Thursday, May 8, 2008, 4:14pm ET

I was gonna make a Mitt Romney joke. But then I thought a lot of you wouldn't get it. Then I was gonna make a Schrodinger's cat joke, but then I thought even less of you would get it. Then it turned into a Schrodinger's LOLcat joke, but that was just getting stupid. And that's been done already.

So I went with what you see now; not my best work but it took me like 2 weeks to come up with two words that mean the opposite of each other, both of which you can be at the same time. There's credible and incredible, but they don't make for a good joke. Then there's flammable and inflammable, but as you all know, they actually mean the same thing. Here's a video of Marina from HotForWords.com explaining why.

(more...)]]> Thu, 08 May 2008 16:14:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=245 Fri, 02 May 2008 17:15:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=245

Thursday, April 24, 2008, 2:13pm ET

Pretend this comic went up last week, when the pope was still in NY...

Those of you who've been waiting a while for your shop orders, I'm reeeeeally sorry. I had t-shirt shortages as well as printer problems but we're all good to go now so your orders'll be going out in a day or so, if they haven't gone out already. Note that I'm all sold out of fridge magnets for now (though everyone who's ordered already will get 'em). I know I should've at least let you know about the delay but I think I have some sort of aversion to good manners. Sorry...

If you're a fan of photo webcomics - though I'm not sure why you would be - you'll want to check out my buddy Chris Yates' new book of collected Reprographics strips!

(more...)]]> Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:13:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=244 six prior-year returns before I even started on 2007's - but now my life is much, MUCH easier. Is that worth anything to you? No, but it makes me feel better saying it.

The new comic will be up any day between tomorrow and - WORST CASE!!! - a week from today.]]> Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:08:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=244

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 2:41pm ET

No real blog post today; our entire block had a short power outage today (a transformer down the street blew with a huge, really cool VZHHEEEEWNRRRR noise) and taxes are kicking my ass. Enjoy the new episode...

Apropos of nothing:

dean: this is one of the things about war. you take what was probably a person with repressed but very controllable violent tendencies, and you leave them completely amoral and fucked up
bernie: i finished Call of Duty 4. it's so fun killing people in that
bernie: when a grenade lands at your feet, a message appears on the screen: "PRESS MIDDLE MOUSE TO THROW BACK!"
bernie: i wonder why anyone gets killed by grenades out there in iraq
dean: they have the old two-button mice

(more...)]]> Thu, 10 Apr 2008 14:41:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=243

Thursday, April 3, 2008, 1:34pm ET

While poking around the net reading about pheromones, I came across this article, with the following excerpt:

In a study to be published in the journal Biology of Reproduction, researchers collected samples from the underarms of men who refrained from using deodorant for four weeks.

The extracts were then blended and applied to the upper lips of 18 women, aged 25 to 45.

(more...)]]> Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:34:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=242

Thursday, March 27, 2008, 12:59pm ET

Remember, I'm back and I'm WEEKLY. Shout it from the rooftops, but be careful while you're up there.

My sister-in-law's new boyfriend accidentally dropped and broke my camera. WAY TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION DUDE! I'm only kidding, he feels bad enough about it and is helping me pay for a new one, even though I wasn't gonna hold him responsible. He's just lucky I'm lazy and wasn't gonna shoot new footage for this week's update. Shhhhhhh! Don't tell him that I like NEVER shoot new footage.

My logs tell me that you guys have been clicking on a particular ad that you may or may not see over to the right, the one for Sugardaddie.com... "Dating for the Elite: Successful Men & Gorgeous Single Women". I'm glad you're all thinking pretty highly of yourselves.

Hey, here's two new(ish) fan merchandise pics! Craig looks way hot in his t-shirt, looking out onto the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, and Eva is a double threat, with her signed print and fridge magnet (frame and Alien plushie acquired elsewhere).

craig		eva

(more...)]]> Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:59:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=241

Thursday, March 20, 2008, 12:19pm ET

I TOLD you I'd have a new episode up this week. And when I say I'm gonna do something, 2 times out of 10 I DO IT.

AND I'm going back to a WEEKLY SCHEDULE. What day of the week? Not sure. Thursday feels kinda weird to me, so we'll see if I can gravitate towards another day; if I do, we'll see if I can do it without going more than a week without updating.

