Comments

TeratoMarty
June 10, 2005 at 11:05 am

Well gee… yuk. Maybe Abe’s advice works great on alien babes, though. He probably learned all he knows by going through the letters that his dad wrote to his mom when they were dating. Euurrgh…

I’d be doing the first comment dance, but my stomach is still cramping with the effort of not retching. Good job, Mr Hou.

frodoappledick
June 10, 2005 at 11:19 am

i’ll try that on my girlfriend and if she hates it i’m gonna hope you get hit by a big….egg Mr. Hou

Wize
June 10, 2005 at 11:24 am

Abe’s got it all wrong. You’ve got to use a paddle.

imrumpf
June 10, 2005 at 11:44 am

Appearently its not only women that like a nice paddle on the behind with a fly swatter….

Anyways excellent comic! I WOULD have been the first to post but the thread wasn’t up and then I had to go to my next class…and yeah i missed out on doing the dance of being first…:(

Dahaka
June 10, 2005 at 12:28 pm

They want control.
Half of human behavior is about control.
Religion was created to lay ideas about control upon a world we couldn’t comprehend, science is about control with evidence.
Women play Sims all the time because they want to control, to be a god.
They play their games and control us through illusion.
Our lives can be filled with illusion, illusions that what we do actually means anything, that we are special in someway.
We exist just to exist.
Consume resources and expand.
This is the way of life.
Because we have developed technology and ‘culture’ we think we are something special, but it’s all a lie.

Oss Ickle
June 10, 2005 at 1:00 pm

“They want control. Half of human behavior is about control. [snip]”

It’s true, Dahaka! For instance, I have just exercised control by staying awake until the end of your post! :|

Ranka
June 10, 2005 at 1:13 pm

If a guy or a girl hit me with a fly swatter on a first date, I’d be head over heels in love instantly.. (^_^)

Oh yeah.. and I DO know guys who have faked an orgasm…

jennif
June 10, 2005 at 1:23 pm

Nah. We ladies have…. other assets we use to control men……

:wink:
~j

Hotsauce
June 10, 2005 at 1:30 pm

Myself, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t like being tied up once in a while.

Wize
June 10, 2005 at 1:36 pm

Heh-I was just reading a long thread in another forum about rough sex and this thread definately makes me think of it.

:lol:

And for the record—I have faked orgasms before.

KittyKat
June 10, 2005 at 2:29 pm

Women are simple.

Feed us chocolate (except when we don’t want it), tell us we always look thin (unless we want to look a bit more built-up) and feel the same way about our mothers as we do.

Billman
June 10, 2005 at 3:08 pm

Bwaaaah haaaah haaaaah haaaaaah! :lol: Greatness!

Or maybe Preston could give her the Aunt Jemima treatment. :twisted:
I went to a screening of the new extended version of Stripes last week. Good stuff. LOL!

Reverend Linus
June 10, 2005 at 3:24 pm

I have actually faked orgasms a couple times. She was that bad.

Shatner's Wig
June 10, 2005 at 3:53 pm

I tell my husband *exactly* what I want!

“If you come near me with that flyswatter, I’m cramming it up your ass.”

Gabby
June 10, 2005 at 5:10 pm

Ok, I find the fly swatter idea kind of gross, but I’d rather date a guy with a flyswatter than Dahaka anyday. And I tend to pick my dates based on how smart they are. Replace women with children, or replace about half of the controls to suport and you have a good generalisation.

KTinNYC
June 10, 2005 at 6:27 pm

I knew a guy who had multiple orgasms. Wasn’t a bad thing. But the relationship didn’t last long enough for it to become a bad thing…

Stu
June 10, 2005 at 9:01 pm

Supposedly, tantric massages are the key for men to have multiple orgasms, or so this web site claims (I linked directly to the page on multiple orgasms).

Lynn
June 10, 2005 at 9:58 pm

What do we want? We want to be treated with affection and tenderness.

scarycatmecha
June 10, 2005 at 10:58 pm

Reverend Linus wrote:
I have actually faked orgasms a couple times. She was that bad.

