Tips For Bernie!!

[rocker311]

Okay, all you parents, the onus is now on us to help our good man Bernie. We've all learned stuff the hard way. Let's save Bernie the grief and give sound and sage advice so he can learn from our own experiences.

Stuff like........

1) SLEEP WHEN THEY SLEEP:
You're on Baby Time now. If the kids fall asleep at 11:30, you'd be doing yourself a favor to grab a nap at the same time. Trying to force babies to adhere to your schedule at this early stage will only make for cranky tired kiddos and parents too.

2) PARENT SLEEP-IN TRADE-OFF:
When the AQ (my wife) and I had our first, we had a deal. Since I had to wake up to get ready for work, I handled diaper and bottle duty, leaving the AQ with another hour to grab extra sleep. On the weekend, I got to sleep in on Saturday morning. Sundays we both got up and did morning together. This helps you and the Mrs, as you each are guaranteed a time of rest and will be *way* less likely to harbor resentment like "I was up with the kids all night but your lazy a$$ sleeps in every morning."

3) DATE NIGHT:
Do it. You don't have to go out (NetFlix is a godsend for this concept.) But set aside one night a week where you don't talk baby or bills or the everyday mundane. You order dinner (or Bernie, you cook) and you watch a nice movie or spend the night on the couch reading together or something. But it's time for you guys, not you-as-parents or you-as-workers.

4) BATTLE PACK:
Pack your baby bag like you're going to battle. Trust me on this one. The first time you guys "pop out" to the corner store and one of the kids has a back-end blowout and the wife brought a diaper but no wipes or change of clothes, you'll remember these words. Full change of clothes for both, 3 diapers each, mini pak of wipes, 2 bottles with refills (Enfamil Easy-One comes in pre-measured packets - dump into 4oz bottle of water, shake, hand over to crying baby), 2 full jars of whichever food they're enjoying at the time, 1 canister Baby Crack (Gerber Veggie Puffs), toys for each. Please dear Lord, save yourself the agony. It took my wife until our second child to submit to the inescapable logic of being prepared (as she was using old kleenex, wet with bottled water, to attempt to clean a paricularly foul diaper on the girly while laid across the passenger seat of the minivan.)

5) AVOID SPACKLE STICKS
Gerber's Biter Biscuits (and some arrow root cookies). Babies love them. Gnaw them to death. Unfortunately, when one is combined with baby saliva, the resulting mush stays malleable for about 120 seconds before setting up with a hardness ... well, like a hive wall. If you don't feel like sandblasting their faces or hair on a regular basis, stick with Gerber's fruit puffs, wagon wheels, stuff like that.


Enough from me, it's time for the rest of you to chime in!

-rkr

[AAATripper]

dont toss them up in the air if you arent dexterous enough to catch them.
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[rocker311]

Yeah, the wives generally frown on baby-dropping.

But the primary reason not to toss them in the air is that you risk a 1-in-4 chance of Junior horking up whatever he had for lunch, all wet and warm and gooey.

Worse still, whenever a sucker is tossing Baby up into the air, the adult without fail has their mouth open going "Oh! Ooh! A-whoop!" and other silly noises like that. This results not only in the Formula Facial but a Bizzaro-world avian-esque transfer of food from child to parent.

You'll brush your teeth for an hour after one of them, believe you me.


BLEAGH

[radens]

That's some great advice Rocker! I concurr. All I can add to that is simply, enjoy your parenthood!

[stoosh95]

Baby wipes ... you just can't have enough of them ... buy about 3 pallets worth and store them in the garage or shed ... when ur down to 1 pallet, get 2 more.

[Viridis]

[Chaz]

Baby wipes good.

Don't buy expensive clothes...they grow out of them too quick to justify the expense.

Buy clothes a size or two too big...they grow into them and kids look cute with their cuffs rolled up.

Only dress them in what is necessary for the occasion. Most occasions only require those undershirts that snap at the waist and up the chest. It's a baby...nobody cares what it wears.
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Before Elvis there was nothing.
-John Lennon

[Alexandra]

Hahaha, some great advice indeed.

