Comments

Bad Karma
April 6, 2005 at 9:50 am

I’ve been reading your comic for awhile Bernie but never had the momentum to register for the boards.

But today’s comic did it. I just spilled my guts over that last panel and Preston’s reaction to the cover and had to say something about it. Keep up the good work B.

dman
April 6, 2005 at 11:10 am

Great comic today! I don’t have a personal ads dating story but what is up with ALP at #19 on the BuzzComix list!!??? :shock:
Come on ALP fans lets get to voting!!!!!!!

Meneer Spaghetti
April 6, 2005 at 11:28 am

:lol: makes me laugh

TeratoMarty
April 6, 2005 at 11:42 am

Hey Mrs-Angel_Scarpredator, he wants to know if you have a sister!

‘k, I’ve actually had great experiences with online personals, particularly the Craigs’ List casual encounters (www.craigslist.org, baby!) However, I’m a total and admitted man-whore, so things are different for me. It’s a buyer’s market out there: women and gay guys have their pick of the net. I’ve met cute, friendly guys, beautiful transvestites, and, on one occasion, a completely wild woman. Never run up against bad-smelling, rude, or otherwise unacceptable partners. Oh, and I screen out married guys, reducing the “jealous woman chasing me with shotgun” quotient of my life substantially. (There is this one woman who has been muy pissed at me for years for having a one-night stand with her husband before they ever got married. Why it’s my fault, I dunno).

I’ll do you a favour and not share any explicit stories of my gay hookups; this doesn’t seem the place for that.

Frowbakk
April 6, 2005 at 12:12 pm

Once in college I sent in a personal ad for a joke:

“Hideous Troll Seeks Goddess with Low Standards.”

Only to find out through the responses…

“Troll” was slang for Gay Male age 50+
“Goddess” was slang for a Woman weighing 200+

…and several other folks just responded to say they thought it was the funniest ad they’d ever seen.

SenorWeird
April 6, 2005 at 1:32 pm

Funny business.

Gotta wonder why the cover is on the back of the book though… I guess Predators read back to front….yeah, that’s the ticket… :wink:

Radimus Maximus
April 6, 2005 at 3:48 pm

dman wrote:
Great comic today! I don’t have a personal ads dating story but what is up with ALP at #19 on the BuzzComix list!!??? :shock:
Come on ALP fans lets get to voting!!!!!!!

Maybe more people would vote if there was a new voting incentive. I’ve had that wallpaper on my desktop for about a month now and I’m craving something new! Maybe make another wallpaper based on one of the many other hilarious comics in the archive?

Private Whore
April 6, 2005 at 4:10 pm

We actually have a television program in Holland called: “Farmer looking for wife”…

Funny comic btw.

Crowley
April 6, 2005 at 5:46 pm

TeratoMarty wrote:
It’s a buyer’s market out there: women and gay guys have their pick of the net. I’ve met cute, friendly guys, beautiful transvestites, and, on one occasion, a completely wild woman. Never run up against bad-smelling, rude, or otherwise unacceptable partners.

Hell yes! :) TeratoMarty has it right. A global phenomenon perhaps? I would have expected more personal stories, hopefully funny, to show up by now.. as you guys’n gals hang on the net anyways.

Oh and BTW.. Excellent comic! Been following a few weeks now. A big thumbs up.

First off my take is that you really can meet nice people via net. I have. There’s hasn’t been a single suprsise-eat-your-brain-puss-dripping-smelly-monstah out there, at least not in women. Whether or not they’re truly cute is really a lottery. Having some self-esteem and picking only the “I am pretty”-ones helps a bit. But you can’t tell if there’s chemistry until you meet (rather obvious). But other than that they all seem to be decent people.

I am that cute friendly guy out there 8) that sometimes replies to adds by women but extremely rarely do I put up an add of my own. It is just so damn easy to write a bit, try your luck. And if you mainly work from home like I do an have mostly couples as friends.. you don’t meet too many new faces otherwise. Unless you like to hunt alone in bars. I can’t be bothered anymore. Anyway to the story I have to tell.. I picked a positive one.

I replied to a nicely written add and replied well enough to get her attention. We got along and soon she knew my real name, but wouldn’t at first tell her own. But soon enough she did and get this..
She was a family friend who I knew (but never really spent time with) from way back when I was 11. She was always this 2 years older exciting girl, the independent type. And a definite fox :D Now the last I had heard of her was that she was married and had moved to USA and it was all true. I’m from Finland. And then, when I’m 21 or so, I meet her through the net. She had just returned.

