Comments

Digitaaliklosetti
June 15, 2005 at 9:16 am

Firsto!

I always have liked the “yo mama” jokes. When you repeat them enough, they just… I dunno. Get funny.

Jesus said “zing”. Awesomeness.

*edit*
I just noticed that my english is starting to deteriorate. I need to lay off Gaia for a while.

Munan
June 15, 2005 at 9:33 am

I just don’t know what to say… Sheer brilliance, Bernie.

With this episode, you’ve actually become airborn and are floating towards regions occupied by the absolute masters, like… I dunno, Leonardo, William, your mom…

There, I threw you my mom.

(Digitaaliklosetti, you made me realise that avatars can really influence the way one perceives a person. Go figure the perception I have of you…)

Ranka
June 15, 2005 at 9:40 am

Pres’s cheating. He can’t read without glasses!

Oliver
June 15, 2005 at 10:04 am

Your mama so fat, when her pager goes off, people think she’s backin’ up!

Oliver
June 15, 2005 at 10:04 am

Your mama so fat, I burned my ass on the ceiling lamp gettin’ off her!

PJ2POP
June 15, 2005 at 10:08 am

“Your Mama?”

….That’s so 1990s. :lol:

But yah, I remeber back in the days. We use to crack jokes with that all day.

..To bad I can’t remeber any. :? :lol:

Reverend Linus
June 15, 2005 at 10:14 am

Your momma is so short, you can see her feet on her driver’s license…

bombtrak
June 15, 2005 at 10:17 am

your mom’s so fat, i can’t throw her at bernie…

Private Whore
June 15, 2005 at 10:33 am

Your momma is so fat, she has her own eco-system.
Your momma is so fat, other fat mommas get caught in her gravitational pull.
Your momma is so fat, if she turns around, she’s a year older.

So, there are the moms I threw around… anyhoo, great comic :wink:

sardine
June 15, 2005 at 10:40 am

“The Mother of all ALP Momma Episodes” :!:

Also… the Jesus ‘zing’ was a nice touch, about time religion had a sense of humour :lol:

bosh3k
June 15, 2005 at 10:51 am

allow me to throw our there some very smart “your mom” jokes that some kid told me freshman year of college:

Your mom is so stupid, she tried to use the Pythagorean Theorem to solve an obtuse triangle!

Your mom is so fat, when she jumps, astronomers have to recalculate the Hubble Constant!

Your mom is so dumb, she read the previous two jokes and laughed!

xoxo
loveyoubye

Dahaka
June 15, 2005 at 11:07 am

someone has to give credit SNL celebrity jeopardy

This is the sound a doggie makes.
Moo.
Sorry that is incorrect.
Well that’s the sound your mother made last night.
I would have accepted “woof or ruff”.
Ahhh rough, just the way your mother likes it.

Okok one for ya.

Your momma is such a whore she makes courtney love look like the virgin mary.

Newton1008
June 15, 2005 at 11:26 am

Here’s a couple of my fav mama jokes:

Your mom’s like an aircraft carrier: Huge, Flat, and picks up sailors at every port.

Your mom’s like a bag of chips: Frito Lay!

And there’s also this classic one-liner: Yo Mama’s SO fat, when she lays around the house, she lays AROUND the house!

Wize
June 15, 2005 at 12:05 pm

Fucken A Bernie-thank god my boss isn’t in today otherwise I think I would have just been fired for how loud I just laughed.

Oh and:

Dahaka wrote:
someone has to give credit SNL celebrity jeopardy

I could go on about these all day. I’ve actually wondered if Sean Connery has seen those and cracks up.

“Oh, it seems today is my lucky day. I’ll take The Rapists for $400 Alex.”
“That’s Therapists Mr. Connery.”

desert_drum
June 15, 2005 at 12:07 pm

“Cyrano de Maniac.” Bernie, I adore you :)

bradheintz
June 15, 2005 at 12:42 pm

“Cyrano de Maniac” was truly a stroke of brilliance.

Oh, and yo mama so nasty she joined the horsemen of the apocalyse: War, Famine, Pestilence, Death and Yo Mama.

Roadrunner
June 15, 2005 at 12:57 pm

He he….

This episode sure was one of the best ever….

Putting in some mamas:

Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!

Yo Momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo Momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!!!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu.

Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”

Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona — class Battleship.

Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!

Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA – FatAss Jeans

Well that was a few. Hope you liked them….

Keep up the good work bernie…

-=[Roadrunner]=-

Applepants
June 15, 2005 at 1:23 pm

Yo momma so fat that when she cuts herself shaving marshmellow fluff comes out.