I just gotta say, how DARE Eliot Spitzer betray the vows of his marriage and have sexual relations with a call-girl? Prostitutes are filthy, unholy people. I mean, LOOK at the girl he was caught with. Her name is Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Just LOOK at this picture of her in a bikini. LOOK at this picture of her where she's topless and barely covering her breasts. No, don't go to her Myspace page; the photos _I_ have of this terrible, lecherous woman are the RACIEST you'll find anywhere. And don't forget to DOWNLOAD her new single, so you may HEAR what the music sounds like of someone who we are TOTALLY SHOCKED is a celebrity now. Let me ALSO now give EXTRA PUBLICITY to that awful man Joe Francis who is responsible for GIRLS GONE WILD because he SAID SOMETHING RELATED TO this girl.

(more...)]]> Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:19:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240
The "more ambitious" project of mine needs to be postponed, cuz of course nothing goes as planned. But until I get that to where I want it to be, I'll keep doing strips on the ol' weekly sched.

See ya later this week.]]> Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:17:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 Jon & Kate Plus 8? It's the ongoing "day-in-the-life-of" reality show about this couple who had twin girls 7 years ago, tried for 1 more 3 years ago, and ended up with FREAKING SEXTUPLETS. All of Elaine's mom friends keep asking her if we've seen it. Not like I watch TV anyway, but I'd personally avoided it cuz I just figured it'd be like the Osbournes or some other trashy reality show about some train wreck of a family.

Well we finally caved, mostly cuz Elaine was tired of introducing herself in her mom circles as "the one who hasn't seen Jon & Kate Plus 8"... and it's great! For starters, they're a totally normal middle-class couple - normal jobs, normal looks, normal relationship; in fact, they're so normal that anybody actually hoping to see total insanity will be disappointed. I have to admit there's really nothing that a non-parent would find interesting about it, cuz all they talk about is the ridiculous amounts of laundry, groceries, toys, poop and pee there is but as a parent (especially with twins), I eat this shit up! (So to speak) It's like... this is my life! Only with 6 more kids, but that's just a gimmick to convince themselves this is worth showing on TV.

The best part that we saw was when Kate had to take 2 of the kids to the eye doctor and left the other 6, who didn't have to go, with her sister for the afternoon. She was like, "I can't believe what a RELIEF it is to ONLY deal with TWO KIDS." OH SNAP. All of you parents of 7 or fewer kids... SUCK IT.

I also get why everyone poured the J&K+8 propoganda on Elaine especially thick: they're an Asian guy/white girl couple, like us. And their kids all have that great mixed-breed look (but objectively, they're not as good-looking as ours). So yeah I'll admit, that does make me root for 'em a bit more. This guy Jon's like the Yao Ming of family reality shows.

elatedly, Elaine's going out partying out with her girlfriends from out of town tonight and crashing at a hotel in the city, so I've got Rachel and Adrian all to myself through tomorrow morning. After they're done watching The Shining, I'm gonna teach 'em to clean my handgun and then it's lemon Pez for dinner!]]> Thu, 21 Feb 2008 17:36:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240
Some girl at the office today (the one with actual people in it and that I don't work out of) baked brownies today and sent out an email saying they were "in honor of VD". She was wondering why no one wanted any.

Elaine, who really wants to help me turn my new pig sty of a basement office into a pleasant space, got me a Valentine's Day plant today. I love it! Here is what my desk looks like with the new addition that is intentionally green:

click to enlargenate

How was AvP:R? It looks like it's getting hammered by the critics - at least the critics who bothered to review it. I'll probably go see it eventually anyway; a lot of these guys wouldn't know a good movie if it hugged 'em in the face.

And how was your Christmas? Mine was totally great, and absolutely exhausting. You haven't lived until you've seen your 2.5-year-old son jump on his new trampoline, or your 2.5-year-old daughter try to call Baby Jesus on her toy phone.]]> Fri, 28 Dec 2007 13:22:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 the new movie, so I've been kinda waiting to drop it on ya... but you know, STUFF gets in the way. So I'm here to say this:

- In all likelihood, aLp is not ending.

- In all likelihood, there'll be a renewed focus in the new year.

- In all likelihood, you'll see something new next week.

