Friday, October 31st, 2008, 8:06pm ET

Last night I tried out that haunted house on the Lower East Side, Nightmare: Bad Dreams Come True, “America’s #1 Haunted House”.

Man was it lame, with a capital Man Was It Lame! I’ve seen scarier things watching Dora the Explorer with my kids. It was just a bunch of college kids paid to jump at you wearing bad costumes. It was too dark to actually see anything that might’ve had a chance to be scary, and yet not dark enough to actually unsettle you. Even just the photos in this old article of 13 Haunted Houses That Will Make You Wet Your Pants (in which this one was named #1!) are scarier than anything that was actually there. The scariest part of the whole time I was there was seriously when I got a text message from my job saying there was a glitch on the site.

Not that I didn’t have a blast last night. I was there with a bunch of friends and the crowd was having fun. Random girls were grabbing onto my hand, which was cool and all, but distracting from the (theoretical) scares. Besides it was too dark to tell what the girls looked like.

Dinner at Cafe Katja beforehand rocked. It’s a tiny Austrian place where they serve pretty much nothing but pork, in a hundred different ways with a thousand different words for them like bratwurst, bernerwurstel, and hefespatenplockasteiner. I made that last one up. And of course, great beer in various and comically large sizes. Check it out on Orchard, between Broome and Grand.


  1. Simon_Says

    I haven’t yet seen, been to, or heard of any haunted houses that were any good. Mostly because they tend to follow in Doom 3′s footsteps by just having stuff jump out of closets. I know, totally gay.

    The thing that they often confuse is that fear does not equal surprise or even fright. but the problem is you need a vast, vast area and plenty of resources if you aim to inspire true terror in your customers. A dark tunnel with plastic bogeymen just doesn’t cut it.

    Also firstpostdance.exe

  2. Army of Darkness

    I had an interesting halloween- went out with some workmates and drank lots of cider; no haunted houses, just lots of pubs filled with people in fancy dress (zombies, vampires, french maid, mummies, guy in a chicken suit), and live music too. I enjoyed the cider the most….

  3. Crosman

    Ecco, dice giusto Dolores. Pure Terminator era film per tutti. Per me è tutta colpa delle associazioni dei genitori di sto cazzo che all’improvviso la gente che impazziva per strada era tutta colpa dei film violenti e dei videogiochi. In italia poi il peggio del peggio. Mi ricordo la crociata per censurare Dragon Ball che, dico io, cosa cazzo devi censurare. Almeno ai tempi la sana violenza su qualche canale privato te la potevi andare a cercare. Oggi vedo mio nipote che cartoni animati e film guarda e mi sembrano tutte cose da rincoglioniti. All’età in cui i bambini di oggi guardano Peppa Pig io guardavo Ken il guerriero solo perché la gente esplodeva.

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