Comments

Cycoclops
May 30, 2005 at 9:59 am

Ha awsome! I hate those machines… FIRST REPLY WOOT!

Private Whore
May 30, 2005 at 10:16 am

Geez Abe, you really showed what kind of a-hole you are… good boy ;)

“There is no catch! Except for the one we’re not telling”

LOL!

(There is no spoon?)

KittyKat
May 30, 2005 at 10:48 am

My wife and I are bombarded by telemarketers, we get at least 10 calls a day ALL for the previous occupants.

Would you like the right to buy your home – No thanks we already have, its been privately owned for 15 years!!

Would you be interested in larger firmer breasts – Shes 36 JJ, NO THANK YOU!! She is voluptuous already!!

Would I like 55+ policy life insurance, maybe IN FRICKIN 32 YEARS TIME!!!

I hate these muppets, and any body reading this who is a telemarketer: How do you sleep at night? My favourite thing is to leave them asking questions to thin air to waste their time and money, or going ‘yes… yes… yes… uh-huh… yes’ for 20 minutes and then say – ‘you know what, I’ve changed my mind BYE!!’

Good strip :)

Xeno.Morph
May 30, 2005 at 11:11 am

Does Abe have this secret horniness for telemarkers? Is that why he’s disguising it by saying “Preston wants to get in your pants”? Is he just too dumb to realize that it’s a telemarketer? Naw, his head’s too big, even though that doesn’t mean anything… Look up octopi. They’re really smart.

We don’t get telemarkers often. Most of the time, it’s a real person. Also, most of the time, they want to talk to my mom, who is somehow busy when they call. They say they’ll call back but don’t. Byaaahhk, the next time you get a telemarketer, try to follow the following conversation as follows:

“Hello. Would you like-”

“I’ll have a double cheese pizza with pepperoni, please.”

“Err, what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You must have dialed the wrong number.” *Click*

Wow, I stole that from Calvin and Hobbes. So sue me. [size=9:2d9926ed8e]((Really, don’t.))[/size:2d9926ed8e]

What happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object?

Wait a second…. Kitty, are you a girl or are you a guy who put girl in your profile? ‘Cause I noticed you said wife.

Wize
May 30, 2005 at 11:19 am

Nice one Bernie!

8)

Munan
May 30, 2005 at 12:11 pm

Hehehe, liked this one.

Actually, Kittykat, I was a telemarketeer and i DIDN’T sleep at night.

But it was the only kind of job one could get at that time in the city where I lived. It’s really horrible, it’s happening to quite a lot of my friends at the moment: they hate telemarketeers just as much as most do, but are forced to become one because there are no other jobs available.

What kind of jobs do Abe and Preston have?

Actually, making them telemarketeers could result some very funny comics…

Black Ice
May 30, 2005 at 12:13 pm

you can also pick up the phone and say “You just won 12 million dollars and a brand new Ferrari!! IF, you answer these questions correctly!”

Then they either hang up or start answering the question! My friend used to do this and after a while, the ones that started answering, got the right answer[s]. Then he said “Here’s your prize” and hung up. :cry:

Private Whore
May 30, 2005 at 12:51 pm

Xeno.Morph wrote:
What happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object?

Wait a second…. Kitty, are you a girl or are you a guy who put girl in your profile? ‘Cause I noticed you said wife.

I already said, the force would punch a hole in the object.

A woman can have a wife… geez :P

desert_drum
May 30, 2005 at 1:01 pm

My favorite method of dealing with sales calls, stolen from some columnist years ago, is to say as soon as possible, “Hang on a second, please.” Then I put the phone on the counter and go back to what I was doing. Not only are they no longer annoying me, but until they get fed up and hang up on me, they’re not bothering the next victim, either.

I’m badly tempted to try “Preston wants to get into your pants” next time, though :)

sardine
May 30, 2005 at 1:53 pm

KittyKat wrote:
My wife and I are bombarded by telemarketers

Same here – although if I have the time, I love messing with them.