Well, at least now you understand why WE fake them. Although the average american male (You could be the exception, Rev, so please don’t jump on me, well, in THAT way, anyway!) doesn’t seem to have pretty high expectations of female behavior during sex. Most male friends tell me that if she doesn’t pass gas or bite during oral sex, it’s considered ‘pretty good’. Of course, they also seem to think that their job is to act sort of like a horizontal jackhammer, which trust me can get *pretty dull* if not painful after a while.

And she must have been REALLY awful if she couldn’t TELL you faked. If I recall, aren’t there certain telltale *fluids*?

And I agree with Kitty–we ARE pretty simple. Though I don’t want chocolate and insincere comments. I just want your immortal soul and to be left the HELL alone when I’m doing something.

Blaster
June 11, 2005 at 12:16 am

Yes, there is still a lack of sufficient emphasis on realistically pleasing a women (sexually). I didn’t even know what a clitoris was until I was 13. Luckily I kept a dictionary under my bed, and you can bet I did my homework after that.
But, I have to say that things are ostensibly improving on that front. I suppose there are still a lot of dumbass guys out there (and girls too, I know from experience), but things are getting better. I think the fact that we have a more open sexual dialogue nowadays is important, even if it does open up the possibility uncreative jokes based on double entendres. :P
Now, as far as pleasing women in general goes, it is really not a simple matter, as everyone is different. I guess the average healthy person desires love, affection, and validation. Meh, I know, that was hardly profound.

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 1:39 am

Blaster wrote:

Now, as far as pleasing women in general goes, it is really not a simple matter, as everyone is different. I guess the average healthy person desires love, affection, and validation. Meh, I know, that was hardly profound.

It didn’t have to sound deep to be absolutely right.

Holly Resurrected
June 11, 2005 at 3:56 am

Oss Ickle wrote:
“They want control. Half of human behavior is about control. [snip]”

It’s true, Dahaka! For instance, I have just exercised control by staying awake until the end of your post! :|

Haha! You win teh intarwebs.

Great new comic, Bernie. I, personally, have never actually touched a used flyswatter, because despite my love of bugs, worms, snakes, rats and most other things creepy crawly, I don’t like flies. They’re germy. And to repeat on what Shatner’s Wig said, yeah, fly swatter= uncomfortable sitting arrangement. Get that thing away from me.

And Urbanshawoman, did you change your name?

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 4:07 am

Holly wrote:

And Urbanshawoman, did you change your name?

Yeah, this be me :) I’m urban no longer. Culture shock? Like you wouldn’t believe.

Holly Resurrected
June 11, 2005 at 4:53 am

Okay, just checking. Where’d you move to? Urban to desert is a pretty big jump. Just let me know if you find any peote :lol:

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 4:57 am

Holly wrote:
Okay, just checking. Where’d you move to? Urban to desert is a pretty big jump. Just let me know if you find any peote :lol:

The middle of pretty much nowhere in Texas. There probably is peyote out here, actually, but I don’t do the entheogen thing – least of all ones illegal for me to possess. What few people there are out here think I’m pretty damn weird already, without a possession charge to add to my freak aura. :lol:

Holly Resurrected
June 11, 2005 at 5:08 am

Wow, Texas. You’re up even later than I am!

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 5:10 am

Holly wrote:
Wow, Texas. You’re up even later than I am!

I think they always pick to start Seven Samurai at 2 a.m. just to see if I’m finally too old to last until 5 :lol:

KittyKat
June 11, 2005 at 5:14 am

(the last KK comment was by my darling wife, so now its time for my two pence sterling..)

Women arn’t as hard to understand as everyone makes out to be (I can never talk about women and NOT remember the ALP where in response to ‘Men are from Mars’ Abe yells ‘Worship my penis!’ hehe) just find out what horrible thing you’ve done that you weren’t even aware of eg, not noticing her new shoes and complimenting her on a body part that she doesn’t feel is small/pert/big/tight/strong enough and TIME TRAVEL back to before you made the mistake, sure, you’ll be living ever second twice, so you’ll age twice as fast as her and die much earlier, but for PEACEFUL cohabitation with the fairer sex…. well worth it.

