Comments

helmet boy
October 10, 2005 at 7:13 am

hahaha :lol: that was good. also FIRST POST!

Barnsey
October 10, 2005 at 7:17 am

I didnt find this weeks funny, maybe i didnt understand it properly? but it just didnt tickle me.

AVP216
October 10, 2005 at 7:34 am

HAHA!! Lol :lol:

That was funny :lol:

I heard about That ELIZA computer

I thought this was a great way to represent it!!

Good Job Berny!!

AVP216 :D

Master Chainsaw
October 10, 2005 at 7:57 am

Sometimes a poster is just a poster.

Private Whore
October 10, 2005 at 8:55 am

And sometimes it’s a Freudian therapist…

Munan
October 10, 2005 at 10:12 am

whoa! Surreal!! Brilliant!

weezerface2
October 10, 2005 at 10:47 am

alright a little pervy, but that eliza likes talking dirty!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have a big cock
You say you have a big cock ?
>> yes, it’s very very big. some girls like it but others don’t
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i’ve heard them complain or rave
I’m not sure I understand you fully.
>> they either say it hurts or they say it feels fucking awesome
Please go on.
>> well, i get all weird when it hurts them
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i like fucking but not when it hurts the girl
Do you say you like fucking but not what it hurts the girl for some special reason ?
>> well, with my big cock sometimes it hurts them… idk
Your big cock sometimes it hurts them ?
>> yes, it’s true
You are sure.
>> absolutely. they say it hurts and then they don’t want to fuck
Lets discuss further why your big cock sometimes it hurts them .
>> it’s just so… damn big i guess
That’s quite interesting.
>> yeah, the ones who like it think so too
What does that suggest to you ?
>> some chicks like big meat others don’t
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not really, except when i’m dating a girl who doesn’t like big dick
In what way ?
>> what way what?
Why do you ask ?
>> why do you ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> do you like big dick?
We were discussing you — not me.
>> yeah… now i’m starting to see. you do like my big fat hog
Is it because you are starting to see that you came to me ?
>> hehe, more like you’re starting to see. want to look right now?
What makes you think I am starting to see ?
>> you keep asking about my man meat. you like big dick?
Why do you say your man meat ?
>> idk. i think cuz you’re about to swallow it…
Does it please you to believe I am about to swallow it ?

Digitaaliklosetti
October 10, 2005 at 10:52 am

And that, weezy, is the best first post I’ve ever seen anyone make.

This strip was a little above your average “Garfield-funny-haha”. Preston consulting a poster of Sigmund Freud really got me, though.

Munan
October 10, 2005 at 11:19 am

>>Preston consulting a poster of Sigmund Freud really got you what?

RodeoBob
October 10, 2005 at 11:41 am

I’m sure you know about [color=blue:e1c6964561]AOLiza[/color:e1c6964561], right? Same idea (Turing test, psychobabble replies) but connected to an AIM screen name that got random strangers who wanted to talk. Worth browsing through on a slow afternoon.

BaconNeggs
October 10, 2005 at 11:45 am

Whats that on prestons doorknob? I thought it looked like nunchuks, but i think its something else.

Master Chainsaw
October 10, 2005 at 12:15 pm

Oh good God you have created a monster. Who would’ve thunk that this episode would spawn a horde of fucktards posting their unfunny ‘I have a big dick huh huh huh’ ELIZA transcripts. Restore some order and delete the crap ones ( that would be all of them ) please before that topic ends up 50 pages long.

PirateDan
October 10, 2005 at 1:09 pm

Many years ago, (before 1997, probably closer to 1995) a guy I knew sent me an email about this. It seemed that, for a class (I don’t know if it was just plain old computer science or if it was an artificial intelligence class) the class was supposed to write a version of eliza that wasn’t a therapist.

When we had worked at Bungie together, there had been an endless stream of Beavis and Butthead jokes. So he made his based on that. I still have a copy of it up on the archives for my mailing list (it’s the last item):

[url]http://home.uchicago.edu/~djm2/archives/sent.2001/Shut-up-CompuBeavis

Private Whore
October 10, 2005 at 1:30 pm

I wonder if Mr. B will do something special for the 150th comic.

Simon_Says
October 10, 2005 at 1:31 pm

Awesomness Bernie!

Colonel Angus
October 10, 2005 at 2:04 pm

I broke up with Eliza, now I am on Alice:

[url]http://www.ceruleanstudios.com/downloads/detail.php?item=294

this is a plugin for Trillian….

