Comments

Ipsa
April 17, 2006 at 9:42 am

lol…!
I especially like the “ONE ROBOT RENEGADE COP” and Abe and Preston’s interaction (or lack thereof).
:D

Private Whore
April 17, 2006 at 9:55 am

Haha, awesome. That made me happy again.

*Second post dance*

Master Chainsaw
April 17, 2006 at 9:55 am

Nice. I’ve missed Abe these last few weeks. I feel I must mention that ITV once edited Die Hard so that John McClane said ‘yippee-ki-ay kemosabe’. I won’t even dignify what the BBC used to do to films like Goodfellas.

Emmy
April 17, 2006 at 9:59 am

Aww… Poor Preston.

Private Whore
April 17, 2006 at 9:59 am

I saw the censored version of Ace Venture on BBC once… that was… weird… they actually left out the sex scene and the cockroach scene… and the hammeroid scene…

Master Chainsaw
April 17, 2006 at 10:11 am

Aramor the First wrote:
the hammeroid scene…

Speaking of robot renegade cops…

1s1k
April 17, 2006 at 10:37 am

hey, if you like movies that are censored in a really funny way, you NEED to see the tv version of Jackie Brown. its quite possibly the funniest thing ive ever seen. the best dubbing i remember is that instances of “motherfucker” are replaced with “motor scooter” so instead of “fuck you, motherfucker” its “screw you, motor scooter!”

norrinrad
April 17, 2006 at 11:25 am

An old favorite of mine was the censored version of “White Men Can’t Jump,” I beleive on Comedy Central. I’m not sure what the original insult was, but the exchange went something like this:

“Yeah, well your momma’s an astornaut.”

‘What did you say about my momma?”

Scuffle ensues. Guy breaking it up says “Come on, guys, nobodies mommas an astronaut.”

TheTommyGun
April 17, 2006 at 12:00 pm

Man Abe is very bad. How Cruel

DarthDidious
April 17, 2006 at 12:05 pm

This is one of the best ones yet. Hol crap. A great way to start monday off.

daylightdancer37
April 17, 2006 at 12:06 pm

Can’t believe I actually registered just to say this…

One of my proudest possesions is Guns N’ Roses Live, the censored version. So funny…especially when they edit out the word ‘kill’ from ‘Used to Love Her’ but not ‘muthafucker’ from ‘Mr Brownstone’.

And on that tangental note, I shall re-lurk.

Xhydra
April 17, 2006 at 12:15 pm

Poor Preston. I dunno wha to say. I HOPE CORINNA’S ALIVE! T_T

Darth Vader
April 17, 2006 at 12:20 pm

Damn I thought the Predator would be tougher than that??? :(

It looks like New York softened him up big time!!

Now he definitely needs to regain his Honor, maybe by catching Clinton alone without his bodyguards & whoop on Him!!!!

Blaster
April 17, 2006 at 12:22 pm

Here are some gems of dubbing:

From Robocop:
“You’re gonna be a bad mother crusher.”

The Silence of the Lambs:
“Would you love me? I’d love me. I’d love me hard.”

Not to mention From Dusk til Dawn in which the Titty Twister bar became the Kitty Twister, complete with CG remodel.

Private Whore
April 17, 2006 at 1:19 pm

Blaster wrote:
Not to mention From Dusk til Dawn in which the Titty Twister bar became the Kitty Twister, complete with CG remodel.

Ok, now you made me really curious about what they did to Cheech Marin’s speech…

makarov
April 17, 2006 at 1:50 pm

Aramor the First wrote:

Ok, now you made me really curious about what they did to Cheech Marin’s speech…

Hmm, “kitty kitty,..,wet kitty, dry kitty” etc?

Nice episode :D

OGMO
April 17, 2006 at 2:19 pm

The “robot renegade cop” line comes from the best movie trailer of all time. Check it out!

G-Diddy
April 17, 2006 at 2:28 pm

Mr Chainsaw wrote:
once edited Die Hard so that John McClane said ‘yippee-ki-ay kemosabe’

and i thought ‘yippee-ki-ay my friend’ was hilarious.

BTW, I watched the original Predator the other day just because I like this comic so much. That movie is a classic, best part is when Arnold yells and starts the fire after he prepares for the showdown. I’m thinking about doing that today here at work…

Mr. Furious
April 17, 2006 at 2:29 pm

“Poison Ivy 3″ Hee, hee! Good one Bernie. I’ve soooo been there.