Excuse me, I didn’t pyschicaly guess that I was suppose to give her a back rub, I need to jump…

Munan
June 11, 2005 at 5:57 am

:lol:

VERY nice one!!! It’s already my all time favourite!! I actually laughed out loud when I read it yesterday, and this is really something, since laughing is something that doesn’t happen a lot in this office.

And yes, I’ve faked orgasms.

Hell, I’ve faked multiple orgasms!

Ranka
June 11, 2005 at 6:24 am

Now this is interesting. Many men admit faking. I’m a girl and i’ve -never- faked. So, what’s the conclusion? :)

Munan
June 11, 2005 at 6:42 am

Ranka wrote:
Now this is interesting. Many men admit faking. I’m a girl and i’ve -never- faked. So, what’s the conclusion? :)

What’s the conclusion?

Girls are too shy to admit!!!

Private Whore
June 11, 2005 at 7:56 am

How the hell do you fake an orgasm as a man… I mean, there’s like something supposed to come out… and stuff… you know… :P

bewtifulfreak
June 11, 2005 at 9:14 am

Aramor wrote:
How the hell do you fake an orgasm as a man… I mean, there’s like something supposed to come out… and stuff… you know… :P

I could see a guy faking a multiple (uncommon though they are), but I would think the main/final one would be pretty hard to fake, yeah!

In any case, if you have to fake an orgasm, you’re either with the wrong person, or not doing them any favors – if someone really loves you, they’d rather be able to really please you than have you put on a show, and that’s not going to happen if you pretend you’re perfectly au fait with the status quo. Not to mention that, while it’s perfectly fine to *want* to, you shouldn’t feel *obligated* to have had one every time, and as long as your partner is happy, you’ve no need to feel all insecure if they don’t (which I could see being the other reason, besides dissatisfaction, that someone might fake it, so as not to damage their partner’s fragile ego).

Sorry, I went all Dr. Ruth for a minute, don’t know what happened there! ;)

Munan
June 11, 2005 at 10:04 am

Aramor wrote:
How the hell do you fake an orgasm as a man… I mean, there’s like something supposed to come out… and stuff… you know… :P

Get rid of the condom real quick…

Now thank me for that tip…

Ranka
June 11, 2005 at 10:43 am

I can see there’s only one good reason to fake. So that you can insult you’re boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re leaving them. “And for the record, I FAKED EVERY TIME!”

I’ve never done that, but i’ve watched movies!! :D :D

LongfordSpoonman
June 11, 2005 at 11:06 am

munan wrote:

Get rid of the condom real quick…

Now thank me for that tip…

Stole my comment. If only I hadn’t had to register… Schucks.

There’s one trick I’ve learned over the years with women, and though most women will disagree with this, none have a problem with it when it all comes down to the wire.

Agree. Always. If you’re in trouble, shrug, say you’re sorry, and agree that you’ll do better next time. Dahnka is right, women love control. Make them feel as if they have it, and you’ll hardly ever have to admit that they actually don’t. All parties shall be satisfied. Example, I took my folks out to lunch a few weeks back and my mother (in response to my own problems with women) explains that her and my father were almost divorced and for the first 15 years of marriage they barely spoke. When I looked to my father for his response to this, he simply said, “If she said we did, then I guess we did”.

Great comic, by the by. Nice to see the finer points of the City expressed with the artistic use of movie toys and a Buddy Christ.

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 1:32 pm

Ranka wrote:
Now this is interesting. Many men admit faking. I’m a girl and i’ve -never- faked. So, what’s the conclusion? :)

That you pick your partners better than they do? :)

bewtifulfreak
June 11, 2005 at 1:39 pm

LongfordSpoonman wrote:

munan wrote:

Get rid of the condom real quick…

Now thank me for that tip…

Stole my comment. If only I hadn’t had to register… Schucks.

Ah, right….I’ve had the good fortune to be in two long term relationships, so it’s been very rarely that I’ve had to use a condom, which is why I didn’t think about that option!

munan wrote:
There’s one trick I’ve learned over the years with women, and though most women will disagree with this, none have a problem with it when it all comes down to the wire.

Agree. Always. If you’re in trouble, shrug, say you’re sorry, and agree that you’ll do better next time.

