Comments

Corporal Waffle
May 23, 2005 at 9:12 am

hahahahahah

nice bernieh!

angelus_raptor
May 23, 2005 at 9:13 am

the first ever interactive voice-mail box! nice! :P

Private Whore
May 23, 2005 at 9:27 am

Lol, that was funny.

Reminded me of something in Fallout: Tactics, when you activate a nuke to blow up the door of a big vault:

“Nuclear bomb armed and activated.

Thank you for purchasing a product from Manhattan Product Inc.

To hear the countdown in French, please press 1.

To hear the countdown in Spanish, please press 2.

To hear the countdown in Southern Drawl, please press 3.

If you are listening to this message, Manhattan Product Inc. recommends that you run, seek shelter, and “Duck and Cover!”.

Have a nice day.”

It was so funny, I just ahd to write it down and it save it in text file. TG for that ;)

angelus_raptor
May 23, 2005 at 9:35 am

Aramor wrote:
If you are listening to this message, Manhattan Product Inc. recommends that you run, seek shelter, and “Duck and Cover!”.

Have a nice day.”

the message should have played the above earlier. haha.

PJ2POP
May 23, 2005 at 10:11 am

lol, so true! :lol:

gmayerson
May 23, 2005 at 10:52 am

I agree with Preston on voice mail: GRRAAARRGGHH

KTinNYC
May 23, 2005 at 11:01 am

I always offer to do interpretive dance. It’s one of the few things I CAN offer.

You know, for charity auctions, school fundraisers, neurology conferences- that sort of thing.

Dahaka
May 23, 2005 at 11:33 am

Dancing sucks
DDR really sucks
Fucking Idiots

Enjoyed the comic.

Treach
May 23, 2005 at 11:33 am

Hey dude, you forgot the accent over the first e in “tres bien”. The comic is broke!

Otherwise, HY-LARIOUS

Wize
May 23, 2005 at 11:53 am

Ok-that was a good one.

8)

Speaking of which, it reminds me of the rejection hotline that was floating around for a while. There’s one for email addresses too. But that’s for another thread.

Silverzero
May 23, 2005 at 12:13 pm

Hey everyone. Long time reader, first time poster… I love this comic strip. Its just so utterly random and bizarre I have to laugh at it. Today’s strip is very good and also surprisingly true. Those automatic answering services can be EXTREMELY annoying.

Joshe
May 23, 2005 at 12:59 pm

I usually just press random buttons and see what happens. Never gets me where I want to go, but it’s fun regardless. Great comic!

jombon
May 23, 2005 at 3:38 pm

it remindes me bout one polish comic at [url]www.pvek.blog.pl (some strips are written in english, but SOME).

they had their glory days, full of joy, good jokes and extremely lambent allusions. fantastic. but in that glory and pride, the satan must have done something very rude and nasty, so the guyz from pidgeon and cat started to have very pathetic sense of humor. ironic? isnt it?

and now, PVEK doesnt exist any more. the same name, the same creators, the same story, but the jokes – what jokes?

BERNIE!
DO SOMETHIN!

Met666
May 23, 2005 at 3:41 pm

great comic man, That joke never gets old for me :lol:

RobinHood3000
May 23, 2005 at 4:08 pm

Poor Preston and his confounded Yautja accent.

Shatner's Wig
May 23, 2005 at 6:24 pm

Love it! If you call BCBS of Florida, you’ll end up with the same blasted machine. Stupid perky recorded female voice saying “Okay then! Before we go on, I need to know what you’re wearing! … I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that!”

Billman
May 23, 2005 at 6:32 pm

Thanks, Bernie. I needed a laugh on this manic monday. :)

Quote:
[color=red:a4f3058553]“Nuclear bomb armed and activated.
Thank you for purchasing a product from Manhattan Product Inc.
To hear the countdown in French, please press 1.
To hear the countdown in Spanish, please press 2.
To hear the countdown in Southern Drawl, please press 3.
If you are listening to this message, Manhattan Product Inc. recommends that you run, seek shelter, and “Duck and Cover!”.
Have a nice day.”[/color:a4f3058553]

Reminds me of the bomb in “Dark Star” LOL!