My favourite has to be Glengarry Glen Ross. Sample dialogue: “Oh forget you. Forget the lot of you. Forget you all.”

The best part is that one of the private networks up here in Canada will dub swearing before 10 p.m., but after that all the forget yous change back to, well, you know… It’s as if halway thru the film, the actors decide “You know what? Enough of this pussyfooting around. We’re gonna swear for real!”

Munan
April 17, 2006 at 2:48 pm

In Pakistan, even kissing is censored out of movies. A friend of mine who grew up there once said she thought that that was all there was to love – an approaching of the lips of the two lovers and than a sharp jerk and on with the conversation.

On the comic: awesome as usual, but I am surprised Abe could write an entire letter without one single spelling mistake. Also, am I the only one wondering what the T could stand for?

manderso
April 17, 2006 at 2:49 pm

Or seeing The Big Lebowski censored…

“This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass” becomes “This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!”…

/cocks head to the left…

Blaster
April 17, 2006 at 5:36 pm

Munan wrote:
Also, am I the only one wondering what the T could stand for?

I just assumed it stood for “the,” as in “Abe the Alien.” :wink:

Jazon Woorheez
April 17, 2006 at 6:48 pm

Poor Preston! I love it when the “monster” becomes the hero and I hope Corinna is okay. I also hope Preston decides to honor the traditions and take Clinton’s skull as a trophy. Not that it would make much of a trophy, but anyway.

As for Abe’s middle name, I think it would have been cool if the letter had been X. As in Abraham Xenomorph Alien.

Somnaphile
April 17, 2006 at 7:14 pm

My favourite for censorship has to be “Beverly Hills Cop 3″ where they replaced:

A: Man, Fuck the SWAT.
B: That’s what I say, fuck the SWAT.

with:

A: Man, swat SWAT.
B: That’s what I say, swat SWAT.

(by poorly copying and pasting the “SWAT” from the last part of the line over the expletive – oh so bad).

My favourite for dubbing is in the DVD-released version of “Demolition Man” in which “Taco Bell” was replaced with “Pizza Hut”. The lip syncing alone is hilarious but the voices are nothing like Sly or Sandra. They even missed some signs. Such a poor job. So funny to watch.

As for today’s comic – V. Funny, but if Pres doesn’t kick some ass soon, I am going to transform into a plastic figurine, warp myself into their world and kick Clinton’s ass for him! Come on Pres – when did you become such a pussy? Was it the Frip Frops?

Shalimar
April 17, 2006 at 8:15 pm

I got too damn many genres in my head. Munan asked what the “T.” stood for and the first thing I thought was Tiberius. :shock: ::headdesk::

Anyway, what the hell is wrong with Preston? Corinna needs saving now! WAKE UP!!!!

Gah, a whole week till Monday …

Shalimar

ProtonEmission
April 17, 2006 at 8:37 pm

whoever you are..who ever created this site..you are my hero, this is the best comic strip ever..it rivles redvsblue..yes..thats right I said it.

jag
April 17, 2006 at 10:50 pm

now i of course remember where i first heard “A renegade cop. A ROBOT renegade cop.” From the commercial for the Jerry Seinfeld movie, i think it was Comedian.

The best movie redubbing i can recall was Die Hard 2:

“Yippee kay-yay, Mr. Falcon.”

There is no Mr. Falcon in the entire movie. none. I have no idea what that could possibly refer to.

-JM

slobberchops
April 17, 2006 at 11:58 pm

I was amused watching this year’s Oscars, when the song “Hard out there for a pimp” was played “live.” The lyric “And a whole lot of bitches talking shit” was changed to the completely baffling “And a whole lot of witches jumping ship.”

Huh?

PirateDan
April 18, 2006 at 1:15 am

I once (and only once) caught Fear of a Black Hat on network television. Not only did they replace the “bad” words with goofy noises, but they also put little hats– a different one each time– in front of the characters’ mouths. It was surreal.

Glad to see the strip is getting back on track. The last several have been kind of boring for me. I swear, if I didn’t know better, I would swear Bernie sneaks out to Chicago once a week and steals Abe’s lines from something I said in a bar that week. Or, more likely, just stole from my brain something I never even said. So, being the egotist that I am, I want to see more Abe, less Clinton. I like Bill Clinton, just not in my comic strips– I like Abe and Preston better.

