gigantic genitals? yes, I believe I am.
Your gigantic genitals ?
>> my gigantic genitals.
Why do you say your gigantic genitals ?
>> because they are.
Is that the real reason ?
>> pretty much.
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your problem ?
>> that's it. Get out.
_________________
Never argue with an idiot. they bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Alien Loves Predator Forum Index -> Contests, Fan Art All times are GMT - 5 Hours
    page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next
Page 1 of 9

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group