My critter just turned three and the best and only real advice I have to offer is this: Don't worry.

Sure he/she/it is going to have some behaviors that drive you frickin crazy, and you'll be all, "OMIGOD HOW WILL I LIVE THIS WAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??"

I work from home and trying to do it around a little one has been a challenge. But it hasn't been the same challenge all three years by any means.

So no worries. They outgrow annoying behaviors supah-fast. Six months from now, you'll hardly remember that critter wants to eat at 2 am, that critter's digestion of spaghetti sauce is so inefficient that the reek of post-marinara diapers will put you off the dish for months at a time, that critter uses its newfound grasp of language to tell you "GO AWAY... NO DON'T GO!!!" Yes, it's only a matter of months before one phase is distant memory and the wee one has a new batch of charming behaviors to puzzle over.

On the bright side, every few months there's whole bunch of good behaviors to out-charm the one or two negative ones, too.

And don't worry what they say about the terrible twos. Though my pediatrician says it's a bout of independence much more similar to an early "teen" phase, it was really a lot more fun than any of the stages before. Listen to the stories the critter tells at this age. What a kick! ("Er, sweetie, did you just say they tied up the big bad wolf with ropes and dumped him in the river?" "Uh huh! " "Oookay, either Daddy's in trouble or you're going in for therapy...")

Oh. One more bit of advice. Get em to a park to play with other critters. It's pretty darn cool watchin em interact.

Sure, critters make you a little crazy, but everyone knows sane peeps are boring anyway. They're worth it!
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Webcomics, humor @ www.pikerpress.com

[Chaz]

One lesson I'm learning from my 8 year old is that they're always "older" than you give them credit for but they will always be your baby no matter how "old" they get.
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Before Elvis there was nothing.
-John Lennon

[Grimmy]

a "Mr. MOM" type of tip
especially since you have newborns
check out the websites for PAMPERS and HUGGIES and other baby products.
you can sign up for their parenting newsletters and their mailing lists.
This way they regularly send you coupons in the mail for diapers and other baby products.
and since bernie is in BROOKLYN just like me, you should also sign up at WALDBAUMS for thier baby care card and when you accumulate 200 bucks worth of baby purchases, they give 20 bucks CASH BACK
and the store formally known as GENOVESE < i think it is ECKARDS now> had a thing where they issue you a free card and you get 10% off of all baby purchases.
another thing would be to buy the diapers in bulk at stores like BJS AND COSTCO
ill write more when i remember them
Grimm In NYC

[Uncle Whippity]

The 'pack for battle' rule is paramount - and also another piece of 'urban magic'. Because when you've packed spare clothes, wipes, nappies, etc. - the monster will be fine and bewilderingly clean. The instant you forget - BAM!

I have had a deal going with my son for the last two and a bit years that he gets a lollipop if I forget to do up the straps on his safety seat. The result is 4 lollipops in about 2 years - plus a small boy who'll shout within three feet of setting off if he's unstrapped.

Other than that, not much to add.

[Lady_Shera]

don't get upset if when they start talking they favor saying moma over dada or vice-versa they will say the easy one first and they will stick with it so all you will hear is that one word. But don't worry they grow out of it in no time then you just got to worry what you say around them so they don't pick up unwanted words.

Like when my friend said the word fuck around hers and the baby said it back to her one day. She kicked herself in the rear for that. It was funny to everyone in the room though.

I don't have kids of my own but I am a god mother to my best friends sweet baby girl so this is where I am getting this.
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My buddy is a polterguiest.
His name is George.
He likes to spills things on the floor.
And he scares any one I don't like.
So watch out world I don't like you.

Married to Aramor the First.

[wrincewind]

very important rule: pets and small children DO NOT mix. especially if the child(-ren) is/are going through a "sticky" stage. they happen. i think they secrete stickiness somehow. also, make sure they know about cats and dogs before visiting any relatives that have them. my cousin came over once, and he thought they were some sort of toy. he spent the first hour or so chasing after them and pulling on their tails.
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there once was something funny here.
then again, perhaps not.