Warrior Alien
June 15, 2005 at 2:07 pm

HAHAHAAA!! Jesus said ‘zing’…*gacks spit on computer screen* HAHAHA :D Good one Bernie, REAL good!!
Oh yeah…*ahem*

Yo mama so fat, she looks like a Jet-Puff marshmallow trying to get out of a Hot Wheels.

Yo mama so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat that she’s been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

Yo mama so fat, when you stand on top of ‘er your ears pop.

and…Yo mama so fat God couldn’t light Earth until she moved!

KonamiCode
June 15, 2005 at 2:20 pm

At a sushi restaurant: Me: “This is a great piece of yellow tail” Dean: “Your mom’s a great piece of yellow tail”

HAH! It’s funny, cause you know, well I’m sure you know why.

whoflungpoo
June 15, 2005 at 2:40 pm

your mom is so fat when she dances the band skips

your mom is so fat when she steps on a scale is says “to be continued”

your mom is so fat that after i made to love her i rolled over twice and i was still on top of her

your mom is so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks

your mom is so fat her belt size is equator

your moms so fat every time she turns around its her birthday, its her birthday

jimmycorno
June 15, 2005 at 3:15 pm

You guys left out some of my favorites:

Your mom is so fat, when I want to have sex with her I have to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

Your mom is so stupid, she took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif.

Your mom is so tall, she did a cartwheel and kicked Jesus in the forehead.

For some reason, I thought that last one was hysterical when I was in the 7th grade.

Private Whore
June 15, 2005 at 5:54 pm

Your momma is so fat, she is considered a WMD.

desert_drum
June 15, 2005 at 7:01 pm

Aramor wrote:
Your momma is so fat, she is considered a WMD.

Woman of Massive Dimensions? :)

billnye
June 15, 2005 at 8:03 pm

My personal two favorites are as follows (one of each):

Quote:
Yo Momma’s so hunchbacked, she needs a mask and snorkel to do the dishes.

and, in a conversation about N64 games and Goldeneye in particular:

Quote:
Other: …and one of the best things is that it has an interesting multiplayer aspect.
Myself: Your Mom has an interesting multiplayer aspect.

which my boss half-overheard, and I had to mumble off as being something else.

John M

P.S. I just had to register, so this is my frist post. Keep up the good work, Bern… you make a damn fine comic.

Allen Keckonen
June 15, 2005 at 9:01 pm

A close friend recently had his mother pass away (sounds like a request, no?) and he was naturally in a bad way for a time. Only problem was that I was, for reasons beyond me, in a ‘you’re mother’ phase. FOR WEEKS. I have accidentally used at least four you’re mother jokes ON HIM.

I am an asshole.

InvaderJess
June 15, 2005 at 9:05 pm

Yo momma so fat, she wore high heels and struck oil

Yo momma so ugly, she could make an onion cry

Yo momma so fat when I wanna fuck the bitch, I slap her thigh and ride the wave in

Yo momma so fat when I stabbed her, gravy poured out

Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Seaworld

Allen Keckonen
June 15, 2005 at 10:17 pm

Allen Keckonen wrote:
A close friend recently had his mother pass away (sounds like a request, no?) and he was naturally in a bad way for a time. Only problem was that I was, for reasons beyond me, in a ‘you’re mother’ phase. FOR WEEKS. I have accidentally used at least four you’re mother jokes ON HIM.

I am an asshole.

Jesus, how in the fuck did I allow myself to type the You’re/your mistake that many times in a row? I should stick to photography. Well, that and softcore porn.

PJ2POP
June 15, 2005 at 10:21 pm

I remember some from “In Living Color”….

Your Mama so Fat, she sweated Black Flag.

Your Mama so Fat, She plays Hop Scotch like this: L.A, Chicago, New York, Detroit,….

Your Mamas so fat, Before God said “Let there be Light”, he told her to get her big ass out of the way.

neo-gigan
June 15, 2005 at 10:23 pm

yo mama’s so fat, she cant go to heaven or shell fall through the clouds

i know its bad :cry:

Kaiser Saucy
June 15, 2005 at 10:37 pm

Your Mom knows it’s bad…

Kaiser Saucy
June 15, 2005 at 10:43 pm

PS:

3 of my faves:

Your Mom’s so fat, her school portrait was an aerial photograph.

I saw your Mom kicking a can down the street the other day, I asked her what she was doing & she said “Moving”.

& the ultimate final put down:

“Leave my Mother out of it!”
“Oh, she out. She out – what time you want the bitch back?”

PJ2POP
June 15, 2005 at 10:50 pm

Kaiser Saucy wrote:

“Leave my Mother out of it!”
“Oh, she out. She out – what time you want the bitch back?”