And *do* it. Saying sorry and doing the same thing over and over is the surest way to incur anyone’s wrath, it’s UNBELIEVABLY irritating!!!

And if my hubby just automatically agreed with me, I’d *slap* him (not literally, but you know….). I want my opinions and feelings validated, but that doesn’t mean that my nearest and dearest has to just yes me to death on everything, and, in fact, I’d rather he didn’t. He’s most certainly allowed his own opinion on things, as long as he doesn’t have to make me wrong to have it. That just sounds like one of those cynical, put-upon things guys say to indicate how unreasonable and difficult women are to get along with, as if they’re any easier. :P

Better Off Dead
June 11, 2005 at 4:40 pm

Why don’t women just tell you what you want? From an early age, women are taught to be submissive and virtuous. If a man sleeps with 100 women, he’s a stud. If a woman sleeps with 100 men, she’s a slut. I had to tell my male friends that there are no virgin-whores out there. They seemed to accept that her mad skillz had to come from somewhere else. Guys want their girl to be the most adventurous, uninhibited creature in bed, only to jump right out and bake cookies that rival his grandmother’s. This hot little sex kitten must be sweet enough to win over his mother. There’s been a lot of progress, but some women tend to be uncomfortable thinking of themselves as sexual beings with desires, etc. Just imagine your Mother, your Sister or ever your DAUGHTER telling a man she likes her deliveries in through the backdoor. Kind of brings it home, doesn’t it?

Blaster
June 11, 2005 at 7:08 pm

Well, I think that that has been an issue in the past, but it doesn’t seem as if that sexist double standard nearly as pervasive as it used to be.
Yes, it was kind of nice that my first gf was a virgin, but only because I was too. We were sharing something special with each other for the first time. Didn’t last though, lol.
If anything, it seems that women are the ones who keep this double standard alive by shunning other women whom they perceive to be “sluts, whores, etc.” I have seen women disparage other women for doing things that they themselves do. (e. g., a woman might talk shit about another b/c she looks like “a slut,” but then if she feels the urge to dress provacatively herself later, that’s ok).
And yes, I am sure that not all women do this, so don’t send me any angry responses.

Now, as far as faking orgasms goes, I can see how it might be convenient in a one-time, situation. I’m still not sure if it is “ethically” right, and it sure doesn’t help the other person in the long term, but it is more forgiveable.
But if you are doing it in a serious, committed relationship, that’s just not good.

desert_drum
June 11, 2005 at 8:55 pm

Holly wrote:
Wow, Texas. You’re up even later than I am!

Oh god, I just did some math, and it’s no wonder I have freaking culture shock *laugh*

I just moved from a metro area of 2.5 million to a county of 15,000. 11,500 of those people live in one town. We don’t live in it.

Corinna
June 11, 2005 at 11:32 pm

Hey Bernie! Very long time reader, first time poster…

You touched a sensible point in your last strip. Not all women want the same or think the same *thank God* but I believe there are hundreds of different ways to please a woman, and I’m not talking only about sex. Sex is the last thing of my list.

Blaster here said love, but saddly, love isn’t enough sometimes, there are a lot of other factors in life. But I would say: stay true to yourself.

Blaster
June 12, 2005 at 2:05 am

My name is in bold; I feel special! 8)
Yes, it is a sad fact that love is not always enough, and that the cruel realities of life often come in to play. But I just think that this further illustrates that love is a very personal thing. Speaking for myself only, I believe that love is enough, so long as it is true. If you love someone, you will bear all manner of hardships for them, and you can surmount any problem.
Like I said, I have a history of hopeless romanticism.

Munan
June 12, 2005 at 7:33 am

Amen to that, [size=18:34d0bda17c]Blaster[/size:34d0bda17c]

bewtifulfreak wrote:

LongfordSpoonman wrote:

munan wrote:

Get rid of the condom real quick…

Now thank me for that tip…

Stole my comment. If only I hadn’t had to register… Schucks.

Ah, right….I’ve had the good fortune to be in two long term relationships, so it’s been very rarely that I’ve had to use a condom, which is why I didn’t think about that option!