Off the subject…
A friend of mine was at a convention here recently, looking at a dealers table with action figures on it. A guy standing next to him, dressed as a stormtrooper looks at the selection and says, “These aren’t the droids I’m looking for”, and walks off.
My friend just about peed himself. :lol:

Lylmik
May 23, 2005 at 8:07 pm

You guys think you have it bad with automatic answering thingie???!!!
Australia rocks in that respect!!
We do get to speak(eventually!!)to the real person, but you be the judge, is it really worth it?

I called the water company about my bill on one occasion, so yak yak 2 minutes later, after i explained what needs to be done(immaterial at this time), the chick needed to verify my id.
So to do that, she asked for my date of birth, which was given as 0705(for you Yanks, here it’s 0507, but again, immaterial) crap….damnit…. start again….

070575
(meaning July 5th 75)

And now the corker….
The chick actually asks if that is 1975…..

All i could do is to say is as approximately follows: “No, i am sent from the year 2302 (makes me approximately non-born for -327 years), so i was actually born in 2275, just fixing my waterbill late payments…….”

Can’t even remember what kind of crap i was saying, didn’t know if i wanted to cry or lol or wtf?

Customer service at its best……..
Will be telling my grandkids this one.
But as they say, small minds easily entertained……

poisnedcoke
May 23, 2005 at 8:58 pm

I’m still trying to figure out what the hell the aussie above me is talking about. But I’m sure it’s funny.

InvaderJess
May 23, 2005 at 11:08 pm

I hate automated answering machines. The voices are so irritating with their halting instructions… And they usually pick somebody to do it with the type of voice that just makes you want to curl up in the fetal postion as you bleed to death out of your ears….

Great comic today. :D

Lylmik
May 23, 2005 at 11:16 pm

quote
poisnedcoke Posted:
I’m still trying to figure out what the hell the aussie above me is talking about. But I’m sure it’s funny.
/quote

Yeah, always keep yakkin’….
Chick asked me if i were born in 1975 to confirm id.

She had not 2 braincells to rub together to figure out that i
a)couldn’t be born in 1875(which would make me 127),
or
b)in 2075(which would make me -73).

InvaderJess
May 23, 2005 at 11:39 pm

I can’t believe you actually had to explain that to somebody.

jennif
May 23, 2005 at 11:54 pm

Did you know that voice-recognition answering systems are programmed so that if they detect anger in your voice, they’ll connect you to a human operator more quickly? So where you used to press “0″, you now yell something like Fuck you Cocksucker! to speak to someone live. I’d say that’s progress. :wink:

~j

20xx
May 24, 2005 at 12:30 am

This one seriously made me laugh out loud

InvaderJess
May 24, 2005 at 2:52 am

jennif wrote:
Did you know that voice-recognition answering systems are programmed so that if they detect anger in your voice, they’ll connect you to a human operator more quickly? So where you used to press “0″, you now yell something like Fuck you Cocksucker! to speak to someone live. I’d say that’s progress. :wink:

~j

Really? I’m gonna have to try that.

HairyBackedMan
May 24, 2005 at 3:13 am

[i]Anyway, during one of their frequent arguments, she was explaining that she just couldn’t communicate the cause of her anger. So she says, in total seriousness, “Maybe I can dance my feelings to you.”[/i]

Wasn’t there a Love in Hell comic strip (the 9 types of girlfriends) in which one of the girlfriends does precisely that? Life imitates Life in Hell, I guess.[/i]

Wize
May 24, 2005 at 12:33 pm

InvaderJess wrote:

jennif wrote:
Did you know that voice-recognition answering systems are programmed so that if they detect anger in your voice, they’ll connect you to a human operator more quickly? So where you used to press “0″, you now yell something like Fuck you Cocksucker! to speak to someone live. I’d say that’s progress. :wink:

~j

Really? I’m gonna have to try that.

