Comments

Munan
June 1, 2005 at 9:02 am

LOL! I really should stop reading these at work, this one really make me laugh out loud…

Our upstairs neighbour brews his own beer.

And you know, the problem with people brewing their own beer, baking their own bread or – worst of all – making their own wine, is that they always wait for an opportunity to ask you: “Hey, want to taste some of my homebrewed meat-beer?”, and you go like, “Uh, dunno…” and before you know it they’ve forced you to taste some and it’s like, “well, it’s different…”, trying to be polite.

I remember, in Iceland where I used to live it was very popular to brew your own stuff, since alcohol is fucking expensive there. They have this national homebrew stuff calld Landi, the only way it tastes good is if you mix it with milk – preferably sheep-milk.

KittyKat
June 1, 2005 at 9:45 am

I like home made beers and wines – but for the love of God becareful with jome brewing kits!! Those kits can make very ‘okish’ tasting beer, but should be called DIY bomb kits…

My friends all make their own beers and I remember one summer being asked to clean out a garage after a big explosion from one of the vats. It wasn’t as bad as Im making it sound, but it was horrific!!

If you are keen on learning to make your own booze, this little number should errrr put you right off it. Enjoy!

http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm

Gekko
June 1, 2005 at 9:53 am

…I read somewhere that in the UK during the 1700′s & 1800′s, they used to flavour one type of beer by dropping half an oxen into the brewing vats! :shock:

…enough to make you take up wine isn’t it!

Gekko

Mnementh2230
June 1, 2005 at 9:59 am

I homebrew – if your brew didn’t turn out well, its probably because you didn’t clean everything thuroghly enough.

Trust me on this one, clean EVERYTHING with a bleach-water solution. Brew pot, stirring impliments, fermentor, air lock, countertops… If its going to touch your brew, it needs to be sanitized beforehand. Also, one newbie mistake is adding your yeast too early. Only add your yeast when the brew is close to room temperature (having a wert chiller helps).

When you do the bottling, again, clean those babies out with a bleach-water soution, and rinse about 3 times (using a bottle brush helps). Sit them on a bottle tree or a dish rack to dry out. Then bottle away, making sure you sanitized the bottle caps too!

If anyone is curious, say so, and I’ll go through the whole process. Its not TERRIBLY involved, but I’m lazy. I’ve also got a recipie for a GREAT hard apple cider, which involves no actual brewing, just fermentation! I’ll share that baby too, if anyone’s interested.

cjs
June 1, 2005 at 10:44 am

Wow, all that sterilization! That’s too much work.

It’s much easier to make, oh, I dunno, ice cream. Why not just make meat-flavoured ice cream instead?

(I’m not actually joking. Here in Japan we have tofu-and-beans flavoured ice cream, and green tea flavoured ice cream. Not to mention pizza with squid and mayonaise topping.)

sardine
June 1, 2005 at 10:55 am

cjs wrote:
Why not just make meat-flavoured ice cream instead?

[color=blue:9f610f0fde]
Here in Vancouver there’s a gelati (Italian ice cream, not sure how it’s different) place that makes a whole line – around 500 or so – of bizarre flavours (i.e. celery, curry, etc). [/color:9f610f0fde]

[color=red:9f610f0fde][url]http://www.amatogelato.com[/color:9f610f0fde]

Wize
June 1, 2005 at 11:00 am

That’s funny—I can see this going to Abe’s head and ending up thinking he’s Tom Cruise in Cocktail…

Mnementh2230
June 1, 2005 at 11:03 am

The total brewing process IS a bit of work… but keep in mind you’re making 5 GALLONS of beer… for about $25. (That’s about $.63 per pint)

Its not actually too much work – For the first part of the brewing process, you really only need to wash everything off (make the kitchen clean), and then run a sponge with a 5% bleach solution over everything. Countertops and sinks/faucets can be done in 3-4 minutes… sterilizing the fermenter, airlock, funnels, thermometer, and your stirring rod doesn’t take too long, either. I’d say in total, the first “step” in the brewing process requires about half an hour of sanitizing.

The actual brewing process itself takes anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour, depending on your ingredients and recipie. Many good wheat beers need an hour straight of boiling.