- ARE YOU PSYCHED FOR AVP:R?? IN ALL LIKELIHOOD I AM

Now you're probably expecting me to say something funny. All I've got is one word, about the reply envelope of my latest Macy's bill:

BANGTAIL.]]> Wed, 19 Dec 2007 02:28:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 This is/was my car. I was driving it, with Elaine in the passenger seat and my kids in their child seats in the back.

EVERYONE'S OKAY - hardly a scratch on any of us. And no one else was involved, thankfully. On Monday, driving home from a really nice holiday weekend with Elaine's family, I took a curve too fast on the Hutchinson River Parkway a few miles from the GW Bridge, lost control of the car on the wet road and slammed into the highway divider on our left. Both airbags deployed, there was a smell of burnt rubber coming into the car and a little bit of smoke, but no one seemed to be hurt. Adrian and Rachel were both crying, but it was probably because they'd been watching Elmo's World on their headrest-mounted DVD screens and he went away so suddenly, without saying goodbye. In theory, the biggest fear in a highway accident like this after you come to a stop and you realize everyone's ok is if someone barrels into you from behind, but in reality you don't have a lot of time to panic about that because after like 2 seconds, you figure no one's hit you YET so you're probably ok. Fortunately that was the case.

In fact the lady in the car behind us stopped, got out to check on us, and stayed with us for 15 minutes while all the emergency crews were arriving. She even helped hold traffic in the lane next to us so I could run over and retrieve our front fender that had gone flying two lanes away and was cutting off traffic in that lane. Absolutely everybody, from the few civilians who stopped to make sure we were ok, to the cops, to the ambulance crew, to the tow truck guy, were all incredibly friendly and helpful, so I give big thanks to all you men and women out there in blue, red, and filthy overalls. You made a bad situation MUCH easier to get through.

As Elaine was expertly calming the kids down, and I was in between talking to the various people explaining what was going to happen, I realized that we had knocked down a pole that was now laying across two lanes of the highway going the OTHER direction, cutting off THOSE lanes. I don't know how we managed not to cause a big disaster with all this debris flying in different directions, but thank God zero people were hurt. I WAS very self-conscious that they were talking about US on all the Ultra Doppler Copter Jam Cam traffic reports. "There's a slowdown on the Hutch going BOTH ways because some idiot who hasn't updated his comic strip in months drives too fast in the rain."

I'd like to thank Elaine's sister Amy and our friend Donna who came to support us at the hospital where we were taken just as a precaution, Amy's husband Duy who left work early and was making calls for us, and especially Donna's husband Marc who went more than 2 hours out of his way to actually drive us all home. THANKS.

I'm one of those people who gives thanks every day for his family and health. Every single day. So I don't need something like this, or a holiday like Thanksgiving, to remind me how truly special my life is. But I admit it does make you appreciate everything just a little bit more when you put the two together.

Those of you that drive, DRIVE CAREFULLY. Now, take a moment to acknowledge that that phrase meant practically nothing to you, and think about it for real. DRIVE. CAREFULLY.

About aLp: It's time for me to make a serious decision about the comic strip, if only for the short term. It's painfully clear that I can't make the comic unless I make myself make it, and that means sticking to some sort of schedule... but of course I'm afraid it'd take over my life like it did before. I kinda enjoyed having my life back this year, even though I know it made the site suck for most of it.

But there's still such a huge amount of you still coming to the site after all this, and that makes me REALLY uncomfortable. Kinda like when I ask my kids, "WHO WANTS TO SING A SONG WITH DADDY?!" and they say, "ME ME ME!!", and then like I can't think of a song that's not Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or the alphabet song. WHICH ARE THE SAME SONG, BTW.

So, when I finish and post the next comic, I'm gonna either announce I'm going back to some sort of regular schedule, or I'm going to give up the strip altogether and come at you with something else. Don't stick a fork in me yet, however - stay tuned until I make that announcement.

Thanks, as always, for stopping by.