Solstar
October 10, 2005 at 2:27 pm

yep,i remeber ELIZA on Commodore 64,it was very funny!i’ve downloaded an emulator for c64,and the “game”,to continue insulting her in this century..:) :wink:

Mctittles
October 10, 2005 at 2:56 pm

http://www.a-i.com/
Just another link for a “chatbot” I think the ALAN (click to launch alan button on the right) is one of the best chatbot’s I’ve talked to. Not sure what to think on their HAL idea…if anything it takes FOREVER to get anywhere with their teach your own robot idea.

krazyrobus
October 10, 2005 at 2:59 pm

There is a similar program that allows you to talk to god. It’s such a divine experience…

Munan
October 10, 2005 at 4:56 pm

Mr Chainsaw wrote:
Oh good God you have created a monster. Who would’ve thunk that this episode would spawn a horde of fucktards posting their unfunny ‘I have a big dick huh huh huh’ ELIZA transcripts. Restore some order and delete the crap ones ( that would be all of them ) please before that topic ends up 50 pages long.

Yes.

Shin-Goji
October 10, 2005 at 5:09 pm

Future congrats on your immenent one year anniversary.
I’m going to be getting one of those Jesus figures, but I want the black Jesus.
Thanks again for letting me use your characters in my web comic!

Black Ice
October 10, 2005 at 5:53 pm

weezerface2 wrote:
alright a little pervy, but that eliza likes talking dirty!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> i have a big cock
You say you have a big cock ?
>> yes, it’s very very big. some girls like it but others don’t
You seem to be quite positive.
>> i’ve heard them complain or rave
I’m not sure I understand you fully.
>> they either say it hurts or they say it feels fucking awesome
Please go on.
>> well, i get all weird when it hurts them
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> i like fucking but not when it hurts the girl
Do you say you like fucking but not what it hurts the girl for some special reason ?
>> well, with my big cock sometimes it hurts them… idk
Your big cock sometimes it hurts them ?
>> yes, it’s true
You are sure.
>> absolutely. they say it hurts and then they don’t want to fuck
Lets discuss further why your big cock sometimes it hurts them .
>> it’s just so… damn big i guess
That’s quite interesting.
>> yeah, the ones who like it think so too
What does that suggest to you ?
>> some chicks like big meat others don’t
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> not really, except when i’m dating a girl who doesn’t like big dick
In what way ?
>> what way what?
Why do you ask ?
>> why do you ask?
Does that question interest you ?
>> do you like big dick?
We were discussing you — not me.
>> yeah… now i’m starting to see. you do like my big fat hog
Is it because you are starting to see that you came to me ?
>> hehe, more like you’re starting to see. want to look right now?
What makes you think I am starting to see ?
>> you keep asking about my man meat. you like big dick?
Why do you say your man meat ?
>> idk. i think cuz you’re about to swallow it…
Does it please you to believe I am about to swallow it ?

LMFAO

the ending line was the BEST!

the second to last panel of preston is what made me laugh at the comic, because of his double take

Xhydra
October 10, 2005 at 6:21 pm

Omigosh! Preston dumped Corinna!?!?!?

bleekaface
October 10, 2005 at 6:47 pm

yeah i just tried the program. It was like having a conversation with my ex-girlfriend when she caught me in lies. You think i was doing what? Can you elaborate on that, etc etc. I hate you ELIZA program thing.

Blaster
October 10, 2005 at 9:06 pm

Damn, and I was gonna talk to ELIZA about my huge nuts. I guess I won’t now… :cry:

Khushi
October 10, 2005 at 9:14 pm

weezerface2 wrote:
>> idk. i think cuz you’re about to swallow it…
Does it please you to believe I am about to swallow it ?

hahaha.

that ELIZA page doesn`t work for me. =\

weezerface2
October 10, 2005 at 10:29 pm

Digitaaliklosetti wrote:
And that, weezy, is the best first post I’ve ever seen anyone make.

Thank you! And remember the 11 o’clock show is different from the 9 o’clock show.

sardine
October 10, 2005 at 11:56 pm

Talking to ELIZA programme makes me feel like I’m talking with OHM in THX 1138

sea trooper
October 11, 2005 at 1:10 am

Eliza is weird. God is so much better!

DwarfSidious
October 11, 2005 at 1:27 am

Eliza post moved to Contests.