For example: political surveys where I give contradictory answers to the questions; or telling my bank that I actually like wasting my cash on their unnecessary service charges, so please don’t try to sell me some new deal; or answering the phone speaking my crappy Irish, Norwegian, or Turkish.

Gabby
May 30, 2005 at 3:09 pm

The idiots list is a really good idea, the only problem with that is finding someone in a position of athority smart enough to implement it.
Because apparently a Very large percentage is either on that list, or unemployed.

Billman
May 30, 2005 at 3:32 pm

[color=indigo:d230701841]LMAO! Great stuff!

I did sign up for the “Do Not Call” list. It seems to work out fine for me.
One of the best responses to a telemarketer was on “Seinfeld”.

Telemarketer: “Hi. Are you happy with your long distance service?”
Jerry: “Look, I’m just on my way out. Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you at home.”
Telemarketer: “Uh…we’re not allowed to do that.”
Jerry: “Oh, you don’t want people calling you at home?”
Telemarketer: “Um..no”
Jerry: “Now you know how I feel.” (hangs up)[/color:d230701841]

:lol:

Wize
May 30, 2005 at 4:14 pm

Billman wrote:
[color=indigo:1046283535]One of the best responses to a telemarketer was on “Seinfeld”.[/color:1046283535]

Dude-that fuckin’ rocked—I remember that!

johnnykamikaze
May 30, 2005 at 4:20 pm

So my boss tells me that the easiest way to scare these losers is to ask the name of the caller and his company, then to say “if you or your company call me again, I will sue you and your company for $5000 in small claims court.” For a few months, I had that as my voice mail message.

The message said “This is John Doe. If you are a telemarketer, DO NOT CALL ME. If you do, I will sue you and your company for $5000.”

It worked wonders. Nobody left messages for a loooooooooong time.

Then this happened.

I finally got ONE message. Telemarketer says this: “Sue me then. That’s right, sue me. Yeah I’m a telemarketer and I ain’t worth fucking five grand. John Doe: you’re a bitch. Fuck you.”

Not all telemarketer phone calls are recorded, actually.

This is why I hate telemarketers.

KittyKat
May 30, 2005 at 4:20 pm

Xeno.Morph wrote:
the next time you get a telemarketer, try to follow the following conversation as follows:

“Hello. Would you like-”

“I’ll have a double cheese pizza with pepperoni, please.”

“Err, what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You must have dialed the wrong number.” *Click*

Wow, I stole that from Calvin and Hobbes. So sue me. [size=9:7e36dd752a]((Really, don’t.))[/size:7e36dd752a]

What happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object?

Wait a second…. Kitty, are you a girl or are you a guy who put girl in your profile? ‘Cause I noticed you said wife.

I am a guy, but my wife created this profile to comment on the strips – I hate logging in/out and cookies so I thought, share the account.

Secondly nothing happens at all. Either that or Im wrong…

And I have printed out Calv- sorry YOUR solution to telemarketers and have stuck it on my phone, this is so going to get used! Do you ever get calls from telemarketers telling you you are being recorded? I do, my response is “ok, but Im recording you back and sending the tape to my lawyer…. hello?…. anybody there?…. hello?…..” *hangs up*

Holly Resurrected
May 30, 2005 at 5:26 pm

Billman wrote:
[color=indigo:964191be53]LMAO! Great stuff!

I did sign up for the “Do Not Call” list. It seems to work out fine for me.
One of the best responses to a telemarketer was on “Seinfeld”.

Telemarketer: “Hi. Are you happy with your long distance service?”
Jerry: “Look, I’m just on my way out. Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you at home.”
Telemarketer: “Uh…we’re not allowed to do that.”
Jerry: “Oh, you don’t want people calling you at home?”
Telemarketer: “Um..no”
Jerry: “Now you know how I feel.” (hangs up)[/color:964191be53]

:lol:

I loved that one. I’m on the do not call list too, and I’ve hardly gotten bothered at all this last year.

There was something in the paper awhile ago about the “do not call” list or maybe it was about making telemarketing illegal, and Dave Barry had written a column bashing telemarketers really bad, and then some representative talked back, saying that making telemarketing illegal was going to put lots of people out of work. Barry responded saying that making robbery illegal probably put lots of people out of work, too, but people shouldn’t be able to make a living at robbery. I <3 Dave Barry.