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP IS ALSO THE SAME SONG.]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:48:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 I'll get to the comic-doing as soon as I can. I'm amazed that you guys keep coming everyday, at least according to my logs. Thousands and thousands of you. Especially since I just called you "whore-ass". I owe you guys.

p.s. For clarification, the first 5 words of this post mean "the 4 of us were out in California"; it's not me telling Elaine that I went and took the kids out to California.]]> Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:37:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 Have a good weekend...]]> Fri, 02 Nov 2007 10:22:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240

     

Hey have any of you been to one of these? 13 Haunted Houses That Will Make You Wet Your Pants. #1 on this list is NIGHTMARE: Ghost Stories in Manhattan. It's running only until this Saturday, and unfortunately I'm not gonna be able to make it but you can sure bet I'm gonna be there next year. You may recall I'm into horror, but horror movies bore me the hell out. This may be the cure! If any of those on the list are in your area, check 'em out and let me know if you pee your pants or if that's just false advertising.

I know I said "early this week" for the new comic. I hope you learned your lesson not to trust anything I say anymore. Anyway this time I'm gonna just blurt out a specific day. FRIDAY. Come back on FRIDAY for the next comic, for real.]]> Wed, 31 Oct 2007 13:43:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 Hey guess what? I'm finally crawling out from under the crushing weight that was my latest project at work. It's finally off the ground, and if you're curious (and you're a baseball fan), here it is:

1986: Take Two

We (SportingNews.com)'ll be re-playing the 1986 baseball season, game by game, using the Strat-O-Matic Baseball Online engine, with 26 prominent members of the media/baseball community managing the original rosters through the original schedule, and basically see what happens. Most notably we've got Curt Schilling, he of those cursed World-Series-playin' Red Sox, managing the '86 Red Sox, and Baba Booey (Gary Dell'Abate of the Howard Stern show) in charge of the Mets. I'm personally managing the Montreal Expos, bringing some MUCH-NEEDED WEBCOMICS STAR POWER to the mix.

Opening Day is Monday, November 5 (right after the real-life World Series ends), after which we'll have all the action covered all season long, with daily boxscores, stats, etc. as if it were any real season. Right now we're running actual articles as they appeared in the original Sporting News magazine from 1986, providing totally awesome, and almost always ironically so, blasts from the past.

If you're at all a baseball fan, check it out and follow along, it's gonna be a sweet time.

And for everyone else, now that I've gotten this off the ground, I've finally got some more free time so I'm gonna be sittin' down for some serious comic-making. New episode early next week!]]> Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:25:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240 SPX was a hoooot. Thanks to all those of you who came out to say hi - we'll have to do it again the next time when my throat isn't killing me.

Special thanks to:

- Chris, my partner in a desperate late night trek for beer through deserted Bethesda, across some scary abandoned train tracks
- Colleen, for the CHEST BUMPS
- Dave, who was sharing my hotel bed with me on Friday night but went to sleep in the closet cuz he wasn't man enough to handle my snoring
- Nick, for the tip on Paprika. THAT IS ONE TRIPPY MOVIE
- Aaron, whose comic, Dresden Codak, is a rare new must-read
- Gary, my roadie. OK OK I'M GOING TO THE DOCTOR THIS MORNING
- Ashleigh, for being a devoted fan, buying a t-shirt, and giving me subway fare to DC for the first leg of my trip home
- that girl who gave me some Korean pastries, saving me from certain starvation

Not sure where or when I'm gonna be at a con next, but I hope it's soon, and somewhere near you!]]> Tue, 16 Oct 2007 0:37:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=240

Tuesday, October 9, 2007, 12:42pm ET

TWO new comics in less than a week? That's un-possible! Ok, so it's a little bit easier when just about all the art's recycled.

I'm not exactly sure when the next comic's gonna come at you, but here's what I do know. I'll be at SPX - The Small Press Expo in Bethesda, Maryland, this Friday and Saturday, representin' with pals Dave Malki (Wondermark), Chris Yates (Reprographics), Nick Gurewitch (The Perry Bible Fellowship), Colleen AF Venable (Fluff in Brooklyn), and Aaron Diaz (Dresden Codak)! I'll be peddlin' the official aLp t-shirts, prints and magnets, and MAYBE, if you're REAL GOOD, Colleen will let you do her connect-the-dots tattoo.

(more...)]]> Tue, 09 Oct 2007 12:42:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=239 "There's a drive by Blake into the rightfield corner! LOFTON SCORES!! GUTIERRpreviously, on Grey's Anatomy..."