The LONG part comes in waiting for your brew to cool down – but there’s a way around that. Many recipies call for boiling 5.5 gallons of water, and assume you’ll lose half a gallon to evaporation during a good hour long boil. Instead, you should just boil 3.5 gallons of water for an hour long boil, and buy yourself 2 8lb bags of ice. 8 pounds of ice = 1 gallon of VERY COLD water. Once you are done brewing the (at the end) 3 gallons of “wert” or unfermented beer, just drop your ice into your fermentor, pour your wert in, and by the time the ice is melted your temperature should be close to 120 degrees Farenhite. Pop the lid on, wait half an hour with your fermenter in a cool place (if you’ve an extra fridge, that’s perfect), and you should be close to 70-75 degrees. That’s a good time to add the yeast. Then just put on the airlock, toss the fermenter in a dark corner where the temperature doesn’t vary much, make sure its protected from sunlight, and let the thing alone for a week (or two, depending on the brew). At that point, there are other things you can do depending on your taste… but I won’t go into that unless you people want to know.

Xeno.Morph
June 1, 2005 at 11:08 am

Having Abe think of meat-flavoured beer is not that unusual. One, he’s a mostly meat-eating omnivore. Two, he’s an idiot.

And I think everyone that’s watched the Simpsons knows that the beer can explode, Big B.

Gekko… Are you a vegetarian?

Venison is better than oxen, just drop a deer or half a moose in there. Deer is wild-tasting, more than moose, so it’d probably work as well as oxen. Never had oxen though…

OGM! MNEMENTH! PERN! DRAGONS! SCI-FI! I love that series…

Mnementh2230
June 1, 2005 at 11:13 am

Yup. That’s the name-sake. :)

Xeno.Morph
June 1, 2005 at 11:15 am

I bet you love having your name recognized, eh?

The first bronze dragon, one of the ancestors to all the rest in the series…

Magnus Wyrm could be a good idea to start with for your signature.

merav25
June 1, 2005 at 11:17 am

I know someone who brewed a beer, actually “attempted” to with the Mr. Beer kit that is depicted in today’s episode. Supposedly, while they were drinking the final product, their eyes became extremely itchy. That must have been one extremely contaminated brew! I’m glad I wasn’t one of the taste testers… probably didn’t clean and sanitize correctly…but still if you are into homebrewing, you know not to buy that piece of shit!

merav25
June 1, 2005 at 11:19 am

ohh forgot to mention…I have never heard of a meat beer, that is absolutely disgusting…but in Maine there is a craft (micro) brewery that is selling Lobster Lager. Apparently sales weren’t that good so the brewery hired a new sales person and now that is their gimmic. I don’t think meat of any kind has ANY business being in a beer…but maybe it’ll make them some cash…for the first couple of distributions at least.

LovleAnjel
June 1, 2005 at 11:21 am

cjs wrote:
Here in Japan we have tofu-and-beans flavoured ice cream, and green tea flavoured ice cream. Not to mention pizza with squid and mayonaise topping.

I can get green tea and red bean ice cream here…although I think I’d go for some beef ice cream!

Xeno.Morph
June 1, 2005 at 11:24 am

How about venison flavoured ice cream? Deer > Cow. You cannot disagree with my logic. You are flawed. Mentally. Cognitively. In the brain. Insane in the membrane. Your cerebral cortex is corroded. STOP TALKING!

You know what hurts? Stubbing your baby toe on a big fan in the hallway. And having it bleed. Hurty hurty. But before you reply, I’m going to say getting kicked in the crotch hurts. I know. I kick people. I’m violent. Mentally. Cognitively. In the spinal cord.

[size=24:7ed031f632]Does anyone know the urls for proxy bypassers?[/size:7ed031f632]

Dahaka
June 1, 2005 at 11:54 am

Isn’t yagermeister made from deer’s blood?

Kicked in the Nuts. A cancelled TV show.
Hillarious videos, I recommend Video #2.

http://www.channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=5

found it on hotlinks on ch

ChibiSpawn
June 1, 2005 at 12:04 pm

sardine wrote:

cjs wrote:
Why not just make meat-flavoured ice cream instead?