*edit* Just found the article.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6934584.htm

Quote:
That’s correct: The ATA received NO WARNING that it was going to get unwanted calls! Not only that, but these unwanted calls were an INCONVENIENCE for the ATA, and WASTED THE ATA’S TIME!

Does that not fucking rule? I submit that it does.

Shatner's Wig
May 30, 2005 at 6:02 pm

urbanshawoman wrote:
My favorite method of dealing with sales calls, stolen from some columnist years ago, is to say as soon as possible, “Hang on a second, please.” Then I put the phone on the counter and go back to what I was doing. Not only are they no longer annoying me, but until they get fed up and hang up on me, they’re not bothering the next victim, either.

I’m badly tempted to try “Preston wants to get into your pants” next time, though :)

That is *exactly* what my husband does to telemarketers.

Oddly enough, my husband’s name is Preston, so he sometimes uses Abe’s method instead.

Lylmik
May 30, 2005 at 6:35 pm

Dunno people, must be that Australia is still fairly clean from telemarketers, but Jahova’s Witnesses, NewBorns and all that sort of stuff… Love religious freaks…..
So, what happens(as it happens usually early Saturday, and i always know if family is coming around)is that i peer out through the window, check for Red Cross badges, if none, go and answer the door naked.
Now let me tell you, it ain’t a pretty sight….
Don’t know if they have some sort of underground religious Intranet or whatnot, but had to do it twice, and nobody EVER came back again….
Don’t get me wrong, i’m a fairly shy person, but if you are not ashamed of yourself disturbing my God-given sleep on the weekend, your fucking shrink/psydoc bill will run in thousands until they manage to pry the picture of me in Adams’ suit out of your head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bastards.
But remember, check the window first!!!!
Because there was an incident of a polisoffizer calling….
Little neighbourhood B&E accross the street….
Lets just say that guy cracked up laughing while i bolted in to stick something, anything on meself……
Ahhhh, love my Saturdays…..

desert_drum
May 31, 2005 at 1:36 am

And the mind wanders to Bad Phone Moments….

I was hanging out with the grumpy new aLp convert some years ago, when his phone rang. Being a wiseass, he picked up and announced “This better be fucking good, ’cause I was.”

His mother was ah, unamused.

Madge
May 31, 2005 at 4:17 am

I don’t think abusing the telemarketers themselves is such a good idea, because they’re normal people like you and me who just happen to be stuck with (presumably out of nessecity) a shitass job like that.

I reckon my father’s responce to telemarketers and religious people is the best one.

My family is very into Thailand, we often go on holiday there and we all know a bit of the thai language.

My father, being a housewife, uses some of his vast amounts of free time to learn thai.

Whenever we get a telemarketer, he will always speak to them in thai, and basically explain he can’t speak english (but in Thai).

The telemarkter himself/herself is not being abused, and we haven’t gotten one in a long time because their list now says “doesn’t speak english” or whatever (presumably).

He does the same thing to religious callers. Other times he’ll tell them he’s a buddhist, and that shuts them up because usually they’re people saying “You’re not in the right sect of Christianity, come join our obscure sect and be saved!’.

And then you’ve got my grandfather (father’s father, would you believe it?) who gets these “competitions” by mail, where you get a word problem and are told to send $10 in and you can win $1,000, then the amount you can win and the amount you send in increases. He does them. He gets all this mail order crap. He’s on every sucker’s list on the planet, I’ll bet…

KittyKat
May 31, 2005 at 6:21 am

ugfh! Don’t get my started on junkmail, it seems every previous occupant of this house (since it was built) subcribed to a big deal junkmail…

My solution, help the companys out – if see a letter from a car company that needs a bit of cash, just mail them the leaflets for loans and credit cards you recieved that morning – and you know the banks that offer loans and credit cards? Yep… they need quality cars too! So send them them leaflets for cars/pension etc in the wonderful postage paid envelopes they send to you.