I guess my Tivo knows the game's over already. It's time to find out if George will reciprocate Izzie's affections. Hey! Guess what? He does. THEY ALWAYS DO. EACH DOCTOR SLEEPS WITH EVERY OTHER DOCTOR, THEY GOSSIP ABOUT IT IN THE ELEVATOR, AND THEN SOME CHICK BROODS ABOUT EVERYTHING IN A VOICEOVER AT THE END. SOMEONE TELL MY WIFE THAT WE HAVE TWO TUNERS SO SHE CAN RECORD ONE SHOW AT A TIME, AND I CAN WATCH MY BASEBALL.]]> Thu, 04 Oct 2007 23:27:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=239

Sorry I didn't update last week like I said I was gonna. First of all, there was this long story involving the worst database meltdown in the 10 years of my job. I'll spare you the boring details, but basically in the middle of it I actually caught myself thinking, "I hate this job", which tells you bad it was cuz if you ask me the other 51 weeks out of the year I'd tell you it's the greatest job around.

And if that weren't enough, my PC got completely annihilated by viruses. First it started out with a few ads popping up on my screen (adware). Then random processes would just start running randomly, eating up my CPU and slowing everything down (malware). Then, when I tried running a malware-killer on my system, apparently they were all like DON' FUCK WIT' DA JESUS and then seriously started to shut down my apps at random, prevent them from starting back up, and then finally made it so I literally could not boot Windows (WHATTHEFUCKWARE). It was only by my buddy Dean's suggestion to use XP's built-in system restore and run AVG that I'm finally back up and running. So you can thank Dean for making today's new comic possible.

I get it now. These bastard virus programmers can pretty much do whatever they want to you, but the reason they don't REALLY fuck you over (like wiping all your files out) is cuz it's a game to them. They only wanna annoy you at first but if you don't play nice, that's when they'll bring the pain. It's ingenious, actually, but if I ever catch one of 'em I'm still gonna choke 'em to death and then eat all their Cheetos.

Next comic: Tuesday. For real. Check back then or join the mailing list to get an email when it's up.

(more...)]]> Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:43:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=238 Someone just told me that there's an Alien Loves Predator fan group on Facebook that's got a bunch of members in it already. Just in case any of you Facebookers wanted to join - it's not like I know what the hell goes on in these groups. Maybe you can be the one to make it awesome! Go on, join the cult (only accessible to Facebook members).

Incidentally, I succumbed to peer pressure and just got a Facebook page of my own. It gives me yet another way I can easily keep in touch with my friends yet fail to follow through. People used to write LETTERS, you know. And use HORSES, or CARRIER PIGEONS, or some other fictional animals to deliver their correspondence. Yet I can't be bothered to click on my mom's name and e-mail her that I love her, because that would take my focus away from the YouTube video of real-life Donkey Kong I'm watching.

I'm keeping my Facebook friends list to be only people I actually know, so fair warning: don't bother sending me a request unless we've at least talked before (and I like you). Feel extremely free to friend me on MySpace though - over there I'd like to eventually reach 7 figures.

Exception: Send me a photo of you wearing an official aLp t-shirt and I will TOTALLY Facebook-friend you.]]> Tue, 25 Sep 2007 16:33:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=238

Thursday, September 20, 2007, 12:25pm ET

New episode!

Sorry I don't got more to say, I gotta get crackin' on piecing together that mailing list, going through all the hundreds of subscriptions and un-subscriptions since the last time I sent it out.

I'll be putting up 1 or 2 more new Speed Dating comics next week, those are easy, and fun to do. And I'll still post blog entries here whenever I get the chance.

ENJOY

(more...)]]> Thu, 20 Sep 2007 12:25:00 EST http://alienlovespredator.com/?id=237

Monday, September 17, 2007, 2:21pm ET

Today's guest spot comes from the totally insane Ryan Estrada, who is taking over the entire internet today with guest comics. Ryan's also the proprietor of Cartoon Commune, where they take Custom Comic Comissions. Completely crazy!

And DON'T FORGET! The next original comic by me will be posted THIS THURSDAY. I HOPE! So come back THIS THURSDAY. I HOPE! And then more next week!! Or sign up for the mailing list over there on the right to get an email when it's up. Speaking of the mailing list, I haven't sent out any updates to it in months cuz I lost a lot of the names on it when my old server died. I have to manually go through hundreds of new signups today but when that's done I'll be shaking off the cobwebs of the ol' aLp signal.

Enjoy and be good...

(more...)]]> Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:21:00 EST