[color=blue:aba8db452d]
Here in Vancouver there’s a gelati (Italian ice cream, not sure how it’s different) place that makes a whole line – around 500 or so – of bizarre flavours (i.e. celery, curry, etc). [/color:aba8db452d]

[color=red:aba8db452d][url]http://www.amatogelato.com[/color:aba8db452d]

Omg I’ve been there! The weirdest I’ve seen has to be wasabi, pickle, and stir-fry. I have actually tried the pickle, never again.

Tom Brazelton
June 1, 2005 at 12:42 pm

munan wrote:
They have this national homebrew stuff calld Landi, the only way it tastes good is if you mix it with milk – preferably sheep-milk.

This is probably the absolute last thing I would have thought I would read today.

TjayBrandon
June 1, 2005 at 2:05 pm

I highly doubt the validity of this story, but still sounds amusing none the less.

At one point in my life, a friend of mine had told me a story about Guiness. When Guiness was first making their beer, of course, it was a success. One day, the health inspector came around and asked them to drain their vats to do an inspection. At the bottom of the vats, they found many dead rats. Guiness removed the rats and continued production. All of a sudden, the beer tasted horrible. Guiness came to the conclusion that it was the rats that gave the beer such a desireable taste, but the health inspector wouldn’t allow it, so they bought pieces of meat and threw those into the vats, and that is what makes Guiness what it is today

Shatner's Wig
June 1, 2005 at 2:19 pm

I gave a kit just like Abe’s to a friend for his birthday one year.

I’m pretty sure his is still in the box, though. He’s probably afraid he’ll blow up the apartment.

desert_drum
June 1, 2005 at 2:19 pm

GAAAAAH! At least American beer only *tastes* like something died in it. :)

merav25
June 1, 2005 at 2:31 pm

Wow I can’t wait to get out of work so I can go enjoy a guiness. lol.

Billman
June 1, 2005 at 3:04 pm

Quote:
.[color=red:9bd246a128]..I read somewhere that in the UK during the 1700′s & 1800′s, they used to flavour one type of beer by dropping half an oxen into the brewing vats![/color:9bd246a128]

[color=indigo:9bd246a128]Mmmmm….oxen beer.

Of course, this begs the question, “Which half?”

My Dad tried to make beer once. It stunk up the whole house. He had better success making wine.

I wouldn’t attempt it. Too much work. Besides, I drink that much beer…anymore. :wink:

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin[/color:9bd246a128]

desert_drum
June 1, 2005 at 3:36 pm

Billman wrote:

Quote:

Besides, I drink that much beer…anymore. :wink:

Dr. Freud will see you now :)

Mnementh2230
June 1, 2005 at 3:45 pm

Part of what makes Guiness unique is its “tang”, the little bit of soury flavor that sets it apart from most other Irish Stouts. I dunno about the rat story, but I DO know that 5% of every brew of Guiness is actually SOURED (gone bad – but not in a toxic way, just with funky yeast) guiness from the previous batch!

Interesting, eh?

Abe.
June 1, 2005 at 3:48 pm

These are the times that I’m glad I don’t drink beer :P

Holly Resurrected
June 1, 2005 at 3:52 pm

LovleAnjel wrote:

cjs wrote:
Here in Japan we have tofu-and-beans flavoured ice cream, and green tea flavoured ice cream. Not to mention pizza with squid and mayonaise topping.

I can get green tea and red bean ice cream here…although I think I’d go for some beef ice cream!

I live close to Gilroy, California, Garlic Capital Of The World. They have an annual garlic festival where they tout their garlic ice cream. I still haven’t tried it. ‘Course, they also have anchovy ice cream there. I think I’ll be skipping that one.

desert_drum
June 1, 2005 at 4:11 pm

Holly wrote:
They have an annual garlic festival where they tout their garlic ice cream. I still haven’t tried it. ‘Course, they also have anchovy ice cream there. I think I’ll be skipping that one.

Now, the garlic I’d be willing to at least taste – garlic is good in cream sauces, so it might be weird, but not vomitous. There is, however, nothing that can be done to an anchovy that would make me eat it, and putting it in ice cream? Neh.

krix
June 1, 2005 at 7:36 pm

Garlic makes me think of green

megabigBLUR
June 1, 2005 at 11:52 pm

Couple of funny lab stories (I’m a bio major in college):

1) In Microbiology, at the beginning of the term we had this food lab where we made wine, cheese, yogurt, and yes, home-brewed beer. It was honey weiss. This being a micro course, cleaning all the crap out of the lab to make it safe for food was good practice in sterilization. The wine tasted like crap (we used bottled grape, apple, and kiwi-strawberry juice), but the beer was pretty good!

