January 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Jury duty, eh? Bo-o-o-o-oring. Been there, several times. Even got empanelled once.

The trick to getting out of jury duty is to show the prosecuting and defense attorneys that you actually have a brain, and memory capacity. After the one time I was empanelled, I got called back five times, and entered the voir-dire process based on the typical question, “Have you ever been empanelled on a jury before?” When I raised my hand to signify “yes”, my name was noted, and I was later called in for the private session. Judge asked me for some details of the trial — I could remember names and dates and the verdict of a trial from five years previous. Instant “Thank you very much, but we won’t be needing you.”

Neither of the attorneys want someone who can remember what really happeneed in the trial. All they want you to remember is their opening statement and their closing “argument”. If you can remember anything in between, you can catch them in their lies, because our justice system is NOT about the truth, but about whose story is the most believable.

Good luck! Hope you brought a good book.

January 12, 2010 at 1:49 pm

A friend once did the whole “Twelve Angry Men” thing, convincing his fellow jurors that the kid on trial was innocent. Of course, this was a simple possession charge, not a murder, but you get the idea.

Oh, and burnt toast misdirection for teh win!

January 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Don’t forget about your OBJECTIONS

Neil (AoD)
January 12, 2010 at 2:31 pm

I know one guy in the UK got booted out of court ( he was on the jury ) for wearing an FCUK T-shirt, thats one way to get around jury duty- wind up the judge. LOL @ burnt toast too, seen so many things like that posted recently, makes you wonder… *dun dun dun*

January 12, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Used to be, Bern, that the self-employed in NYC were exempt from jury duty.
Or are they still?

January 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Jury duty. I got the call once, over a decade ago. It was for a possession charge. During the selection process I said I was pro-legalization and was dismissed. There was no way I was going to find someone guilty for having a dimebag in his pocket. Victimless crime and what not.

January 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Aw….. Best of luck with the Jury stuff, Bern.

LOVE the toast gag!!
Abe is an absolute arse* though, eh :D

*Ass if you’re in the US.

bats :[
January 12, 2010 at 3:30 pm

I got summoned for jury duty last week, and thank Subway Jesus, I was actually excused. If you can’t get empaneled, it’s a major waste of a day. OTOH, when I was last called in 2006, we got to throw the book at an illegal alien (not your guys) for breaking and entering, theft and kidnapping. (The illegial alien part *is*
cogent here, since this was his second conviction, and he’d been released early from his previous sentence if he swore to return to Mexico and stay there — evidently he liked the hospitality of the Arizona corrections system, because he’s going to be there for a lot longer this time.)

January 12, 2010 at 11:29 pm

no, the best thing to do to get out of jury duty is to say someone very close to you was a victim of: (fill in the blank). the defense will kick your ass down a flight of stairs.

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January 12, 2010 at 11:51 pm

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January 13, 2010 at 9:10 am

@ bats: “thank Subway Jesus” – LOL! I gotta use that one in casual conversation.

January 13, 2010 at 9:50 am

My husband was excused from jury duty once for reading “The Prince” by Machiavelli. Good times.

January 14, 2010 at 2:55 am

lmao is great

January 14, 2010 at 3:52 am

That was quick thinking on Jesus part, I bet he does that all the time. I guess he wasn’t being sarcastic when he said he loved being asked for stuff.

lol, thank Subway Jesus.

January 14, 2010 at 4:11 am

Now I can only picture Jesus presenting a toast at the customs/airport as his ID…

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