Right… but a girl might not want to use the pill or other devices that are only her responsibility and still not want to resort to silliness like the rythm method or NFP. So being in longterm relationships doesn’t have to relieve one from condoms. It would be rather silly though, to still fake way into a long term relationship… I wouldn’t go for it…

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:
There’s one trick I’ve learned over the years with women, and though most women will disagree with this, none have a problem with it when it all comes down to the wire.

Agree. Always. If you’re in trouble, shrug, say you’re sorry, and agree that you’ll do better next time.

And *do* it. Saying sorry and doing the same thing over and over is the surest way to incur anyone’s wrath, it’s UNBELIEVABLY irritating!!!

Yes… But I did not say that (it was mr Chamchawala himself, LongfordSpoonman). Such an attitude would not please my girlfriend!

PJ2POP
June 12, 2005 at 10:55 am

…Wow? Lots of conversations. Cool.^_^

scarycatmecha
June 12, 2005 at 5:33 pm

Ranka wrote:
I can see there’s only one good reason to fake. So that you can insult you’re boyfriend or girlfriend when you’re leaving them. “And for the record, I FAKED EVERY TIME!”

I’ve never done that, but i’ve watched movies!! :D :D

What’s better is to push the guy off you and say, “okay, I’m done. Now go away.” The slapped puppy expression on their face is priceless.

What can I say, I’ve had my moments. Blame my skankpocket ex husband for giving me some moments of rabid manhating I needed to get out of my system. But as Schwarzenegger says, “Yes, honey, but they were all *bad*.”

SCM

Reverend Linus
June 12, 2005 at 6:08 pm

Reverend Linus wrote:
I have actually faked orgasms a couple times. She was that bad.

scarycatmecha wrote:
[And she must have been REALLY awful if she couldn’t TELL you faked. If I recall, aren’t there certain telltale *fluids*?

You would think, but my quick handling of the condom let her ignore that.

I think the reason that sex is so hit-and-miss for both sexes is that most people don’t go into the bedroom with the right motivation. Good sex is something you do WITH someone, no something you do TO them, or let them do TO you…

bewtifulfreak
June 12, 2005 at 10:59 pm

munan wrote:
Amen to that, [size=18:4278f02f12]Blaster[/size:4278f02f12]

LOL, ditto….it’s really nice to hear from guys that feel that way, warms the heart, it does. :)

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

LongfordSpoonman wrote:

munan wrote:

Get rid of the condom real quick…

Now thank me for that tip…

Stole my comment. If only I hadn’t had to register… Schucks.

Ah, right….I’ve had the good fortune to be in two long term relationships, so it’s been very rarely that I’ve had to use a condom, which is why I didn’t think about that option!

Right… but a girl might not want to use the pill or other devices that are only her responsibility and still not want to resort to silliness like the rythm method or NFP.

Oh, yeah, I think it’s great that the guy be willing to take responsibility, I just prefered to take the initiative and have the more natural feeling and spontaneity (not that it can’t be comfortable and fairly spontaneous even with a condom, that was just my preference).

munan wrote:
So being in longterm relationships doesn’t have to relieve one from condoms. It would be rather silly though, to still fake way into a long term relationship… I wouldn’t go for it…

Indeed….as Blaster said, I can maybe see a one-time situation here or there where it might be the easiest thing to do, but in a long-term relationship, you’re really not doing yourself or your partner any favors.

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:
There’s one trick I’ve learned over the years with women, and though most women will disagree with this, none have a problem with it when it all comes down to the wire.

Agree. Always. If you’re in trouble, shrug, say you’re sorry, and agree that you’ll do better next time.

And *do* it. Saying sorry and doing the same thing over and over is the surest way to incur anyone’s wrath, it’s UNBELIEVABLY irritating!!!

Yes… But I did not say that (it was mr Chamchawala himself, LongfordSpoonman). Such an attitude would not please my girlfriend!

I’m sorry, some sloppy quoting going on there, my apologies. :} But yeah, despite his saying no women would really have a problem with it, I think most truly would prefer to have their wants and opinions sincerely respected, whether concurred with or not, by someone with a mind of their own, than to have an insincere yes-man just nodding his head about everything. Then again, maybe I’m wrong, and *most* women don’t feel that way, but some of us certainly do in any case (as myself and your girlfriend would attest)!