I’m sayin’! I’ll have to try that one also-especially since I deal with those fucking things for work all the time!

ChibiSpawn
May 24, 2005 at 12:51 pm

Omg, the public transit info line is just like that here. You tell the machine just were you are trying to go(street names, places, anything!) but all you get is,”Sorry, I didnt understand that,” or if you’re lucky, “Did you mean, METROTOWN?” No I didnt you fucking stupid robo-bitch!

sorry

Oh that Stormtrooper story reminds me of when I went to this toy convention. There were these two guys at a dealer table and one of them picks up an AVP toy, he looks over to his friend and says in the most steriotypical german accent ever, “Isn’t zis ze toy from de neu Alien vurses Predator mouvie?” His buddy replies, “Jah I think it is” “Vel, vere is ze Predator?!”
OMFG it was so hard not to laugh, those two guys just rocked.

Farore N.
May 24, 2005 at 1:03 pm

Bahaha, I’ve had to use that. Just be glad you don’t have to use the Edmonton one–it’s not as interactive, but what is does do is be totally useless!

Also, we have no discernable mode of public transport to the airport. ;.;

This comic made me laugh out loud, though. And I’ve found that acting pissed off tends to get the voicy thingy to go “I’m sorry, would you like to speak to an operator?” or similar. Never tried swearing at it, though. Will try next time Telus decides to start bumhumping my computer.

desert_drum
May 24, 2005 at 1:10 pm

jennif wrote:
Did you know that voice-recognition answering systems are programmed so that if they detect anger in your voice, they’ll connect you to a human operator more quickly? So where you used to press “0″, you now yell something like Fuck you Cocksucker! to speak to someone live. I’d say that’s progress. :wink:

~j

I’ve read about this in half a dozen places now, but everything I’ve seen says it’s still developmental technology, maybe at best being tested in a handful of places. I suspect that it becoming general knowledge will limit how much it gets used.

What makes me smile is the idea that since it measures the *sound* of anger in a voice rather than the words being said, you could say “I love rainbows and fluffy bunnies” in the same tone you’d say “I’m going to rip your fucking liver out and eat it roasted over your eyeballs”…and get the same result.

Jon_Of_The_Dead
May 24, 2005 at 1:12 pm

The explaination for the roomate interpretive dance reminds me of a girlfriend I had. She was a crazy Wiccan chick who got waaay too attached after 5 days of knowing me. She was telling me all this stuff her psychic had told her about me and that I would be “The One”. Me, being the sarcastic ass I am said…”Ooh…The One eh? So I’m going to save the Matrix?” She lost it because she took psychic stuff way to seriously..as she seemed to everything and she tried to put a hex on me. So I don’t see her anymore…Needless to say. But I do love your comic and it reminds me of all those stupid “Push this for that” automated telephone services that never take you anywheres. Keep’em comin’.

“For Heaven…Press One… For Hell…Press Two….For Purgatory…Please stay on the line….FOREVER!!!”

desert_drum
May 24, 2005 at 1:14 pm

Anyone else think on first reading that “I WILL kill you” would be the exact point she picked up the phone? Poor thing already has vague fears of an axe. :)

devil
May 24, 2005 at 3:43 pm

What I love is how you enter in all your account numbers, then they transfer you to a human who asks you the same questions all over again.

Wize
May 24, 2005 at 4:17 pm

urbanshawoman wrote:
Anyone else think on first reading that “I WILL kill you” would be the exact point she picked up the phone? Poor thing already has vague fears of an axe. :)

Holly Resurrected
May 24, 2005 at 4:55 pm

The 411 info program in my area is automated and voice activated, and actually works pretty well, and if it doesn’t understand you the first time it connects you to an operator right away. Not too shabby. As long as you speak clearly it usually gets it right. Although the automated info lady is annoyingly chirpy.