…I don’t get it. :?

peegeedee3
June 16, 2005 at 1:42 am

Yor momma’s so black that when she sweats you can use it for motor oil!!

I heard this on the playground of an elementary school that I was working on back in 1995!!

peegeedee3
June 16, 2005 at 1:51 am

Yor momma’s so funky, they use her sweat to keep gofers out of the gardens.

These “Yor momma’s so…,” sayings were made up spontaneously by sixth graders on a basketball court at Jefferson Elementary School, 1995.

Madge
June 16, 2005 at 2:00 am

Loved the comic, one of the funnier ones you’ve done.

Just wondering when the name’s gonna change to aLpLj….

Private Whore
June 16, 2005 at 3:39 am

desert_drum wrote:

Aramor wrote:
Your momma is so fat, she is considered a WMD.

Woman of Massive Dimensions? :)

Lol, nice. Didn’t think of that…

Drone Daddy
June 16, 2005 at 3:52 am

I go away for a while and I come back to this?

Brilliance. I cannot believe that these keep getting better and better… after Abe Vigoda I thought I’d seen the best – but now I’ve seen da rest. Shizzam!
..or something. Anyway, brilliant humor.

Cheers,

Colonel Angus
June 16, 2005 at 3:58 am

before i start my day…

Your momma is fat when she hauls ass, she takes two trips…

(maybe this one is already up, maybe not…. but gotta get to work… on your mama)

and for those from texas: your momma is so fat, when she wears heels, she strikes oil. – Also good for those of the Carlisle Group

Gabby
June 16, 2005 at 6:08 am

Yo mama’s so poor, I walked in the frount door o’ your house, and fell out the back.

c-rex
June 16, 2005 at 9:52 am

Stolen from here.

Got me to register. Great comic.

mudokon100
June 16, 2005 at 11:37 am

kinda goin off the mom thing… but where have prestons glasses gone? does he where contacts now? 8)

noah
June 16, 2005 at 2:29 pm

yo mama so fat, when she says “oh yeah!” she busts through the wall.

…and if we’re doing a “so poor” one as well…

yo mama so poor, she goes to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.

Wize
June 16, 2005 at 2:43 pm

c-rex wrote:

Stolen from here.

Got me to register. Great comic.

As someone who loves funny t-shirts, I must get this one. Thank you c-rex.

Xeno.Morph
June 16, 2005 at 5:19 pm

Your momma’s so ugly, Preston could’ve been considered your brother.

Your momma’s so fat, Godzilla was crushed when she tripped.

This one’s not really a your momma joke, and it’s old, but yeah…
You’re so ugly, that when you were born, the doctor slapped “YOUR MOMMA!”

Aramor stole my dragons… DRAGONS!!

l0g41n
June 16, 2005 at 6:22 pm

One major flaw that I’ve found is that when you’re cool like me, and you spend time with your brothers, “Yur MOMMA” jokes lose thier edge.

;D

Jewbacca
June 16, 2005 at 6:33 pm

Yo momma’s armpits are so hairy, it looks like the bitch got Buckwheat in a headlock.

I can tell your mothers age by cutting her open and counting the layers of fat.

I’ve got something 9 inches long, white, and makes her scream: her stillborn child.

Welcome to Jewbacca!

sourlout
June 16, 2005 at 6:59 pm

l0g41n wrote:
One major flaw that I’ve found is that when you’re cool like me, and you spend time with your brothers, “Yur MOMMA” jokes lose thier edge.

;D

Hehehe, I know what you mean. We (two brothers) normally exchange a few insults between each other till it gets to ‘the point’ which then one of us throws out the your momma. The other replies “… but she is your momma too” then i retort that he is adopted and he tells me that I am a mistake….
*sigh* good times, goodtimes.
/needs to get out more

desert_drum
June 16, 2005 at 7:32 pm

l0g41n wrote:
One major flaw that I’ve found is that when you’re cool like me, and you spend time with your brothers, “Yur MOMMA” jokes lose thier edge.

;D

It kind of takes the fun out of calling him a son of a bitch, too :)

InvaderJess
June 17, 2005 at 1:31 am

Since nobody else has bothered yet…..

[size=18:4ae58c453e][/size:4ae58c453e]Welcome Back DroneDaddy.

Missed ya’ babe.

Blaster
June 17, 2005 at 3:18 am

I was going to make some comment about “rumors of his demise being greatly exaggerated,” or say something like, “Drone Daddy! But I thought you were dead!” But I didn’t think that would be original enough, so I didn’t. But, yes, I neglected to say “hi.” So, hi, ya beautiful bastard. :D

l0g41n
June 17, 2005 at 4:28 am

You can still call them bastards!