We meet, get along and sparks fly. A very good and rather intense relationship follows. Eventually her life takes her to places and we brake up. But whenever we meet, the chemistry is still there :)

So there. Hope I din’t bore anyone to death. Keep ‘em stories coming. Something fun maybe?

Brac
April 6, 2005 at 6:23 pm

Over two years. We’re engaged. ‘Nuff said :D

vandal
April 6, 2005 at 7:14 pm


a buddy of mine is/was really into meeting girls off the net, most of the time without even exchanging pics, so blind-internet-dates. he talked to all of them on the phone before meeting them though. they come to visit him – they’re mostly from a few hours or so away – so they stay at his appartement and bam! that’s how it used to work. ok, so this one time when he had one of these dates, we played at this club, i was there early and he went to pick her up from the trainstation. because it was early, the dancefloor and the lounge still were divided by curtains – as he arrived, he passed the curtain first, with the most shocked face i’ve ever seen the man with. a few seconds later the curtain opens wide and this 150kg+ (330lbs+) girl about 1,40m (4’5) tall, short dyed blonde hair and a big ass potatoe-like nose enters the room. i almost wet myself. serioulsy, that girl could’ve worked at the circus or something. she looked like mrs. potatoe-everything. i don’t know why he didn’t run when he saw her at the train in the first place, but now she was there, standing in the corner, with that strange look up on her face. and she stayed there. for hours. didn’t move, didn’t talk. she tried to talk to my buddy once or twice, but gave up pretty quick. i managed to get him out of the club, he was pretty wasted by then, and into a cab without being too suspicious. she stayed. when they closed the club i just told her he went with some other girl, said i’d be back in a second, loaded my records into the van and drove off. 5:30 in the morning, she lived hours away, got there by train, no train running till ten or so (sunday) – and i couldn’t care less. she called him the next day to apologize about her not dancing and stuff and told him she could understand that he went with that other (imaginary) girl. that was the time when i felt kinda bad for poor mrs. potatoe-everything. i believe this was the last blind date my buddy ever had.

vandal

Xeno.Morph
April 6, 2005 at 8:07 pm

I don’t think Preston understands ads. Abraham could probably tell him.

Can I have a picture of the cover?

What are YOU looking at!?

Drone Daddy
April 6, 2005 at 8:56 pm

This is my first post on the ALP boards because while all of your strips are great, truly comically inspiring, and really funnily profound (I’m making words up, yeah. deal. My point is, ALP is cool. And by cool, I mean totally sweet.) But I’m responding this time because this strip touched a nerve. You see, I never use dating services. I never date. Like Rush Limbaugh, I met my companions (two my whole life) over the internet after giving my sob story to explain why I’m socially inept and generally nervous. The short version is that I had a bad experience once. It was called childhood. (Some of you may recall a similar stage in your life). At any rate, women generally scare me. (All men scare me, so it’s not an orientation issue, for those of you that take issue with issue-based issues.) I am intimidated by women because – and some of you may relate – my mother was a woman. And she ruined me for life when I was younger. Actually from the moment I bursted – kicking and screaming (not unlike a newborn chestburster) – into this world.

So, when I saw this comic strip it reminded me of the horrible experiences I have had with women, why I don’t date, and why I will be forever relegated to playing AvP multiplayer online at night, and why I spend my days asking how I’ll ever be able to show a woman how much I am able to love; But I’m really a nice SWM seeking SF (a,r,app,fin not important); I clean house, do the dishes, love reading, I am a published writer, I hold a master’s degree, and I enjoy the rain. Oh, and I am completely loaded. If you feel sorry for me and are interested in further information, please email me at: shale_d2010@yahoo.com with “I’d like a Drone Daddy” in the subject line. I travel between my Portland and Montana homes, so you have to enjoy the ocean, fresh air, and wide open spaces. And getting can-blasted drunk while watching the stars on a moonless night.

All email is answered personally; I have no life otherwise. P.S. Except for the loaded part, everything else is true. And yes, I travel between Portland and Montana regularly, but not to sell drugs. I am involved in Real Estate.

