Sorry I didn’t update last week like I said I was gonna. First of all, there was this long story involving the worst database meltdown in the 10 years of my job. I’ll spare you the boring details, but basically in the middle of it I actually caught myself thinking, “I hate this job”, which tells you how bad it was cuz if you ask me the other 51 weeks out of the year I’d tell you it’s the greatest job around.
And if that weren’t enough, my PC got completely annihilated by viruses. First it started out with a few ads popping up on my screen (adware). Then random processes would just start running randomly, eating up my CPU and slowing everything down (malware). Then, when I tried running a malware-killer on my system, apparently they were all like DON’ FUCK WIT’ DA JESUS and then seriously started to shut down my apps at random, prevent them from starting back up, and then finally made it so I literally could not boot Windows (WHATTHEFUCKWARE). It was only by my buddy Dean’s suggestion to use XP’s built-in system restore and run AVG that I’m finally back up and running. So you can thank Dean for making today’s new comic possible.
I get it now. These bastard virus programmers can pretty much do whatever they want to you, but the reason they don’t REALLY fuck you over (like wiping all your files out) is cuz it’s a game to them. They only wanna annoy you at first but if you don’t play nice, that’s when they’ll bring the pain. It’s ingenious, actually, but if I ever catch one of ‘em I’m still gonna choke ‘em to death and then eat all their Cheetos.
Next comic: Tuesday. For real. Check back then or join the mailing list to get an email when it’s up.
Comments on this comic (8)
Jurybreak
I did get dismissed from jury duty last week after they interviewed me for 30 seconds, but after I’d sat there doing absolutely nothing for 12 hours over 2 days. I learned a lot of interesting stuff about the process from watching and listening to everything go down, and from all the folks who emailed or twittered their jury duty stories to me - thanks…
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From the dark depths of my kids’ imaginations
The scariest movie I’ve ever watched with my kids is, seriously, Finding Nemo. Yet it’s like Elaine just pulls random things from my horror movie collection for them when I’m not looking, judging from the drawings that come out of their imaginations.
The 5th picture below looked to me like some sort of H.R. Giger inspired Alien; thanks to reader Wendy for pointing out it’s a dead ringer for Onyx from Pokemon.
Happy Halloween! And let’s hope you don’t see my kids on the news tonight.

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Achievement Unlocked: 10 Years
Today is my 10th wedding anniversary with Elaine. That’s crazy.
We’re on our way down to a gorgeous place near New Hope, PA for our first ever weekend without the kids! I’ll be live-blogging the whole thing, especially during our fireside massages*.
Today it’s incredible outside so when we get there we’ll be doing some lakeside biking. I’m happy to see Elaine’s wearing her aLp t-shirt that she looks totally hot in.
Happy anniversary baby, I love you.
* No I won’t.
Hey my buddy Noah and I are starting an official aLp Killzone 2 clan, just for fun, just to find some more cool folks to frag around with. If we get enough people we’ll make clan-only rooms where we’ll blow each other’s heads up. If you can’t/don’t wanna join the clan, that’s cool; we can just be friends. All skill levels welcome. If you’re interested, leave a comment here or email me with your PSN ID, your email address, and where you’re from and you’ll get an invite.
The aLp fridge magnets are back in stock! The first thing I did was plaster the mini-fridge at my office (click on the photo to the left - no the pics of my kids are not for sale).
Get yours today! Or you can come see me at my table at I-Con on April 3-5, and I’ll personally hand it to you.
Thanks to everyone who submitted photos for the Be in aLp contest! Here’s the 6 winners for your pleasurable convenience…
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Thanks for all the emails and Facebook messages wishing me a happy birthday on Sunday! Not only does the internet have a way of skyrocketing the number of people who want to wish you a quick happy birthday, it also (thankfully) cuts down on the number of phone calls you have to answer. No offense to my brother, my aunt, and my mother-in-law!
Just wanted to share the birthday cards my (3-year-old) kids made for me. Here’s Rachel’s - ignore the writing:

In case it’s not obvious to you, I’m the figure on the left, Rachel’s the one diagonally down from that, and Adrian’s the one on the right, fittingly with a cupcake in its mouth.
Adrian drew what looks to be a facehugger or something attacking me:

WTF.
How would you like to star in an official aLp episode?
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Saw this sign today. Can anyone figure out what it means?

I’m on vacation! So I’m coming back at you next week on Tuesday! Even though I’m at peace with going this week without an update, you can go ahead and make fun of me if you want. I’m cool with it. All I know is aLp is still weekly after my week off and I’m still having fun.
I am hard at work on something - a birthday present for Elaine, who turns umpty-ump tomorrow! I’d show you what it is but there is the very, very small chance she might read this (she usually comes by only when the mailing list tells her to). All I’ll say is it does require a lot of the same activities that go into aLp. LIKE PROCRASTINATING LOLLLL
These are the two best things I got for Christmas:

Honestly I don’t know which one I love better. Joray Fruit Rolls are so good I literally almost cry when I eat them. They’re better than sex, at least in that they’re a whole lot cheaper to have 6 at a time. Thank you Elaine, for getting them for me, and also for forgiving me for that last sentence.
So yeah I got a PS3 too, which is really not good for getting anything done. I’m playing Prince of Persia right now, though it looks like LittleBigPlanet’s on the horizon. When I get a PSN ID, I’ll let you all know what it is, unless, like photos of me wearing my suit made of Joray Fruit Rolls, it’s something that should be kept private.
Reminder, follow me on Twitter which I seem to be able to update kinda frequently, and become a fan of aLp on Facebook, if for no other reason than all the cool people are doing it.
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!