Rymel
May 25, 2005 at 12:16 am

devil wrote:
What I love is how you enter in all your account numbers, then they transfer you to a human who asks you the same questions all over again.

i HATE that. i think it’s mainly credit card companies that do that to piss you off. and time warner.

bono_chick
May 25, 2005 at 6:35 am

My brother was telling me about an American guy he once worked with (I’m Australian). The guy had to ring up the Road Traffic Authority to organise a licence and, of course, was subjected to the usual automated telephone crap that you get these days. Problem was when it came to choosing what type of licence he needed he had to verbally say the vehicle type. After about 3 goes with no success – he kept getting the “sorry, please try again blah, blah etc” crap – he tried again, this time adopting a rather heavy Aussie accent. He got put straight through! :D

What’s this world coming to?

Xeno.Morph
May 25, 2005 at 9:40 am

What about ricotta cheese…?

Anyways, remember when the Ozzy show was big? Yeah. He was in his friend’s car. The car had one of those voice-operated things that could drive it to any place you want or phone somebody or whatever. So, Ozzy tells it to go somewhere.

The response is, “Please select an address from the phonebook.”

He says he doesn’t want to make a call and to go to that place again. I forgot what the place was. The thingy turned on the radio.

It’s really funny ’cause it can’t understand Ozzy, and so he starts saying “F*ck you” and it keeps trying to make a phonecall. Awesome.

Did you know you could yell, “MY BUTTOCKS HAVE SPACE FLIGHT” in the same manner as “YOUR MOTHER IS A *****” and get the same chemical response in the brain? Kewl…

bernieh
May 25, 2005 at 11:13 am

Wednesday, May 25, 2005, 11:00am ET

Sorry, no new episode today… but to try and make up for it a little I posted some new entries to the current Art Contest that I received by email. They’re some good ones in there. Enjoy, and I’ll catch ya on Friday…

Wize
May 25, 2005 at 11:34 am

bernieh wrote:
Wednesday, May 25, 2005, 11:00am ET

Sorry, no new episode today… but to try and make up for it a little I posted some new entries to the current Art Contest that I received by email. They’re some good ones in there. Enjoy, and I’ll catch ya on Friday…

Ah darn bern you’re killin’ me!

Private Whore
May 25, 2005 at 11:38 am

I was once really really bored, so I called to check our voicemail thingy, and then you get this lady’s voice telling ya: “No new messages. To listen to your messages press 1. To alter your setting press 2″ etc etc. So I started talking back you know, saying things like: “Can you say something else?”, “And how are you today?”… and she just kept repeating the same message, so then I said, in a friendly tone: “Hey bitch, why don’t you shut the fuck up and die?” and then she said: “Thank you and goodby.” and she ( whatever ) hung up… so weird…

preston is my dad
May 25, 2005 at 12:42 pm

no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. no alien loving no predator makes jack a dull boy. :(

Xeno.Morph
May 25, 2005 at 12:58 pm

You know what’ll take your mind off of no alien loving no predator? KITTENS! Also, this…

http://www.freewebs.com/xenomorphs/angelfire.bmp
http://www.freewebs.com/xenomorphs/juice.jpg

SGAC
May 26, 2005 at 2:05 pm

It used to be that when you followed these steps:

1. pick up your phone
2. dial 1-800-888-3999
3. listen to the options up through #7
4. after you hear the option for #7, hit 7

Option 7 would lead you to the sound of a duck quacking. Sadly though, option #7 no longer exists.

hobo
May 27, 2005 at 2:28 am

omg im so thik…. i finally figured out wat that nik meant
damn so stooopid….

Wize
June 10, 2005 at 2:40 pm

LOLZ—for my job I have to frequently verify credit cards, and go through this fucking automated service. I just got off the phone w/ AMEX verification services, and got so fustrated that I actually said without thinking about the reference-”I will kill you.” Needless to say I got through.

Fuzzy
May 4, 2010 at 2:22 am

This is possibly the single best comic on the web, period. It should definitely be in your “best of”.

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