I think Im providing a valuble service to the community, bankers are getting fash motors for less and car dealerships have wonderful credit ratings… Isn’t the world a better place? /end joke sarcasm.

Xeno.Morph
May 31, 2005 at 8:03 am

Madge wrote:
My father, being a housewife, uses some of his vast amounts of free time to learn thai.

Vast amounts of free time… And where does he get this? Between the laundry, the dishes, the meal-preparing, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, the this the that the absence of time to even sit down… I think you ’tis sexist. You said he was a “housewife” and he had “vast amounts of free time.” I disagree.

Madge
May 31, 2005 at 8:30 am

Trust me, Xeno, my father does have vast amounts of free time. You can’t disagree with me over what my own father does, seeing as you don’t know him ;)

I know he’s not the typical housewife.

A typical day for him goes like this (I know this from observation)
Wake up at about 6:30 or so, drink coffee.
Iron clothes for school day, make lunch for my brother, dole out money to me because I buy my lunch.
Eat own breakfast; kids make their own.
Drive kids to school at about 8:30.
Home by 8:45; watch wrestling DVDs / play on computer (learn thai, watch the live video feed on the NASA website, anything).
Maybe do a load of washing.
Midday – either makes his own lunch or goes out and gets chinese.
May go to the shops in the afternoon for an hour or two; otherwise, wrestling or computer.
Children make their own way home (be it by bus or foot).
Starts cooking dinner around 4; Mum’s home at 6 and helps him out usually.
Eat dinner, talk with wife, etc.
Bed by 9, 9:30.

My Dad is a slacker extrodinaire.

Xeno.Morph
May 31, 2005 at 9:36 am

I see….

No! You’re wrong! I disagree with you on all accounts! HE LIKES TO WATCH!! >.>’

What’s with your sig? Yeah, I’m kinda looking at this from school. And I’m a girl. So… *Gouges out eyes and those of anyone who happens to be looking over shoulder.*

Ow, I bit my lip.

Madge
May 31, 2005 at 9:43 am

I’m also a girl. Look to the LEFT O_o

It’s a long story, just read the thread on Australians and manditory nudity in general BS, which has gone to the point of making me very confused.

My sig is cool, even if it should have been saved as a jpg for maximum quality. But too late now.

Private Whore
May 31, 2005 at 10:58 am

I wonder what you really look like…

Anyhoo, Xeno.Morph, are you beginning to start a “Like to watch” obsession?

Xeno.Morph
May 31, 2005 at 11:04 am

Aramor wrote:
I wonder what you really look like…

Anyhoo, Xeno.Morph, are you beginning to start a “Like to watch” obsession?

Aramor, don’t look out your window.

Private Whore
May 31, 2005 at 11:09 am

I just looked out my window… and oh my god!!!

Xeno.Morph
May 31, 2005 at 11:19 am

Byaahkk! *Runs and hides in the bushes*

THERE’S A SPOON IN MY EAR!!!

I’m a doctorsh, y’know.

scarycatmecha
May 31, 2005 at 4:33 pm

The DNC list is useful, but it doesn’t stop everyone. I moved here seven months ago and I continually get places calling either to ‘welcome’ me by offering to forcibly separate me from my cash for some service I don’t need or to pretend that they were the preferred companies of the previous tenants. Apparently the previous tenants were bug-phobic, b/c three different pesticide companies have sworn they were the previous owner’s number one choice. That’s a lot of bug spray. And yall don’t even have any really dangerous bugs up here.

The only thing even CLOSE to approaching the Annoyance Factor of the telemarketing call is to call a place (Dino’s Pizza, for example) and have them answer the phone with the infamous “thankyouforcallingpleasehold.”
So, when the telemarketing nimrods call me, I *race* to pick it up on the first ring, outvolume them with the mantra “thankyouforcallingpleasehold” and put them on hold. On really BAD days, it’s “thankyouforcallingpleasedie” followed by a hangup.

However, I do wonder if Abe’s approach–sexually harrassing a telemarketer–would work?

SCM

Madge
June 1, 2005 at 5:26 am

Well, I had to replace my signiture, so here’s the first post with the NEW one.