Pimpman
April 18, 2006 at 7:16 am

omg I remember on the movie half-baked Dave was talking about his addiction to pot and pretty much everyone hated him because they had it work and one guy stood up and said “Hey at least you didn’t have to suck toes to get your stuff” when it was originally “Hey you didn’t have to suck cock to get you suff”

Awesome Comic Bernie Abe somehow reminds me of a little kid writing to santa and that’s just too funny thanks for the laughs man and keep it up DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Jefuemon
April 18, 2006 at 7:25 am

I remember seeing “Heavy Metal” on TBS a few years back. I have no idea why they even bothered to keep the Den story in it. The edited segment ran maybe all of 2 minutes, and made no sense whatsoever.

I also remember watching “National Lampoon’s Vacation” on network TV (yes, this is the days before cable) and laughing at the chop job of Clark’s melt-down speech (we’re gonna have so fun fun, we’ll be whistling Zippi-a-do-da out our assholes!)

One thing I like about living in Japan, they have no problem with leaving the bad language in.

uberninjamonkey
April 18, 2006 at 6:27 pm

I really liked the Big Lebowski edit previously mentioned: “This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.”

But my favorite censored lines have been from Scarface: I saw it on TV once where the line “How’d you get that scar? Eating pussy?” turned into, “How’d you get that scar? Eating apple pie?”, and a second time, “Eating pineapple?”

crimsontiger6
April 18, 2006 at 7:41 pm

bernie’s monologue made me laugh even more than the strip today :lol:

NeonKnight
April 19, 2006 at 2:11 am

BESTEST Censored movie was: TBS showing of SHOWGIRLS!

OK, this move has T & A throughout the whole thing and i figured it would be like 20 minutes long or something. But nope. Harldy any cut scenes, and all the Nudity?

CGI’s BIKINIS ON THEM! BAD CGI bikinis on them. was the funniest thing I ever saw!

NeonKnight
April 19, 2006 at 2:14 am

Quote:
"Poison Ivy 3" Hee, hee! Good one Bernie. I’ve soooo been there.

My favourite has to be Glengarry Glen Ross. Sample dialogue: "Oh forget you. Forget the lot of you. Forget you all."

The best part is that one of the private networks up here in Canada will dub swearing before 10 p.m., but after that all the forget yous change back to, well, you know… It’s as if halway thru the film, the actors decide "You know what? Enough of this pussyfooting around. We’re gonna swear for real!"

YEAH? Here in Vancouver one of our channels does not worry about dubbing out the FUCK word, but strangley dubbed out PUSSY during a showing of Scary Movie 2 the other night. This was on at 9pm at night. Mind you, at 1 in the morning on Friday Night/Sat AM, they run soft core porn, so, that is cool too :P

Holly Resurrected
April 19, 2006 at 2:43 am

My favorite is in Tremors where Earl declares, "Melvin, one of these days somebody’s gonna kick your ass." And "ass" gets changed to "butt", but it’s said in a totally different tone of voice, and sort of drops off the end of the sentence. And then there’s "Broke into the wrong Gall-darned rec room, didn’t you, you big jerk!!"

Army of Darkness
April 19, 2006 at 12:32 pm

Just wanted to say a big hi from the Uk. I remember many, many, many many many years ago seeing ALIENS on BBC1; I only wish I had recorded it just to find all the bad, and I mean BAD, dubbing and post all the examples here. Thankfully it was so funny alot of them stuck in my mind:-

"whoopy fucking do, hey, Im impressed" became-
"well whoopy for her" , dubbed with some bizarre sounding women’s voice over Hudson’s.

"fuck you, man" became "frigg you, man", and there were lots of them.

Actually, every "fuck" became "frigg", like "friggin A" etc. The best part however, was during the fire-fight in Operations, when Hudson kinda goes mental trying to kill every alien before one comes up out of the floor and grabs him. He swears so much, that the BBC just cut out everything he says during that scene, and all you here is the music, and the other actors shouting to retreat. Now that was funny……even if it was over 10 years ago.

Master Chainsaw
April 19, 2006 at 1:16 pm

Army of Darkness wrote:
"whoopy fucking do, hey, Im impressed" became-
"well whoopy for her"

I actually remember that. I was originally going to mention it, before I decided the Die Hard edit was even more stupid. Thankfully all that died out in the 90s.