AbbyNormal
October 11, 2005 at 1:42 am

FREUDIAN SLIP!

Ha haha. Also, the German accent made it perfect. (Or was Freud Dutch? *shrugs* I could do a search of course but I’m too tired)

Holly Resurrected
October 11, 2005 at 2:20 am

Xhydra wrote:
Omigosh! Preston dumped Corinna!?!?!?

Where have you been? She’s a Mets fan!

Blaster
October 11, 2005 at 3:51 am

Dammit, everybody is posting ELIZA convos here. Please post them in the “Contests” forum.

Holly Resurrected
October 11, 2005 at 4:01 am

Sorry, I posted that before I knew there was a sepparate thread for it. It’s moved.

Blaster
October 11, 2005 at 4:03 am

Ok, the flagellation order has been rescinded. :wink:

Holly Resurrected
October 11, 2005 at 4:16 am

*is greatly disappointed*

Blaster
October 11, 2005 at 4:39 am

Well played. 8)

Nicoel
October 11, 2005 at 5:39 am

Bernie has created a monster with the Eliza topic :twisted:

good luck reading through them all :wink:

Munan
October 11, 2005 at 7:51 am

AbbyNormal wrote:
FREUDIAN SLIP!

Ha haha. Also, the German accent made it perfect. (Or was Freud Dutch? *shrugs* I could do a search of course but I’m too tired)

WHAT?!!?

Dear girl, he was Austrian. AUSTRIAN!

sardine
October 11, 2005 at 10:31 am

munan wrote:
Dear girl, he was Austrian. AUSTRIAN!

Austrian, Dutch… same difference :lol: :wink:

Munan
October 11, 2005 at 10:46 am

Maybe for an American like you it is…hehehehe

Private Whore
October 11, 2005 at 10:56 am

sardine wrote:

munan wrote:
Dear girl, he was Austrian. AUSTRIAN!

Austrian, Dutch… same difference :lol: :wink:

*Slaps sardine back to the ocean he crawled out of*

It is not!!!

Would you like me to think it is the same difference ?

Edit: I did the God thing… read about it here… I think ELIZA is better… hell, my cat’s neighbour is a better therapist..

Barnsey
October 11, 2005 at 11:14 am

Aramor wrote:

sardine wrote:

munan wrote:
Dear girl, he was Austrian. AUSTRIAN!

Edit: I did the God thing… read about it here… I think ELIZA is better… hell, my cat’s neighbour is a better therapist..

Your cat has its own neighbour? how cool is that! is there like a whole street of cats?

Private Whore
October 11, 2005 at 11:22 am

Lol… didn’t see that error… I mean my neighbour’s pet iguana ofcourse…

sardine
October 11, 2005 at 11:55 am

munan wrote:
Maybe for an American like you it is…hehehehe

1) I’m not American; 2) I’m taking the Anglo-centric viewpoint of the Continent :wink: ; 3) I said that for shits and giggles…

Samy
October 11, 2005 at 3:58 pm

sardine wrote:
I said that for shits and giggles…

yeah, i do that too…maybe too often

Xhydra
October 11, 2005 at 6:20 pm

Holly wrote:

Xhydra wrote:
Omigosh! Preston dumped Corinna!?!?!?

Where have you been? She’s a Mets fan!

I mean, it didn’t specifically mention that he dumped her. Who else can Preston get?

cjs
October 11, 2005 at 9:33 pm

Yeah, AOLiza was my favourite use of this. Number sixty is hilarious!

Blaster
October 11, 2005 at 11:28 pm

sardine wrote:
1) I’m not American

I think that was the point. :wink:
And in a less restrictive sense of the term, you are, as you live in North America. :wink: :wink:

Inquisition
October 12, 2005 at 1:43 am

heh, just had a great conversation with Eliza, she’s so easy to talk to:)