At least Preston seems to have at least somewhat of a clue when it comes to what women want, whereas Abe is obviously *beyond* clueless on the matter! :D

Munan
June 13, 2005 at 8:41 am

bewtifulfreak wrote:

At least Preston seems to have at least somewhat of a clue when it comes to what women want, whereas Abe is obviously *beyond* clueless on the matter! :D

Yes, Preston clearly does have a clue. I even think, with last episode’s flowers and champagne in mind, he must be one helluva date…

bewtifulfreak wrote:

yes-man

How nice you got the reference. Now I wonder wether LongfordSpoonman intended it as well…

What’s with the cats on this forum, by the way? I’ve counted at least three of them already…

Colonel Angus
June 13, 2005 at 8:43 am

I just use those three little words women love so much… “I don’t know”

(then again i am not saying it works every time…)

bewtifulfreak
June 13, 2005 at 10:06 am

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

At least Preston seems to have at least somewhat of a clue when it comes to what women want, whereas Abe is obviously *beyond* clueless on the matter! :D

Yes, Preston clearly does have a clue. I even think, with last episode’s flowers and champagne in mind, he must be one helluva date…

Oh, yeah, forgot about that, he *definitely* knows how to make a gal feel special.

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

yes-man

How nice you got the reference. Now I wonder wether LongfordSpoonman intended it as well…

Actually, I didn’t. :} If he meant it as a joke, my bad, I just know that a lot of guys seem to really have that attitude, of just saying yeah-yeah-yeah as a way of supposedly keeping a woman happy.

(Re: the Col’s post, “I don’t know” drives me even more crazy, but I’ve probably already pissed off enough guys in here, so hey, whatever works for you!) ;)

munan wrote:

What’s with the cats on this forum, by the way? I’ve counted at least three of them already…

Can’t speak for anyone else, but as for me, not only am I big cat lover, but it goes with my username. :)

Munan
June 13, 2005 at 12:45 pm

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

yes-man

How nice you got the reference. Now I wonder wether LongfordSpoonman intended it as well…

Actually, I didn’t. :}

Oh, okay… then it’s just me being a nerd.

“chamchawala” is Indian and it literally means “spoonman”, or “spoonseller”. But it can also mean a person who sucks up to people, a yes-man, a sycophant. If I’m not mistaken, it actually comes from the fact that the Indian Rajs were so decadent that they let themselves being spoonfed by their “chamchawala’s”

Now because LongfordSpoonman’s first post was about always say yes, thereby admitting himself to be a yes-man, I figured his nick alluded to the Indian “Chamchawala”, so I called him that. And when you called him a yes-man, I thought you got the reference.

:oops:

bewtifulfreak
June 13, 2005 at 1:43 pm

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

yes-man

How nice you got the reference. Now I wonder wether LongfordSpoonman intended it as well…

Actually, I didn’t. :}

Oh, okay… then it’s just me being a nerd.

<snip>

:oops:

Not at all, I wish I was knowledgable enough to have made that connection, intended or not! I’m just glad it wasn’t anything too obvious, I don’t feel quite so bad for having missed the possible joke now. :)

Guest
October 17, 2005 at 9:58 am

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

munan wrote:

bewtifulfreak wrote:

yes-man

How nice you got the reference. Now I wonder wether LongfordSpoonman intended it as well…

Actually, I didn’t. :}

Oh, okay… then it’s just me being a nerd.

<snip>

:oops:

Not at all, I wish I was knowledgable enough to have made that connection, intended or not! I’m just glad it wasn’t anything too obvious, I don’t feel quite so bad for having missed the possible joke now. :)

yeah i missed the joke….but i still find it funny…

» Feminist S&M Lessons from the Seduction Community Clarisse Thorn
February 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm

[...] at the top of this post is a 2005 episode from the webcomic Alien Loves Predator called “Dating Pointers“. In this episode, we see the Predator come into a room where the Alien is sitting on a [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Close this window.