Scourge
April 19, 2006 at 3:22 pm

G-Diddy wrote:

Mr Chainsaw wrote:
once edited Die Hard so that John McClane said ‘yippee-ki-ay kemosabe’

and i thought ‘yippee-ki-ay my friend’ was hilarious.

BTW, I watched the original Predator the other day just because I like this comic so much. That movie is a classic, best part is when Arnold yells and starts the fire after he prepares for the showdown. I’m thinking about doing that today here at work…

Heh, when Arnie flicks like that get censored by the networks, "bullshit!" becomes "baloney!". "RAAH! Vhat ees thees baloney!!"

Parsolamew
April 19, 2006 at 11:01 pm

The Usual Suspects.

You’ll know the scene when you hear the line. It’s made funnier by the fact that ALL FIVE MAIN CHARACTERS get dubbed, differently, -badly-, with the same line.

"Give me the keys, you fairy godmother."

It’s cringe-worthy.

mdsoze
April 21, 2006 at 11:19 am

Hello all. First post, and I registered because I couldn’t help writing this prediction.

Spoiler:
My guess is that Corinna is ok because Clinton cheated on her during his date with her. That would seem to be right up Slick Willy’s alley.

Graffiti
April 21, 2006 at 6:57 pm

Mr Chainsaw wrote:

Army of Darkness wrote:
"whoopy fucking do, hey, Im impressed" became-
"well whoopy for her"

I actually remember that. I was originally going to mention it, before I decided the Die Hard edit was even more stupid. Thankfully all that died out in the 90s.

Once I was watching Dumb and Dumber and instead of "you can kiss my ass!" it was "You can kiss my sandwich!" :? :lol:

Anyway back to the episode, I loved it as Abe was writing down all the stuff Preston was saying in a letter to TBS.

Tinkerjeep
April 21, 2006 at 11:50 pm

Well I stumbled onto this….this…somehow"comic" doesn’t seem to fit…"published hilliarity"? today and had to spend a long time reading all the episodes from #1 on to present. I gotta say over half of them had me laughing out loud and that is rare these days.

Bernie- I like the way you handled the touchy subject of Jesus Christ in a comic. Humerous but never demeaning.

All the flap about Abe as a pedophile (Yes, I read alot of the forum posts as I was reading the strips) I can see how that was a 2-edged sword. My take on it- Yes, very touchy. The reason humor is humorous is because it draws us to think about something real and laugh (or not) at the implications and how it relates to the truth. Pedophilia is not funny to me, my ex-wife had been molested in her shildhood as well as her younger brother and several of her cousins. You have no idea what that can do to someone unless you’ve lived with them. It never goes away and there is allways a sensitivity about it when the subject comes up. Also, no, Abe could never be a pedophile, he’s too much of a clueless, horndog, player, jerk…not a redneck, backwoods creep. Sex Jokes about grown women are fair game- same for grown men, but leave the kids out of it is my view…same goes for rape victims.

Moving on. Yeah the idea that Abe and Pres represent (in the movie world) a couple of human-killing aliens that are cruel and cunning in their hunt for "the most dangerous game"…that is why this strip works…It juxtaposes these killers into the roles of loser humans who have to deal with everyday situatuions, and the not-so-everday-situations…how often has Bill Clinton dated your "almost-would-be girlfriend"? Or how often Has Jesus Christ been drafted to play Big League Baseball and roomed with you?

Bernie, I gotta say this is not just good stuff, but great stuff!

I know some of you will probably see what I’m posting and post a "DUH!" in your esponse, some will be glad to have another voice aboard, some will want to argue with me, for whatever reasons. I’ll take it all. Its a fun change from the other forum I hang out on, which is Jeep based…not alot of humor there.

malko_Crs
April 23, 2006 at 5:11 pm

Woohoo!!

First post of mine here! :D

I found the comic a couple days ago, dunno exactly on what site… lemme check. It was MachHall :D I haven’t read the rules, google it for a link, I dunno if I can post one.

Anyway, I got addicted, and I’ve been makin my way through them :D And two minutes ago, when I clicked on the Next button and nothing happened I was soooooo dissappointed :D

Great work, Bernie :D

Chris from Romania :D

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