I hate shaving.

Crotchfire · Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:48 pm Post subject: I hate shaving.

My razor needed to be replaced today.

I'm one of those most unfortunate men who have a five o'clock shadow, which I guess is because I'm half Hungarian.

This sucks for me, because the popularized style for men over the last few years has been that we should have as little hair as possible anywhere not on the tops of our heads.

I suspect that this is a conspiracy crafted by the razorblade manufacturers of the nation, but I cannot get away with having a thick, full beard and hair EVERYWHERE on my body without losing some degree of sex appeal... popular culture influences our ideas of what is and what isn't sexy, no matter how independent-minded we may be. So, if I were to go with the thick, heavy beard with which I am naturally cursed, I would be somewhat less attractive to all women in this country who don't have a "thing" for beards.

So I give in to popular, commercialized conceptions of how a man is supposed to be sexy (to some degree, I'll be DAMNED if I shave off the forest of hair on my chest), and I shave my face.

But shaving my face SUCKS. As I have said previously, I'm half Hungarian. I have a lot of hair EVERYWHERE, and that extends to my face. It grows back quickly, too.

Shaving my upper lip especially sucks, because I can never, no matter HOW hard I try get rid of the darker shading there, and it's sensitive there anyway, so shaving off the moustache twice a day just feels so futile. Plus, all this excessive shaving is giving me major razorburn.

So I got to thinking, how do women shave their legs? Odds are that there exist almost no women who've got hair on their legs as thick and as fast-growing as is the hair on my face, but still, if a woman has to shave her legs once every, I don't know... maybe two days? that would still suck.

I'd heard of hair-removal products and thought: maybe I should try some of that stuff on my face... Nair is the product that I considered. If the advertising were to be believed, then it could keep hair off for several days. SEVERAL DAYS! That's a big deal for a fellow like me.

Maybe I could finally do away with the constant razorburn! So I went down to the local pharmacy... and couldn't find it. Now, I couldn't find it anywhere near the men's shaving section, and I had to ask a salesperson where it would be... but that's kind of an embarrassing thing for a guy to ask: "Hi, uh... where can I find the Nair?" Anyway, I eventually got up the courage to buy some Nair. Rather than going for the super-effeminate pink-strawberry kind, I went for the somewhat-less-effeminate pastel teal kind.

I got home, and was about to put it on my by-now-thickening beard when I saw the warning label: "Warning: do not put on nipples, genitalia, face, blah, blah, or blah."

However, I'll be DAMNED if I buy something and don't put it to use. ...So I used it on the twin jungles of my armpits.

I didn't really know what to expect, having never used such a product before. But I certainly didn't expect all of my pit hair to turn into DISGUSTING, SMELLY, GOO.

Holy crap that shit stinks. Hopefully the smell will go away before long... But I've got to say, my armpits are now hairless... and it's not a horrible hairless.

I once tried to shave my armpits with a razor, and that was a BIG mistake. The stubble left over irritated the skin to no end and I was itching for a week. I don't know how this'll turn out, but no itching so far, and hopefully the hair will stay away for a while.

However, I SINCERELY hope that at some point it will again be sexy for a guy to have facial and body hair. Modern conceptions of attractiveness REALLY suck.
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Frost · Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:58 pm Post subject:

I definately agree with you.

Most definately.

Shaving sucks...
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scissors cuts paper... Kiff, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and
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Simon_Says · Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:59 pm Post subject:

... mtfbwy

Holly Resurrected · Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:12 pm Post subject:

Yeah, Nair stinks pretty bad, but it does work. And they've got some razberry-smelling stuff too. Another thing to think about might be waxing. Not your face, but maybe other places. It's not nearly as bad as it sounds, and you don't have to do it more than once every two weeks or so. There's lots of parlors that have plenty of male clients nowadays. Metrosexuals, you know.

I just use a razor, most of the time. Lady razors are pretty gentle and have those moisturizing lotion things attached. I tried some of that razorless stuff they advertised awhile ago but it leaves a horrible rash. Don't get it.

Or, you could just leave a little stubble. It worked for Aragorn.