Desperately, Hoplessly Romantically Challenged,

Drone Daddy
“shale_d2010@yahoo.com”

DNA Beast
April 6, 2005 at 9:25 pm

A friend of mine went on a blind date once. He picked her up and they were on their way to the venue when she pointed out a school.
“I was sexually abused in that school’ she said.

Being that this was only ten minutes after the first meeting, my friend was somewhat overwhelmed by the intimacy of the comment and fumbled for some form of comfort.
“Oh my,” he said. “That’s awful.”

“Yes” she said. “It was three weeks ago now”.

The evening failed to pick up from there on in.

Guest
April 6, 2005 at 11:09 pm

Drone Daddy wrote:
All email is answered personally; I have no life otherwise. P.S. Except for the loaded part, everything else is true. And yes, I travel between Portland and Montana regularly, but not to sell drugs. I am involved in Real Estate.

Desperately, Hoplessly Romantically Challenged,

Drone Daddy
“shale_d2010@yahoo.com”

Dude. I feel for you. I totally do. But using an online comic forum as a personals forum has got to be the geekiest shit i’ve ever seen! HILARIOUS!

Keep it coming Drone Daddy. I want to see a new and even more pathetically sappy story each and every comic.

Comedy GOOOOOOOLLLLLDDDD!!!

slinky
April 7, 2005 at 5:07 am

haha very funny strip today :lol:

Dudes you need to not be scared of women, we are not the monsters you would think. I am a woman….well that’s what everyone keeps telling me anyway…anyway, I met my partner on the net…he turned out to be a complete mental case but we love each other all the same…I too had difficulty with dating…and not because I’m a minger…(I’m a pretty attractive girl actually :p)….just the not a lot of confidence around men thing and well, you know the score….the net is easier as it’s faceless. But I think if used in the right way it can be a very good thing and has allowed me to meet people I never would have otherwise. I do hate those fakers tho, the people who pretend to be what they are’nt….those guys need a good kicking :D

Oh and VANDAL – you and your mate sound like total retards, no wonder he had to blind date….geeeees

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 6:45 am

Drone Daddy wrote:
All email is answered personally; I have no life otherwise. P.S. Except for the loaded part, everything else is true. And yes, I travel between Portland and Montana regularly, but not to sell drugs. I am involved in Real Estate.

Desperately, Hoplessly Romantically Challenged,

Drone Daddy
“shale_d2010@yahoo.com”

Yeah, umm. How OLD are you!? Are you like a forty year old geek with ten versions of the game D&D??? Is your house covered in Warhammer models!?? You never told us that! Augh! Yech! How are we to blindly email you and then find out there’s a fifteen year difference and you’re Michael Jackson!!!?

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 6:49 am

Can I have a copy of the cover photo? Wait! It can be the new voting incentive! Yeah! I bet every girl everywhere would vote!

(Unless they were female predators.)

And I’m not being prejudiced against people with different orientations >.<

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 6:54 am

Hmm. I wonder if I can time my posts over the next two weeks so I get a hundred posts on next friday. Next friday will be the hundredth comic.

YEAH! GO BERNIEH! (Not a typo, pronounced with soft ee so it’s like eh)

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 6:58 am

TeratoMarty wrote:
Hey Mrs-Angel_Scarpredator, he wants to know if you have a sister!

‘k, I’ve actually had great experiences with online personals, particularly the Craigs’ List casual encounters (www.craigslist.org, baby!) However, I’m a total and admitted man-whore, so things are different for me. It’s a buyer’s market out there: women and gay guys have their pick of the net. I’ve met cute, friendly guys, beautiful transvestites, and, on one occasion, a completely wild woman. Never run up against bad-smelling, rude, or otherwise unacceptable partners. Oh, and I screen out married guys, reducing the “jealous woman chasing me with shotgun” quotient of my life substantially. (There is this one woman who has been muy pissed at me for years for having a one-night stand with her husband before they ever got married. Why it’s my fault, I dunno).

I’ll do you a favour and not share any explicit stories of my gay hookups; this doesn’t seem the place for that.

I felt like quoting you because you admitted to being homosexual. Go you. Don’t let The Man beat you down. Umm. Yay. HUNDREDTH COMIC NEXT WEEK!!!!!

Meneer Spaghetti
April 7, 2005 at 10:38 am

Aramor wrote:
We actually have a television program in Holland called: “Farmer looking for wife”…

Funny comic btw.