It proclaims the horror of certain varieties of breasts.

Aramor wrote:
I wonder what you really look like…

I’m 17, female, and currently reside in Perth, Western Australia.

Here’s probably the most recent photo of me:
http://xs26.xs.to/pics/05170/lookup.jpg

It was taken through a dirty glass sliding door.

Anyhoo. I apologise for having nothing to do with the actual conversation.

Private Whore
June 1, 2005 at 5:54 am

ARGH!!! MINE EYES!!! I MUST STAB OUT MINE EYES!!! WHY ART THOU SO CRUEL!!!

Madge
June 1, 2005 at 5:57 am

Hey, originally the body had an abe vigoda head stuck to it, but it looked so pasted on I decided to just cut out the head entirely.

So consider yourself lucky :P

KittyKat
June 1, 2005 at 6:56 am

Xeno.Morph wrote:
Does Abe have this secret horniness for telemarkers? Is that why he’s disguising it by saying “Preston wants to get in your pants”? Is he just too dumb to realize that it’s a telemarketer? Naw, his head’s too big, even though that doesn’t mean anything… Look up octopi. They’re really smart.

We don’t get telemarkers often. Most of the time, it’s a real person. Also, most of the time, they want to talk to my mom, who is somehow busy when they call. They say they’ll call back but don’t. Byaaahhk, the next time you get a telemarketer, try to follow the following conversation as follows:

“Hello. Would you like-”

“I’ll have a double cheese pizza with pepperoni, please.”

“Err, what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You must have dialed the wrong number.” *Click*

Wow, I stole that from Calvin and Hobbes. So sue me. [size=9:6289abe7e6]((Really, don’t.))[/size:6289abe7e6]

What happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object?

Wait a second…. Kitty, are you a girl or are you a guy who put girl in your profile? ‘Cause I noticed you said wife.

I (Caz) created the profile.
My hubby (Adam) uses it a lot more than me.

I’ll update it to look more like him.

Xeno.Morph
June 1, 2005 at 7:55 am

Oh gewd gawd! I’m mentally scarred now! THE TERROR OF MAN-BOOBIES!

bernieh
June 1, 2005 at 10:43 am

Ack. Strike 2, Madge. Once more and you’re out…

Madge
June 1, 2005 at 11:11 am

Okay, how’s this sig, then?

bernieh
June 1, 2005 at 11:49 am

Ha! Behind in the count, you manage to line a base hit. You win smartass points.

Blaster
June 1, 2005 at 4:42 pm

Something tells me I missed all the fun. :(

suicidal smartalec
July 2, 2005 at 9:49 am

Eerrrrrrrrrr……….you’ve all got it wrong. Abe wasn’t talking to a telemarketer, he was saying that to scare Preston. The ‘telemarketer’ was one of those god-damn-mother-fucking-cock-biting-snail-crunching robot voices, that sounds like Stephen Hawking. OK?

BTW, the best way to get rid of telemarketers, is when they ask “How are you today?” you say “Ah, I’m glad you asked. You see, my right toenail hurts, I have a stomachache and my brothers broken his arm. Also, my little left finger is at a weird angle, I think its broken……..” etc etc etc until they get angry.

Mr Xeno
July 3, 2005 at 8:40 am

or you can say your gay if it is a man ho are talking to you but
remeber somtimes the man can be gay :shock:

hecho_en_mexico
July 4, 2005 at 2:45 am

[color=darkblue:6daad4adcb][/color:6daad4adcb] :wink:
Happen to run across the site the yesterday, I read the whole strip from the beggining in a about an hour,….. havent laughed that hard in a long time, this strip KICKS ASS ! and if you dont belive me,.

I WILL FIGHT YOU !

by the way im getting evey single person i know to check it out,.let the shameless alp. plug’s commence !

Predatorgirl
August 11, 2010 at 4:08 am

Another way to get rid of telemarketers is by answering in a creepy breathing noise.
E.g.
T: hello
U:*breathing*
T: would you like to buy our new massage chair? only 9999.99
U: *Breathing*
T: hello?
U: *breathing*
T: goodbye.

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