Of course not everybody can be Viggo, but it couldn't hurt.
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desert_drum · Gender: Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 462

desert_drum · Gender: Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 462

BaconNeggs · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:50 am Post subject:

Wait I thought Nair was for "bikini area"? it says don't put it near genitalia. I think i saw nair for men the other day, not sure what the difference is.
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Digitaaliklosetti · Gender: Joined: 19 Apr 2005 Posts: 1850

I'm actually a bit jealous. It takes me two full weeks to grow something that could be called a moustache, not a freaky stubble with some long hairs pointing out and my *ahem* beard grows everywhere on my face, except the places where it might actually look good to some extenct. If my body ever decides to just let go of the little puberty phase, I'll grow a porn 'tash.

I do hate shaving, too, though. While I am unable to grow a full anything on my face, I'll be sporting a nasty, teenager stubble in about 10 hours.

God I love talking about myself.

And I wanna look like Viggo. The ladies would be all over me and I'd just be like "No time, ladies. Gotta jet!" and then I'd just jump on this conveniently placed skateboard and slowly slide downhill, while striking a pose.
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bitchez n hose

Munan · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:40 am Post subject:

I only have to shave once or twice a week (sometimes it's nice to have an Asian father), but I still really hate shaving.

Aramor · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 6:22 am Post subject:

My facial hair is also growing real slow... I wanna beard like James Hetfield... but it's growing at an incredible slow rate... I mean, I do feel some soft fluffyness on my chin... but that's all there's to it...

Hmmmmmm... Elessar....
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Crotchfire · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:43 am Post subject:

Trust me, guys: having a thick beard is NOT a blessing. It'd be great if the "in" look for guys was to have beards, but it's not, and it won't be if people don't stop subscribing to the overfeminized, hairless, hollywood ideal of how men are supposed to look.

Just that in and of itself is enough to make me hate mainstream popular culture... but there are other reasons too.

I'm just Teed-off because I discovered stubble on my armpits this morning, so the Nair doesn't last all that much longer than just shaving.

I sincerely hope that the werewolf look becomes popular within my lifetime.
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The official MILF-masta of the AlP forums.
In addition to my well-documented exploits, my first two initials are MF. Seriously, I'm not making that up.

Mr Xeno · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:32 am Post subject: hey hey

i hate when i wake up and i need to shave my facial hair and if i forget it
then my friends laugh at me Crying or Very sad

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2 beers, or not 2 beers, thats the question?

Munan · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:27 am Post subject:

Aramor · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:56 am Post subject:

InvaderJess · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 1:58 pm Post subject:

Hate to go against the grain here, but I love men with facial hair. Facial hair is so my thing. Very sexy. Nicely trimmed little gotee's = hot. Unkempt wild beards = do me now. I'm telling you, I used to be a wee bit jealous of my best friend because here boyfriend had a full beard and mustach. Then he shaved and now I'm like... ewww. Oh, and I forgot to shave this morning stubble is pretty damn sexy too.

Crotchfire · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 2:47 pm Post subject:

Please marry me now.
_________________
The official MILF-masta of the AlP forums.
In addition to my well-documented exploits, my first two initials are MF. Seriously, I'm not making that up.

desert_drum · Gender: Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 462

desert_drum · Gender: Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 462

Blaster · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:51 pm Post subject:

Simon_Says · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:03 pm Post subject:

I second...

Woot.

desert_drum · Gender: Joined: 01 Feb 2005 Posts: 462

Holly Resurrected · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:48 pm Post subject:

Digitaaliklosetti · Gender: Joined: 19 Apr 2005 Posts: 1850

So yeah.
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bitchez n hose

Simon_Says · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:51 pm Post subject:

beardcommunity.com?

Crotchfire · Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:50 pm Post subject:

Alrighty then, you've all convinced me of the course of action that I must take. I shall let the hair on my face burst forth with new freedom and vitality, I shall GROW OUT MY BEARD!

...and the devil... THE DEVIL, I SAY!... with the consequences! I shall throw off the shackles of razorburn!
_________________
The official MILF-masta of the AlP forums.
In addition to my well-documented exploits, my first two initials are MF. Seriously, I'm not making that up.

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