O No! Not Yvon Jaspers :shock:
She is a moll :lol:

Doesn’t look like one tough :roll:

Private Whore
April 7, 2005 at 11:09 am

Isn’t that the one from the vegetables commercials?

TeratoMarty
April 7, 2005 at 11:29 am

Xeno.Morph wrote:
I felt like quoting you because you admitted to being homosexual. Go you. Don’t let The Man beat you down. Umm. Yay. HUNDREDTH COMIC NEXT WEEK!!!!!

Why thank you. Actually, though, I just said I was a man-whore, not homosexual. I’m bisexual, but definitely look way gay. Same diff, really… Thanks for your support, but I actually feel pretty happy on this forum. Yeah, Abe’s homophobic, but he’s routinely portrayed as a consummate jerk. I think all the readers recognise that… I also think that portraying bigots as humorous morons is a much quicker way to encourage tolerance than the dippy “I’m OK, you’re OK” bull that one often gets.

Having said all that, I, too demand a desktop depicting hot pred-on-pred action. Think of it as a challenge, Mr. Hou. How can you manipulate your action figures and photomanipulate their images to live up to your fans’ depraved imaginations?

Drone Daddy
April 7, 2005 at 1:32 pm

Guest wrote:
Dude. I feel for you. I totally do. But using an online comic forum as a personals forum has got to be the geekiest shit i’ve ever seen! HILARIOUS!

Keep it coming Drone Daddy. I want to see a new and even more pathetically sappy story each and every comic.

Comedy GOOOOOOOLLLLLDDDD!!!

Honestly, I am pretty screwed up but I’ve been in a comitted relationship for over 7 years now. Aside from that, everything else I said was true; about the degree, and traveling, etc. blah, blah, blah. My post was less a ploy to get a date, and more of a display of my ability to write horribly, uncomfortably, cynicism. :D And it got a chuckle out of a few of you; so it was worth it. Anywho, I plan to respond in more posts from now on, and I’ll use more sides to myself other than a geeky, washed-out, 40 year old D&D enthusiast. P.S. I’m a 26 year old guy, and I’ve never played D&D. :D

Cheers,

Swashbuckler
April 7, 2005 at 1:37 pm

As much as I adore the many-splendored wonders of craigslist, the women for women section is sorely lacking. Most of it consists of a) men pretending to be women, b) women complaining about men pretending to be women, or c) ads for parties that are 21+. Okay, there are occasionally some intriguing ads, but for the most part I have had little luck.

The one date I actually went on turned out to be a girl from my very small college. It went well until she found out that I wasn’t old enough to get into the NC-17 movie we’d planned to see. (Apparently you have to be over 17 for those…) She did come back to my apartment with me to make out until my roommate returned, but I never heard from her again. Alas and alack.

skylord
April 7, 2005 at 2:34 pm

Honestly, I am pretty screwed up but I’ve been in a comitted relationship for over 7 years now. Aside from that, everything else I said was true; about the degree, and traveling, etc. blah, blah, blah. My post was less a ploy to get a date, and more of a display of my ability to write horribly, uncomfortably, cynicism. :D And it got a chuckle out of a few of you; so it was worth it. Anywho, I plan to respond in more posts from now on, and I’ll use more sides to myself other than a geeky, washed-out, 40 year old D&D enthusiast. P.S. I’m a 26 year old guy, and I’ve never played D&D. :D

Cheers,

I completely got it and thought it was quite the funny.

BTW, if you haven’t played D&D lately, you don’t know what you’re missing. Don’t let these slackers fool you. They all roll 3d6 for saves vs. Charisma every day. (besides all the new artwork completely kicks ass).

Anyway, love the comic! ALP is now in my startup group on my Slimbrowser.

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 3:30 pm

TeratoMarty wrote:

Xeno.Morph wrote:
I felt like quoting you because you admitted to being homosexual. Go you. Don’t let The Man beat you down. Umm. Yay. HUNDREDTH COMIC NEXT WEEK!!!!!

Why thank you. Actually, though, I just said I was a man-whore, not homosexual. I’m bisexual, but definitely look way gay. Same diff, really… Thanks for your support, but I actually feel pretty happy on this forum. Yeah, Abe’s homophobic, but he’s routinely portrayed as a consummate jerk. I think all the readers recognise that… I also think that portraying bigots as humorous morons is a much quicker way to encourage tolerance than the dippy “I’m OK, you’re OK” bull that one often gets.