2) One day in Biochem “Dr. D” comes in all wired up and says, “I’ll tell you about it later.” In characteristic fashion he breaks randomly in the middle of the lecture and tells us about how he was trying a recipe for java beer (he’s quite the homebrew enthusiast) and thought it said to put in one cup of ground coffee. Later he went back and realized it was one SPOON. And he had a bottle of it right before class…

desert_drum
June 2, 2005 at 12:55 am

Coffee beer? Truly this is a beautiful world.

Lylmik
June 2, 2005 at 2:11 am

Ah ye amateurs…..
Back home, in good ole times, and still going….
Picture a 200L (44gal) copper drum of home-made brandy exploding…
Home brews ended up in tears on so many occasions….
But you get a liquid that is triple-distilled you can etch glass with…..
Rotten plums+sugar+yeast+whatever-the-hell-else, add being tired from all the “cooking”, + you have to try it every now&then, someone goes for a smoke, match sparks……
1/4 mile in 2 seconds flat.
But damn, does it put hair on your chest.
Even women. And nice moustache……..
Sideburns……..

Corporal Waffle
June 2, 2005 at 5:50 am

beer is good :P

Xeno.Morph
June 2, 2005 at 8:02 am

Wow. You guys really like your beer. But do you know what I like? Proxy bypassers. I need a bypasser. To get to Gaia and other sites. No, it’s not pr0n. Shame on thee for thinking that.

marximus
June 2, 2005 at 9:40 am

Trader Joe’s sold “beer in a bag” for a short while. You just added water to this bag that had a spout, and let it sit for six weeks or so.

It was so foul that we threw it into the yard. Several dogs tore at it, and when it popped and the beer spilled out, they ran from it.

Xeno.Morph
June 2, 2005 at 11:12 am

That’s… fun… WATER BALLOONS!

PirateDan
June 2, 2005 at 6:50 pm

I swear, about 20% of the time I read this strip I feel like Bernie somehow is stealing his ideas from my own behaviour and using them for whatever idiocy Abe does or says.

Case in point: about a year ago, I invented Bloodcohol. There was all this yummy run-off from the steaks I had made, so I was going to drink it. Then I realized I didn’t want to drink anything non-alcoholic. Thus was born Bloodcohol. It’s not an acquired taste– you either instantly love it, or instantly look at me like I’ve tried to poison you.

I instantly loved it. I know Abe would, too.

Xeno.Morph
June 3, 2005 at 7:52 am

You… drank… cooked and dead blood… With alcohol?

imrumpf
June 3, 2005 at 9:37 am

Kinda sick if you ask me.

ANd i found the PERFECT solution for home-brewers! Check it out!

PirateDan
June 3, 2005 at 10:34 am

I surely did drink it. And I liked it. Actually, more women than men liked it. Though that may be more of a testament to badassosity of my female friends and the wussitude of my male friends than any indicator of how the population in general would respond. It is, as you would expect, most definitely not a drink for vegetarians. But, if you like your steak rare, and enjoy your vodka martinis, you might enjoy this.

And, anyway, anybody who uses and Alien queen for their icon shouldn’t get too sqeamish about a little blood. P-)

phirst
August 9, 2005 at 2:49 am

I feel like a wuss now after PirateDan, but last year my brewing partner and I made a stout with a chicken in it, but it was cooked.

It had 2 kits of stout, some liquorice and a whole roasted chicken (ate the stuffing first). I’d heard of it as a medieval drink, but didn’t knwo whether it was true, so we thought it might have been a fairly original creation. However, a few months after bottling it, I found a very similar recipe made with porter malt in a brewing recipe book from the 1800′s.

It was a pretty heavy brew and tasted slightly more meaty than the usual stout, but good overall. Oh yeah, and given the ingredients, we had to call it Black Cock.

I’m pretty curious about this blood brew now – will have to eat a few more steaks before I’m ready for that one though.

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