for your viewing pleasure:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> me problem is that i have genetal warts on my eyes, and oddly it burns when i pee.
Your eyes ?
>> yeah, it makes blinking and sleeping difficult
Lets discuss further why your eyes .
>> i wish i knew… what do you think it could be from?
You say you wish you knew ?
>> yes, i wish it very much. because then id know if the burning when i pee is from the warts on my eyes, or the soap i got in my pee hole this morning while i was in the shower.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> the only thing that i am positive of, is that my johnson feels like someone shoved a rose stem with the thorns still on it up there…
Is it because you are positive of that you came to me ?
>> i doubt it, it has been hurting since i showered, although it could be because i let a racoon lick peanut butter off my wang. do you think he might have been rabbid?
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> well, i had only a little peanut butter left in the jar, not enough to make a sammich, but i didnt want to waste it. all the racoons in my area are always breaking into the garbage, so i figured id save them the trouble. i had to hold the spoon with one hand and the jar with the other, so since i was out of bread, the logical place to smear the peanut butter was my on my tally wacker.
Do you say you had only a little peanut butter left in the jar for some special reason ?
>> if you’re asking if letting the racoon lick the peanut butter off my schlong was a special occasion, i guess it depends on your definition of special. it did make me feel all tingly in my naughty bits, so i guess that is pretty special
Do you think its likely that I are asking if letting the racoon lick the peanut butter off your schlong was a special occasion ?
>> i am really not sure, but i think the racoon is back for sloppy seconds… and he brought a friend this time. minage et three? (my friench sucks:) )

Holly Resurrected
October 12, 2005 at 2:47 am

Xhydra wrote:

Holly wrote:

Xhydra wrote:
Omigosh! Preston dumped Corinna!?!?!?

Where have you been? She’s a Mets fan!

I mean, it didn’t specifically mention that he dumped her. Who else can Preston get?

Well, the ending of that one strip where she “comes out” to him makes it pretty clear. Pres obviously thinks no girl is better than a Mets fan girl. Although, not being a baseball fan, I have no idea what’s so bad about that.

Munan
October 12, 2005 at 3:34 am

Blaster wrote:

sardine wrote:
1) I’m not American

I think that was the point. :wink:

Thank Eliza we have a moderator who can point that out.

Now you know how it feels, mr. Yankee-sardine :wink:

Giggling while shitting – this adds a whole new perspective to the laxic world

arth
October 12, 2005 at 6:35 am

woah, with that use of the WYWH picture i just had to sign up. I dont know whether to laugh or cry. Crazyness.

Munan
October 12, 2005 at 6:54 am

Yep. It’s an Aramor/Munan collaboration, meant to make grown men cry. So now you know what to do…

Private Whore
October 12, 2005 at 9:13 am

munan wrote:
Yep. It’s an Aramor/Munan collaboration, meant to make grown men cry. So now you know what to do…

The Dutch Strike Again!!!

Munan
October 12, 2005 at 9:46 am

This Eliza thing is really cool. I’ll post a conversation here that is not meant as a contribution to the contest, but to show off a trick that blew my mind.

What I did is, I started up two Elizas and filled in what the one Eliza said as questions to the other Eliza.

The result reminds me of experimental dialogues for theatre like the ones Samuel Beckett did. While the two Elizas talk to each other in indiscrete questions about the self, they seem to deal on a very existential level with the issue of identity.

(the most bizarre moment in their conversation for me is when the one Eliza asks the other “Does it please you to believe I am you ?”. A little later the other asks the one Eliza “>> Do you sometimes wish you were you?” to which the one Eliza replies “Would you like to believe I was ?” which then provokes the answer “>>Were you really?” — whoa!)

As they break each other’s selfs down while refusing to answer any question about themselves, their identity dissolves while the grammar itself also breaks down. This is powerfull stuff and I’d love to stage this as a surreal theatre piece.

Quote:
>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> why do you ask?
Why do you ask ?
>> Does that question interest you?
We were discussing you — not me.
>> Why do you think I not you
Does that question interest you ?
>> We were discussing you — not me
Why do you think I not you ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind?
Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind ?
>> your mind?
Why are you concerned over my mind ?
>> Why do you say your mind?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Did you think they might not be such questions much on my mind?
Your mind ?
>> Why are you concerned over my mind?
Why do you say your mind ?
>> What answer would please you most?
What answer would please you most ?
>> What do you think?
What do you think ?
>> What comes to mind when you ask that?
What comes to mind when you ask that ?
>> Have you asked such questions before?
Oh, I asked such questions before ?
>> You say you asked such questions before?
You’re not really talking about me — are you ?
>> What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I?
Have you asked such questions before ?
>> Oh, I asked such questions before?
You say you asked such questions before ?
>> You’re not really talking about me — are you?
What makes you think I am not really talking about you are I ?
>> Have you asked anyone else?
What are your feelings now ?
>> Why do you ask?
Have you asked anyone else ?
>> What are your feelings now?
Why do you ask ?
>> Does that question interest you?
We were discussing you — not me.
>> You like to think I not you — don’t you?
Oh, I like to think you not I don’t I ?
>> We were discussing you — not me
You like to think I not you — don’t you ?
>> Oh, I like to think you not I don’t I?
You’re not really talking about me — are you ?
>> Does it please you to believe I am not really talking about you are I?
Does it please you to believe I am you ?
>> You’re not really talking about me — are you?
Do you sometimes wish you were not really talking about you are I ?
>> Do you sometimes wish you were you?
Would you like to believe I was ?
>> Were you really?
What suggests that I was really ?
>> Why do you tell me you were really now?
Does that question interest you ?
>> What are your feelings now?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> What is it you really wanted to know?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Would you like it if they were not such questions much on my mind?
Do you think its likely that they was not such questions much on your mind ?
>> We were discussing you — not me.
What makes you think I not you ?
>> Are such questions much on your mind?