Having said all that, I, too demand a desktop depicting hot pred-on-pred action. Think of it as a challenge, Mr. Hou. How can you manipulate your action figures and photomanipulate their images to live up to your fans’ depraved imaginations?

WE SHOULD START A PETITION FOR THAT COVER PHOTO! ;D

Drone Daddy wrote:
Guest wrote:
Dude. I feel for you. I totally do. But using an online comic forum as a personals forum has got to be the geekiest shit i’ve ever seen! HILARIOUS!

Keep it coming Drone Daddy. I want to see a new and even more pathetically sappy story each and every comic.

Comedy GOOOOOOOLLLLLDDDD!!!

Honestly, I am pretty screwed up but I’ve been in a comitted relationship for over 7 years now. Aside from that, everything else I said was true; about the degree, and traveling, etc. blah, blah, blah. My post was less a ploy to get a date, and more of a display of my ability to write horribly, uncomfortably, cynicism. And it got a chuckle out of a few of you; so it was worth it. Anywho, I plan to respond in more posts from now on, and I’ll use more sides to myself other than a geeky, washed-out, 40 year old D&D enthusiast. P.S. I’m a 26 year old guy, and I’ve never played D&D.

Cheers,

Wow. You’re oooollllllld.
You should get StarCraft. Or check out my website. Judging from your name, you’re an aliens fan and you like aliens. And my website is all xenoriffic.

If anyone complains about my word, I’ll hit them over the head with a new dictionary. A new dictionary that has “bling bling” under B. Bling isn’t even a word and you’re complaining about “xenoriffic,” which makes more sense than “Yo G, wazzap!?” I mean, COME ON! I bet Michael Jackson listens to rap. And Hitler. You don’t want to be like Hitler, do you!?

*Continues to rant at a screen*

http://l.grab.com/redir.cfm/15877/134803/15200/14356629

I believe that should work…

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 3:47 pm

HEY!

http://www.angelfire.com/ill/meteora

Now you guys show me a link to a site so I can download Stargazer >.<

Xeno.Morph
April 7, 2005 at 3:50 pm

I. Am. Iron-man…

Dananananana….

Challah! Lettuce! I’m gonna make up a new character! He’s a cabbage with sunglasses named Troglodytes and he likes to say “Yo.”

I’m OK, and you’re OK, people!

Guest
April 8, 2005 at 3:12 am

gah I love this comic…keep it up.

((also as I clicked over here I was watching robot chicken and witnessed an alien and predator playing chess…was ironic or somthin))

Drone Daddy
April 8, 2005 at 4:25 am

Skylord wrote:
…I completely got it and thought it was quite the funny…

Indeed. It was also a shameless ploy to grab the attentions of the ALP writer. Many more are on the way. :D Aside from the shameless self-plug, I’d like to tell you all that I sleep in a different bed than my wife. My sleeping partner is a 6 foot tall blow up replica of the alien queen. Blame my mother. All I can offer those of you on the floor right now is this old Ewokese proverb:

Wadda, wadda; chut, chut!

Cheers,

Drone Daddy

P.S. When I found out that Sigourney Weaver told James Cameron that she would only do a sequel to Alien if she 1) Died in the movie, and 2) Got to make love with a drone, I thought… hmmm… she’s got a point you know. So I went her one better, and made a replica of the Alien Queen. She’s not half bad. (My offer stands, if any of you feel sorry for me: I answer all my email personally: shale_d2010@yahoo.com )

Meneer Spaghetti
April 8, 2005 at 9:18 am

Ah Xeno.Morph… tell me about this Alien King?

Xeno.Morph
April 8, 2005 at 3:39 pm

Meneer Spaghetti wrote:
Ah Xeno.Morph… tell me about this Alien King?

Wot t3h fawk are you talking about? And get a login name. I’m trying to conserve my posts. :P

From now on I’ll only post twice a forum and I’ll private message anyone who asks me something…

Get a dogdamn login name.

Meneer Spaghetti
April 8, 2005 at 8:05 pm

Xeno.Morph wrote:
Get a dogdamn login name.

Okay! :P

XenoMorph
April 10, 2005 at 8:25 am

Yay, he did it…

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