…But that hurts on the inside. ;D

Xeno.Morph
June 17, 2005 at 7:56 am

Yo’ momma has such a big ass, when she sits down she’s three feet taller.

Yo’ momma has such a big ass, Abe could be mistaken for your brother.

Yo’ momma is so shecshie, *I* could almost be mistaken for your… Wait.

Yo’ momma’s so fat, she should get her name changed to (C-word)zilla.

Yo’ momma’s so fat (And ugly), that when she went to Tokyo, they all thought she was Godzilla.

Private Whore
June 17, 2005 at 9:14 am

Your momma’s so ugly, the sun refuses to shine when she goes outside.

Your momma’s so fat and ugly, aliens wouldn’t even WANT to abduct her.

fabrix.xm
June 17, 2005 at 10:01 am

Yo Momma Insults for Sci-Fi

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/06/top_11_yo_momma_sci_fi.html

PJ2POP
June 17, 2005 at 10:03 am

fabrix.xm wrote:
Yo Momma Insults for Sci-Fi

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2005/06/top_11_yo_momma_sci_fi.html

Those are good one! :lol:

Billman
June 17, 2005 at 2:14 pm

[size=14:ceea27e166][color=indigo:ceea27e166]Well, better late than never.

*Yo momma is so fat, she has her own congressman.
*Yo momma is so fat I had to take a train and 2 busses to get on her good side.
*Yo momma is so stupid she spent half an hour looking at an orange juice can because it said “concentrate”.
*Yo momma’s teeth are so yellow, it looks like she’s chewing a stick of butter.
*Yo momma is so fat, she was sitting on a street corner and a cop told her to break it up.

And the most appropriate for the strip…
*Yo momma is so old, she has Jesus’ pager number.[/color:ceea27e166][/size:ceea27e166]

:mrgreen:

L337 celtic predator
June 17, 2005 at 8:37 pm

yo’ mama’s so fat when she sat on a skittle , she unlocked the rainbow

yo’ mama’s so fat when she put on a red dress and walked outside everybody screemed “KOO-LAID!”

cant believe nobody has said those yet….

thats the funnest thing to do in class , repeat everything your friend says with “yo’ mama…” in front… hee hee … hours of intertainment

Warrior Alien
June 17, 2005 at 8:43 pm

Almost like putting “in my pants” on the ends of song titles…fun stuff

i.e. “Oops I did it again”….in my pants

yo mamas so poor when i stepped on a cigerette she asked who turned of the lights????

jumbo55
June 17, 2005 at 9:26 pm

yo mamma so fat when she saw a yellow skool bus she yelled, “stop dat twinkie!”

yo mamma so fat she got other mammas revolvin around her

yo mamma so fat i had to take a bus and two trains to get on her good side

yo mamma so fat she was baptized at sea world

yo mamma so fat when she farts the earth moves that much closer the the sun

VGD
July 4, 2005 at 10:01 am

LOVE the zing by Jesus, heh.
Just some yo momma jokes me and my buds were spontaenously(sp?) blurting out.

Yo momma is so tall, she did a backflip and kicked Jesus in the face.
Yo momma is so fat, when her momma was pregnant, there was a lump on both sides.
Yo momma is so stupid, she tried to make cheese-flavoured milk.
And others I heard here and there.
Yo momma is so fat, we need a roadmap to her ass.
Yo momma is so fat, she got into the bathtub and filled it. Then she turned on the water.
Yo momma is so fat, she needs hula hoops to hold her socks up.
Yo momma is so fat, when she visited Tokyo, people screamed and ran.
Yo momma is so fat, that when doctors cut her open, she bled mayonaisse.

Simon_Says
July 4, 2005 at 9:15 pm

Yo momma’s so poor, she has to beg off other hobos on the street!

/zing

wrincewind
October 21, 2006 at 4:43 pm

yo momma’s so stupid, she made me… un… thinkish…
yo momma’s so fat, they slide chips through her rolls instead of deep-frying them!
yo momma’s so thin, i thought she was a standing lamp!
yo momma’s so stupid, she doesnt think the jokes are ’bout her!
yo momma’s so short, i used her as a coffee table!
my brother used to throw yo momma jokes at me. i always replied "you leave our mother out of this!"
(if you played the secret of monkey island, you will understand.)
PS sorry for the thread-mancy. everyone’s allowed to do it at leas once, right? besides, i couldn’t resist.

XenoQueen
March 16, 2010 at 11:52 pm

I love these comics…I should register soon…

Your mommas so fat, the alien queen had to make a new breed of facehugger to fit her

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