_________________
Eliza’s Moonies: Melt in your head, not in your hand!

Ipsa
October 12, 2005 at 10:03 am

Praise be to ELIZA!

bravus
October 12, 2005 at 4:38 pm

What, three whole pages and no-one has mentioned the hotness that is Eliza Dushku? You may have a big dick, but you clearly have no nads!

Blaster
October 12, 2005 at 7:17 pm

Bah! If I teabagged you, your skull would collapse.

Private Whore
October 12, 2005 at 7:22 pm

bravus wrote:
What, three whole pages and no-one has mentioned the hotness that is Eliza Dushku? You may have a big dick, but you clearly have no nads!

And just for the record, Shannon Elizabeth is way hotter than Eliza “Faith” Dushbag…

Solstar
October 13, 2005 at 3:45 am

Whoa…you’ve dissacred the holiness of wish you were here cover…YOU’LL GO TO HELL!!!

Private Whore
October 13, 2005 at 8:15 am

Solstar wrote:
Whoa…you’ve dissacred the holiness of wish you were here cover…YOU’LL GO TO HELL!!!

Like I said to Adolf’s Love Child (our newest retarded member)… been there, done that!

Solstar
October 14, 2005 at 9:46 am

so,aramor,i’m a retarded too,huh?well,you should look at your sig before saying somthing stupid like this,,”Location:in an egg:Help i want out!!” hmmm…congrats for your grammar…

Private Whore
October 14, 2005 at 11:04 am

Solstar wrote:
so,aramor,i’m a retarded too,huh?well,you should look at your sig before saying somthing stupid like this,,”Location:in an egg:Help i want out!!” hmmm…congrats for your grammar…

Don’t draw conclusions that fast. I said Adolf is our newest retarded member, never implying at all you are even slightly retarded… and that’s not my sig… and look at other member’s locations (and then I especially mean the ones that are around here for a while)… and thanks, I always try to use the best grammar I can get my hands on… I bought these at the C1000, should I get you a sixpack when I’m buying myself some new ones?

Solstar
October 14, 2005 at 3:50 pm

ok ok ,nevermind.. :wink: btw,Eliza dushku is a real hottie… :P

Private Whore
October 14, 2005 at 4:10 pm

*cough* Kirsten Dunst is hotter *uncough*

Solstar
October 15, 2005 at 8:25 am

yep.Kirsten is even hottier… :shock: and she never replies “please,go on…” :?

Private Whore
October 15, 2005 at 9:42 am

Solstar wrote:
yep.Kirsten is even hottier… :shock: and she never replies “please,go on…” :?

That’s what you think ;)

Solstar
October 15, 2005 at 12:51 pm

ah,well,it depends on the moments… :wink:

i think that she’d say instead:”yes,deeper,harder”etc, rather than being so kind like “please,go on..” :lol:

Xhydra
October 15, 2005 at 3:52 pm

I hope he gets back with Corinna.


October 16, 2005 at 1:40 am

Xhydra wrote:
I hope he gets back with Corinna.

Yes, same here. It would be awesome to have them fight over baseball…and then suddenly they start making out. I mean, when I fight, I have this incredible urge to express my hatred with my mouth and vagina…it’s an awesome power that I cannot control!

[size=7:0524d9e275]*snicker*[/size:0524d9e275]

Blaster
October 16, 2005 at 2:23 am

Um you go, girl?


October 16, 2005 at 2:25 am

“You go girl” is one of those things that should, indeed, go. :P

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